Poll: Do you want an apology?

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theyellowmeteor

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Sep 9, 2012
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I bullied a girl once, out of peer pressure. Felt like shit for it years later, went out of my way to contact and apologize to her, and she didn't even remember me. It's reassuring to know that your douchebagery doesn't leave deep scars on the victim.
 

WOPR

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Aug 18, 2010
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tippy2k2 said:
Holy smokes. I've heard about school systems not helping very much (my bully had a talking to repeatedly but unless something could be actually proven, there's not much they could do) but that's just downright shady. That sounds like classic "Blaming the victim" kind of thing and it just piles on top of the bullshit you'd already have to deal with. In school, even if minimal could be done, I at least had an adult authority-figure I could go to who would listen, even if they were neutered in terms of what the school system and laws allowed them to do.

Although that might be one of those "blessings in disguise" for if a school was THAT negligent to it's students, I don't know if it'd be good going to a school like that anyways.
I just feel like I should add this (bad nights sleep so I'm dozing off right now actually haha) on the "blaming the victim" thing, I actually had that Catholic school from 7th grade suspend me "for my own safety" because so many students (rich ones) were bullying me and it was better for their profits to remove me from the problem rather than them.

Thankfully that was my first AND LAST year at that school.
As for 1st grade... I was at that school for kindergarten as well and it went pretty well. Got sent to the office once for vigilante behavior but other than that the year was fine. Then they got a new principal and I got a new teacher (who everyone said to avoid, what we didn't know was she got remarried for the 3rd time) and it went downhill from there.
12 years of basic schooling and I went to about 7½ schools. (½ = one of the schools was split between two campuses, one campus was K-2 the other was 3-6)
 

Zhadramekel

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Apr 18, 2010
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Honestly, I wouldn't want an apology. I left secondary school six years ago and, even though I still get some hurtful comments now, it's in the past. And no matter what, they can't take back all those other things they said, and one word isn't going to make it all better.
 

Thamian

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Sep 3, 2008
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I went with no, and here's why: While yes, the whole notion of someone realising the wrong they did and so going on to seek (and in theory gaining) forgiveness for it, is very inspiring and all, in my case atleast, it's complete bollocks. If they realise the wrong they did, good for them, no way in hell I'm going to care. Frankly, I never want to see or hear from those 'people' again in my life.

And for that matter, I'll be damned before I give those fuckers so much as a clue of how much damage they did over those years. An attitude which admitedly makes it much less likely that they would even think of it as something they should feel guilty about. But hey, that's ok. I'd only throw any apology back in their faces anyways.
 

ATRAYA

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Jul 19, 2011
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Never apologize to me. Just tell me what circumstances and trains of thought culminated to your decision to wrong me. I hate when people say they "don't want excuses". How else are you supposed to explain yourself?

If your reasoning is sound, I'll hold nothing against you. Saying you're sorry means nothing to me, and just seems like the "easy" way out. And yes, I was bullied as a child (a lot, actually); it toughened me up for high school.
 

DrDuckman

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Jun 25, 2012
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Meh, it would just be awkward at this point, and frankly a little insulting, but I'd be ok with it for their sake. I won't pretend that bulling at my younger years did not affect my life negatively, but I also don't particularly place the blame on bullies. They are an external factor I could have responded with appropriately. I blame myself that I did not handle it appropriately so it did not become a pattern, and this knowledge motivated me to improve myself.

The rest is irrelevant, and the bullies themselves different people now, with no real connection to me. Blaming them would be rationalizing my own weakness to stand up to the challenge at the time. An apology would really be for the benefit of the bully's sense of guilt, not really a consolation or atonement.

Ofcourse, I wont claim that all bullied people had opportunities to handle the situation, so I am sure in some cases it's appropriate. But I do think that it's far more productive for most bulling cases for people to use the experience as a lesson, instead of simply being angry at their aggressors. To be clear, I am not victim blaming here, I am just saying that anger and blaming is unproductive.
 

Magic Muffin Man

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Jul 20, 2009
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It'd be great if a former bully apologized, but it's not like I NEED it. If anything, it'd just be nice to hear that someone who was an ass in high school turned over a new leaf and felt big enough to apologize for it. It takes balls to admit you're wrong, and I'd appreciate it. But do I need it? Nah, not really.
 

