Poll: needless explanation because we can

[God'sFist]

So fellow escapist's we all have these games we love and cherish but we also know that whats happening in the game may not make sense in real life(ie eating a feast to regain health in the middle of a fight) so why not explain these things with reality bending explanations so they can make sense.

So you know the radio in New Vegas that you can listen to. well even if you have it on at blaring volume no other character but you can hear it. So my explanation as to why only you can here it is the pip boy can send the vibrations throughout you're body to create the sound in your head. So no one but you can hear it.

Now go nuts Hoping to see some awesome wacky things you guys can come up with

Captcha: Pie are round.

yes captcha they are generally.

 

[Someone Depressing]

The reason why the main characters in Dead Island cannot become infected is not because they are immune but because they have no blood. They are zombies.

Also in Dark Souls, you restore health by pouring Sunny D on your face, and this is just kind of a thing that's accepted in the game world as something that happens. It's never explained why humans can't use Estus, so that's the explanation: When you die, you lose your shame, and thus become a little bit more like Juno.

 

[thoughtwrangler]

In Dragon Quest games there are invisible priests that follow you around the world map and in dungeons. They're very dedicated. If you die in battle, they'll gleefully drag your corpse to a church. Not the nearest church, mind you, just the last one at which you happened to "pray".

They also exact a price for this service, but due to their holy vows, they are only allowed by God/dess to take HALF of the dead person's gold. They cannot take more or less.

Captcha: "if it fits"
I sits?

 

[SoreWristed]

What levels actually are...

I mean, I used to think that gaining a level meant aging a year. But then you see super powered 80-year olds running around taking more punishment and dishing out more damage than a 21-year old. While I'm quite sure that if you decked your grandpa in a full set of steel body armor and gave him a warhammer, he'd be quite unable to move, let alone defeating a 21 year old in leather armor brandishing a stick[footnote]Ofcourse, unless this particular 80 year old grandpa happens to be Cohen the Barbarian[/footnote].

So, what actually happens is that all characters in any rpg, actually age backwards in a Benjamin Button kind of way. This also explains why some characters are heroes while others are NPCs. The NPCs don't have this ailment.


Also, why aren't more people voting pork? Don't you know bacon falls into this category?

 

[lepito]

In most games, conversations between characters are binary. That is, characters only talk to each other one at a time and when the player strikes up a conversation the context is almost always completely abandoned.

Do not fret. This is a natural consequence of the innate hive-mind telepathy that all video game characters possess. In actuality, all conversations are happening at the same time and video games are four-dimensional. Our feeble brains are simply incapable of interpreting the complex realities of the video game world and therefore the act of conversation appears to occur sequentially to us when in fact every possible conversation is happening all at once.

 

[Prime_Hunter_H01]

Some sort of digtized storage and production was discovered in the Ace Combat universe very early on and spread like wild fire, which means that those 50+ missiles are all on a hard drive inside your plane.

Also it made production costs go down for planes and missiles as well because those planes compared to the real world carry 33 million dollars worth of missiles or more every mission, but there are mercenaries that can afford modern aircraft and that load out cost.

 

[sageoftruth]

The heroes in each Elder Scrolls game are mass-produced bio-mechanical super-weapons with infinite potential, designed by the emperor and covertly planted in prisons throughout Tamriel, where their spy network orchestrates an event to test the weapon's capabilities and sends them out to solve the province's problems.

This is why they never need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom.

 

[sageoftruth]

Dating sim games are all about an extremely insecure man who never knows what to say around women, so he hired three guys to tell him what to say by earpiece. The problem is, the three guys never seem to agree on what he should say, so he always has to decide which line of dialog is the best one.

That's why you can only choose between three things to say during conversations.

 

[Rayce Archer]

What levels actually are...

I mean, I used to think that gaining a level meant aging a year. But then you see super powered 80-year olds running around taking more punishment and dishing out more damage than a 21-year old. While I'm quite sure that if you decked your grandpa in a full set of steel body armor and gave him a warhammer, he'd be quite unable to move, let alone defeating a 21 year old in leather armor brandishing a stick[footnote]Ofcourse, unless this particular 80 year old grandpa happens to be Cohen the Barbarian[/footnote].

So, what actually happens is that all characters in any rpg, actually age backwards in a Benjamin Button kind of way. This also explains why some characters are heroes while others are NPCs. The NPCs don't have this ailment.


Also, why aren't more people voting pork? Don't you know bacon falls into this category?

It's funny you mention this because in Morrowind you get little messages when you level up. At first it's happy stuff like "You feel so much stronger than you used to, who knows what tomorrow will bring?" But as the game goes on you get "You've been around the block a little but you're still at the top of your game. But how long until someone steps up who is even stronger than you?"

