Well, I was dating a girl since December, but yesterday, Monday the blah blah. I decided on the way to school that I was going to end it. I had fallen for another girl. Now, she didn't "seduce me" into taking her over my current date. I was just more attracted to her, and generally happier when I was with her. I told my (ex) girlfriend that I had feelings for other people. She knew who I meant. Immediately, all of her friends who tolerated me as the Mr. Nice Guy lynched me. All my guy friends told me I did what was right. So, my fellow Escapists, is what I did wrong? Should I feel angry over my choices?
Poll: Dumped a girl. Help? Please?
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How long did you know the new girl for? If this was a spur of the moment thing, then yeah that is a bit of a dick move. But if you're happy now, then all power to you, screw what anyone else says.132635 said:
Additionally, if you don't mind, how old are you? 'Cause the younger you are, from my experiance, more people have an input into your relationship status.
It's not ideal but it sure as shit is preferable to lying to her and yourself or, worse still, cheating.
Then again I'm sure the reception lies in your method. Was it particularly brutal, or...?
Then again I'm sure the reception lies in your method. Was it particularly brutal, or...?
In every relationship people are going to take sides when it ends. You hurt their friend...of COURSE they are going to lynch you, especially if they considered you such a nice guy beforehand. If this blindsided her and they are trying to cheer up a hurt friend it's even worse. That being said if you weren't happy and didn't love her then it was the right thing, no matter how tough they make it for you....if it was just that the grass is always greener and you start feeling the wanderlust with this girl too you probably aren't ready for a steady relationship...
I can't answer either way. First, you probably hurt her, and that's a bad thing. Second, you left her solely for someone prettier. Rebuttal to point 2: that's not necessarily a bad thing if no one was hurt.Third, no one can say what you did was "right." At best, what you did was morally gray.
Now, since this is a forum, my personal bias. You do not specify if sex was involved, but it can be assumed. That being said, I find it morally repugnant when someone is just fine with casually leaving someone you convinced to give you the most personal thing that can be given.
I say I cannot decide simply because I acknowledge I don't have the whole story.
EDIT: it seems I have to clarify, or I'm going to keep getting quoted as a sexual bigot.
It is my personal belief that while some emotional pain can inadvertently do some good on occasion, causing it is generally a bad thing unless there is something better to be gained from it. When I say what was done is not "right," I mean that it is never right to hurt someone. What is done is done, if you're happier then that is a good thing. What I'm thinking of here, and what everyone seems to ignore, is there's still a girl in this picture, and she was hurt by the OP (unless she was fine with it, in which case OP should've specified). I don't know if there was cheating involved, and if there was, I condemn it. As for my incredibly controversial views on sexuality, I do not mean to say in any way that I am the moral ruler to measure yourselves to. Waht I am saying is that, as promiscuous as some of us can be, to most uf us (disproportionally female but still male-prevalent) still attach a lot of emotional meaning to sex. When a couple is truly in love, sex is a valuable gift to each other. That is why infidelity causes so much pain even now, that's why people kill themselves over cheating now more than ever. Infidelity has become societally okay, but loyalty to our mates hasn't been bred out of the species entirely yet. Sure, an entirely sexual relationship can be casual. But a loving relationship that becomes sexual attaches powerful emotions to sex. It is my worry that the OP leaving was not consentual, and that OP's girlfriend was deeply hurt. I am not saying that leaving an unhappy relationship is a bad thing, I'm saying hurting her was a bad thing, if indeed she was hurt. I'm not saying he shouldn't have left, and if he's happier, more power to him. But even if what he did was not overall bad, having hurt someone, it cannot be good either.
Now, since this is a forum, my personal bias. You do not specify if sex was involved, but it can be assumed. That being said, I find it morally repugnant when someone is just fine with casually leaving someone you convinced to give you the most personal thing that can be given.
I say I cannot decide simply because I acknowledge I don't have the whole story.
EDIT: it seems I have to clarify, or I'm going to keep getting quoted as a sexual bigot.
It is my personal belief that while some emotional pain can inadvertently do some good on occasion, causing it is generally a bad thing unless there is something better to be gained from it. When I say what was done is not "right," I mean that it is never right to hurt someone. What is done is done, if you're happier then that is a good thing. What I'm thinking of here, and what everyone seems to ignore, is there's still a girl in this picture, and she was hurt by the OP (unless she was fine with it, in which case OP should've specified). I don't know if there was cheating involved, and if there was, I condemn it. As for my incredibly controversial views on sexuality, I do not mean to say in any way that I am the moral ruler to measure yourselves to. Waht I am saying is that, as promiscuous as some of us can be, to most uf us (disproportionally female but still male-prevalent) still attach a lot of emotional meaning to sex. When a couple is truly in love, sex is a valuable gift to each other. That is why infidelity causes so much pain even now, that's why people kill themselves over cheating now more than ever. Infidelity has become societally okay, but loyalty to our mates hasn't been bred out of the species entirely yet. Sure, an entirely sexual relationship can be casual. But a loving relationship that becomes sexual attaches powerful emotions to sex. It is my worry that the OP leaving was not consentual, and that OP's girlfriend was deeply hurt. I am not saying that leaving an unhappy relationship is a bad thing, I'm saying hurting her was a bad thing, if indeed she was hurt. I'm not saying he shouldn't have left, and if he's happier, more power to him. But even if what he did was not overall bad, having hurt someone, it cannot be good either.
