Hey brother,
I was watching some old ZP videos when I saw your thread on the side panel thingy. And you sound a bit like me, from back when I was a young and innocent, just out looking for love. And because of that, I figured I should help you out a bit.
First and foremost, take EVERYTHING people -- including me -- say to you regarding relationships with a grain of salt. They don't know all the details, and thus, even if they claim to be freakin' Don Juans or whatever, they can't get it right 100% of the time.
Anyway, what I'm here to tell you (I 'signed up' just for this, so you better appreciate it man) is something some people find very basic knowledge. It's nothing revolutionary, and you're not going to be the next Hefner because of it. But it might save you a lot of time and a lot of heartache. Heartache that I went through, personally.
Let me start off with a story about me and my 'first love' (who, in reality, was not my first love, but rather the first love I had during my 'adult life'). So there was this girl, right. We spent a ton of time together, being just friends. I never wanted to offend her or make her angry, so I basically did whatever it was she asked of me. I never really asked her out either, we just hung out. We did some very Disney-esque things together, like gazed at the stars and freakin' went horseback riding etc. We never had sex, we didn't even kiss, because I figured we had all the time in the world and she would fall for me because I was the nicest guy in the world. What's the hurry, right?
Needless to say, things didn't exactly go as planned. She dumped me for some gel-haired a-hole who had a BMW (compensating for a small penor, like all BMW owners) and rich parents (I wanted to punch him in the face the first time we met, for being such an ENORMOUS douche), and they had a kid together. In fact, they got together THE DAY AFTER me and her went out on a 'date' (in retrospective, it wasn't a date, she was just using me as an emotional tampon), without giving me a heads up of any sort. And I was devastated. I had been chasing after her like a proper idiot for like two years and this is the thanks I get? She later had a kid with the same punk, but they broke up before the kid was even born, so no further surprises there. White trash will be white trash.
So, at this point, you're probably wondering "what in the HELL does any of this have to do with my situation?".
Well, nothing really. But this next part will. Hopefully.
Looking back, here are the mistakes I made: 1) I thought she would fall for me just because I was a good friend/a great guy. 2) I thought what Disney taught us about women was true. 3) I thought being a man was somehow wrong.
So you have a girl you'd like to ask out? Then ask her out. If she says no, SO WHAT? Her damn loss. Know your damn value, and don't be afraid to act like a man. I don't know you, but the first thing you have to understand is THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. Take your middle finger, jam it so far down her windpipe that she can never muster the words "Where have all the gentlemen disappeared to" even again, and laugh all the way to the next woman, who probably is better than her anyway.
Not literally of course, violence is stupid. But you get the point. What my story should teach you, and all the other younger peeps or nice guys reading this (I assume there are many of you about, considering this IS The Escapist, home of Yahtzee, the 50-something year old virgin), is that being nice and friendly will not get you the woman. Or even a woman, until you're like 50 and the requirements for picking a mate suddenly change. Women will dispute this, but the fact of the matter is, women want a man. And women lie. They lie A LOT. They will lie to your face, then laugh at you behind your back. But SO WHAT? Rub your rugs together if you can't handle a good man, and cry your eyes out when the tattoo-wearing biker boy punched your teeth in and gave you 10 different STD's. Watch me.. No, watch US give a ****.
But at the end of the day, the only way you'll get this woman you desire is to be honest with her. Tell her you'd like to take her out. Not as a friend, not because you're interested in her former boyfriends or other such things, but because you're interested in her. If she doesn't warm up to the idea, then who cares. There are what, 3 billion women in the world? Chances are she wasn't 'the one' in the first place.
This became more of a rant than anything, I'm sorry for that. I had a few drinks on a terrace -- with two beautiful ladies -- and just came home 10 minutes before reading this thread.
Be yourself. Don't be afraid to be honest and a man. Don't be a bore. Don't be a half-wit douche. Don't be what you think she would like you to be. And most importantly, don't be a nice guy. You'll get punished in the end if you need her, or rather, if you convince yourself you need her. If she acts up to you, tell her to go stick it where the sun don't shine. If she rejects you, move the hell on my man.
Skip the mistakes I made, and just be a man from the get-go. You might get rejected. You might get called names. You might get punched in the teeth (this one might be just me). But it all hurts A TON LESS than being friend-zoned after chasing after her for two years. Trust me. I was just 'rejected' ("Oh I can't go out with you today, I have work and blah bleh blergh *stopped giving a s*** at this point*") last week.
What did I do? I got hammered and moved on.
Again, pardon the wall of text. Most of it has nothing to do with your situation. But try to learn from it still. Rejection or not, you'll come out stronger than before