Culminating in "You keep pushing, but you feel you're hitting your limits. You've always wondered what it's like to get old... Now you know."

Seems to support your theory, no?

 

[Rayce Archer]

Fallout is the prequel to Elder Scrolls, and Fallout's American wasteland is actually the Nordic home continent of Atmora. That's why humans who came to Tamriel were all pale-skinned and fair-haired but had the genes for people with African American features too. This explains why the races in Elder scrolls talk with real-world accents and why there are real-world plants and animals alongside the new life forms.

Tamriel is actually Europe, so humans migrated over the North Pole, which is why humans came from north of Skyrim but Atmora was still able to support human life. The ice age that claimed Atmora in official lore is nuclear winter, the end result of the Midwestern supertwister systems described in Fallout 2. Elves are human mutants who after centuries have settled into genetic stability, they live for centuries just like ghouls because they ARE ghouls more or less. All the fantastic animals and plants are also mutated. The Dwemer are the degenerate descendants of Soviet vault dwellers.

All magic is actually achieved psychically, through mutations similar to what the Master possessed. That's why the elves, who are mutants, are better at it. Supernatural beings like the lesser Daedra are humans who have been isolated in offworld lunar colonies for so long that technological augmentation and mutation have turned them into higher life forms. The Daedra lords are wartime AIs, still trying to carry out a corrupted, twisted vision of their original programming (so for instance Mehrunes Dagon is probably an infantry command AI while Mephela is an intelligence gathering AI). The Aedra are the more advanced "living" AIs described in Fallout 1 and seen in Fallout 3; they have assumed medieval godlike forms to better interact with the devolved human society. Trinimac being "eaten" by Molag Bal and turned into Malcath is an enveigeling of the electronic warfare AI Molag Bal subverting one of these AIs to its side.

This explains all the historical inconsistencies in Elder scrolls, such as how technology is at a medieval level but everyone wears clothing, and has architecture, from the 1700s-1800s; things that were easier to produce with limited resources like clothing and stone buildings wouldn't slip as far back. It also explains the tremendous rate of literacy and number of books in the Elder Scolls universe, as the descendants of modern humans would obviously try to keep these things going even without computers.

 

[God'sFist]

A vast number of games exists in the WH40K world, like Dragon Age for example.

I don't quite understand how this works, course I don't know much about Warhammer but still.

This is so much fun lets keep on going with these explanations. When you fast travel in skyrim you are actually opening a rift through space and time so you can get to any place you have been it's only because your character understands how time works that time passes when he does it.

 

[Rayce Archer]

Minecraft takes place in the mind of a person (most likely a young adult) with non-functioning levels of autism. Unlike the unpredictable and overstimulating real world, the minecraft world is consistent and ordered, with it being physically impossible to place an object outside of a tidy grid. The player (in this case the autistic person) envisions a world without the humans who frighten and confuse them; on the rare cases you do meet people they are comical and alien and almost impossible to interact with beyond simple numerical barter.

Monsters in the minecraft world represent how someone with extreme autism might see other humans in the real world. Skeletons are actually friendly relatives and doctors, but their attempts to communicate become literally hurtful arrows launched by terrifying creatures. Creepers are individuals who unexpectedly touch the player, filling them with dread and panic and disruption. Zombies are other individuals with various mental health problems, most likely encountered in institutions or therapy. Endermen are other autistic persons, whose behavior seems almost reasonable yet totally strange and hostile.

In the process of trying to order their mental world the player eventually encounters portals to The End, where they fight the Ender Dragon, a terrifying creature that can undo their hard work and who lives in an empty world of darkness and aloneness. The player struggles to overcome this turbulance and unwellness that is at the root of their condition, but their reward for doing so is only to be returned to their regular delusion, carrying with them the germinated egg of a new Ender Dragon- their autism.

Only by finishing with the game and returning to the real world can you truly win Minecraft. Which the ending supports: http://minecraft.gamepedia.com/End_Poem?cookieSetup=true

 

[SoreWristed]

What levels actually are...

I mean, I used to think that gaining a level meant aging a year. But then you see super powered 80-year olds running around taking more punishment and dishing out more damage than a 21-year old. While I'm quite sure that if you decked your grandpa in a full set of steel body armor and gave him a warhammer, he'd be quite unable to move, let alone defeating a 21 year old in leather armor brandishing a stick[footnote]Ofcourse, unless this particular 80 year old grandpa happens to be Cohen the Barbarian[/footnote].

So, what actually happens is that all characters in any rpg, actually age backwards in a Benjamin Button kind of way. This also explains why some characters are heroes while others are NPCs. The NPCs don't have this ailment.


