Poll: "Don't look at me when I wear skimpy clothes!"

[tharglet]

I think most blokes know when staring's gone too far - I've known some who get creeped out at men prone to doing it. I don't see anything wrong with looking/checking out, but doing the consta-stare's gonna creep people out.
I think it's mean to go shout at someone for staring, without giving them a "please don't" first.

It's not uncommon for someone to dress up for someone specific they're gonna see in the day, but they should really expect some people to kinda obviously take a good look. Sometimes it's not convenient to change just before you see the person you want to see you, so not everyone gets the luxury of avoidin' prying eyes.

 

[Javarock]

First of all, I'll admit that you've got a pretty good example there. Secondly, I'm not saying that the minority is a representation of the whole but I am saying that if you don't want people's attention you shouldn't wear clothes that gets you people's attention. Really, it's that simple.

What I am saying is that people should be able to control themselves. I dont think a women should be forced to cover herself from head to toe because some guy wants to be a pervert and stare at her. There is nothing wrong with somebody taking a quick look. The problem arises is when I guy starts staring at a women and then when she complains about it people blame her. Do people not know what self control is anymore? Ya we get it you think she looks good now stop being a pervert. That last comment wasnt directed at you its was more or less directed at this thread as a whole.

Staring's not a crime. It's that simple if you feel that distressed over one person staring when you're wearing cloths that revealing perhaps you don't have enough confidence in yourself to be wearing those cloths. If you want to sure, Whatever your choice but as you said before "Actions have consequences". And no someone looking at you for an extended amount of time doesn't give someone the right to slap the other. And the women in question isn't forced to cover their self up, It's their choice. As provided before if a man is walking around without a T-Shirt, They are going to be stared at and they should acknowledge that. If a women is going to head into say, A class with only a bikini on they should acknowledge that more people then just the people they want to stare at them are going to stare at them. Yes, self control should be employed. But it goes both ways.

 

[sageoftruth]

We aren't going to rip out our eyeballs just because someone takes offence to being looked at.

There's a difference between being looked at and, as the OP says, someone staring too much. If a girl dresses that way then maybe she does want the attention, maybe just just wants to feel nice. Having people look at you is maybe the desired effect but having some guy stare at you is really unsettling.

It's happened to me and probably most girls, having a guy intensely stare at you (or any part of your body) isn't a nice thing to experience and I think she had every right to tell him where to go.

Good point. Hadn't thought of that until you brought it up. We need to know if this guy was peeking or leering. Just like all rude behavior that we can't control, we need to at least show enough restraint to do it with subtlety, just like burping in public. Perhaps she was upset because he was doing it in a manner that showed that he didn't feel the least bit ashamed to be doing it.

 

[Erana]

It's not nice to stare and "she was wearing reveling cloths" is about as good of a defense for starring as it is for rape. You can control your own behavior even if someone is egging you on.

This.

Not to mention, its still Summer, and there's a lot of fashion out there involving a lot of exposed skin. And most of the fashion-savvy people I know say that they were it because they greatly appreciate the aesthetics. And considering that they were all getting their education in art or art history, I'd totally expect that of them.

They'd expect some attention from people, but felt that it was kind of rude for people to decide their intentions for them. And honestly, I'd have to agree.

You just can't put words in peoples' mouths or thoughts in peoples' heads. I mean, you can have assumptions and what-nots, but actually expecting people to live up to them 100% of the time makes scenarios like people thinking I want to screw them even when I'm very openly asexual.

Even if a woman does show off a lot (or depending how they dress), I tend to force myself to look away. To much respect for them to even satisfy myself looking or staring.. but odd to stare to long because then it starts to implant itself into your head.. forever an image of them looking like that.

However, if someone seems attractive I shall compliment. Even if they dislike my attention.. better then trying to flirt with them only due to what they're wearing. I only flirt to one person I have feelings for.. is that weird? (don't be shy, just say so! XD)

Well, not necessarily to the degree of flirting, but if you find yourself looking at a woman, a pleasant compliment would be a very good way of making your feeling clear.

