Poll: Pre-marital chastity - Bad idea, or not?

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To add to the plethora of sex threads dominating the forums at the moment, here's a personal moral conundrum for you fine Escapists

What is your stance on this subject? I guess first of all you have to come to terms with your own views of sex. Do you view it as something special or sacred that should only be shared between two people in love? Or is it just a pleasurable biological function that is enjoyable and fun to share? Something completely different?

Now, in my view (note- MY VIEW) pre-marital chastity is an incredibly bad and even stupid idea.

I was raised in a Mormon household, and when I finally came to terms with my own sexuality (which was downright suppressed by my parent's religion) I realised how much I disagreed with the church's doctrines on sex (I have many other problems with Mormonism too, but that's another story).

Now I'm a bit of a sleep-around. I just enjoy sharing this wonderful part of life with a girl who I have taken a liking to. It's a pleasurable experience for both parties, and I'm not using them for my own purposes. It's purely for fun, and it is safe and I make damn sure I'm not hurting anyone.

Keep in mind I'm not justifying my actions at all (our modern society seems intent on portraying sexuality in the worst possible light. Since when was anything sexual 'dirty?').

So yes, pre-marital chastity is stupid, for these reasons.

Any healthy relationship has a large part of it set in physicality and sexuality. Relationships are about trust and knowing each other. Before you bind yourself to another in law wouldn't you want to be completely comfortable in every aspect of each other? Do you want to be awkward and unsure with each other in such an important aspect? What if learning about each other in this way completely changes your mind about being married to each other? Sexuality is SO important, and you want to downright ignore it until you have promised to spend your lives together?

So yes, chastity is an old-fashioned and pointless ideal. I understand how it can be seen as romantic to have this one thing kept out of reach until after marriage, but this hardly constitutes a valid reason to potentially screw up your relationship.

The reason I brought this up is because I've spoken to a few girls recently who have this ideal (I wasn't cracking on to them!), and it just baffles me.

So Escapists, what is your stance on this subject?

EDIT:
Since this is a controversial topic, I guess I should have known I'd have to be prepared to defend my ideals

I'm not saying that not having sex will completely screw up your relationship and leave it a meaningless husk of what could be. Sex is just one of the best ways to enhance that bond you have with each other, which is made from spending time together and learning about each other. And as I said above it is very important to have sexuality as a comfortable aspect of your relationship if it's going to be long term. ESPECIALLY before marriage.

 

[Seives-Sliver]

Well I think it's a bad idea, I have no problem with sex at all, it's perfectly natural to do. Should everyone have sex just because they can? No. It's like any other activity, you have to choose what is best for you and not let society tell you what you can do, when you can do it, and how you should do it.

 

[Dystopia]

What is a relationship if not a friendship with sex and intimacy? Sex is genuinely important in a relationship because humans are naturally sexual creatures, if two people aren't sexually compatible, they won't stay together.

I mean, you always test drive a car before you buy it, right?

 

[yanipheonu]

There's no right or wrong answer. Just depends on a lot of things, like your social pressures and even just your opinions.

The best thing is to put forward some of the genuine pros to pre-marital chasitity, it's usually been pitched to me that in encourages relationship that are build without sex involved, which mean you actually have to...develop a relationship.

Definitely not the end all solution, but it's definitely a very good option for some people. Some people use sex to try and strengthen a relationship, and it's gotta be about more than just sex.

So, I dunno just depends. Myself, I'm pretty open to anything, just depends on what my partner at the time thinks. If they want to wait, I'm cool with that. If they want to sleep together every night... well, I'm definitely cool with that XD

 

[Johnnyallstar]

It's not a bad idea, but it's a personal choice, and there is no right answer for everyone.

Myself, I prefer it, because I've had several friends who've contracted some very unfriendly diseases.

 

[Phlakes]

Sex is healthy (given your partner has no STDs. Avoiding that is common sense). [exaggeration]That's like not taking vitamins until you're married.[/exaggeration]

And then there's the fact that it's human nature.

 

[HerbertTheHamster]

Only silly people would take the fun out of being young.

 

[RatRace123]

I think enforcing it's a bad idea, but if you want to save yourself for marriage that's fine with me, I don't but to each his own.

 

[TheDist]

One need only look at how well "abstinence only" sex education works to see that people are going to have sex, it's just how we are.

The best things we can do, get better sex education, making prophylactics and other such protection easily obtainable with no sigma attached.

Sex is gonna happen, best we can do is give people the knowlage to make it as safe and enjoyable as possible.

 

[Kavonde]

Sexual compatibility is as important for long-term happiness in a relationship as emotional and mental compatibility. Holding off until marriage risks finding out that you and your partner really aren't turned on by eachother, which almost inevitably leads to infidelity and unhappiness. So stop screwing around and screw.

 

[DevilWolf47]

Y'know we've got these miraculous items called condoms that not only make it safe to experiment (Mostly, they're not strong enough for anal penetration most of the time so some gay people might have a little trouble) so i say why not? Don't you drive a car before you buy it? Don't you interview someone before you hire them? You need to test people and make sure they will suit your needs. What if you don't like having sex with them?