Also, why aren't more people voting pork? Don't you know bacon falls into this category?

It's funny you mention this because in Morrowind you get little messages when you level up. At first it's happy stuff like "You feel so much stronger than you used to, who knows what tomorrow will bring?" But as the game goes on you get "You've been around the block a little but you're still at the top of your game. But how long until someone steps up who is even stronger than you?"

Culminating in "You keep pushing, but you feel you're hitting your limits. You've always wondered what it's like to get old... Now you know."

Seems to support your theory, no?

Yup, fits perfectly. I was originally thinking of WoW, where there are rigidly enforced age limits on all the fun fairground rides, IE raids and dungeons. The very final patch to wow will be called the retirement home and feature extra wide doors for all the ex-warriors and their redonkulous shoulder armor. Sunday afternoons spent with bingo and relaxing games of 'incinerate the goblin'.

I just remembered another explanation given.

Spoiler: If you haven't read Mogworld yet and managed to avoid amazon giving away the twist on the store page

Several years ago, some elder god called a 'developer' has ended the cycle of life and death, enabling everyone to simply respawn by dragging their ethereal ass to the nearest church. Noone can age, nothing dies. Player characters are described as being stricken by 'the syndrome' of which the symptoms include wooden movement, repeating the same sword swings over and over again and communicating with horrible spoken spelling

Also, Vote Pork for president!

 

[DrOswald]

In many games Mario is able to stay under water indefinitely. My personal head canon is that his mustache is so awesome he can use it to filter oxygen out of water. Kind of like those tiny water breathing devices the Jedi use in episode 1 except it is attached to his face.

Pikmin takes place in a post apocalyptic far earth future, millions of years after some unknown catastrophe that has wiped out all animal life larger than bugs. all that is left of our civilization is our garbage, which tiny space men collect as treasure.

 

[AT God]

Max Payne is one of the immortals, which explains why despite being horribly depressed about the death of his wife and child for about a decade, he cannot commit suicide.

Also, the process of having a headcrab latch onto your head is like being tickled by a billion feathers at once, and that overwhelming sensation is what kills the host and lets the headcrab takeover.

 

[hermes]

Big Boss asks for a break every time he has to replenish his stamina in MGS3, or cure his wounds. That is why he can cook and eat raw food even in the middle of a boss fight.

The enemies and bosses just let him do it because they are gentlemanly like that, and interrupting or staring at a person while he is eating is bad manners.

 

[FPLOON]

No matter what, a video game only reflects the world of other video games... It's the main reason why they stop making video games featuring real people because the law of video game logic could, at any moment, kill them with no rhythm or reason...

Also, Link as well as most silent-based protagonists have a special kind of laryngitis...

 

[DrOswald]

Links hat is a bag of holding.

Samus went through a punk phase in her late teens, which is why her hair is green in the first Metroid.

Samus was biologically engineered by the Chozo for various reasons and to various effects [actually canon]. This sort of thing is common place among the Chozo and considered normal. Now, normally such modifications would make a person look like a freak of science, but the Chozo have a great deal experience with this so they anticipated that. They therefore included corrective modifications to make Samus look like a normal human. However, the Chozo had no frame of reference of what a normal adult human female is supposed to look like. They therefore turned to the media on the ship they found Samus aboard (her parents ship.) Which is why Samus is now a large busted woman with incredibly long legs - it was the most common female form they found in human media.

Samus grew up among bird people who generally didn't wear cloths (the vast majority of chozo depictions in game are unclothed.) This is why she is depicted in immodest clothing in virtually all situation out of her armor - she prefers little to no clothing from her Chozo upbringing and never developed the standard sense of human modesty.

The humans in Pokemon are actually all pokemon as well. This is why Ash Ketchum is a perpetual 12 year old, he has not yet evolved.

In the original Star Fox arwing pilots are depicted with mechanical legs. Their legs were intentionally amputated and replaced with mechanical limbs. This is to prevent blood rushing to the legs during high G maneuvers, which causes black outs in real world pilots.

The Final Fantasy VIII main cast are all unlikable jerks with no personality because magical monsters sucked their personality out of them long ago.

oh wait that one is canon.

 

[God'sFist]

Awesome these all bring a smile to my face whenever I see them so lets look at the poll

We currently have Beef in first place with 13 votes
Chicken in second with 11 votes
And Pork in third with 10 votes I wonder which will win out

Any way back on topic the reason why weapons in Oblivion are so heavy is because all the people in Cyrodill are under a curse that makes all weapons weigh more and because of that all people have gained super strength while in Cyrodill.