I feel a bit weird posting about something like this. But I think I want outsiders opinions on this. Anyone I talk to about this are either involved in my life or involved with the situation in general. So I suppose getting a look on it from the outside would give me some insight on if I am doing the right thing or not. And I know, this all sounds out there. Like, way out there. Mars out there. But this is my life.
About three years ago, my girlfriend (Who is my wife now) came over to my loft to spend Christmas with me. At the time, I was living with two people and my older brother. I allowed my brother to live with us over a vote, due to the fact that he was homeless at Thanksgiving time due to not paying rent on his apartment for a year when he moved in with his girlfriend at the time and she was paying for everything. I felt bad for him and said he can move in, and even though he could not pay full rent on his room (I payed 700 dollars a month and he paid 200 a month due to him having a low paying job at the time) and I covered his remainder of 500 for eight months.
Around the time she came, I had a discussion with him about paying more towards rent when I noticed he was buying some good tech for himself. (An iPod, a PS3, some games, and a watch.) He got angry and claimed I was just trying to make things easier for myself. I (stupidly) backed down after he made a point that he hasn?t got anything for himself in a year and I decided to cut him a little more slack and gave him two more months to find a job. By that time tensions were building and I was trying to balance having to work over the holiday, making sure to take my wife out to nice places (She?s never been around NYC before) and keeping my bills paid.
I went to work and left my wife at the loft to relax until I was done with work. Before I left, I mentioned to my brother that my wife had taken some kick boxing classes before, and if he could take her to the kung-fu school we train at and show her around. He agreed and did just that, but he did something I told him NOT to do. I told him to not issue a sparring challenge with her, (He liked to test himself, as do I) out of concern that she?d get hurt. Needless to say, he did it anyway.
When my shift ended, my wife told me what he did and I was going to have a few words with him, but she told me it was fine, since she beat the tar out of him. I let it slide because she asked me to. That she didn?t want me to hurt him any worse than he already is. So I respected that and let it go. After she had left and went back home, I asked my brother what did he think of her in the sense of if he thinks she is a good person. He spouts out ?Eh. She?s kinda big. She can stand to lose some more weight. She is a know it all too. I asked her about training my dog and everything I told her I do is wrong.?
Now, mind you, it wouldn?t be so bad about the dog aspect, if he didn?t full out give his dog a backhand to the face whenever he was upset. His dog weighed about 3 pounds as well. With that in mind, I tried to explain to him that even though she is slightly on the thick side, she runs, she walks horses for her job and trains them, as well doing heavy lifting at her job. He remarked with ?Yeah, but she?s a bit of a fatty. You shouldn?t date those. Find a girl who?s a size 3 or 5. You?re wasting your time stuffing that pig.?
At that point, I had it. I told him to back off and he?s way out of line and I wouldn?t hear anything from someone who simply uses women as a bank or someone to give him somewhere to lived. Of all things, he agrees with what I had just said, and states that ?bitches aren?t worth much else. And if that?s my plan, do it. But otherwise, drop her.? At this point, I get up and started to walk away, heading towards my room and he just kept spitting every insult he can think of on his mind.
I turned around and told him that at least I?m not the one who has a brother who?d rather see him dead and forgotten for all he?s done. This may sounds harsh but hear me out. When we were kids, we had no money, no father and a mother who abused drugs. He ?dealt? with his problems by beating me whenever he felt things weren?t fair for him. From dragging my face across a wooden splintered floor, to attacking me in my sleep at least 5 times a week for the first 12 years of my life, or outright making fun of any aspect of me, just to feel better about himself.
All of that, on top of him disrespecting my wife, and living in my home for 200 dollars a month after I took him out of the cold, I snapped and told him that I never liked him. I tried to help him and do a good thing for my brother, and I was taken advantage of. I had enough of it. I said that he had two weeks to find somewhere else to live, that I don?t have to live with this. He then walks up and says ?That?s it? You?re just bailing on your brother? Whatever happened to blood being thicker than water.?
I told him that doesn?t matter anymore, and the moment he decided to spar with my wife, to put his hands on her even when I told him NOT to spar with her, blood between us is pretty thin. He then pushes me and tells me that I?m picking a girl over him and it?s not that big of a deal. And if he had the chance he?d do it again. That some women just need to get a good hit every once and awhile. (I take this very heavy since I?ve seen my mother being hit my men when I was a kid.) I pushed him out of my way and told him that I have put people underground for less than that, for the sake of Uncle Sam (The military) instructing me to, and if he knows what?s good for him, he needs to back off.
At that point he kicked me and things escalated. Needless to say, it wasn?t a fight he was going to win. In the middle of it he said ?Don?t mess up. You do, and I?ll kill you. And that fat *****.? I lost it. I just thought about all the times he attacked me when I was trying to sleep, or times I?d eat a hot meal, he?d push it onto me and laugh. I had enough of this person demonizing me and I pressed him against the wall, by his neck, using my forearm. He was choking and telling me I was killing him.