FamoFunk

Dad, I'm in space.
Mar 10, 2010
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Well it was obviously eating up the other person so much that they had to apologise years later, too.

Some things can knock a person for years and stay with them forever, even the smallest of things. An apology is showing the other person does care about what their actions/asshole-ness did. an apology can mean everything to someone.
 

scw55

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Nov 18, 2009
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I know with bullying if you get through it "it makes you stronger as a person" yadder yadder. This may be true. Or it may change you that you have a highly low impression of humanity. But at the end of the day, that time period was miserable.

It is said to be "healthy to move one". Is it?. Is this what people just tell each other to cope?

I would welcome a sincere apology from the two people who bullied me. I would welcome being shown the humanity in people who acted like cocks around me when I was growing up. People will say "kids are kids" or "teenagers are teenagers" and they will 'grow out of it'.
But.
I was nice and lovely when I was young. Why couldn't they be too?. How do I know that the twats who acted like twats aren't still twats? In fact, a few of them have been arrested for stealing cars.

What's the use of "moving on" if the individuals still have the potential to negatively affect other people?
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It's naive to think that bullying doesn't have long term effects.
My mum was in primary school during the ages when teachers still beat boys and screamed at girls and boys.
She also had a brother who would constantly beat her for no reason. Her parents didn't stop it, in fact they showed her how to fight back. Why would a lovely little girl need to know how to fight against her older brother? When her parents can intervene and stop it?
So yes now, my mum has sever confidence issues. Negative aspects of human beings she gets in contact with severally affect her.
Yes I believe there has been emotional damage caused by her experience of growing up.
Why should she have to have therapy as a result of the actions of others?
It's so naive to think that Bullying is something you can 'move on from'. Maybe you're lucky that your experience wasn't traumatic. Other people's were.
 

Pero

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Dec 11, 2011
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Man, I was bullied hard. I was smallest in class + I was nerd. Like every other day I was being physically or mentaly bullied. But idk. I really never cared for it much to think about killin' myself like some kids do, even though there were times when I thought my life was shit. Considering everything I would like an apology, but would it drasticly change my life? No. Not being bullied at times I was bullied - now, that would have changed my life a lot. But that's just the way it is. Some things will never change.
 

Pero

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theyellowmeteor said:
I bullied a girl once, out of peer pressure. Felt like shit for it years later, went out of my way to contact and apologize to her, and she didn't even remember me. It's reassuring to know that your douchebagery doesn't leave deep scars on the victim.
Well I guess it depends on person and itensity of bullying. I still remember all the people who bullied me and ways they would bully me. Example (I won't use their names): Seventh grade of primary school (I don't know your schooling system but I was 13 back then). There was this guy holding me against a wall (holding me for my neck that is) and slapping me. It hurt really bad and I tried to shake him of me. He stopped slapping me but still remained holding me and didn't want to let me go. Then a group of girls came by and there were some of my 'friends' in that group. One girl said: What, is little baby gonna cry? (she was talking to me) Oh is little girl gonna cry? You are patethic (still talking to me, to guy who was being bullied). Then the group went and I was bearly holding my tears. The guy held me for a while and then gave me final slap and let me go.
I remember their names and faces perfectly.
 

EtherealBeaver

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Apr 26, 2011
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tippy2k2 said:
Seriously lady? It's been over a freaking decade and you're blubbering on about how much this apology meant to you? Really? It affected your life THAT much that you're still thinking about it? I, like just about everyone who has ever existed, experienced bullying in my younger days and if someone from the past apologized for bullying me, I would probably just say "Alright" and leave it at that. I don't want and/or need an apology from you; I'm a grown-up and realize how petty kids can be, I don't need your apology.
You´ve never been really bullied I see. My bullies sent me into a 15 years depression which ended up with me almost ending my own life multiple times. I dont even consider my former bullies as people any more and would honestly not mind if they were run down by a car and died.

Personally I am now suffering from sociophobia so bad I cant stand meeting new people or even walking on a crowded street and I am suffering from depression so badly I want to violently cry but because it has been beaten so throughly into me that crying is basically suicide for the day, I cant even cry when Im alone. that is how much bullying can scar you.



