"I knew that my penis was not as it ought to be, from the age of about 3. My reaction then was that I was born that way as a punishment for some wrong of mine which I could not recall nor comprehend. At age 9 I was told that my MGM was a mistake, that there had been nothing wrong with me that required its being done. The doctors had bullied my naive 19 year-old mother whilst my intact father was away at war to cut me and the various physical messes were a result of the MGM.
She talked about having further surgery to correct the worst of them, and I can still re-live (and see with photographic clarity) the terror and my scream of "NO NO, Mummy, NO!" which probably reflected a deep memory of the original pain. Throughout childhood onwards I felt mutilated, ugly, and unlovely and unlovable.
When you add that to the ordinary doubts of puberty; when you add that to the loss of sexual function (every erection was uncomfortable because of lack of skin); when I saw every day the crooked, ragged scar, the skin bridge, tags, suture-holes, the scars of infections on the skin just below the corona, the large 'blister-scar,' the encysted remains of my frenulum and the resulting twisting and general deformation; when so much sensation had been lost that at age 20 I could not feel oral sex on my glans but had to look; when at age 40 so much sensation had been lost that sex is and always was just a mechanical thrusting which at best felt of nothing, and more usually was a dry, abrading grind of encrusted vaginal fluids on the base of the shaft; then it is little wonder that I am now impotent. --from the NOHARMM mail list "