Who cares if it was right or wrong or what other people will think of it.
The real question is how you feel about it, if you found someone better then go for it. I don't see the purpose in keeping something that you don't want anymore. Kind of reminds me of if your dog died then you asked your parents if you could keep it anyway.
The real question is how you feel about it, if you found someone better then go for it. I don't see the purpose in keeping something that you don't want anymore. Kind of reminds me of if your dog died then you asked your parents if you could keep it anyway.
This is one situation and very little back story with what you give. No idea of your past, no idea who your past girlfriend is or even current. I can't say anything.
Whether or not you are Mr. Nice Guy is up in the air. With what you wrote, you skimmed on what your passed girlfriend's feeling and just focused on yourself. Sounds more like you're wanting positive justification of what you did.
Now back to the short answer, it's not wrong to decide to go with another girlfriend over the other. Unless your reasons are shallow. You should know that other people's feelings about the breakup could naturally be negative. You live with that and that comes up with this situation.
Whether or not you are Mr. Nice Guy is up in the air. With what you wrote, you skimmed on what your passed girlfriend's feeling and just focused on yourself. Sounds more like you're wanting positive justification of what you did.
Now back to the short answer, it's not wrong to decide to go with another girlfriend over the other. Unless your reasons are shallow. You should know that other people's feelings about the breakup could naturally be negative. You live with that and that comes up with this situation.
Unless the "friends" in question are genuinely mutual friends, they're not going to side with you after a rough break up, no matter what you do. It's no comment on your actions, it's just loyalty.
The same goes for your friends telling you you're in the right. They don't necessarily care what the situation was, but they're going to come out on your side (unless you did something genuinely awful). People will always stick with their friends during a breakup, if you can't handle that, don't try to be friends with your partners' friends.
Your exes' friends will calm down, but you'll probably never be able to rebuild any kind of friendship with them regardless of how nice a guy you are, and you probably shouldn't try to.
The same goes for your friends telling you you're in the right. They don't necessarily care what the situation was, but they're going to come out on your side (unless you did something genuinely awful). People will always stick with their friends during a breakup, if you can't handle that, don't try to be friends with your partners' friends.
Your exes' friends will calm down, but you'll probably never be able to rebuild any kind of friendship with them regardless of how nice a guy you are, and you probably shouldn't try to.
Well, its better than dragging it out or cheating, so yeah under the circumstances you did the right thing. But it still sucks to get dumped and dumping someone isn't nice either so probably everyone will feel shitty about it for a while. Give it time.
If you were in a relationship and felt for whatever reason (in this case that you'd be happier with someone else) you didn't see it working out long term what you did was 100% right. You ended it, of course feelings would be hurt whatever you did but feelings would be hurt much more if you carried on letting her think it was long term and serious for a couple of years before letting her know you didn't see a future.
There is a saying I've heard many a time, I don't know if it's only local or more common but here goes; Tha last woman you pick is the one you love. Essentially it means if you're in love with the one you're with you'll never notice another one in that way, it's always worked for me.
There is a saying I've heard many a time, I don't know if it's only local or more common but here goes; Tha last woman you pick is the one you love. Essentially it means if you're in love with the one you're with you'll never notice another one in that way, it's always worked for me.
Oddly enough, this is the exact plot (well, almost - there's a lesbian relationship and an indie rock/folk band involved too) to a story I came up with ages ago. And the plot message was that this is indeed an acceptable thing to do. My characters actually spend a lot of time deliberating over this, and the conclusion I had them come to (my own real life view as well) is that if they stayed in their current relationships while having these feelings for each other, they would simply be unhappy and be dragging their current partners down into that same unhappiness as well.132635 said:
Thing is, by ending it now, you've saved a lot of hassle further down the line. If you'd stayed with your (now ex-) girlfriend then you'd have simply been more tempted over time by this other girl, and that would have been a dick move if that temptation caused you to cheat. Otherwise, your existing relationship would sink further into a doldrum and neither you nor your girlfriend would be happy. By breaking things now, it's causing short-term pain and damage to you both, but trust me, it'll be a lot easier for you both to get over it now than it would be if you invested more time and effort to the relationship and then broke it off.
Aside from that, you weren't cheating (according to your post anyway), you broke up with your girlfriend and then started seeing this new girl, so you've done nothing wrong there. And you were completely honest with all parties. Therefore, morally and ethically, you have done nothing wrong here whatsoever. So stop worrying and enjoy yourself!