I knew that I was, that was the point. I let him go and told him that?s enough. That he?d never be able to kill me, and the next time he attacks me and threatens me and my wife again, he?d better be sure he?s willing to go down himself. Right when I was walking away, he walked over to our weapon shack and picked up his training spear. I told him to put it down, and that if he does this he?s not going to like how it ends. He was walking towards me with it in his hand so I grabbed a katana that my wife bought me for Christmas.
He nicked me, but I turned the katana to the blunt side (And ruined it.) so I wouldn?t hurt him too much. I got him to drop it over a bit and knocked him down. I pointed the katana at him and he kept saying ?do it. Kill me. Do what you gotta do.? Over and over again while crying like a baby. I told him that despite everything he did to me when I was a kid, I was still willing to look out for him. But if this is the way he wants to live, he can do it on his own. I told him that we?re through. I?m not going to jail because of him, but if he ever talks to me again it won?t be pretty.
After that, my roommates came back and I explained the entire situation to them. Explained how he attacked me first, and threatened me and my wife. I told them he needs to go, and things will be okay again. Then told me that I had to leave. That they felt more secure with him than with me. When in reality, the three of them just smoke pot together and watch stupid shows while I wanted nothing to do with any drugs or ?That 70?s show.? (Man that show sucks.) I didn?t ask why, I didn?t say anything else, I just packed my things the next day, paid the last of my bills and moved to my mother?s place for five days until I could catch a flight to Minnesota where I had set up to go to college where my wife was going and made arrangements to move in with a few people in a house for the summer.
It?s been three years since I?ve talked to my brother and my other family members keep calling me (except for my mother. She knows why I don?t talk to him anymore and I explained what happened.) telling me to patch things up with him. They don?t know why things happened the way it did, because they?ve all heard his side of the story and he lies harder than a rug that?s nailed and glued to the ground. That it?s been years, and I should try to fix things with him.
The thing is, I?ve already tried to fix things with him. Five times by my count. It always ended the same way. I?d help him, he?d demonize me over how bad his life is, and how he needs drugs to feel better or ?see the truth in his life? and that I don?t know anything because I?m not him. I?ve tried to be a bother to him and it keeps blowing up in my face. So I?ve decided to cut all contact with him for the sake of some mental peace in my life. But am I doing the right thing? Did I do the right thing to begin with? I feel like this was the right thing for me, that my actions that day were my only option.
(Namely since we lived on the top floor, and the last time I literally walked away from him, down some stairs, he pushed me from them when I was nine, broke my right arm and kicked my ribs bruised.) Should I try to forgive him, again? Even after threatening me and my wife and taking advantage of me? Or should I just keep doing what I?m doing? Or should I call him only to troll?
About three years ago, my girlfriend (Who is my wife now) came over to my loft to spend Christmas with me. At the time, I was living with two people and my older brother. I allowed my brother to live with us over a vote, due to the fact that he was homeless at Thanksgiving time due to not paying rent on his apartment for a year when he moved in with his girlfriend at the time and she was paying for everything. I felt bad for him and said he can move in, and even though he could not pay full rent on his room (I payed 700 dollars a month and he paid 200 a month due to him having a low paying job at the time) and I covered his remainder of 500 for eight months.
Around the time she came, I had a discussion with him about paying more towards rent when I noticed he was buying some good tech for himself. (An iPod, a PS3, some games, and a watch.) He got angry and claimed I was just trying to make things easier for myself. I (stupidly) backed down after he made a point that he hasn?t got anything for himself in a year and I decided to cut him a little more slack and gave him two more months to find a job. By that time tensions were building and I was trying to balance having to work over the holiday, making sure to take my wife out to nice places (She?s never been around NYC before) and keeping my bills paid.
I went to work and left my wife at the loft to relax until I was done with work. Before I left, I mentioned to my brother that my wife had taken some kick boxing classes before, and if he could take her to the kung-fu school we train at and show her around. He agreed and did just that, but he did something I told him NOT to do. I told him to not issue a sparring challenge with her, (He liked to test himself, as do I) out of concern that she?d get hurt. Needless to say, he did it anyway.
When my shift ended, my wife told me what he did and I was going to have a few words with him, but she told me it was fine, since she beat the tar out of him. I let it slide because she asked me to. That she didn?t want me to hurt him any worse than he already is. So I respected that and let it go. After she had left and went back home, I asked my brother what did he think of her in the sense of if he thinks she is a good person. He spouts out ?Eh. She?s kinda big. She can stand to lose some more weight. She is a know it all too. I asked her about training my dog and everything I told her I do is wrong.?
Now, mind you, it wouldn?t be so bad about the dog aspect, if he didn?t full out give his dog a backhand to the face whenever he was upset. His dog weighed about 3 pounds as well. With that in mind, I tried to explain to him that even though she is slightly on the thick side, she runs, she walks horses for her job and trains them, as well doing heavy lifting at her job. He remarked with ?Yeah, but she?s a bit of a fatty. You shouldn?t date those. Find a girl who?s a size 3 or 5. You?re wasting your time stuffing that pig.?
