Poll: Online Dating and YOU - Share your experiences and thoughts!

[CrystalShadow]

Well, I came close once, but it became a disaster that I prefer not to think about.

On the whole, I tend to avoid relationships. Not really gotten around to one, and I'm quite old to have so little experience with it.
(Never been on a date, have had some odd sexual experiences, but only very recently.)

What it comes down to seems to be this:

I've been socially isolated for ages. (and don't trust intentional online dating. - The unintentional thing that happened was a complete disaster too.)

I'm bi, but when guys approach me I get scared and/or they totally manage to creep me out.

And with girls I tend to be too shy to even get anywhere at all.

Plus, I have other issues going on that are much more prominent now which seriously complicate things anyway.

But... That really just derails the topic somewhat in favour of talking about myself. XD

I don't trust online dating, but that isn't saying much.

 

[Nimcha]

I've had some succes through the dating service known as World of Warcraft... Sounds bad but it was actually pretty fun. We traveled to each other's countries a few times and had a good time but it was pretty doomed from the start because besides WoW and other games we had absolutely nothing at all in common. But I still consider her a good friend even if all we do is talk through the internet so I'd say I lost nothing!

As for actual dating sites, I've tried that once. Gave up because there were too many guys pretending to be girls or straight girls only interested in some experimenting. In real life I don't encounter the first problem so that automaticall wins.

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

Haha, thanks if only it were that easy! Quail Man <3 And thanks for your kind words and well wishes

Yeah in spite of my sexual inexperience (I mean that in terms of the physical act and relationship wise) I still feel it pointless to just grip about my plot in life. I too find it bizarre that I am not in a relationship yet, through no lack of effort on my own. I don't have any quote unquote physical unattractive qualities that make these girls reject me, it's really just a big mystery to me. I've heard every line from let's be friends to I'm seeing someone to I'm not ready for a relationship, etc.

Also, in your defense I completely understand you turning down a lot of guys. It's not an embarrassing thing to admit. If you aren't interested or aren't ready there is no point in being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. The heart wants what it wants and you can't fake emotion for someone. That said though, I do wish more girls would just give me a shot. But rather than just wish, I would prefer hearing what works for people and what doesn't to get some more insight.

If you are in the Vancouver area and have a cute single friend let me know

The more I think about it, the more I think Quail-Man should have much more to do with the dating game. It could be a great bonding device... or... something. Hm. I'll have to file this away for the next time I'm out with some guy and there's that "awkward first date" pause.

Now, I will once again applaud you for being an awesome person and not complaining about your current lot in life. Across-the-internet high-five!
Though I did just realize that you sound just like one of my good friends. He has the exact same problem as you. I've been giving him relationship advice for a few months now- after a rather awkward talk about why I was one of those girls who turned him down.

Best general insight I've got is how to avoid being "friend-zoned." Because I know that's a pretty common problem with nice guys that, for whatever reason, can't seem to get a gal. I've always found it a lot easier to go out with a guy that immediately gives some "hey, I'm interested" signals, rather than just "hanging around" for months as a friend. Because by the time those months have passed, I've gotten used to thinking he's not interested. So even if there was an initial attraction, I've filed it away in the "not going to happen" department.

Sadly, though, I'm no help in finding you someone. Not only do I live in the Northwestern U.S., I don't have any female friends that aren't in a relationship. XD Being the odd girl out is rather spectacularly unpleasant.

 

[00slash00]

And you're 100% right - it's much easier for girls and if I was a guy I'd probably be having trouble with it all. This is one thing we girls have easier than you!

not necessarily a good thing though. i have female friends who tried online dating sites. they will get messages from hundreds of guys and only a small handful of those messages will be about something other than sex.

 

[Rylot]

Kinda off topic but I joined Okcupid.com awhile back and never really hit it off with anyone; a few conversations here and there. But just recently I found a high school friend who I lost touch with five years ago when I left for school out of state. Online dating has been going about as well as my dating irl, but it was free and totally worth just to reconnect.

 

[Saelune]

Ive only ever dated online, but never intentionally through some lame site for it. I meet people, we connect, we date. Only reason last one failed was because Ive never had a physical relationship, but I really need that. If he showed up at my door though, I would glady get back with him. I still love and miss him.

 

[imperialus]

I met my wife on Lava Life. We've been together for... 8 years now, married for 1 1/2.

 

[Brawndo]

Yes, and I see zero shame in doing so. It's 2011, internet dating isn't just for fat virgins anymore.

I've gone out with two girls from Plenty of Fish, both were rather attractive. However, after a few dates both proved to be somewhat crazy, which might be why they were on that site on begin with. One wanted me to meet her boyfriend and have an open relationship with both of us, and the other girl was... let's just say she was very much into a fetish I was not willing to indulge. It went nowhere after that. But at least I got some good stories out of it.

The real problem with dating sites is the M:F ratio is pretty bad. I've trolled dating sites with fake female profiles just to see how bad. I put up a profile of an average looking girl and received 50+ messages in 48 hours, it was kind of ridiculous

 

[Shuswah_Noir]

I'm on Plenty of Fish..
I've met some friends through it, but I've also met some really creepy stalker guys through it. I haven't dated anyone I met through there though. It seems the few who take the site somewhat seriously aren't interested in me. -shrugs-

 

[archvile93]

I haven't tried, and to answer your questions:

1. Because I look at others with contempt, and have no use for something that's purpose would be to drain my bank account.
2. No.
3. I've never been successful in real life as, not surprisingly, I never made the attempt.

