Poll: Forever Alone... Or Friend Zone

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nofear220

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Oh great another one of these threads,

Well yes it is, so leave if you dont wish to read any further. Or you can skip to the end to read my final question, but here I go.

Recently fellow escapists I was told by the girl I like, that basically she was starting to see someone and the movie date that we had plans for a week in advance wouldn't work out. Boohoo right? Well of course, but here is the thing, its coming close to two years since my last relationship... hell since my last kiss, and it's been getting to me for a while now. You might be thinking "Well we dont know if youre any good at attracting girls or not, so it could have very well been 2 or 3 girls spread out over the time frame which isnt much at all," but no. Believe it or not I am pretty good at attracting girls, especially for someone who doesnt go to clubs, where the women are as easy as beginner mode on rockband (Im in highschool, so all ages clubs are filled with them)... If I remember correctly, she is the tenth girl in a row to tell me shes seeing someone and we should be friends. Its the same thing every time, we meet each other, we talk everyday, we like each other, we plan on doing more things together, she ends up making some crappy excuse and runs off with another guy, leaving me to choose friend zone, or forever alone. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me, but it might be in part that I would associate myself as being "the good guy" and not the "asshole douchemaster" that girls always seem to fall head over heels for time and time again. Im starting to think that becoming close to anyone isnt worth it anymore, and even if life is worth it anymore...

So, I just would like to know if anyone else in the Escapist community is in a relationship situation similar to mine, or something completely different?

If only it were this easy
 

latenightapplepie

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In a two-week long relationship, I'm about to end it. Ha.

nofear220 said:
...but it might be in part that I would associate myself as being "the good guy" and not the "asshole douchemaster" that girls always seem to fall head over heels for time and time again.
Don't be that guy. Don't be the embittered "nice guy". It's a really bad look. Moreover, it's not fair on you, since deep-down you're probably an alright bloke but you're just getting a little anxious at the moment. Calm down and be yourself. Don't let yourself get overly pressured by society's desire for us all to be paired-off.
 

Hader

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nofear220 said:
I've never been too bad with it, but I wish some girls would more easily take a hint that "Hey, I like you." Many in the past didn't get that too easily, and I don't blame them or anything, but I didn't think I was that subtle either. Especially after I take it to the next level and be quite obvious about it.

I am single now but I do have a bit of a soft spot for a certain someone at the moment... :) Perhaps she'll see this :p
 

nofear220

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Well I dont exactly wear a sign on my forehead that says, "Im different then all of them". I try to keep the "nice guy" association to myself as much as possible.

Hader said:
Oh trust me, they knew that I was into them because they were very obviously into me as well. Theyd have to have a brain made of pudding to think I was only trying to be friends.

Edit: funny thing is though, it seems the girls I only try to be friends with fall for me...
 

Raven's Nest

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Umm yeah sounds pretty similar to me dude. Been single for over two years now and it's kinda started to reach that stage where I'm caught between giving a damn about it or not. I just started college again which I thought would help but most girls there are either a bit too young or live far enough away that being in a relationship would be too difficult for them...

And the one girl who I really do like has a boyfriend. So I probably won't even find out if I'm destined for the friend zone for a while.

Sucks to have high standards... I mean not ridiculously high, just smart and attractive. I don't see the point in starting a relationship with someone who isn't.

Though I have talked to a few girls over the years, went on a few dates etc. But for some reason they all go silent on me afterwards. And I swear to God, I have no idea why! I'm not slow and I'm pretty darn empathetic so I really have no clue what was going on and it defies my friends understanding too. I know some people are just weird but to get 3 girls in a row to go from really interested and promising to silence in less than a day is just annoying lol.

Edit: I'd also like to point out I'm not a weird, obsessive guy like the type girls run away from either, and after running the scenarios by a variety of people I didn't do or say anything remotely wrong... That's why it bugs me so much, talk about lack of closure...

But oh well, I'm just gonna carry on with my studies and get on with life, I figured that I tend to get lethargic and opt for the easy life when I'm in a relationship anyway (anyone else get this?). My career plans require me to be way more proactive and on the ball so it's probably for the best right now anyway.
 

bushwhacker2k

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I'm actually not really sure where I wanna go so far as this. I'd like a girlfriend, but the idea of marriage and settling down with kids is terrifying. I wouldn't want to go into a relationship with certain ideas that my girlfriend wouldn't share, but at the same time I don't want to go in announcing "I have no intention of ever getting married" as that might make getting said girlfriend slightly difficult.

Sigh... and of course that's only step 10 in the process.
 

Aura Guardian

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Single and having the best time with it. Love the fun but kinda miss the sex. But the fun out weights that. So single and having fun.
 

nofear220

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Raven said:
Though I have talked to a few girls over the years, went on a few dates etc. But for some reason they all go silent on me afterwards. And I swear to God, I have no idea why! I'm not slow and I'm pretty darn empathetic so I really have no clue what was going on and it defies my friends understanding too. I know some people are just weird but to get 3 girls in a row to go from really I treated and promising to silence in less than a day is just annoying lol.
Seriously, we are in the exact same boat... That for the most part happens to me, until I finally have to ask them why they went dead silent (then brace for a bad excuse). Except for me it has been 10 in a row, am I on a losing streak or what.
 

Dags90

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Stop spending so much time trying to enter a relationship?

Go enjoy life with your friends. You're in high school, a relationship isn't that important.
 

zen5887

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You seem to be missing the boat dude. I obviously don't know the full story, but it seems to me like you get interested in a girl, then don't ask her out, and then it is too late. Now, I could be way off, but thats the vibe I'm getting. The next time a situation like this comes up, don't wait - date.