At that point, I had it. I told him to back off and he?s way out of line and I wouldn?t hear anything from someone who simply uses women as a bank or someone to give him somewhere to lived. Of all things, he agrees with what I had just said, and states that ?bitches aren?t worth much else. And if that?s my plan, do it. But otherwise, drop her.? At this point, I get up and started to walk away, heading towards my room and he just kept spitting every insult he can think of on his mind.
I turned around and told him that at least I?m not the one who has a brother who?d rather see him dead and forgotten for all he?s done. This may sounds harsh but hear me out. When we were kids, we had no money, no father and a mother who abused drugs. He ?dealt? with his problems by beating me whenever he felt things weren?t fair for him. From dragging my face across a wooden splintered floor, to attacking me in my sleep at least 5 times a week for the first 12 years of my life, or outright making fun of any aspect of me, just to feel better about himself.
All of that, on top of him disrespecting my wife, and living in my home for 200 dollars a month after I took him out of the cold, I snapped and told him that I never liked him. I tried to help him and do a good thing for my brother, and I was taken advantage of. I had enough of it. I said that he had two weeks to find somewhere else to live, that I don?t have to live with this. He then walks up and says ?That?s it? You?re just bailing on your brother? Whatever happened to blood being thicker than water.?
I told him that doesn?t matter anymore, and the moment he decided to spar with my wife, to put his hands on her even when I told him NOT to spar with her, blood between us is pretty thin. He then pushes me and tells me that I?m picking a girl over him and it?s not that big of a deal. And if he had the chance he?d do it again. That some women just need to get a good hit every once and awhile. (I take this very heavy since I?ve seen my mother being hit my men when I was a kid.) I pushed him out of my way and told him that I have put people underground for less than that, for the sake of Uncle Sam (The military) instructing me to, and if he knows what?s good for him, he needs to back off.
At that point he kicked me and things escalated. Needless to say, it wasn?t a fight he was going to win. In the middle of it he said ?Don?t mess up. You do, and I?ll kill you. And that fat *****.? I lost it. I just thought about all the times he attacked me when I was trying to sleep, or times I?d eat a hot meal, he?d push it onto me and laugh. I had enough of this person demonizing me and I pressed him against the wall, by his neck, using my forearm. He was choking and telling me I was killing him.
I knew that I was, that was the point. I let him go and told him that?s enough. That he?d never be able to kill me, and the next time he attacks me and threatens me and my wife again, he?d better be sure he?s willing to go down himself. Right when I was walking away, he walked over to our weapon shack and picked up his training spear. I told him to put it down, and that if he does this he?s not going to like how it ends. He was walking towards me with it in his hand so I grabbed a katana that my wife bought me for Christmas.
He nicked me, but I turned the katana to the blunt side (And ruined it.) so I wouldn?t hurt him too much. I got him to drop it over a bit and knocked him down. I pointed the katana at him and he kept saying ?do it. Kill me. Do what you gotta do.? Over and over again while crying like a baby. I told him that despite everything he did to me when I was a kid, I was still willing to look out for him. But if this is the way he wants to live, he can do it on his own. I told him that we?re through. I?m not going to jail because of him, but if he ever talks to me again it won?t be pretty.
After that, my roommates came back and I explained the entire situation to them. Explained how he attacked me first, and threatened me and my wife. I told them he needs to go, and things will be okay again. Then told me that I had to leave. That they felt more secure with him than with me. When in reality, the three of them just smoke pot together and watch stupid shows while I wanted nothing to do with any drugs or ?That 70?s show.? (Man that show sucks.) I didn?t ask why, I didn?t say anything else, I just packed my things the next day, paid the last of my bills and moved to my mother?s place for five days until I could catch a flight to Minnesota where I had set up to go to college where my wife was going and made arrangements to move in with a few people in a house for the summer.
It?s been three years since I?ve talked to my brother and my other family members keep calling me (except for my mother. She knows why I don?t talk to him anymore and I explained what happened.) telling me to patch things up with him. They don?t know why things happened the way it did, because they?ve all heard his side of the story and he lies harder than a rug that?s nailed and glued to the ground. That it?s been years, and I should try to fix things with him.
The thing is, I?ve already tried to fix things with him. Five times by my count. It always ended the same way. I?d help him, he?d demonize me over how bad his life is, and how he needs drugs to feel better or ?see the truth in his life? and that I don?t know anything because I?m not him. I?ve tried to be a bother to him and it keeps blowing up in my face. So I?ve decided to cut all contact with him for the sake of some mental peace in my life. But am I doing the right thing? Did I do the right thing to begin with? I feel like this was the right thing for me, that my actions that day were my only option.
(Namely since we lived on the top floor, and the last time I literally walked away from him, down some stairs, he pushed me from them when I was nine, broke my right arm and kicked my ribs bruised.) Should I try to forgive him, again? Even after threatening me and my wife and taking advantage of me? Or should I just keep doing what I?m doing? Or should I call him only to troll?
