Poll: Is it rude to tell people "please don't talk to me"?

[K12]

The way you said it there to an elderly lady I would yes it is.

The easy way to get round this is to wear headphones (with the sound off if you like) and, if someone still talks to you then give a quick answer to the first question and say "sorry is it alright if I listen to my music" or something like that if they keep going.

You need to be apologetic with something like this if you want to avoid seeming rude. It isn't really fair but social rules are biased towards extroverts so refusing to talk is considered dismissive but striking up conversation with a stranger isn't usually considered intrusive (even though it might feel that way).

 

[Gyrick]

Depends on how you say it.

Personally, I don't think "Please don't talk to me" is rude to the extent that, say, "Go fuck yourself, you old *****!" is. Maybe that's because I'm not very good at socializing, but there are worse ways of getting people to leave you alone. You're at least not dismissing them entirely.

That said, there are better ways of doing it, too. "Sorry, I'm not comfortable talking about this" or "I don't have the time, please excuse me" or something else seems less dismissive of them as people and might not rub as many people the wrong way. Exhibit A, some of the posters in this thread who think you're extremely rude.

But we're just strangers on the Internet. In the end, it's up to you to decide how to go about things.

I agree with this 100%. This is honestly one of those "it's not what you say, but how you say it" instances.

 

[Lufia Erim]

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

So can i just say "shut up" instead? If it's equally as rude (apparently).

You tell me, dude, you can say whatever you want. Why don't you go try it out?

Because my goal isn't to be rude. I already established that. But according to you" it's just as rude". Your words not mine.

 

[Lufia Erim]

Well yes, it is pretty damn rude. It doesn't take much to say "Sorry, I don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment." Or you could have earphones in, pretend to make a phone call. There are many polite ways to avoid conversation. You don't have to be rude. Being polite doesn't cost a thing.

Yeah i kinda get it. I made this thread because i really didn't think it was rude to be honest. Blunt sure but i did think the "please" cancelled out the rudeness. Guess i was wrong.

Just a question those. Why isn't it considered rude to bother a stranger with small talk?

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

So can i just say "shut up" instead? If it's equally as rude (apparently).

You can say whatever you want, that's always true. You still don't get to choose how people take what you say either, and that's always true. "please don't talk to me" is more likely to make people think you're damaged in some way, "shut up" is more likely to skew "rude".

They're both shitty choices that either reflect that aforementioned damage, or someone who doesn't understand that actions have consequences*.

*aka A Child

So.. I'm a child because i want to avoid being talked to by strangers. And don't want to carry around headphones or pretend to be busy, or make up some sort of lie to get them to leave me alone...

You want to know what's childish? Being too afraid to say what's on your mind. Having to lie and pussyfoot around things because some random tom, dick or harry may or may not be able to cope with the fact that the random stranger who you may or may not ever see again doesn't feel like speaking to them.

 

[Scars Unseen]

Well yes, it is pretty damn rude. It doesn't take much to say "Sorry, I don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment." Or you could have earphones in, pretend to make a phone call. There are many polite ways to avoid conversation. You don't have to be rude. Being polite doesn't cost a thing.

Yeah i kinda get it. I made this thread because i really didn't think it was rude to be honest. Blunt sure but i did think the "please" cancelled out the rudeness. Guess i was wrong.

Just a question those. Why isn't it considered rude to bother a stranger with small talk?

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

So can i just say "shut up" instead? If it's equally as rude (apparently).

You can say whatever you want, that's always true. You still don't get to choose how people take what you say either, and that's always true. "please don't talk to me" is more likely to make people think you're damaged in some way, "shut up" is more likely to skew "rude".

They're both shitty choices that either reflect that aforementioned damage, or someone who doesn't understand that actions have consequences*.

*aka A Child

So.. I'm a child because i want to avoid being talked to by strangers. And don't want to carry around headphones or pretend to be busy, or make up some sort of lie to get them to leave me alone...

You want to know what's childish? Being too afraid to say what's on your mind. Having to lie and pussyfoot around things because some random tom, dick or harry may or may not be able to cope with the fact that the random stranger who you may or may not ever see again doesn't feel like speaking to them.

You have no obligation to respect or comply with socially accepted behavior. But you don't get to dictate what it is either. Telling someone not to talk to you is widely considered to be rude.

There are better ways to word it that get the same message across. "Sorry, I'm really not in the mood for a conversation right now," would be much better. The overall message is the same, but since it is undirected, it doesn't carry the implication that there is something wrong with the person you are addressing.

 

[FoolKiller]

Everyone here who thinks it's rude is technically correct, but being rude isn't a bad thing. It just seems to be considered as such. OP has every right to tell people to leave him/her alone.

On the flip side, isn't it rude to start talking to someone for no reason interrupting their day?

 

[Lufia Erim]

Well yes, it is pretty damn rude. It doesn't take much to say "Sorry, I don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment." Or you could have earphones in, pretend to make a phone call. There are many polite ways to avoid conversation. You don't have to be rude. Being polite doesn't cost a thing.

Yeah i kinda get it. I made this thread because i really didn't think it was rude to be honest. Blunt sure but i did think the "please" cancelled out the rudeness. Guess i was wrong.

