Poll: Online Dating and YOU - Share your experiences and thoughts!

[BlindMessiah94]

So I'm sure this topic has been done before but I'd like to qualify the discussion not through advice but through people sharing their experiences.

If you've tried online dating, my questions to you are :
- What site(s) did you try, and was it successful?
- If you paid, was it worth the cost?
- Whether you paid or tried free sites or tried both, what are the pros and cons of each in your opinion?

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?
- Are you curious?
- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

I myself have tried free sites, but with minimal success, never extending past a few emails back and forth, and generally I have found little chemistry. Before leaping into the paying world, I wanted people's opinions and experiences so I can get a sense of what works, what doesn't, and why some people stay away from it.

Spoiler: For anyone who cares about my story

I have tried almost everything people have suggested to get a "girlfriend", but I am 26 in May and have never been in a relationship. I've had sex once (wasn't great). My friends all describe me as outgoing and I do try many things to meet women from trying the online thing, to joining clubs and groups, to reconnecting with people, etc. I have never been able to get very far. I would not describe myself as trying too hard or playing games or anything. I am pretty honest and am comfortable going as slow or as fast as need be, and am half decent at reading signs, but I still always get shut down when I try to move forward with girls. What I mean by that is if it's an online pursuit, I never ever get to the point where we meet, and if it's in RL, I never get to the point where we can even kiss or date regularly or anything. I have been rejected in a variety of ways over the years, with my rejections numbering in the 100's and with zero success unless you count my one night stand. Anyhoo, if you read this and feel inclined to comment feel free, but I am less interested in advice and more on experiences that may shed light and help me. If you have any questions quote me and ask away.

 

[Julianking93]

Well... this site seems to have proven quite successful for me and several other people I know.
Never really trusted online dating sites but places like social networking sites seem to have a higher amount of success simply because it's friendly and you get to know people in a friendlier setting rather than a forced "dating" setting.

Or maybe that's just me >.>

I don't typically like "forced" settings of any kind so something that comes naturally just feels far better.

 

[Berethond]

Not that online dating's bad or anything, I just like the real-life approach much better.

Because if what if they end up having an ugly voice?

 

[Light 086]

A person can put up bullshit on their online profile, that's why the personal approach is better. Some one can easily say they are loving, caring love long walks on the beach (my friend did it) and then when you meet then in person you realize several things:

1) Everything they said was bullshit.
2) They look nothing like their picture.
3) Claim to be female, but are men (no sex change, straight up guy).

I don't have any personal experience in online dating, but I'm sure someone trolls in one of those ways.

Two my friends did it, that's where my points come from. One met a guy and he wasn't 6 feet tall as he claimed, he was bald and had a beer belly. She showed me a picture of him on his profile and then one of him in person. It was two completely different people. Probably a pic of someone else he found on the internet.

For their interests: Some men put that they love long walks on the beach, my friend did it and he's at the opposite end of romantic. This actually works, he got several hits for it.

As for my third point, I heard stories of this happening. I don't know anyone who it happened to, so it could be bull.

Also I'm not keen on paying for this kind of crap and on free sites people definitely troll.

 

[New Troll]

After the love of my life.. um... went insane I guess is the best way to describe it, I dated a woman I met on a writing/ quiz site which I don't remember the name of. Was originally linked to it from a MySpace friend and I haven't used MySpace in like five years so it's been awhile. Anywho, really enjoyed this one woman's writing, and she really liked mine, so we started talking in emails and on instant messagers. Well, she only lived two hours away from me so one night while we were talking I told her I really wanted to meet her in person. Two hours later, I did. We dated for only two months, me driving to her place every weekend and us talking every day by phone or on-line. Then the day after Thanksgiving, which was the first day we didn't talk, she called me up and told me not to visit her that weekend. I called her back to make sure everything was alright and she basicly broke things off. Something about talking with her family about me and realizing she was just using me for sex, so she wanted to take some time to figure herself out. Well it sucked, but not the end of the world.

