Poll: If you were spanked as a child, do you think it made you a better person?

[Ulquiorra4sama]

Was i spanked? Yes
Did it make me a better person? Doubtful

I'm not exactly the perfect pictur of a person. I'm lazy, un-caring, sarcastic and at times i can be quite the ***hole. I tend to get into fights sometimes and i really don't show a lot of neither empathy nor sympathy...

I wouldn't really say that being spanked made me care more about what i did to other people...

 

[GrizzlerBorno]

Honestly I'm not a parent but I'm given to understand that there are mental safeguards to stop you wanting to hurt your own child. Frankly I'd class hitting a child to make yourself feel better as child abuse regardless of the reason. If a parent smacks a child it tends to be in a very specific set of circumstances....

I'm not a parent either, so i have no reason to doubt you about the natural inhibitions thing..... but do you get what i mean, when i say that it's too loose a system with too many variable and things that could "go wrong"?

Also, what are we fighting about? Parents who will slap their kids just for the shock value and to bring them under control.....will do so, anyway, won't they? Not in public sure, but they will.... adults can't be controlled like kids, after all. They'll do it if they feel that they can do it properly. If anything, the attitude of "Never hit your child" just prevents incapable parents from taking the risk, and doing it poorly, more than it stops the more able parents from doing it despite knowing the process. Am i off or...?

Unfortunately children are incapable of reason until a certain age because of the way the brain develops. It's not something that can be argued, it's the price we pay for having this kind of brainpower and not having hips four feet wide. I'd worry about insinuating that the love between a child and their parents could ever be broken because I can see that being terrifying for a child. When I was smacked I honestly didn't dwell on it once my mother had made it known that I was forgiven but I can tell you that the idea that I may stop loving my mother would have scared me immensely.

I really don't think he, or any kid of his age, would take that away. That seems like too much of a stretch for a mind incapable of reason to reach that conclusion. I'm focusing more on the immediate cause and effect lesson, namely "My parents told me not to do something; I did it anyway; They got in trouble for it and that made all of us sad; maybe they were right, and i should listen to them from now on."

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the ordeal DID embed in him a fear of a horrible situation that may arise if a certain set of circumstances were fulfilled by his actions. Maybe. But then how is that ANY different from teaching a kid the valuable lesson of "don't stick your hand in the fire; Your arm will burn off!" that is also "a horrible situation that may arise if a certain set of circumstances were fulfilled by his actions". It's cause and effect, albeit a slightly complicated one. If it teaches him not to disobey his parents and not take them for granted (as so many kids seem to do these days) then, well, mission accomplished.

Now I also realise that different children react differently so I don't know how your relative will take it. I would have dwelt on it but different strokes for different folks. I'm sorry for calling your family's disciplinary methods into question, unless it's grossly unnecessary I'd generally trust parents to know best about their individual kids.

That's fine, don't worry about it. It made some headway in the debate at least.

 

[Jack Macaque]

When I was a kid I spilled my dads glass of milk at the kitchen table one night, he smacked me and never had to lay a finger on me again.

I'm 22 years old now, and that's the only time my parents ever hit me, it worked haha.

Problem with kids these days is a lot of the idiots didn't get beat as a kid and therefor have no respect, they're more animal than human.

Now this is all IMO, I just believe there is a direct link to your child respecting you and then respecting others later in life, my father taught me as you have to show respect to earn it.

Think about that and it makes sense, no one just respects you for no reason, you earn it.

If a child is taught at a young age to respect then they will grow and flourish, guaranteed.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

but he did use force? did he not? you were ridiculing others for using any kind of force in your previous posts, saying that any kind of force was not needed. I am merely pointing out your change in stance. especially when 57% of the poll doesn't agree with your extremist stance apparently.

I was ridicouling others for using violence, not force. Even if I don't agree with using force here it was mild at most. He had to act and he acted.

