Poll: Is giving someone false confidence a good thing?

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Jacco

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May 1, 2011
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I am currently debating with my friend over this.

I am brutally honest. I always have been. Lying is against my core principles. So when someone asks me if they look fat, for instace, I will tell them the honest truth.

The way I see it is if I tell my hypothetical friend, we'll call her Marsha, she is not fat when she asks and she really is, then Marsha may go and hit on a guy she likes because of that false confidence only to be rejected. Then, not only is Marsha upset because she got rejected, she thinks she is not fat and therefore cannot take actions to do something about it.

And before you get all uppity, obviously if she is my friend enough to be asking me those questions, her weight is not an issue to me.


My IRL friend, we'll call her Jane, is now telling me that this is a bad thing because sometimes people need false confidence boosters. She argues that Marsha already knows she is fat, but is looking to me as her friend to give her a confidence booster because Marsha can't give it to herself.

Am I just a cold hearted bastard or is "Jane" wrong in her assertions?

(and no, Marsha is not a real person. she is just a hypothetical character for sake of argument)

EDIT: Captcha: isario (USAMRIID) <== what? haha
 

sam42ification

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Nov 11, 2010
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no. It isn't a good thing but being brutally honest isn't either. no question should be answered with a simple yes or no because nothing in life is that simple. If you were honest with marsha and just said yes that would ruin her self asteem. But if you said no it would give false confidence and like you already said that could end up being bad. So talk about the middle ground to fictional. She may be fat but she still has friends that love her and if the guy doesn't like her because she is fat then he is missing out on all the other things she may have to offer.
 

finalguy

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Jun 9, 2010
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i think the "do i look fat" is a loaded question, but all in all you will not go very far in life being brutally honest. as much as you want to be and wish the world could be, thats just not how society works
 

Logiclul

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Sep 18, 2011
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Someone who asks "am I fat" is not going to be entrusted with self confidence from a lie. They know they are fat so it does not matter what you say.

However in general, I believe that honesty is good, however I lie for my close friends if need be. In fact, I'll lie to strangers too.

I think your "never lie" moral is inherently wrong.
 

SwagLordYoloson

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Jul 21, 2010
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Yeah its good, makes it easier to manipulate people get them to do what you want. Then when they think they are so perfect, you can crush them to pieces by revealing the whole false existence you have created around them. Thus making them submissive and easy prey for you bidding.

overall its a pretty good thing, with out it how would politicians and successful businessmen like donald trump ever get into power?
 

Mr Thin

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Apr 4, 2010
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It's all about phrasing.

People often mistake 'being honest' with 'acting like a dick'. It's possible to be honest and be nice about it.

To use your example, if your friend asks you if she's fat, and you say "Moooooooo!" that's not being 'brutally honest', that's being an asshole.

If you say something like, "You could stand to lose some pounds, yeah." it's still totally honest, but nowhere near as rude.

I think false confidence in general is a bad thing. Thinking you're good at something when you're bad at it can be crushingly humiliating when you find the truth out the hard way, not to mention dangerous if it's a sport or something physical, like base jumping.
 

Hal10k

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May 23, 2011
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Absolutely. Confidence is to humans what smoke is to bees. If you let someone get confident, they'll get sedate and fall asleep, and a giant human will steal their waste to eat with his breakfast, only to get attacked by a bear on his way back to his house.

Do you understand what will happen if we give people confidence? We are talkng bears of collosal proportions, people.
 

Tanakh

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Jul 8, 2011
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Jacco said:
Am I just a cold hearted bastard or is "Jane" wrong in her assertions?
I'll go with the first one.

Taking your example, if you tell Marsha she does look fat she wont even try, will go to her house and start eating like a pig, then /wrists in the middle of depression; don't make Marsha kill herself! Give her a confidence boost.
 

emeraldrafael

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Jul 17, 2010
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I lied to a kid once and said he wasnt overtly tall (despite being 6'3 in 11th grade). Got him the work up the confidence to ask a girl out (and he was a full 10 inches taller then her). They're still together from what I know, an dhe's got a basketball scholarship to the college he went to. Thing was he always thought he was too tall and never wanted to play basketball in public cause he didnt want to become a stereotype. But he's really good. He's a 26-38 pt scorer, and occasionally a 40+ on good nights.

So it worked for him.
 

Lerasai

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Aug 14, 2010
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I think its always good to give someone else an extra boost of confidence. But, you don't have to lie to them to do it and being brutally honest is just as cruel as giving them false expectations. Whenever I'm faced with this sort of situation I try to point out to the person the great things about them. Everyone has something in their personality or looks that is attractive, even if they have flaws. To you it may seem like "false" confidence, but to them its very real. Besides, a lot people are attractive simply because they are confident.
 

Tselis

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Jul 23, 2011
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If you aren't sending them out to die, then no. If they are your friends then be honest with them. Really, you should just be tactfully honest with everyone.
 

Kriptonite

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Jul 3, 2009
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Nope, you're not an ass at all. You tell people the truth to tell them the truth, and for other kind reasons. You're not looking for an opportunity to put someone down. I agree with your methods wholeheartedly! Keep on truthing!
 

LobsterFeng

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Apr 10, 2011
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I'd say that if you're going to be brutally honest, then don't just end the conversation on that. Try to find something that can raise their confidence and is actually true. (You don't have to listen to me of course I'm just putting my opinion out there).
 

Smooth Operator

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Oct 5, 2010
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Well first off confidence is something people build for themselves, giving them false confidence is something you can't really do, false information tho you can.
It is up to the person to take that as they want and build their confidence in their own way, do they lose the weight to feel better or do they just accept themselves... all up to them, I really don't see a problem if the truth is delivers polite fashion.

Lies on the other hand will get them nowhere, you can't fix/deal with problems that you don't know about.
 

Sansha

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Nov 16, 2008
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Rebecca Black.

That's all I can say about this - Rebecca Black.
 

UrieHusky

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Sep 16, 2011
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That's a very context sensitive question.. hmm.. yeah I'm trying but I really can't say without context, I'm generally honest with everyone about everything but.. there are times that if you give someone confidence, even if its false it could get them through whatever they are trying to do successfully