Then a month later she finds out she's pregnant with my son. The day after Christmas she tells me. Then for the next eight months she becomes evil(e)! But my son is a Godsend so it's all woth it.

But I doubt I would ever date someone on-line again. But who knows what the future holds...

 

[fulano]

After the love of my life.. um... went insane I guess is the best way to describe it, I dated a woman I met on a writing/ quiz site which I don't remember the name of. Was originally linked to it from a MySpace friend and I haven't used MySpace in like five years so it's been awhile. Anywho, really enjoyed this one woman's writing, and she really liked mine, so we started talking in emails and on instant messagers. Well, she only lived two hours away from me so one night while we were talking I told her I really wanted to meet her in person. Two hours later, I did. We dated for only two months, me driving to her place every weekend and us talking every day by phone or on-line. Then the day after Thanksgiving, which was the first day we didn't talk, she called me up and told me not to visit her that weekend. I called her back to make sure everything was alright and she basicly broke things off. Something about talking with her family about me and realizing she was just using me for sex, so she wanted to take some time to figure herself out. Well it sucked, but not the end of the world.

Then a month later she finds out she's pregnant with my son. The day after Christmas she tells me. Then for the next eight months she becomes evil(e)! But my son is a Godsend so it's all woth it.

But I doubt I would ever date someone on-line again. But who knows what the future holds...

Make sure she doesn't have some kind of hormonal imbalance. Seriously, that may help you a lot of trouble if you convince her to get help, or whatever she needs.

 

[latenightapplepie]

Gaydar.com

I've been on there for a while. It's free, but you can pay to get additional features. I've had some success there. Met some decent guys, some not so decent. Sure, you get messaged by creeps and I imagine almost everyone is being at least a little deceptive in their profile descriptions, but overall, I don't think it's so bad.

It's just easier for gay guys this way. I mean, it's not like you can accidentally misread someone's sexual orientation on a dating site. Besides, I don't like going out all that much, so meeting guys through clubs and bars isn't really an option.

 

[Kortney]

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?

Two reasons.

1: because I think it is weird and is something I could never do. I'm very old fashioned about meeting people.

2: I haven't been that desperate. And yes, I know desperate is a bad word with negative connotations, but I can't think of another.

- Are you curious?

Nope. It's something I'll never do.

- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

I've just meet the right people? I normally don't have a hard time finding people who are interested in me - my troubles come from my end. I'm incredibly shy in real life and I stutter so it is hard really getting to know someone. I've only ever had one boyfriend - probably because of this - and he is still the only boy I would consider dating.

 

[BlindMessiah94]

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?

Two reasons.

1: because I think it is weird and is something I could never do. I'm very old fashioned about meeting people.

2: I haven't been that desperate. And yes, I know desperate is a bad word with negative connotations, but I can't think of another.

- Are you curious?

Nope. It's something I'll never do.

- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

I've just meet the right people? I normally don't have a hard time finding people who are interested in me - my troubles come from my end. I'm incredibly shy in real life and I stutter so it is hard really getting to know someone. I've only ever had one boyfriend - probably because of this - and he is still the only boy I would consider dating.

Do you find men come to you, or have you ever had to initiate a relationship? I feel it is a bit different with men as there is more pressure on us to always be making the first moves.

 

[Kortney]

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?

Two reasons.

1: because I think it is weird and is something I could never do. I'm very old fashioned about meeting people.

2: I haven't been that desperate. And yes, I know desperate is a bad word with negative connotations, but I can't think of another.

- Are you curious?

Nope. It's something I'll never do.

- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

I've just meet the right people? I normally don't have a hard time finding people who are interested in me - my troubles come from my end. I'm incredibly shy in real life and I stutter so it is hard really getting to know someone. I've only ever had one boyfriend - probably because of this - and he is still the only boy I would consider dating.