Obligatory house quote out of the way, i was raised in a Catholic household which was so diametrically opposed to the concept of sex to further intimacy rather than just reproduce that i was honestly surprised my parents didn't try to put me into a fucking chastity belt. I even had a close encounter with one of those opal ring motherfuckers... nothing quite makes you come to a realization that for all your misanthropic tendencies devout Christians hate people more than i ever will than a woman who actually liked the idea of being treated like the ***** at a puppy mill. I so often see the pre-marital chastity preaching coming from moral hypocrites who are so out of touch with reality i dare not explain the conclusive biology behind evolution for fear of making their heads explode and getting brain on my shoes that i support sexual exploration just to spite them. Yes there are risks, but the same holds true for literally every single form of physical contact, intimate and otherwise. So use a bit of protection and take a fucking chance, literally.

 

[OctoH]

I don't think it is a bad idea, but I do not observe it. People will believe what they want. I don't care for chastity, but if my current partner believes in it then I will respect it.

 

[default]

Sexual compatibility is as important for long-term happiness in a relationship as emotional and mental compatibility. Holding off until marriage risks finding out that you and your partner really aren't turned on by eachother, which almost inevitably leads to infidelity and unhappiness. So stop screwing around and screw.

Quote for truth

I would have put it better myself, but I've been writing psychology essays all day and I'm a little worded-out

 

[Mr. Socky]

I'll probably be the only one to say this, but I have to say that I think that waiting until marriage is the best idea. Sex triggers chemical reactions that cause people to become physically attracted to each other far beyond normal hormone levels. Men (I'm not sure about women) become far more loyal to people they've had sex with (not because of a chance of reoccurring sex) but because of a flat-out chemical reconfiguration in the brain. While this is actually a far lesser deal than it sounds, breaking up with someone is made far more painful because of this physical attachment.

Finally, I honestly don't see what the big deal with waiting is. Yeah, sex is great. There are other, healthy ways of releasing that hormone than two-partner sex that can result in pregnancy or STD's no matter how careful you are.

I'm not trying to condemn anyone with my views, here. I'm trying to explain why I, personally, am waiting to meet the right woman. Once I've eternally pledged my love to her in the form of marriage, then I'll consider a more carnal aspect of the relationship necessary. I've never been convinced that pre-marital sex is an important part any pre-marital relationship.
...I'd say "Convince me!" to the internet, but I don't really need to invite anyone to do that, now do I?

EDIT: Also, "sexual compatibility" is something that takes work no matter the couple. Waiting until marriage won't change the learning curve. And besides, if you met somebody wonderful that had trouble, um... enjoying... would you want to give up on who could be the love of your life simply because he/she isn't perfect at the moment?

 

[Phototoxin]

IT's good, leads to less social problems and akward moments. Also when/if you do commit you're not going to compare people.

 

[yndsu]

I personally can say that having had sex with my ex before marriage was a mistake.
As now i understand the importance and the role the sexual intimacy has for a
relationship i would have to say that it is a great idea.

Also, i know that if we had not had sex the break-up would have been easier
for the both of us.

So yeah, not a bad idea at all.

 

[TheIronRuler]

I think that sex is good, period. Whenever you feel like it i say tto you all - get laid when you're emotionally and most importantly physically able. Just don't do that at age nine, please.
Remember - stay safe,always wear a rubber, and check if your girlfriend isn't lying when she says she took her pills. Seriously, here it's a trend and it's sad to see very young families or single parents.

 

[yndsu]

I'll probably be the only one to say this, but I have to say that I think that waiting until marriage is the best idea. Sex triggers chemical reactions that cause people to become physically attracted to each other far beyond normal hormone levels. Men (I'm not sure about women) become far more loyal to people they've had sex with (not because of a chance of reoccurring sex) but because of a flat-out chemical reconfiguration in the brain. While this is actually a far lesser deal than it sounds, breaking up with someone is made far more painful because of this physical attachment.

Finally, I honestly don't see what the big deal with waiting is. Yeah, sex is great. There are other, healthy ways of releasing that hormone than two-partner sex that can result in pregnancy or STD's no matter how careful you are.

I'm not trying to condemn anyone with my views, here. I'm trying to explain why I, personally, am waiting to meet the right woman. Once I've eternally pledged my love to her in the form of marriage, then I'll consider a more carnal aspect of the relationship necessary. I've never been convinced that pre-marital sex is an important part any pre-marital relationship.
...I'd say "Convince me!" to the internet, but I don't really need to invite anyone to do that, now do I?

EDIT: Also, "sexual compatibility" is something that takes work no matter the couple. Waiting until marriage won't change the learning curve. And besides, if you met somebody wonderful that had trouble, um... enjoying... would you want to give up on who could be the love of your life simply because he/she isn't perfect at the moment?

Preach. That is how i feel and foud out through experience.
And that is why i have decided to stay on this path as well.

 

[llamastorm.games]

Someone saying they don't want to have sex till marriage bothers me, i can understand saving it until you found that one special person of course. Sex can be a very personal and intimate thing. Ever noticed how it takes people maybe 16+ years to have sex once and then after seem to have lots of sex comparatively often for the rest of their lives. Simply because after the first time most of the meaning you placed on sex vanishes and it isnt an object of apprehensive any longer. Sex is one of the least biggest deals in the world.
Constraining sex (something natural, the most natural of things) to something like marriage (something man made) strikes me as almost criminal.
Ignoring STD's, sex is one of the most healthy activities someone can partake in, there are very many well documented cases of men, especially, living much longer when they have had healthy sex lives.

In the end i think the OP is right, sex is important to the health of a relationship, no matter how much anyone ever insists otherwise and ignoring something which is an absolutely vital part of adulthood till you have tied yourself to someone, especially when marriage is meant to be the ultimate joining of two people, completely ignoring such a large facet of what makes up a relationship strikes me as immensely stupid.