Poll: How good is my writing?

[Computer-Noob]

I'd buy this, but I wouldnt put 5 stars Hard to decide in that department. I don't expect everything I read and buy to be superb, otherwise I'd probably not read anything.

 

[Internet Kraken]

and took his first reall look at the building. It looked like what Taresk quote]

"real". Writing isnt too bad, needs polishing. Try taking creative writing classes at your local college or JC. Barring that just keep it up, practise makes perfect.

Funny. You point out that he spelled "real" wrong, and then you misspelled "practice".

Actually...I think that has to do with where he lives.

So they spell practice differently in UK/Australia/Canada/somewhere else?

Well then I apologize for my incredible ignorance.

 

[Corneliusthederelict]

Can't say much more about the text that's already been said, but keep it up. The only way to get better it is to keep reading and keep writing. Also, always have a notebook handy for anytime inspiration.

 

[floppylobster]

You've got a long way to go but you've come further than most, and it seems you want to write so stick at it. Keep in mind the narrator and author's voice (they are different). Also consider who is the audience (who is narrator speaking to, who are you trying to reach as an author?).

Stuff like "Speaking of his job...", who is this directed to? It seems to confuse the author/narrator boundary.

"unsurprised when it failed to turn" / "surprised to find that there was someone in his way."
This is also a bit awkward. It would probably work better as a complete sentence using comparison.

Find writing you like, then read it over and over. Try to work out why you like it, how it works, and how it's doing it. Then, either be very critical of your own stuff and do lots of re-writes, or concentrate really hard as you write to make sure you're expressing exactly what interests you about your idea in an interesting, but not too contrived way. Keep at it, your stuff will only get better.

 

[deathstrikesquirrel]

Make those minor notes, like who said what, into his thoughts or own commentary

 

[Pimppeter2]

I gave it a two, not that its bad though. Try using more description, methaphors, similies ect.. Also try fixing your lure, its pretty dull

Lure being the first sentence, or the cliffhanger I added at the end?

The lure is the first sentence, at least that's what we call it here

"The light flickered on and off. Jomeil watched from on top of the hill, silent."

Its good because your intro tries to paint a picture in out mind of the setting, but you have to make something more fascinating than light flickering, you could describe what Jomeil is seeing.

For example You could describe how who he is watching is completely oblivious to him. Or how he feels about 'doing his job'

Also as floppylobster said try clearing up some of the awkwardness

 

[Ajna]

You've got a long way to go but you've come further than most, and it seems you want to write so stick at it. Keep in mind the narrator and author's voice (they are different). Also consider who is the audience (who is narrator speaking to, who are you trying to reach as an author?).

Stuff like "Speaking of his job...", who is this directed to? It seems to confuse the author/narrator boundary.

"unsurprised when it failed to turn" / "surprised to find that there was someone in his way."
This is also a bit awkward. It would probably work better as a complete sentence using comparison.

Find writing you like, then read it over and over. Try to work out why you like it, how it works, and how it's doing it. Then, either be very critical of your own stuff and do lots of re-writes, or concentrate really hard as you write to make sure you're expressing exactly what interests you about your idea in an interesting, but not too contrived way. Keep at it, your stuff will only get better.

The narrator is supposed to be the same person. It's third person perspective, not omniscient...

I gave it a two, not that its bad though. Try using more description, methaphors, similies ect.. Also try fixing your lure, its pretty dull

Lure being the first sentence, or the cliffhanger I added at the end?

The lure is the first sentence, at least that's what we call it here

"The light flickered on and off. Jomeil watched from on top of the hill, silent."

Its good because your intro tries to paint a picture in out mind of the setting, but you have to make something more fascinating than light flickering, you could describe what Jomeil is seeing.

For example You could describe how who he is watching is completely oblivious to him. Or how he feels about 'doing his job'

Also as floppylobster said try clearing up some of the awkwardness

That's what I figured you meant by "lure". Thanks.

 

[Galletea]

I think you need to look at what you're writing and highlight the important parts of what is going on. You seem to be somewhat wordy in some areas, and yet there is very little description. Adding some description to your character creeping around and picking the lock would add to the tension you wish to create. Improvement will most likely come with practise, so don't lose heart, just write more.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

You remind me a little bit of Lian Hearn (he wrote the "Tales of The Otori" series). How long have you've been writing, cause that's really good. As what galletea said, you could highlight the important stuff, cause being wordy can be a good to a certain degree, but be sure to emphasize what is important, the major events and important details about the person or his surroundings. Then people know what they need to remember instead of remembering the shade of green at a meadow at 3AM.

 

[Tom5672]

Oh my christ, you asked for constructive critisim and your just shooting everyone down, defending your piece.
Its like you didn't even accept what was said and just dismissed it believing you were right in the first place.
Also your replies reek of teenage narcassism.
I mean, like a cheerleader on alcopops narcassistic, except less slutty.
But then again, I dont really know you, so if you are a slutty cheerleader, I'll gladly take back what I just said.
Also, I have condoms in my car, just say the word and Im there.
Like a flash, baby.

But seriously, If you just wanted someone to read your thingy you should just put it on fan-fiction.net or something, since you clearly never really wanted critism, of any kind.