Also, extremist views? I can't believe wanting more rights for children means I'm an extremist. I'm guessing those who advocate men's rights are also extremists to you.

when did i EVER say that spanking would work for every single child? when did i ever even get close to that? my WHOLE ARGUMENT was that every child is different, and that not every method works on every child. i applauded your dad (yes i did in fact, go check my previous posts) for doing what he did, that's amazing, but like i said, it wont work for EVERYONE. did i ever say it wont work? nope, not once. so no, i am not doing the exact same thing, i was merely pointing out to you, that your extreme faith of your one singular way is not necessarily true for everyone, and that you were trying to destroy anyone elses opinion on the matter that did not agree with yours, is that not why you got put on probation?

You are advocating the use of spanking are you not? How parents should have the right to raise their children how they see fit. You ignored any of the cons and focused on the pros "Short term relief". BY ignoring the cons but also advocating spanking you're essentially saying that spanking will do no long term damage to certain kids and that it's A-OK to at least try it and stop later, like that's even possible.

Yes, my method might not work for everyone BUT if it doesn't work you can easily switch. There's no chance of any sort of damage being done to the kid and you can just as easily switch to something else. Or you could just visit a psychologist, talk to him/her about your problems and plan a course of action. My method has no risks. Yours does.

Also, I was put on probation for insulting another member. My only insult to him, calling him a smug little fuck for concluding that spanking is a good disciplining method after analizing a poll made on a forum.

there were multiple posts where you ridiculed them both as one as the same. so once again your changing stance on what you ridiculed others for. nice.

there is nothing wrong with wanting that, i never said that, but when you go out of your way to attack other peoples opinions, saying they are wrong and you are right, then yes, that is a bit extremist of you.

first off, your trying to turn it into a simple black and white question, which it isn't really, thats the problem. you are viewing as a end all be all violence that only leads to more violence and doesn't work which isn't true in MANY cases (considering the 51.8% in the poll).

and no i am not saying that spanking is A-OK in all cases at all, i hate parents who use it as a first resort to anything. your trying to put words in my mouth and assume many things to make your argument against me seem more intact, when if anything i do agree with you on some points but in no where to the extreme that you do.

okay and with that, you did agree to the point i was making, your method doesn't work for everyone. period. and my method? did i ever say it was MY method? no i did not, i was merely pointing out, like i have been for the past few replies, is that the same methods do not work on every child, and if you really believe they do, the journey to get them to work is massively different to the point they can't be comparable. so i really dont see what you were trying to prove me wrong in, besides putting words into my mouth to try and make an argument against something.


oh and so once again, like multiple people have pointed out to you, you are attacking and making assumptions on other people. classy stuff.

for how much you believe that merely talking with people can solve the problems, you sure do seem to attack people a lot more than the average person who was given a good spanking as a kid.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Spanking for disciplinary purposes is, I think, a necessary part of upbringing. It must be made clear to people that there is a line, and beyond this line lies pain. Pain is the ultimate attention-getter. It is important to make it clear the pain comes as a direct result of some forbidden action. Spanking was rarely used in our house, the folks preferred to take away TV, but as a result we really paid attention when we were smacked. A quick swat on the ass instilled in me the "don't make Daddy get out of his chair" idea that ought to be a basic component of everyone's judgment. Consequences happen. This is something we all should know.

Let me make clear, however, that I'm talking about a little sting when the kid continues to do wrong after verbal warnings. It's a teaching tool. I'm NOT talking about belting the kid until you're too tired to lift your arm because you had a bad day at work and need to feel like you're in charge of something. Using your kid as an outlet for your own impotent self-hate won't teach him anything except how to hate himself...and you.

I don't understand the difficulty people have differentiating the two. I know it's not always that black and white but even so....

 

[AndyFromMonday]

snip

You didn't bother adressing my argument, instead just talking about me putting words in my mouth and insulting me for being very spoken out about my opinion.

What I was pointing out is that you claim that my method doesn't work for everyone whilst ignoring the fact that spanking does not work for everyone also. You didn't even bother adressing this, instead you just resorted to personal attacks.

for how much you believe that merely talking with people can solve the problems, you sure do seem to attack people a lot more than the average person who was given a good spanking as a kid.

okay and with that, you did agree to the point i was making, your method doesn't work for everyone.

