Fair enough. I'll try to explain it as best I can, and hopefully I don't come off poorly in the process. Because I'm really not looking for a fight, I was just kind of confused as to this notion of stereotypes.9tailedflame said:First, i just want to be clear that it's not only trans people who are following steryotypes, but cis people as well. I 100% support anyone's decision to identify as they want, i just think that the notion of gender as a whole is a flawed one. Anyway, my point i guess is that there has to be some reasoning in why you identify the way you do, right? If there wasn't some reasoning behind why you identify as trans, you'd largely default to cis, since cis is regarded socially as the default, right? If you have reasoning for identifying as a woman, wouldn't that be influenced by what you perceive womanhood to be? After all, it's hard to identify as something if you have no perception of it, right? And wouldn't that perception of womanhood largely be based on stereotypes? What else could a perception of something so broad be based on?
I don't know you well enough to make any assumptions, but i would be interested as to why you identify as a woman. I hope you don't think i'm trying to be mean or aggressive about this, i'm really not, i'm just not sure how someone forms a concept of a gender without stereotypes, and i would actually legitimately appreciate some reasoning if there is any, you don't have to have any reason for identifying the way you do of course, but if there is any, it might help me get a better grasp on the subject in general.
First off, I do feel like I should say that I speak for me only in terms of specifics. I can point to general things, or even to anecdotes from other trans people I know, but I'm the only person for which I can speak with authority on what they think and feel. There are other people who may or do not fit in with things I'm about to say, and that's fine. I don't even necessarily think they're wrong, but again, speaking for me.
Also, this may be a particularly weird POV, in part because while I am not a man, years of social conditioning have made me feel like calling myself a woman is encroaching on the "real" women.
The reasoning is that there exists a disconnect between my body and my sense of self. Since I recently kicked a hornet's nest about some related concepts, I'll try and avert bringing that into this thread by pointing out that I'm not really concerned with the precise mechanism that causes this. It exists, and that's enough.Anyway, my point i guess is that there has to be some reasoning in why you identify the way you do, right?
Now, I suppose if you want to get super technical, any description of myself as a woman is tied to a social construct, because of the use of language. Thing is, I'm not even particularly interested in that. My physiology is male and whatever it is that makes me "me"--whether someone thinks it's my brain, my soul, my sense of identity or whatever else--says I should not be. Linguistically, we codify the body that I want/feel I should have/what have you as "female" or a "woman's" body (and, admittedly, somewhat idealised would be preferable, but not necessary). That is technically a social construct and stereotyping, but that's dicing things very fine. I'm more concerned with feeling right than specific pronouns and labels, but I admit that it is a signifier of social acceptance for those terms to be used, and damn if I didn't squee when a friend of 20 years called me "her" without any specific prompting. Well, outside of me saying I was trans.
There are certianly social elements. I would ideally like to fit within the social standards of Western beauty, in part because I crave normalcy. Also, because being trans, especially being identifiably so, puts a target on your head in our culture. But this is a very loose sense, and beyond the loosest sense, I don't know that I qualify.
The analogy that keeps coming to mind is being gay. Now, we have certain cultural ideas of what a gay person might do, what they might look like, etc. Even if you don't hold those ideals yourself, you probably have an idea of at least a few of them. A lot of people may be looked at as gay due to meeting these criteria socially (and we have a field day trying to decide if historical figures were gay), but if you're not someone with same-sex attractions, it doesn't really matter. Now, there may be overlap--many gays do meet some or all of these criteria. I would argue that this is more nurture than nature, and I would argue that with a lot of our ideas of gender roles as well. But a gay man is gay whether he meets any of those social criteria or not.