Do you find men come to you, or have you ever had to initiate a relationship? I feel it is a bit different with men as there is more pressure on us to always be making the first moves.

Yeah I get hit on a lot when I go out into town and I've never had to make the first move. I don't think I'd be capable of making the first move, honestly.

And you're 100% right - it's much easier for girls and if I was a guy I'd probably be having trouble with it all. This is one thing we girls have easier than you!

 

[vingtcinq]

We met purely by accident, not on a dating site. My person and I took a liking to each other and our friendship escalated into an LDR. We were together for quite some time, had a sour ending, then two years later got together again. And, recently, that ended. Again. He means very much to me, though, and I hope to meet him IRL one day.

Honestly, dating sites seem very silly. They seem to go against all common sense.
And why pay? What is the point? But each to his own.

 

[New Troll]

TL;DR.

Make sure she doesn't have some kind of hormonal imbalance. Seriously, that may help you a lot of trouble if you convince her to get help, or whatever she needs.

In all honesty, as long as I get my son when I want, I could care less about her issues, which I've learned she has many of. But I spent way too much time being treated like crap from that woman to give her more concern than I have to for my son's sake.

 

[Ladette]

I've never used online dating, though before I got together my current girlfriend I was planning to. My biggest problem is that I can't make the first move, I can read the signals, but I don't know how I should go about acting on them.

 

[fulano]

TL;DR.

Make sure she doesn't have some kind of hormonal imbalance. Seriously, that may help you a lot of trouble if you convince her to get help, or whatever she needs.

In all honesty, as long as I get my son when I want, I could care less about her issues, which I've learned she has many of. But I spent way too much time being treated like crap from that woman to give her more concern than I have to for my son's sake.

Sure, but anything resembling to what I told you will reap the benefits in a few years--think of it as an investment. If you keep the wench happy you keep your kid happy, as he loves the wench, for wench is mommy.

Besides, it just may turn out that the both can be part of each other's lives, to a degree, and without vitriol.

And that's as far as I'll go into your business.

Goo luck with your kid, and don't let him play with acid and/or coca cola bottles. That never ends well.

 

[Kae]

I don't date anyone, just had 1 girlfriend and she moved to another city one month after we started dating, I mean we never even kissed because I was really nervous when around her especially since everyone at school would look at us because I was that antisocial kid with no friends and somehow I had a girlfriend, so it never really amounted to anything so maybe it does not count. As for why I don't currently date, uhm well I don't know anybody, I mean I don't even have somebody to talk to in RL that's why I spend all day here. YES I know how Pathetic that is. Oh, as for online dating I'm kind of a paranoid person so I don't trust anyone online since they might not be who they say they are.

 

[instantbenz]

My sis found her man via match.com and they're getting married at the end of the summer. I have faith in those systems, but it's never a science.

I found my lady in college via some friends. She was easily the most intelligent out of all of us. I lucked out .

 

[Antitonic]

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?
- Are you curious?
- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

1) I'm asexual, and therefore not interested.
2) Nope.
3) I have friends that are guys and friends that are girls. That counts as successful to me. As for why, I have a wide scope of interest, which basically fits me into any of the "cliques" within my friendsphere.

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

Okay then, let's see here.

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?

I haven't ever tried online dating because I've always been suspicious of it. It is so very, very simple to fake information online. And plus, I'm a big believer in having a "connection" with someone I'm interested in. I really don't feel like I could get a real connection just by chatting over the internet. And, of course, I've never been a fan of long-distance relationships. I rarely see one that works out.

- Are you curious?

And I'll admit I'm curious about online dating- but I'm curious about a lot of things that I'm never planning on doing. I'm curious about what it would feel like to bungee jump and skydive, too, but I'm deathly afraid of heights.

- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

And I suppose I've been moderately successful IRL, but (not to be arrogant or anything) I'm pretty good looking, intelligent, and supposedly have a pretty decent personality and sense of humor. Other than my apparent lack of modesty.

