Poll: Physical Punishment Towards Children, Yay or Nay?

[Brandon237]

Sneppah snippa snoopa snippety SNIP!

My views are pretty much exactly the same as yours, Children who don't ever get hit for being disobedient, rarely turn out well, I know a few, but for the most part it does not work.

Although it should never be a dangerous or solid blow, ever, and NEVER because the parent is angry, often my parents would simply because they were angry when no-one was in the wrong, or only one was in the wrong but both were punished, and that to me is not acceptable.

 

[Nachtmahr]

An obedient dog? Oh wait that's an oxymoron.

Have no fear dog lover for I am a cat person and so long as you don't put your nicknacks on the edge of something high up, or give a crap that your chair legs are all scratched to shit cats don't make mistakes.

I like both cats and dogs. I have both. Neither of which have been destructive.

So would you hit your cat to teach it to not do something you find unacceptable? Because it is a misconception that dogs are so dumb hitting is all they understand. There is not a single breed that doesn't learn better from other methods.


And to be on topic, I don't think that hitting children teaches them anything but to obey out of fear for being hit again.

 

[XDravond]

I say NO because to many parents do not know how much they might be hurting the kid... but some times yes physically restraining/forcing might be needed (kid doesn't want to sit in the car, you force the kid into the car...)
And most of the time hitting/slapping is not necessary but say kid start playing with fireworks (knives, alcohol dangerous things, that parents should already keep out of the kids way) a tap on the but etc might be needed if it happens repeatedly (also depending on age)..


->Force is ONLY supposed to be used as a LAST resort and NOT as day to day punishment.*
If used every day what will you use next time the kid does something a lot worse?
(And believe it or not but kids are very good at getting in to worse trouble...)

*(in games is another question... ;-)

 

[Sarpedon]

Truly, I think it depends on the parents and the child in question. For some children, a time-out or a few harsh words simply won't do the job.

 

[dfphetteplace]

I've spanked my son when he has done wrong and telling him to knock it off hasn't worked. My dad beat the shit out of me when I deserved it and I'm better for it.

 

[robot slipper]

I have read and watched an awful lot of stuff about child disclipline, being the parent of a 6-year-old child. As far as I have read and seen, the advice is that a hit should only be used in the follow circumstance: When a child is posing an immediate threat to the safety of themselves or others. For instance, if a child on repeat occasions runs towards the road and does not pay attention to a verbal "STOP", or if they are acting in an un-safe manner towards other kids and do not stop when told. And if a hit is used as discipline in this instance, it must be clearly explained to the child WHY they were hit.

As far as my own opinion goes, there are plenty of ways to disclipline a child without violence. If a hit was used for as a day-to-day disclipline in every instance of misbehaviour, the child would be constantly anxious, and would be learning that the way to solve problems with violence. Also, I know from friends that have been hit as children that quite often it wasn't about discipline at all, but rather their parent losing their temper and taking it out on them.

I have found time-out to be ridiculously effective. You give the child a warning: "Stop doing or you will go into timeout". This makes the child have to choose between carrying on the bad behaviour, which results in a punishment, or switching to good behaviour. In effect, you are teaching the child self-discipline. And lets face it, a three year old does not want to have to sit still for three minutes. They would probably rather be hit! This worked so effectively for my son from the age of two that pretty soon this translated into his doing what I told him without having to threaten timeout (as is necessary in public), because basically it had established the fact that Mummy and Daddy are the bosses, and you do what they say.

 

[Katana314]

I think it's a very sensitive affair, but you can't directly say No in every scenario. Saying it's "always" child abuse is a little bit prejudiced, assuming every child is perfectly innocent. Reminds me of a comic...

Older woman 1: Oh, look at those two little girls playing together.
Older woman 2: I think the world needs a lot more of that simple innocence...
(they walk away)
(Both girls burst out laughing)
Younger girl 1: They really don't remember what things were like at our age, do they?
Younger girl 2: Yeah...so I wonder if the test is over and we can head back to the school now.