I mean, just staring at someone can mean anywhere from "Wow, you're beautiful," to "You're such a slut," to "I want to strap you to a table and do creepy fetish things to you."

Its really nice to be able to rule out the latter two.

 

[warm slurm]

This is an awkward question. You're edging the line of "If she was raped but wearing skimpy clothes, was it her fault?"

 

[xitel]

I have a simple solution to this problem that I use in every day life. Automatically hate people until they actively try to change your opinion. Then, even if you're looking at them, it's not a creepy pervert stare, it's a stare of hatred and revilement.

They'd expect some attention from people, but felt that it was kind of rude for people to decide their intentions for them. And honestly, I'd have to agree.

I think that's part of the problem here. It's not about whether you look at someone, it's whether you stare at them. Looking at something that is out of the ordinary is a natural human response. Bright colors, things moving, things out of place, non-common clothing, so on and so forth. The human brain is wired to find differences far more easily that similarities.

On the other hand, when you stare at a person wearing less clothing, that goes out of line. The few times I walk around in shorts, it's because it's just too hot to wear my pants and sweatshirt like I try to do year round. By that same idea, if you see a woman wearing a tanktop, it MAY be because she wants attention, but it may be because she wants to not be sweating like a pig. The best way to respond to that is just to err on the safe side, and assume they're trying to keep cool, and stop looking at them beyond a glance to see who they are, what direction they're going, so on and so forth.

So yeah, not so much a problem of looking, more a problem of staring. And really, staring at ANYONE is just rude and disturbing. If a girl says "I want you to stare at me", then by all means, stare at her to your heart's content. But if she doesn't say that? Then don't assume to know what she's thinking. The idea that "she's wearing skimpy clothes, she wants to be looked at" is a justification for a non-normal way of acting, nothing more.

Now, if she was wearing

Spoiler: THIS

, then yeah, she wants attention. Or she's drunk. Either one would fit in that situation, I think.

 

[Anarchemitis]

In my opinion, she needs to be more attentive to what she intends to do as well as the consequences of what she wears. He, however, needs to learn a bit more self-control.

 

[Weaver]

We aren't going to rip out our eyeballs just because someone takes offence to being looked at.

There's a difference between being looked at and, as the OP says, someone staring too much. If a girl dresses that way then maybe she does want the attention, maybe just just wants to feel nice. Having people look at you is maybe the desired effect but having some guy stare at you is really unsettling.

It's happened to me and probably most girls, having a guy intensely stare at you (or any part of your body) isn't a nice thing to experience and I think she had every right to tell him where to go.

How do you know the guy didn't just zone out for awhile? I've stared ahread of me for like 20 minutes before thinking about a math problem, not paying the slightest bit of attention to who or what was there.

 

[Cheezeypoofs]

Finn from Adventure Time got this one right.
To the jelly cube that contained the key he needed:
"Don't flaunt it if you're not going to give it up!"

 

[Chemical Alia]

I think that there is a line for what is appropriate behavior and appropriate dress, even though that line is drawn differently by different people.

That said, this thread and just about every other one that deals with females substantiates my suspicion that there are a ton of socially maladjusted and frustrated young guys on this website. It's a little disappointing.

 

[idodo35]

well as long as he is only looking its ok its his right to look at her as much as he wants if she doesnt like it then she should dress less exposingly
but if it goes beyond looking/staring then she has a right to kick him in the balls

 

[warm slurm]

This is an awkward question. You're edging the line of "If she was raped but wearing skimpy clothes, was it her fault?"

Looking and touching are not the same thing.

So? The question is asked in a weird way, and is ridiculous anyway. A lot of you are putting blame on the girl and making it out to be her fault just because of the way she chooses to dress, like a lot of people do with rape victims. Just sayin'.