Edit: woops wrong quote - fixed
 

C14N

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May 28, 2008
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I was bullied when I was 11. There were only about 5 kids in my class and about 10 in the class ahead of me. Most kids in both class were from a council estate and they had a recent infatuation with the Mafia and the IRA (one of the guys in the class ahead was Northern Irish). For some reason they completely decided to make up that I was English (I'm not, family history is 100% Irish as far back as we can trace) and that I had an undying allegiance to the crown and I got bullied about it a lot. Sometimes attacked. I didn't get badly hurt but it's pretty intimidating when you're a small 11 year old and all the older kids keep talking about stuff they're going to do to you.

In my class there was just me an one other guy who weren't council estate kids and the other guy was huge for his age. Also, I was quite well off and bright in a largely anti-intellectual class (I don't say that to be a snob, I was once literally called "smart" as an insult). Those kids were a bunch of dickheads who just wanted some kind of power fantasy to live out based on a stunted knowledge of movies and politics and I quite enjoy the fact that as adults, none of them ever amounted to anything because that's what I told myself at the time to help me not be affected by them.

So no, I don't want an apology, I really just prefer spiting them. Maybe that makes me a bad person but even to this day if I was to hear from my mother when I go back home that one of them had been found dead I wouldn't even feign sadness.
 

LongAndShort

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May 11, 2009
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Nah, I'm far too forgiving. I let things go and rarely hold a grudge. If someone who bullied me in the past came up to me and said sorry, I'd probably not know what it was about and ask what the fuck for.

Meanwhile I've been a dickhead to a lot of people (if not necessarily a bully), and I reckon if I saw them again it would only be right if I apologised. I tend to hold onto the bad shit I do to others rather than the bad shit done to me.
 

Insanely Asinine

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Sep 7, 2010
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To some degree yes. To another degree no. Yes it would help with getting over said obsession and hinder my destructive appetite. No because my self motive seclusion from their torment made me who I am today a very bitter, spiteful being who is obsessed with destruction.
 

Somnambulistic

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Aug 28, 2012
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I was bullied as a kid up until part way through middle school because I was the fat girl, etc. I don't think I'd want an apology, because I'm okay for the most part. Yes, it gave me some self confidence issues, but despite that I'm alright in the end.

However, I think it would be nice to know that someone did eventually see that they were being a dick.

I feel that way about everyone that does something even slightly dickish xD Cut me off recklessly from getting "your" parking space when I'm trying to exit the parking lot? Hope you feel a little bit dumb for that later. I say it in passing and would giggle if I ever knew.

I know that I do reflect sometimes and think about things that I've said or done in the past and sometimes I do feel like an ass afterwards if I said something insensitive or mean unknowingly, or if I realize later that so and so was right about whatever we were fussing about. So, I've no doubt that others do it too at one point or another.
 

Sehnsucht Engel

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Apr 18, 2009
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Adults can bully others too. I've experienced some of their shit firsthand.

No, I don't want an apology. I've taken shit from people in school, and random fucking strangers most of my life. I want to know that the person suffered worse than I did, because of their behaviour. I like the thought of revenge, and hate humans something fierce.
 

ResonanceSD

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Dec 14, 2009
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Not Matt said:
actually. no. i feel we kind of broke even. i kinda sorta gathered a large crowd of his other victims and together we (literally) chased him out of town. HA!

So you did this




I'm not sure if I want an apology, kids can be shitheads, but some improve over time.


The one who I get to feel smug about is the really cool guy in school who got all the girls, yeah, he's now a fry cook at weekend markets.
 

ResonanceSD

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Silly Hats said:
Though, a pretty significant moment I experienced was when I had to catch 2 buses to and from work, it would take me an hour and $12 in fees each day. When I saw one of my bullies run up to me and asked me how to read the bus time table, I did show him where to go as a silent victory. Bullying is just a life experience and is going to give you emotional intelligence and life skills.
I would have sent the fucker to the other end of town. Kudos to you.
 

Zombie Sodomy

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Feb 14, 2013
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Reading all these comments makes me very happy I was tall and lived in an area where this stuff never really happens.