Just a question those. Why isn't it considered rude to bother a stranger with small talk?

I'm pretty sure exactly nobody is saying that it isn't okay to not want to speak to strangers, or convey such a feeling to said strangers (at least on occasion). All they're (and I'm) saying is that "please don't talk to me" isn't any more polite or tactful than saying "shut up."

So can i just say "shut up" instead? If it's equally as rude (apparently).

You can say whatever you want, that's always true. You still don't get to choose how people take what you say either, and that's always true. "please don't talk to me" is more likely to make people think you're damaged in some way, "shut up" is more likely to skew "rude".

They're both shitty choices that either reflect that aforementioned damage, or someone who doesn't understand that actions have consequences*.

*aka A Child

So.. I'm a child because i want to avoid being talked to by strangers. And don't want to carry around headphones or pretend to be busy, or make up some sort of lie to get them to leave me alone...

You want to know what's childish? Being too afraid to say what's on your mind. Having to lie and pussyfoot around things because some random tom, dick or harry may or may not be able to cope with the fact that the random stranger who you may or may not ever see again doesn't feel like speaking to them.

You have no obligation to respect or comply with socially accepted behavior. But you don't get to dictate what it is either. Telling someone not to talk to you is widely considered to be rude.

There are better ways to word it that get the same message across. "Sorry, I'm really not in the mood for a conversation right now," would be much better. The overall message is the same, but since it is undirected, it doesn't carry the implication that there is something wrong with the person you are addressing.

Hey i agree. Actually before this i kind of understood that it was rude . Back on like page 2 of something. I made the thread because i didn't think it was rude to be honest. Now i know. And a lot of posters made good posts explaining why without being (too)condescending

I mostly got annoyed by being called a child by the above poster.

 

[Bat Vader]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

 

[Scars Unseen]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

It's all in how it's done. It is not rude to initiate a conversation with a stranger, but a conversation can be initiated in a rude manner. Along the same lines, a conversation can be turned down without being rude, but "please don't talk to me" isn't that way.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

What do you mean by force? Because if walking up and just talking to someone is force it's sounding like all but mandated conversations are being forced.

It can be rude to keep going if it doesn't look like they want to talk, but it's a bit much to consider all initiation of conversation that isn't necessary rude

 

[Bat Vader]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

What do you mean by force? Because if walking up and just talking to someone is force it's sounding like all but mandated conversations are being forced.

It can be rude to keep going if it doesn't look like they want to talk, but it's a bit much to consider all initiation of conversation that isn't necessary rude

It just seems rude to bother someone for no other reason than just to have a conversation. Instead of just respecting the person's free time and space they instead barge in and are basically telling the person they don't respect their time and instead want the person to pay attention to them instead.

If what the OP does is considered rude I consider bothering others for conversations just as rude.

 

[Bat Vader]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

It's all in how it's done. It is not rude to initiate a conversation with a stranger, but a conversation can be initiated in a rude manner. Along the same lines, a conversation can be turned down without being rude, but "please don't talk to me" isn't that way.

I don't see how it's rude. If the OP didn't add please I could see it but the OP says please and seems to be polite about it. While it may not be rude to initiate a conversation I do consider it rude to bother a complete stranger for no other reason than just to talk. It's like the person is saying "Hey, stop whatever you're doing and pay attention to me instead."

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

What do you mean by force? Because if walking up and just talking to someone is force it's sounding like all but mandated conversations are being forced.

It can be rude to keep going if it doesn't look like they want to talk, but it's a bit much to consider all initiation of conversation that isn't necessary rude

It just seems rude to bother someone for no other reason than just to have a conversation. Instead of just respecting the person's free time and space they instead barge in and are basically telling the person they don't respect their time and instead want the person to pay attention to them instead.

If what the OP does is considered rude I consider bothering others for conversations just as rude.

How are they supposed to know the other doesn't wish to talk without talking to them?

By your metric all unnecessary conversations are rude and that's just ridiculous. Consider it rude all you want, that sounds more like you're doing it because you don't like having to give a polite response to not be rude versus genuinely having a reason for why it would be.

 

[Bat Vader]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

What do you mean by force? Because if walking up and just talking to someone is force it's sounding like all but mandated conversations are being forced.

It can be rude to keep going if it doesn't look like they want to talk, but it's a bit much to consider all initiation of conversation that isn't necessary rude

It just seems rude to bother someone for no other reason than just to have a conversation. Instead of just respecting the person's free time and space they instead barge in and are basically telling the person they don't respect their time and instead want the person to pay attention to them instead.

If what the OP does is considered rude I consider bothering others for conversations just as rude.

How are they supposed to know the other doesn't wish to talk without talking to them?

By your metric all unnecessary conversations are rude and that's just ridiculous. Consider it rude all you want, that sounds more like you're doing it because you don't like having to give a polite response to not be rude versus genuinely having a reason for why it would be.

So it's a double standard. I don't give any response at all. If someone comes up to me and just starts up a conversation while I am out and keeping to myself I just walk away. If they aren't going to respect my time I'm sure as shit not going to respect their time. If the person asks if they can speak to me that is a much different situation. 90% of the time I am not interested in dealing with other people but I will give them a polite reason as to why I am not interested in having a conversation.