Actually, I was trying to point out that your method also does not work for everyone. And you're right, I was a bit stubborn. My method probably won't work for every child. BUT THAT DOES NOT mean that spanking is an option. Go to any psychiatrist and talk about having problems controlling your child. Tell him or her that you need help. Spanking will NEVER be suggested as a means to control your child and that's coming from a goddamn expert.

You're so stubborn in your support for spanking that you're ignoring the cons. It can traumatize kids whilst attempting to actually talk to the child has absolutely no cons and if that doesn't work then you can always switch it up.

Talking to your child has no cons, spanking them does. You do the math.

 

[ArchAngelKira]

Quote:"If you hit the kid he will resent you, but if you punish him he'll know what he did was wrong"

-John Marston

Ps:Maybe not exatly but close enough

 

[Daveman]

I was. I can't remember what for and I don't think it was very important. If anything I'd say it was inconsequential so I went with "no", in fairness though I was a ridiculously good child.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

s nip

i suppose i didn't fully address it, but i still stand on my short answer that i believe parents who use it out of anger and as a first resort is wrong. i will never say that is right.

did i once say that spanking works for everyone? no i never ever said that, and i REPEATEDLY said that and i REPEATEDLY SAID that i respect for your dad for doing a fine job,

i would not call that ignoring, even in the slightest manner.

of course a psychiatrist would never suggest that, you know what kind of slippery slope they would be on if they ever suggested such things? you couldn't PAY a psychatrist money to do that.

in my support for spanking...?

once again, have i not pointed out that your dad obviously did a fine job? and that my whole point, my WHOLE POINT, was to say that your method doesn't ALWAYS WORK? not ONCE, not ONCE did i full fledge my support to spanking nor saying it doesn't have ANY CONS. i never did ANY OF THIS. that was exactly what i was talking about with you putting words in my mouth, i never did nor assume any of that, not once.

seriously, i've made the same points nearly 4-5 posts now, either it isn't getting through to you that my point was to merely state that your gung ho position on no spanking is not always in the best light, or you just refuse to accept anyone's opinion different than your own. either way i'm done arguing on this, the poll has had its say and i've had mine.

and to end my thread postings, a wonderful poster

Spoiler: cool kids

 

[AndyFromMonday]

snip

What I was pointing out was that spanking is never the answer and that if that method doesn't work then there are other methods that can work which do not use violence at all.

Also, I apologize. I misunderstood what you were trying to say.

 

[2733]

I was spanked but I was never hit hard enough to even really hurt, it was more like an indicator that I had crossed the line and was in big trouble. However I don't support spanking because of people like my brother in law, who paddles his kids at the fist sign of misbehavior and his kids are little shitheads.

 

[Gudrests]

Yes. Pain was the only punishment that got through to me. Without it, I would be my brother, who was not beaten. He is not exactly the best individual.

You all had it easy, I got the belt.

you got hit before you did something wrong didn't you?...yepp i know the feeling

No, I did not. I only got hit when it was confirmed I did something wrong. That feeling you have? I have never had it.

its not a good feeling...then again im cautions as hell now anytime i want to do anything wrong...i guess it made me think more...which is good. IFF!!! i want to do something wrong im not going to get caught. Then again all thoes beatings made me not wanna do anything wrong...useless skill eh? like being able to talk to fish but your allergic to water

 

[La Barata]

My parents beat my ass if I fucked up too badly, and I think it was the best thing for me. All these little shits nowadays (like, the kids you hear bitching and swearing at their parents over xbox live) need to get their ass beaten. Once a kid knows a parent WILL whup your ass, they're much more careful with what they say and do.

 

[Danpascooch]

Parenting without spanking says: "I am your parent, and you have to listen to me because I have more experience than you, and provide for you"

Try explaining that to a three year old in the middle of a tantrum.

Unless that tantrum is about to cause you or someone else serious bodily harm (which basically is never the case) it's better to wait till it ends, and then take away something the child enjoys for a set amount of time.

You may say "but what if it's in public!" to which I would respond "Would you actually spank your child in front of strangers?"