 

[Vitor Goncalves]

I agree. Specially until a certain age children do not understand explanations, they will behave like any other animal, they will respond to positive or negative reinforcements (pain or reward). They lack the moral development to understand what is at stack.
Other kind of punishments suite better older children and teenagers (grounded, no allowance, no car keys, no PC/Mac/PS/Xbox/Wii/other gaming platform, get a summer job, Lawn the backyard, paint the fence, etc.)

 

[Yorkshire_matt]

When I was hit by my parents I really knew that I'd fucked up, kids don't see that because in the UK especially a lot of parents seem scared of what their kids will say about it. It's what most of the little shits need

 

[Gardenia]

Well, due to my own background as a child whose parents could not distinguish between a light spank because the child had done something it wasn't supposed to, and beating it just because they were frustrated/angry or something, I have to say no.
Of course some (or even most) parents will be better than mine, but physical punishment is really the lazy man's way of raising a child. It's like ripping up your garden and planting new flowers, only to be done when you have exhausted every other possibility.

 

[ineedscissors]

I'm all for parents using (reasonable) corporal punishment on their children to dissuade excessively bad behavior. But as for a teacher/relative/neighbor using doing this to someone who isn't their child? Inexcusable. (And hypothetically, if it were my kid getting hit I'd probably freak out and kick that person's ass)

 

[Knusper]

No, because:

- It makes them resent authority
- Just makes them do it in secret
- It's tantamount to bullying (parents don't dare do it when their child learns to fight back)
- It teaches the child that violence is an acceptable way to deal with problems
- It's a sign of weak parenting

Anyway, that's me and my liberal beliefs.

 

[Flaming Narwhal]

So I was watching a comedian last night who brought up one of the greatest dividers between parents, the use of physical punishment. Now I'd like to be clear, I in no way advocate a serious blow on a child, that is abusive. That being said, I was spanked with hands and belts as a child and I think I am better for it. Time out has never worked on me, it would just give me time to let my imagination wander, but pretty much every child understands pain. so I thought I'd ask the Escapist community how do you feel about physiucal punishment? Also, how would you feel about a friend, family member, or neighbor who went out of their way to punish your child?

You watched Christopher Titus, didn't you? If so, good choice.

OT, yes but never when I'm angry, more like when the kid is being a fool and needs to be taught a lesson.

 

[Irridium]

This was Christopher Titus, wasn't it?

Anyway...

There's a big difference between spanking and hitting. I'm 100% in support of spanking, and I spank my own child when she's out of line, but it only ranges from a tap on the hand to a smack on the butt (like most of us probably grew up with). Anything beyond that, I say no.

Indeed. Many people can't, or won't distinguish between an actual beating and a tap that causes more shock than pain.

What they said.

There's a difference between beating your child, and giving them a quick smack in the head. Hell, I've seen parents just smack the kid's hands, and that worked out just fine.

Simple, painless, effective.

 

[DaWaffledude]

Only when they've done something serious, like started smoking or doing drugs.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Very young children don?t understand consequence as adults do. Even if you explain why crossing the street is bad, children have no reason to listen to you. But if they might get spanked? That serves as a deterrent. I was spanked twice when I was acting out of line. And I grew up to a fine, upstanding gentleman with the utmost respect for law and order.

I?ve tried dealing with very young children. Reasoning with them does not work. Offering long term rewards does not work. Shouting does not work. They will continue to do as they please.

I had to deal with a child last week at a camp I was helping run who would not do what I said. He endangered both his life and others at least once. He was rude and disrespectful, and used adult words (He called me a ?fucking retard? and this kid is 10) I spoke with his father halfway through the week. He was angry, and said he would take care of it. The next day the kid sat uncomfortably and didn?t sass me. I think it worked.

Spanking a kid is fine by me. When a kid can understand reason, there's no reason, at least, in my mind.