From a certain perspective, I suppose I could be seen as having an "unsuccessful romantic life." I'm 21 and I've never had a serious boyfriend- but I've had no lack of dates, and it's a bit embarrassing how many guys I've turned down.

But anyways, OP, it seems bizarre that you haven't managed to get in a relationship yet. From the way you... er... type, and what you've said, there's no reason you should be turned down so often. You seem like a nice guy, and you're not even playing that horribly annoying "girls hate nice guys, pity me!" card. Best of luck to you, anyways. And, I mean... your avatar is Quail-man. That should be an automatic "I'll give this guy a shot" in any online dating realm, at least.

 

[BlindMessiah94]

-snip-

Yeah I get hit on a lot when I go out into town and I've never had to make the first move. I don't think I'd be capable of making the first move, honestly.

And you're 100% right - it's much easier for girls and if I was a guy I'd probably be having trouble with it all. This is one thing we girls have easier than you!

Yes, I do find it difficult. I find simply "hitting on girls" isn't the right approach. You do have it easier in that regard, but then again, you are the ones that go through childbirth so I think we all have our problems

I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining, I'm really not. I just wish there was a simpler way (at least in this part of the world) where one didn't have to play a lot of games and could still find some interest. I am just trying to piece together what works for some people and seeing if anything is worth trying differently. What worked when your current boyfriend asked you out? How did he go about it if you don't mind me prying

 

[BlindMessiah94]

Okay then, let's see here.

If you haven't tried online dating, my questions to you are:
- Why haven't you tried?

I haven't ever tried online dating because I've always been suspicious of it. It is so very, very simple to fake information online. And plus, I'm a big believer in having a "connection" with someone I'm interested in. I really don't feel like I could get a real connection just by chatting over the internet. And, of course, I've never been a fan of long-distance relationships. I rarely see one that works out.

- Are you curious?

And I'll admit I'm curious about online dating- but I'm curious about a lot of things that I'm never planning on doing. I'm curious about what it would feel like to bungee jump and skydive, too, but I'm deathly afraid of heights.

- If you've been successful in RL and never needed online dating, what do you think the reason(s) are?

And I suppose I've been moderately successful IRL, but (not to be arrogant or anything) I'm pretty good looking, intelligent, and supposedly have a pretty decent personality and sense of humor. Other than my apparent lack of modesty.

From a certain perspective, I suppose I could be seen as having an "unsuccessful romantic life." I'm 21 and I've never had a serious boyfriend- but I've had no lack of dates, and it's a bit embarrassing how many guys I've turned down.

But anyways, OP, it seems bizarre that you haven't managed to get in a relationship yet. From the way you... er... type, and what you've said, there's no reason you should be turned down so often. You seem like a nice guy, and you're not even playing that horribly annoying "girls hate nice guys, pity me!" card. Best of luck to you, anyways. And, I mean... your avatar is Quail-man. That should be an automatic "I'll give this guy a shot" in any online dating realm, at least.

Haha, thanks if only it were that easy! Quail Man <3 And thanks for your kind words and well wishes

Yeah in spite of my sexual inexperience (I mean that in terms of the physical act and relationship wise) I still feel it pointless to just grip about my plot in life. I too find it bizarre that I am not in a relationship yet, through no lack of effort on my own. I don't have any quote unquote physical unattractive qualities that make these girls reject me, it's really just a big mystery to me. I've heard every line from let's be friends to I'm seeing someone to I'm not ready for a relationship, etc.

Also, in your defense I completely understand you turning down a lot of guys. It's not an embarrassing thing to admit. If you aren't interested or aren't ready there is no point in being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. The heart wants what it wants and you can't fake emotion for someone. That said though, I do wish more girls would just give me a shot. But rather than just wish, I would prefer hearing what works for people and what doesn't to get some more insight.

If you are in the Vancouver area and have a cute single friend let me know