Poll: Is it wrong to befriend someone that is attracted to you?

[Seriphina]

If you are in the "friend zone" it means you are a nice guy but they aren't attracted to you. So it does exist but only for guys cos girls wouldn't hang about waiting on a guy to notice and fancy them when it's obvious the guy just likes them and nothing more.

But yeah befriend. Go ahead. Either they will realise you don't like them like that and you will lose your new friend or you will find them attractive over time.
Most likely it will all end in tears.

 

[Brad Shepard]

I dont think its a big deal, just set a line.

 

[quiet_samurai]

It isn't really "wrong" to befriend anyone, and in doing so it's not really your fault that that person has feelings that are not the same as your own. You shouldn't be blamed for being nice to someone and yet not fufilling the role they would rather you play, besides, people not feeling the same for you as you do them is a part of life... get over it.

 

[GeorgW]

To my understanding, wouldn't the likelihood be high for said person with the attraction, to cling to hope that someday they might get together? Hence keeping them in dating limbo. What about talking to or spending time together as "just friends"? If you couldn't (or didn't have the opportunity to) give them a hug, or kiss, or whatever, or get her/him something nice, would that not be excruciatingly painful?

So, is it wrong to befriend someone that is attracted to you? Or, maybe there's nothing wrong with it, and he/she should just suck it up and learn to live with it. If you do vote no, I guess I would like to know the reasoning behind that. Or maybe it's best that I don't know? I donno.

Yeah, my ex did this exact thing to me. And yes, it's pure evil. I still love her, but I'm stuck in limbo, as you say. The worst part is that she said she's not ready right NOW, which is especially cruel, since it keeps me from moving on.
Now I'm dating one of her friends and keeping it secret. Not sure if that has anything to do with it, I just wanted to tell someone, as I don't like keeping secrets. I feel really bad about it.

 

[FaceFaceFace]

It depends on how strong the feelings are, I guess. If they're just interested in you, it shouldn't be too much of a problem and they'd probably prefer you as a friend then as nothing. But if they are like super in love, like in pain every time they see you, then it'd probably be better for both to STAY AWAY.

 

[Kenko]

If its just physical attraction its alright. If they are in love with you. NO. NO. NO. So it depends on the situation.

 

[SimuLord]

This is a minefield. Oh, sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, is this ever a minefield. Complete with crazy sniper shooting at radioactive cars.

See, when I've got a girl attracted to me whom I'm not attracted to, there's probably something about her that makes her someone I want to be friends with even if I have no romantic interest. But getting her romantic advances rebuffed (especially since girls have it in their heads that all they have to do is let a guy know "hey, say the words and my legs will be bared and spread on your bed faster than you can say 'let's fuck'...wait, what do you mean you don't want me?" Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned---or rejected---indeed.)

Where was I going with that thought? Right. Rejection sucks for both genders, and you have to be REALLY careful about not leading someone on if you want to be "just friends".

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Not really. Depends on who it is. I've had giant crushes on a few girls, and they always become good friends instead. It all depends if the person that is attracted wants to keep the person as a friend. I know I would in most cases.

 

[C95J]

I could not just be friends after breaking up with somebody, I know I would just cling on desperately

but if we haven't gone out then yeah why not, nothing really wrong with it.

 

[Slayer_2]

Well, I'm perfectly experienced to talk about this situation. I broke up with my old GF because we couldn't work out. We're now just friends, but she's made it clear that she wants to get back with me. On the other hand, as well as being attracted to her, I'm also far more attracted to my friend of 2 years, who says we would never work out. Ironically, she likes someone else who doesn't like her, and recently put her in the friend zone. My ex also has some guy who likes her, but she doesn't like him. It's like one big chain of friend-zone misery.

I think it can work out, it can just get awkward sometimes.

 

[The Rockerfly]

It depends, have you led them on? Then yeah you are a prick
If not then they just need to learn that you are not interested in them

 

[Trivun]

No, provided you make it clear from the start that you see them as a friend and nothing more, and that there is little to no chance of you getting together with them in a relationship. If the boundaries are clear from the start then why should it be a problem?

 

[Eisenfaust]

if you do nothing they'll still have a smouldering attraction to you... if you befriend them, they'll still have a smouldering attraction to you, except you can use them more easily... seems fairly clear to me

 

[Shihan2]

The OP's story reminds me of one of the best quotes I've ever heard: "Strange how they always want to be friends after they rip your guts out."

Yeah, in some cases it can work out. I've managed to do it after being used and spat out by a girl, so a lot of it depends on personal resilience. There are some things that rarely end well and this instance is one of them. To answer the question, yes, it's sadistic. It's pure fucking torture for anyone, guy or girl, especially when they hang out with their ex and see them happy with a new bf/gf

 

[LordWalter]

No. Why? 'Cause I'm doing it right now. One girl in particular I actually am drawing into the RTS genre under the false pretense of it being a way to my heart.

In my defense, this is for her own good: not only is RTS awesome, but THOUSANDS of nerdy men will love her in the future because of this.

 

[Assassin Xaero]

Depends...

To just be friends? No.
If you are doing it to take advantage of them, then yes.
Or, if you are doing it and are really planning on try to screw them over and/or you are out to get them (like I'm beginning to think some girl is doing to me), then it is a very, very bad idea.

 

[Imp Poster]

Right or wrong? I thought all is fair in love and war. In the big picture, everyone is going to have broken hearts and/or break hearts then if you keep on at it. Evertually, you will find someone you can be with for a long time. Someone who likes you and you like them. The chemistry between is enough to fuel a lifetime. So does it matter as long as you break "even" at the end?

 

[DarkLordofDevon]

To my understanding, wouldn't the likelihood be high for said person with the attraction, to cling to hope that someday they might get together? Hence keeping them in dating limbo.

This exact thing happened to my friend's ex. I personally felt I had no choice but to tell her he was over her. He already said he never wanted a relationship with her again and he soon after had his eye on someone else, but didn't tell HER that... She was upset and they're no longer talking, but I stand by what I did. She could have been pining for him for months even years, and she was confused about why he broke up with her in the first place. Wasn't fair on her, people need to take responsibility for their actions even after a relationship has ended.

I think its okay to be friends with someone who has in interest in you, as long as you are crystal clear that nothing will ever happen. Tell them you like them as a friend, and you will help them find someone special, but you not attracted to/don't see a future with that person.

Then they have a choice of whether to stay friends for friendship's sake knowing nothing will ever happen or going on their way. And its better you tell them than wait for someone else to have to tell them because you don't have the balls.