 

[Craorach]

I like both cats and dogs. I have both. Neither of which have been destructive.

So would you hit your cat to teach it to not do something you find unacceptable? Because it is a misconception that dogs are so dumb hitting is all they understand. There is not a single breed that doesn't learn better from other methods.

I have owned cats all my life, I currently have four ranging from 10 to a few months. They all react differently to different behaviour and discipline just like people do. The eldest has never done anything I could consider "wrong" and the slightest angry tone from one of his owners prevents him doing something that he shouldn't. The second youngest is deaf and the only way we have found to stop her doing a multitude of things we don't want her to do is physically move, shove or tap her so she realises she isn't to do that. Cat's are animals, if you think a mother cat.. or the leader of a pride of lions.. never physically disciplines younger cats you aren't seeing the same animals I am.

And to be on topic, I don't think that hitting children teaches them anything but to obey out of fear for being hit again.

Fear is not always a bad thing. For example, an extremely young child (five, etc) may not be mentally able to make the connection between a hot stove and the idea that if he touched it, it would hurt. Two options... let him touch it and possibly severely hurt himself, or spank him when he tries and cause small pain and the idea to be implanted that it would hurt.

This is the problem with the "Never hurt a child!" mindset. What is a child, how old are we talking, how to they behave, what are they as a person, what outside influences are they exposed too.. a toddler is vastly different developmentally from a five year old, who is vastly different again from a ten year old.

Human beings develop different mental capabilities at different ages. A young child may be capable of the connection between trying to do something (touch the stove) and pain (being spanked) but they may not be capable of the connection between actually doing something (touching the stove) and the result they have not experienced (severe burns).

 

[Crystalite]

Well, you can quite clearly see that all the people in this thread with the "I was beaten and am better for it" have learned from physical disciplin. That violence is the answer, and that it is the easy way out.

Sure an occasional spanking will disziplin your child effectively, it will learn to fear you. If that is your goal, congrats. It will also learn violence is the way to solve conflict. If you think that is right, well...

Violence is easy. If you are strong, it is a way to get through life feared and hated. If you are weak, and someone you would like to love and trust keeps beating you, maybe one day you will learn to fight back.


I was never beaten, yet I never ran onto the road, or burned myself on a stove. I love and respect my parents, and I did what they said. They had ways of punishment and diszipline that worked without making me hate them for it. They actually took the time to explain behaviour and consequence to me. And I understood.

 

[Vitor Goncalves]

yep. Small children (And dogs for that matter) don't under stand words if they're doing something wrong physical pain will make them stop.

If they are old enough to understand words *and they don't listen to you. Fuck it beat their asses anyway. tangible punishment. Carrot and stick only works if there's a stick.

I seriously hope you never own a dog. And if you do, see what hitting one for mistakes will turn them into.

I owned dogs before and they respected me, I would just slap them once. As for my father they wouldnt, my father sometimes would hit them over and over, until they would get angry and try or bite him back. So was that my mother would tell my father to let me deal with them. But otherwise dogs respect hierarchy, if you act just to reinforce your authority they will keep in place; unless they have gone mad, which in that case the vet as to give them the injection
My father made it look like he wanted to kill them which in that case would make them want to act to survive.

 

[-Dragmire-]

yep. Small children (And dogs for that matter) don't under stand words if they're doing something wrong physical pain will make them stop.

If they are old enough to understand words *and they don't listen to you. Fuck it beat their asses anyway. tangible punishment. Carrot and stick only works if there's a stick.

I seriously hope you never own a dog. And if you do, see what hitting one for mistakes will turn them into.

I had a neighbor who had a particularly vicious dog named Bear... Anyway, the only way the owner maintained dominance over the dog was with physical reinforcement. Whether that was right or wrong, I can't say, but it was either that or put the dog down.

OT: I can't say either way because I don't have children but I can say the few times I've been spanked definitely kept me in line.