Personally, I do fit into some of the stereotypes, but I don't think that informs my gender identity any. In fact, a lot of those things post-date my awareness of being trans (though I didn't know the term, because I hadn't even entered kindergarten yet) and some may be informed by my desire to blend in with the "real" girls. It's actually interesting to me because I wonder if I'd still be me without associated programming that comes from being raised as a boy or not. I'm inclined to think I would have similar interests, though maybe not the same. My little brother loves to cook and sew and knit. While I was playing with Transformers, he was playing with She-Rah and had Rainbow Brite stuff. Like, I doubt you would consider him a girl. And as far as I know, he's the cisgender one in the family. I can't rule out he isn't also hiding, but for the time being I'm forced to go with "not a girl." He's also straight, as far as I know. But he is waaaaaaaaaaay more effeminate than me. See, this is the sort of thing that comes to mind when talking about gender and stereotypes. And, I mean, I don't think these things should be gendered in the first place: I don't give a crap if my brother fits into a world thats coded "girly" or "gay." I'm fine with him being true to himself and doing the things he likes (the irony, of course, is the fear that he won't feel the same). And it's not even like we're polar opposites--at Thanksgiving, his wife decided to point out how similar we are. And in some cases, that is true. But, I mean, like, if you were to look at our childhood toys and ask which one of us was the girl, I'm betting most people would point at him.
And that's when I pull this out:
(Sorry, I am taking you seriously, but the late hour is making me a little silly)
Anyway, I think I'm meandering a bit too much. It's after 3 AM where I am and I'm tired but I can't sleep because reasons.If any of this is unclear, feel free to let me know.
So, had I been born physiologically female, but no other differences existed in my personality? I'm pretty sure I'd still be the one who was more interested in the action and the giant stompy robots and such. My parents at the very least didn't try and force their son to be more of a boy.
So, what makes me trans? I feel dysphoria with the "maleness" of my body and wish to have that corrected. Actually, what I wish involves a time machine and Star Trek technology, but I'm a slightly realistic individual. So barring that, there are things like hormones and surgery which can make me feel normal. I don't really think someone needs to go that far, but this is what informs my sense of "womanhood." But I'm not even sure I'd consider that "womanhood." Closer to "Amysshood."
Does that mean I'm ambivalent to the social elements? Not really. I would like to be accepted in society, rather than being treated as some sick perverted freak, but I don't think that's what you mean. I call myself a woman because it's descriptive, rather than prescriptive. I dislike being called a man, and I dislike use of my birth name, but these are things associated with a condition that causes me no end of anxiety, depression, etc. I love it when people call me Amy and/or "she," because this signifies acceptance or at least a basic level of respect. And I don't think any of that's what you mean, but I'm still not exactly sure what you do mean.
One of the first things I told the friend I referenced previously was that I was still exactly the same person they were talking to two minutes before. From his frame of reference, this may be an exaggeration (after all, he has found out things he's said in the past are things I don't like), but I'm the exact person he's been friends with for a couple decades now.
It's just that 24 hours ago, he thought the "guy" who had his back in high school and went out drinking with him and played hours of video games and tabletop RPGs with him and was in his wedding party (and despite my apprehension about the title, would have been his "best man" had he asked) and thousands of other things was a man. And now he knows she isn't. A lot of my best friends are guys, largely because we share the same interests. A lot of my girl friends are tomboys, though masculine-coded interests aren't a requirement for me to like you. But they're the people I fell in with because of shared interest, which goes back to my point about how these social elements swing more masculine for me. I want to keep doing the things I do with the people I call friends. Just in a body that doesn't freak me out.
But again, I'm not sure if this meets your criteria or not. Perhaps, given this much information (provided the end result is coherent), you can give me a better idea of whether it does fit. I don't know. I feel I've answered to the best of my ability. Especially given it's now 4 AM and I'm a little loopy.
I'd also add, I guess as a followup, that I'm largely unconcerned with gender as a notion in terms of gender roles and societal perceptions. I have always been fairly nonconforming to any (overall trend of) gender stereotypes, and have always felt free to do my own thing. That thing often swings to our culture's idea of masculine, and that's fine. I'm fine with men liking girly things and women liking manly things or not as they see fit. And I'd rather living in a world where those preconceptions didn't exist (or at least, didn't rule us). And I'm pretty sure I'd still hang with the people who shared my interests.