 

[killercyclist]

i have a free profile on the portlandmercury.com, it's free unless you want to send someone an email, then you buy chips. i've me up with one person through it, she was not my type, but i met some cool people when i met her. i'd do it again, oh and, any single females in portland oregon yada yada single blah blah....... ha!

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

I haven't really dated or anything. I mean, there is sort of a thing that has been going on for the past year with this one girl that I met here on the Escapist, but I'm not sure either of us knows what's happening there.

So I guess I'm gonna go for the second set of questions.

- I'm not actually interested in dating. Plus, it's all incredibly shallow. Everyone will always only go for the most attractive people they think they can possibly get. Nobody cares how lovely and sweet or outgoing and funny you say you are, if you're fucking ugly you might as well just quit and hope somebody makes a drunken mistake someday.

- No.

- I haven't had any success because I never sought it out. Again, not actually interested in dating.

 

[JaceArveduin]

Well, I'd like to think I'm a nice guy, but I'm too pessimistic about the world in general. Doesn't help that I'm not only a nerd, but one of the very few people who listens to metal (in the county btw, not area). So not only am I a nerd, but since I listen to metal I'm obviously a satan worshipper nerd, in the land of christianity and rednecks.

As for the online dating, I'm too paranoid/secretive for that to ever work out well. Not very curious about it, seeing as I exhibit none of the traits that would make someone interested (nerd, likes metal, pessimistic, habit of being sarcastic and probably not considered physically attractive by most). I suppose I'm shy, but thats generally cause I'm either reading or doing my work (senior in hs) and I guess I don't give off any good vibes, though this annoying ninth grader keeps needling me about it...

and some advice I learned from a girl in my kin

"When your new girlfriend asks what your view is on porn, the correct answer is not "widescreen HD"."

 

[BlindMessiah94]

Haha, thanks if only it were that easy! Quail Man <3 And thanks for your kind words and well wishes

Yeah in spite of my sexual inexperience (I mean that in terms of the physical act and relationship wise) I still feel it pointless to just grip about my plot in life. I too find it bizarre that I am not in a relationship yet, through no lack of effort on my own. I don't have any quote unquote physical unattractive qualities that make these girls reject me, it's really just a big mystery to me. I've heard every line from let's be friends to I'm seeing someone to I'm not ready for a relationship, etc.

Also, in your defense I completely understand you turning down a lot of guys. It's not an embarrassing thing to admit. If you aren't interested or aren't ready there is no point in being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. The heart wants what it wants and you can't fake emotion for someone. That said though, I do wish more girls would just give me a shot. But rather than just wish, I would prefer hearing what works for people and what doesn't to get some more insight.

If you are in the Vancouver area and have a cute single friend let me know

The more I think about it, the more I think Quail-Man should have much more to do with the dating game. It could be a great bonding device... or... something. Hm. I'll have to file this away for the next time I'm out with some guy and there's that "awkward first date" pause.

Now, I will once again applaud you for being an awesome person and not complaining about your current lot in life. Across-the-internet high-five!
Though I did just realize that you sound just like one of my good friends. He has the exact same problem as you. I've been giving him relationship advice for a few months now- after a rather awkward talk about why I was one of those girls who turned him down.

Best general insight I've got is how to avoid being "friend-zoned." Because I know that's a pretty common problem with nice guys that, for whatever reason, can't seem to get a gal. I've always found it a lot easier to go out with a guy that immediately gives some "hey, I'm interested" signals, rather than just "hanging around" for months as a friend. Because by the time those months have passed, I've gotten used to thinking he's not interested. So even if there was an initial attraction, I've filed it away in the "not going to happen" department.

Sadly, though, I'm no help in finding you someone. Not only do I live in the Northwestern U.S., I don't have any female friends that aren't in a relationship. XD Being the odd girl out is rather spectacularly unpleasant.

Haha, I'm sure there is a Quail Man pick up line there somewhere...Also no worries on helping me out, it was a long shot at best and I was really just kind of kidding...sort of

I appreciate your advice on the friends zone thing. Though I have to say it's a double edged sword. Sometimes I'm just not interested in someone until I get to know them. I feel like by then it is too late because as you so aptly put it, the girl thinks I'm not interested and files it under the "not going to happen department" as you do. If the solution to that is to just hit on every new girl I meet I'd be in for a lot of rejection, and frankly would feel a bit like a harlot and desperate. But still, I could learn to act on any initial interest/attraction a bit more quickly, and then gauge the pace. It's good insight so thank you!

Also, coming from a guy who rarely hears reasons as to why he is turned down, I appreciate you having that awkward conversation with your friend. That's a pretty big deal. As a guy, I salute you, and return that internet High 5!

 

[BlindMessiah94]

So I'm sure this topic has been done before but I'd like to qualify the discussion not through advice but through people sharing their experiences.

Tried it, was really lucky to meet an amazing person through it, we basically became friends with benefits. Met one other slightly crazed person through it, nothing happened (she only wanted friendship). Since then I've had no success at all, kind of gave it up really. It's an extremely frustrating experience unless you're insanely photogenic. Most girls are only interested in a picture, honestly. And also they're often extremely reluctant to take it further than a chat.

Most of the experience I've had has been through real-life encounters; although I'm not very good at those I have hooked up with a couple of girls, nothing long term. My real-life experiences improved dramatically after I learned about Ladder theory, I'll say that.

Okay I'll bite...ladder theory?

 

[Ushario]

My observations on dating sites have been that pay sites such as e-harmony earn their money mostly from men.

Men pay and women pick and choose I guess seems rather pointless so I never purchased any 'tokens' or whatever they want to call them.