 

[Nyaliva]

Actually, that's bullshit. Pre-schoolers don't just want to "do what they want". They're curious and in the limits of their cognitive function they're attempting to use their other senses to discover new things. Even in this state, a child can understand right from wrong.

And I bet that spanking warning did not involve any screaming or anger. Are you actually telling me that your parents calmly stood down and told you to stop or you'd get beaten? I'm sorry but I find that hard to believe as controlling emotions whilst doing a thing controlled by emotions is a bit difficult.

I am fully aware that curiosity drives most children's actions but there are times when they disobey or simply want to keep doing what they're doing regardless. What I'm saying is that sometimes they let that curiosity run away with them and regardless of what you say, they won't listen until their curiosty is satisfied. Spanking is used to deter them from doing things which we know the consequences to and which they won't listen. Other times they just want something and won't listen to no. And no my parents didn't speak calmly, they spoke sternly. First they said no. If I wouldn't listen, they'd say it again more sternly. If I still wouldn't listen, they'd warn me in a stern voice that if I didn't listen, I'd get a smack. I'm sure even your father used a stern voice and that may have been enough to deter you. For me, my parents needed something to back up their threat, otherwise it'd be useless. Once I learnt their threat was genuine I stopped going past that point...mostly...

It involves the act of repeatedly hitting a child on the butt. It's more than just emotionless discipline. Emotions will always be involvede, be it of anger or frustration.

And now you're bringing up the army? A child isn't a soldier and you his sarge.

Why wouldn't you be able to reason with them? You don't need a shock to make a child understand. Hell, it's enough to just intimidate them or look a bit angry. You DON'T need spanking. Are you saying a dog won't notice if you're angry? I'm fairly sure they do. And how do you teach a dog to stop shitting on the carpet? You train him to stop doing that. Is it through beatings and force? No. It's with the use of a simple reward process.

Actually, it was rarely more than one and even then it was just two. Repeatedly spanking a child IS cruel and unnecessary and CAN send the wrong message, but just one smack rarely does. And it can be emotionless, if done right. Unfortuneately, many parents DO use it out of frustration and I certainly don't agree with THAT.

I only brought up the army to combat your "It's not violence if it's your own children's discipline" statment. The reason you can't reason with children is, as I've stated above and a few times, because sometimes they won't listen. Sometimes, like in your case, they do listen, but I'm sure there'd be many parents who've had a child say they want something and after you said no either disobeyed or started whining. This isn't a result of bad parenting, the former is due to a limited understanding and a curiosity as to whether they actually CAN have it even though you said no, the latter is something they learn as a baby, cry and you'll get attention and have your problem solved. Sometimes, and in fact probably most times, if you know an alternative, you don't need spanking. But what I'm saying is that it does work. Actually now that I look back I realise you've mostly just been saying it's unnecessary, I apologise if I combated anything else when debating you. I'll admit that reward systems do work but I know I sometimes didn't care if I was offered something later, I wanted something NOW, and that's when I was spanked.

Oh you smug little shit. You consider this a study? You consider this enough evidence that spanking "works" and is "good" and should be used? It's a goddamn poll. If you actually think studies about spanking focus on whether or not adults who were spanked believed it was good for them then you've grossly misunderstood the process. It's focused on finding the psychological problems that can occur in a previously spanked individual. Whether they believe it was beneficial for them or not is irrelevant. If you actually wanted to make this a study to prove spanking then the only snesible thing to do was GATHER MORE INFORMATION. Maybe even a full psychological checkup of every individual. You can't just conclude from a poll with barely any info on those who voted that spanking is a good way to discipline. My God, you consider spanking to be good for people, how it teaches them good morals and yet you're the most smug and arrogant individual I've ever met.

