Poll: I have a crush on a friend. Please help?!

[Adamd1990]

Alrighty, time to get my first post on...

I have a friend, who's a girl. We have been very good friends for the past year and over that time I have developed very strong feelings for this girl. The reason I haven't acted on them is because for that year she was going out with someone else.

She has since split up the the guy, but is obviously heartbroken from it. The problem here isn't timing when I should ask her out or anything like that, it's more if I should do it at all, as I have become a pillar of support to her through her breaking up with the other guy.

We have become practically best friends over the last year, and we speak quite frequently. Should I lay my cards on the table and risk being shot down (which I don't mind) or losing a friend (which I do), or should I just keep quiet?

(This is mainly to the women here) If your best friend told you he has a huge crush on you, what would be your reaction if you didn't feel the same way? Would you still be able to be friends with him, knowing he loves you?

Any advice is good advice here.

Thanks

Edit - Alrighty, seems like an overwhelming yes. Now it's a question about timing. She split with the guy in question on 1st May. I have a holiday planned with her and a mutual (male) friend, but this is the final week of June. I was kinda planning on telling her during this holiday, but is that too far in the future?

When is a good time after a girl has split with a guy for another guy to move in on her?

 

[SilentCom]

I don't know how useful my advice would be but, how well do you know the type of guy she likes? If there is any possibility of her liking you beyond friendship, then it's worth a shot. If you're not sure, then it would probably be better to make sure before you ask her.

 

[Dogstile]

Quite simply, if you don't act on it, you'll pine over her and feel like crap, and eventually she'll cotton on.

So, your best bet is to wait for a decent moment and admit that you fancy her. And if you get rejected, you can always call a sex line and cry deeply (Yes, i'm referencing something here )

 

[AnkaraTheFallen]

I'd say tell her and hope for the best, I know everyone's different but I'd feel pretty terrible living my life never letting the person know.

Though I understand all to well not wanting to ruin a good friendship over it.

You have my best wishes with whatever you choose.

Edit: to answer your question as to whether I could still be friends with someone who loved me but I didn't feel the same about them... I'd like to think I could, but at the same time I'd feel a bit like I was hurting them more for being around them and knowing how they feel about me.

 

[Legion]

Ah, this Old Chestnut.

When she seems to be over the other guy, tell her how you feel. It's worse keeping it secret and hoping she will notice.

She may not like it or may reject you, but it's a better alternative than her being clueless and looking for other guys while seeing you as just her friend.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

(This is mainly to the women here) If your best friend told you he has a huge crush on you, what would be your reaction if you didn't feel the same way? Would you still be able to be friends with him, knowing he loves you?
Any advice is good advice here.
Thanks

When I got out of a bad relationship, and one of my best friends said they had feelings for me, things went very well.

Three years, I married that friend. We've been married for seven years (this June).

I voted "yes" - because when my friend told me, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, relationship wise.

Edit: Also, don't wait too long - I was still in the "bitching about my ex" stage when my friend made the move. If my friend had waited, things might have gone differently.

 

[Loop Stricken]

You regret what you didn't do far more than what you did.

 

[James Kortright]

It is a point of lifetime-regret that I never said anything to the girl when this happened to me. You may not appreciate it now, but being a good friend and pillar of support just won't ever be enough for you, and will likely ruin these ascribed roles in the long run anyway. Maybe you can wait a bit while she gets over this other guy, but I wouldn't leave it too long.

To give you a bit of utterly clichéd toss: If you ask, there is a possibility she will say no... if you don't ask, the answer can be nothing else but no.

 

[DoctorPhil]

Yes. As others have said getting it off your chest alone is worth it. If you get together, that's a cool bonus.

 

[HentMas]

Alrighty, time to get my first post on...

I have a friend, who's a girl. We have been very good friends for the past year and over that time I have developed very strong feelings for this girl. The reason I haven't acted on them is because for that year she was going out with someone else.

She has since split up the the guy, but is obviously heartbroken from it. The problem here isn't timing when I should ask her out or anything like that, it's more if I should do it at all, as I have become a pillar of support to her through her breaking up with the other guy.

We have become practically best friends over the last year, and we speak quite frequently. Should I lay my cards on the table and risk being shot down (which I don't mind) or losing a friend (which I do), or should I just keep quiet?

(This is mainly to the women here) If your best friend told you he has a huge crush on you, what would be your reaction if you didn't feel the same way? Would you still be able to be friends with him, knowing he loves you?

Any advice is good advice here.

Thanks

Schrödinger's cat

seriously, look it up... i might have heard about it in "Big Bang Theory" but it actually applies neatly with your dilemma

so anyway, if she is your friend and you are her friend, you being in love with her wont change that, and please, you really care about friendship when you could be having a really meaningful relationship with her?

also!!

 

[sparten042]

definately, if there's one thing i've learned about women is that they're just as nervous as you are, hell she's never gonna ask you girls just aren''t like that, (except the fat "you cn only be beautiful on the inside" bullcrap ones :L) so i'd say stick your balls on the line and go for it, one thing you dont want to do is leave yourself wondering "what could have been?" good luck mate

 

[MindBullets]

I'm not sure I'd risk it if you're not at least confident that she'd reciprocate your feelings if you did admit them. From the sounds of it, you might just be over-romanticizing a simple crush. Keep hanging out with her more and see if you grow closer together. If not, don't bother telling her and just move on.

And if you get rejected, you can always call a sex line and cry deeply (Yes, i'm referencing something here )

Referencing like a boss.

 

[BlueberryMUNCH]

Welcome to el escapisto, senor!
Top tip; this question gets asked all the time in the advice forum, and the cheeky lads that hang out there are amazing at advice. Trust me.

What I would say was just go for it. Rejection isn't all that bad, and at the end of the day, if she values your friendship, you'll still be together in that respect.
Just don't be awkward about it, and go get'em, tiger!

 

[Jonluw]

I would have gone for telling her at the holiday. It's a good opportunity for getting to talk to her under four eyes. Maybe even in a scenic environment...

But then again: Taking relationship advice from me is like taking flying lessons from an elephant.

Oh, and welcome to the escapist.
Don't post vs. threads, stay out of the basement etc. etc.

 

[Adamd1990]

I'm not sure I'd risk it if you're not at least confident that she'd reciprocate your feelings if you did admit them. From the sounds of it, you might just be over-romanticizing a simple crush. Keep hanging out with her more and see if you grow closer together. If not, don't bother telling her and just move on.

You do have a good point when you say I should hang out with her more to find out how I would feel, but the problem with that is that she is at university about 100 miles away until mid June, making that hard.

Also, if it is a simple crush, I've had this simple crush for almost a year now and it isn't fading in the slightest...

 

[Smooth Operator]

These sort of things very very rarely go right(been there a few times), but you should tell her simply to resolve it, if you stick by while she dates everyone except you the next thing we will be reading is your suicide not.

But seriously, just tell her, either way it goes things will get better for you.

 

[Nami nom noms]

hmm, my advice as a girl would be this:

It might be pretty weird for her to hear it, but I think you should let her know someway. Personally, I could (and have) deal(t) with the situation... but it requires a great deal of emotional maturity on her part.

I think that rather then tell her, it might be better to show her. especially if you don't want to be rebound material (that's no fun for anyone). Do something unique and romantic, and surprise her nicely, so she gets the idea. Women understand subtlety

I think it would be a really bad idea to tell her on the holiday mind... unless a good chance for the above happens (dont force it there). The reason being if it all goes to pot, she might want to 'escape' the immediate vicinity and been trapped on holiday will not let her think rationally, and destroy everything you have so far.

Good luck my friend.