To answer your question they could ask if they could talk to the person first.

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

You could do what a lot of people in my apartment elevator do to avoid awkward conversation or even basic greetings - stare down at a phone.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

What do you mean by force? Because if walking up and just talking to someone is force it's sounding like all but mandated conversations are being forced.

It can be rude to keep going if it doesn't look like they want to talk, but it's a bit much to consider all initiation of conversation that isn't necessary rude

It just seems rude to bother someone for no other reason than just to have a conversation. Instead of just respecting the person's free time and space they instead barge in and are basically telling the person they don't respect their time and instead want the person to pay attention to them instead.

If what the OP does is considered rude I consider bothering others for conversations just as rude.

How are they supposed to know the other doesn't wish to talk without talking to them?

By your metric all unnecessary conversations are rude and that's just ridiculous. Consider it rude all you want, that sounds more like you're doing it because you don't like having to give a polite response to not be rude versus genuinely having a reason for why it would be.

So it's a double standard. I don't give any response at all. If someone comes up to me and just starts up a conversation while I am out and keeping to myself I just walk away. If they aren't going to respect my time I'm sure as shit not going to respect their time. If the person asks if they can speak to me that is a much different situation. 90% of the time I am not interested in dealing with other people but I will give them a polite reason as to why I am not interested in having a conversation.

To answer your question they could ask if they could talk to the person first.

Respect it with what? Mind reading powers? All you need to do is give a reason not to talk. They're rude if they don't respect that. Expecting them not to even approach is just nonsense.

Or they could just be told why said person can't speak when they try and talk. I'm not sure what social interactions are like where you live but for regular conversation "May I speak with you" isn't normal and sounds like you're trying to sell them something or preach at them.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I want everyone who is saying the OP is in the wrong or rude to answer me a question. Why is it ok for someone to try and force a conversation onto someone else but it isn't ok for someone to not want to have said conversation?

What do you mean by force? Because if walking up and just talking to someone is force it's sounding like all but mandated conversations are being forced.

It can be rude to keep going if it doesn't look like they want to talk, but it's a bit much to consider all initiation of conversation that isn't necessary rude

It just seems rude to bother someone for no other reason than just to have a conversation. Instead of just respecting the person's free time and space they instead barge in and are basically telling the person they don't respect their time and instead want the person to pay attention to them instead.

If what the OP does is considered rude I consider bothering others for conversations just as rude.

How are they supposed to know the other doesn't wish to talk without talking to them?

By your metric all unnecessary conversations are rude and that's just ridiculous. Consider it rude all you want, that sounds more like you're doing it because you don't like having to give a polite response to not be rude versus genuinely having a reason for why it would be.

So it's a double standard. I don't give any response at all. If someone comes up to me and just starts up a conversation while I am out and keeping to myself I just walk away. If they aren't going to respect my time I'm sure as shit not going to respect their time. If the person asks if they can speak to me that is a much different situation. 90% of the time I am not interested in dealing with other people but I will give them a polite reason as to why I am not interested in having a conversation.

To answer your question they could ask if they could talk to the person first.

Respect it with what? Mind reading powers? All you need to do is give a reason not to talk. They're rude if they don't respect that. Expecting them not to even approach is just nonsense.

Or they could just be told why said person can't speak when they try and talk. I'm not sure what social interactions are like where you live but for regular conversation "May I speak with you" isn't normal and sounds like you're trying to sell them something or preach at them.

You get a lot of angry pushback from people who are, to put it kindly... atypical. It's painful and tiring to be... atypical, and some such people are ALSO jerks in addition to their... atypical natures. They don't want to accept that their actions are rude, they'd rather redefine what rudeness is. It's an understandable reaction that we should all ignore without slamming them for it, since they're already in a bad place.

This attempt to redefine it certainly baffles me. I don't know why anyone would expect it to work.

It brings to mind Anakin. "From my point of view the Jedi are evil!" It was painful to watch then and it's not anymore convincing when applied to rudeness.

 

[WolfThomas]

If people don't pick on behavioural cues that you don't want to talk, headphones, looking at screens or general focus on anything else. I don't think it's rude to ask them not to talk to you. Perhaps not that phrase, but "I'm sorry I just really need to concentrate on something" or the like.

 

[chuckman1]

I would think you're an absolute prick, but I'm also that douche who will come up and talk to you.
Just say you're busy or something unless you don't mind coming off as rude. I HATE this anti social attitude and it makes me feel low self esteem if someone does this to me, so I project it outward as anger towards them so I only half beat myself up over it.

 

[Patathatapon]

I'm an antisocial twit who despises people talking to me, but saying "Please don't talk to me" is always a social faux pas. It is very easily considered rude, because no matter how I imagine it said it either sounds rude or bipolar. This is exactly something that my younger brother with Asperger's syndrome says to people he doesn't want to talk to as well.

That said, I'm fully supporting you saying that to people. I'm even more rude and just barely listen and don't respond with anything more than a "hmm".

So be as rude as you want, fuck those polite people!