Okay, I admit from your point of view, that little "closing" I did would have sounded quite smug but I NEVER intended it to be that way. As I said in the closing, as well as multiple times in multiple places, THIS IS NOT A STUDY. At least not an official one. I don't believe spanking is "good" and "works", I believe it CAN be good and CAN work and that's what this s-...poll was set out to prove. If anyone suffers from psychological disorders and remembers being spanked as I child, I'm sure they would've said no. Those who said yes look back and see it for what it was intended to be, discipline. Actually I did have a look at one of those tests and it surveyed whether a child had been spanked and whether they'd ever lashed out at their parents. It made a specious link and those are the kind of tests I don't believe are right. I sincerely believe that those who were spanked would be the only ones to know whether it worked or it just made them bitter. If you read the comments along the way, you see patterns emerging in those who said yes and no and who were spanked and those who said yes and no who weren't. Those patterns are what I based my "results" on.

Okay, I nearly exploded with rage, depression and wanting-to-prove-I-wasn't-an-asshole when I read those first and last lines because I'm really not. This wasn't meant to be a study in any proper sense of the word but I wanted to show those who rely so heavily on psychological testing to say that spanking is wrong that it CAN be done right. Whether that's majority, minority, one person it doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is that you can't take the summarised results of a few studies done by people you haven't met to found an entire direct attack on something like this, especially when people who've actually lived through it contest that it worked. To be honest it was mostly for that guy Blitzwing to shut up about "anecdotes" to be no real proof. But the truth is, we know it worked, so we stand by it. You know from personal experience that it's unnecessary and that's great. I actually would like to see how my life would have turned out if I hadn't been spanked, not to prove you wrong, but to see where your coming from (actually to be honest when you were going on about how your father taught you all the morals you needed without spanking I said more than once "from the way you talk, it doesn't sound like your non-violent methods worked..."). I don't like to be considered an asshole because in real life, I'm not. If we were talking face to face I probably wouldn't have yelled at you the way I did but then I'm sure neither would you. We'd still feel as strongly about our points of view but we'd sound a little less self-righteous about them. You have a great sense of decency, better than mine, but the way you spoke sounded the same as most of the other people on this poll opposed to spanking, you were simply louder so at this point I wish to end our fighting. You can consider me smug for saying all this but I sincerely just wish to make my point while taking yours into account. That's all I seem to do on these forums and I always end up like this. You think I'd learn but maybe I just need a good spank...I'm kidding!

Seriously, when I have kids, I will always try to reason with them first, and I always intended to, as much as I can and I hope I never have to spank them, but knowing how to do it right and how well it works, it will always be an option, if a last resort. I'm afraid that's about as much as a compromise as I can make, I hope you've understood what I've tried to explain. If not, I'm quite happy to actually talk face to face over youtube or something!

Oh and everyone else, I hope you've taken something too, that's all I ever want when I fight on a forum: compromise and understanding. (wow reading back, this whole last bit sounds more smug than my closing. I REALLY hope you don't feel this way...)

Oh and I apologise for lashing out, you can say whatever you like about me but NO-ONE condemns my parents for spanking me. Many people consider it lazy and you just kinda got the brunt of my hatred.

 

[Abbyrose07]

Who knows...my mom used to chase after my brothers and I with a huge metal spatula and a cheese grater to spank us when we were in trouble lol. At least she was inventive...she also used ping pong paddles, paddle ball rackets and wooden spoons.

 

[Flac00]

Bring back corporal punishment! Without it, you get the ASBO, hoodie, threatening kid, Jamie Bulger murdering society that we have today. I was spanked, my brothers and sister were spanked, my parents and their parents were all spanked, we all turned out ok.

A little bit of National Service wouldn't go amiss either!

I really hope you are being sarcastic. Going on the assumption that your not, ill say this to you. YOUR WRONG. I don't care that you felt spanking helped you become a better person, everyone is liable to their own opinions. But blaming all of the wrongs that we have in modern society on the idea that they weren't spanked as children is ridiculous. With all likelihood, just as many of them were spanked as children as normal members of society were. Don't jump to such sudden conclusions next time, it makes you sound ignorant (which I'm guessing that since you are on the Escapist you are not...)

A fair rebuttal albeit your opinion versus mine. To which though I pose this question: what do you think has caused the rapid decline of society in the past 15-20 years?