I'm really, really into this girl living in Montreal that I met while I was in Vancouver. We obvioulsy can't hang out, so I'm just hanging around, going on a few dates and hooking up. Nothing serious, just a bit of fun.
 

Raven's Nest

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nofear220 said:
Raven said:
Though I have talked to a few girls over the years, went on a few dates etc. But for some reason they all go silent on me afterwards. And I swear to God, I have no idea why! I'm not slow and I'm pretty darn empathetic so I really have no clue what was going on and it defies my friends understanding too. I know some people are just weird but to get 3 girls in a row to go from really I treated and promising to silence in less than a day is just annoying lol.
Seriously, we are in the exact same boat... That for the most part happens to me, until I finally have to ask them why they went dead silent (then brace for a bad excuse). Except for me it has been 10 in a row, am I on a losing streak or what.
Yeah I never bothered to ask why. Seemed pretty pointless as i assumed they probably wouldn't respond anyway. It's strange indeed, I get the impression in some of those cases I might have played it a little too cool, like not making a move on the first given opportunity or you know, taking the time to get to know them before jumping to conclusions about combatility. That said, I shouldnt have come off as disinterested or anything. Their loss anyway... If only your facebook profile could give honest reviews from ex's about sexual prowess... I feel like wasted talent over here lol...

Me and a like minded friend go by the following ethos regarding the nice guy/douchebag thing. Girls want a guy to treat them with respect, but they also need to get the vibe that they can handle themselves in the bedroom. So in other words, you gotta act like a real man and be dominant when appropriate.

Not the utterly feminised, sexuality confused, vacuous man-boys that girls think they want as a boyfriend... Alright love, good luck turning him into a dependable, hardworking and loyal husband when the time comes to get married and have kids...

I guess I answered my own questions... Those girls weren't looking for a man, they wanted what they currently perceive as a man...
 

Hader

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nofear220 said:
Oh trust me, they knew that I was into them because they were very obviously into me as well. Theyd have to have a brain made of pudding to think I was only trying to be friends.

Edit: funny thing is though, it seems the girls I only try to be friends with fall for me...
I had one fairly recent situation like that; girl and I were more than obviously interested in each other. Even had a date setup.

BUT of course, she cancels last minute for whatever reason, and after 1 week of hardly talking to her I find out she is dating someone else. A guy literally 10 years older than her too.
 

inFAMOUSCowZ

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I'm single but could be going out with quite a few girls at school. Bit none are worth going out with, can't wait to get out of highschool, to hopefully find mature girls. I mean I'm not mature either, hell I'm an ass hole, but Im not sexually crazy, and want to have actual conversations not stupid ones. So I guess i'm a nerdy, asshole, jock. Interesting combo
 

Stasisesque

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nofear220 said:
Edit: funny thing is though, it seems the girls I only try to be friends with fall for me...
Yes, well done! It works both ways, you see - you fall for a girl who only wants to be friends, a girl falls for you and you only want to be friends.

So, did you immediately realise your deep affection for your female friend who fell for you? Obviously you did, right - because that seems to be what you're expecting from the girls you fall for.

*mumblegrumble*
 

zidine100

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since its somewhat applicable to this thread and the poll choice



But here's the thing I DONT EVEN LIKE HONEY DANG IT!
 

JRCB

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I'm in a serious relationship right now (officially, we're saying "it's complicated") and have been in it for almost four months. Yeah, I'm only sixteen, but I'm doing the best I can.

And no, we're not doing it like rabbits, either. While everyone thinks we're doing that, we're actually making pancakes.
 

SturmDolch

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May 17, 2009
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There was a similar thread to this a while ago, and I posted this post that filled my inbox with quoted-for-truths, so I'll repost it here:

Because you asked her out after you became friends with her... My friend does this all the time. He finds a girl he likes, and instead of asking her out while they're just acquaintances, he slowly becomes her friend. Five months later, he'll be sad that she's talking about other guys to him.

Show your feelings and intentions early.

Or perhaps the girl really isn't interested in you. Saying you want to stay friends is a nice way of saying she doesn't want to go out with you.
I've asked one girl out. I am still going out with her now, almost three years later. I asked her out before the friend-zoning process could begin, and I'm happy for it.
 

SteewpidZombie

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Eh, I've been considered the 'nice guy' because that's who I am apparently. I listen to all the 'boo hoo, woe is me' stories that girls have to talk about, yet they STILL go straight for another douchebag right after their break ups or if their boyfriend goes 'oh I love you, I won't cheat, lie, or some ect. to you ever again'. Then I sit back and mark my calender for the next time they'll come cry on my shoulder then brush me off for the jerk who treats them like dirt. I should start charging money and setting up schedules, I could make a fortune (Cause profit from human misery is how all great fortunes are made XD JK)
 

FactorySlave

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Real talk: The other guy probably isn't that bad of a guy, you just think he is because he's getting what you want.
 

nofear220

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JRCB said:
And no, we're not doing it like rabbits, either. While everyone thinks we're doing that, we're actually making pancakes.
You should be doing her WHILE making pancakes!

zen5887 said:
You seem to be missing the boat dude. I obviously don't know the full story, but it seems to me like you get interested in a girl, then don't ask her out, and then it is too late. Now, I could be way off, but thats the vibe I'm getting
Maybe it came off like that, but we had dates at the skating rink and movies set up, and we both seemed interested in more than just being friends if you ever saw our convos

FactorySlave said:
Real talk: The other guy probably isn't that bad of a guy, you just think he is because he's getting what you want.
Nope, its her ex that cheated on her dude... not to mention posted nasty facebook statuses about her. Then of course presto, theyre getting back together