And I would fairly counter that with 2 statements.1: How is society rapidly declining? Sure, there are some people out there with no self control, but the reasons for that I will address later. Instead I will point out that our society is actually, for the most part, better than it was before. Racism is taboo, as is any other sort of discrimination. Not to mention, as you can see with our reaction to the earthquake in Haiti, and other natural disasters, people actually care about their fellow human beings. This is in contrast to the 1960's were racism was rampant and horrible, and there was barely any aid to foreign countries during natural disasters because the American people felt they "deserved it".
2: Most of the factors that effect people to make them act as they do today, are much more complex then just spanking. It could be because of economic factors, a rebellious nature (which would only increase if they were spanked), and even because of the over-sexualization of modern culture (which started way back in the 1910's). Spanking may be a slight factor, but it certainly has had a very small effect on the situation.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

snip

And even so that doesn't mean you need to hit them. Punish them without the use of violence. That's possible, it's always been possible and will always be possible.


It doesn't matter whether it's one smack or twenty smacks. There are better alternatives, use them.

They don't listen? That's just a bullshit excuse. Disobedience is a result of poor parenting and will always be a result of poor parenting since the child does not trust you enough to tell them right from wrong. Even if that was not the case, even if you were a perfect parent and yet your child disobeys you there are better alternatives that send a way better message than spanking. Some people here even admitted that they'd rather be spanked than grounded, as spanking lasted a few seconds. Hell, it's pretty obvious right now you don't need spanking. Other disciplining methods work just as fine. You don't need a quick shock to make the child obey you, you need to be stern and that's enough. I'm fairly sure the moment you saw your parents upset you'd stop. If not then there was a deeper reason. Kids don't just disobey because "they're kids". That's another bullshit excuse to justify spanking. There's always a reason and that reason is most of the times rooted in the parents either behavior or parenting technique.

And what if you did throw a tantrum? Grounding would've worked even better than spanking and the reasons are quite obvious. A short shock would do nothing long term whilst taking away something the child holds dear will. "Listen to me or I'll take your toy away".

What does the army have to do with children? The program used to train soldiers is there so as to thoughen them up and prepare them for real combat situations. What does this have to do with attempting to control a child?

How can you even say that? We can analize the effects war can have on a person and we can't analize the effects spanking will have on a child? Are you actually saying that a psychiatrist, someone trained in assessing an individual's emotional and mental status is not qualified to assert whether or not spanking has a detrimental effect or any effect on a child?

Your results are inconclusive and untestable because we cannot assess an individuals mental and emotional status on the internet. What you've got here are random opinions from random people and they contribute to jack shit. They might say they're totally fine whilst actually having some deeper emotional troubles. We don't know and we can't know over the internet.

But you can't. No matter what you will do you cannot conclude spanking can be used "properly" based on an inconclusive study made on the internet and above all of this a study made by someone with no qualifications whatsoever. If you really wanted to prove spanking can be used properly then you would've gotten a specialist on the phone, gotten a thousand children and started a proper study. Basing your results on an internet poll is, to say the least, idiotic. Don't take this as me calling you an idiotic. I do not believe you are idiotic, merely that your conclusions are so.

I'm very outspoken so ,aybe that's why I tend to come off as a bit rude and stubborn. I'll fight to the last man standing to prove that I'm right.

I'm sorry if I insulted you or your parents. Those are my views on parents who use spanking, mainly derived from actually seeing spanking in action to experiencing it on my own skin.

Either way, good debate.

 

[Kyoufuu]

Oh, I'm so terribly sorry. I should never have dared think that I could possibly know myself, let alone my father, better than you do. It's so clear to me now, you're so right! Obviously every family is the same as your own, and no one can have any different experiences than yours. I had to be just kidding myself up to this point, how could I have classified a single slap to the back of my leg as anything other than an abusive father taking his rage out on his child?

Snip

If this thread was about beating animals everyone would report the OP and he'd get banned. If it's about beating children well then that's A-OK. Apparently, children have less rights than a fucking dog.

It's not about beating children at all. You're sounding more and more like a troll with every post.