Poll: Relationship Advice

[artanis_neravar]

snip

That is entirely up to you, this is not a shit test, this is something deeper, and she needs to deal with it. And you need to explain to her how her actions are effecting you. If you are having a hard time dealing with it now, imagine how hard it will be the next time, and the next, and the time after that. Do you really want to have to go through these patches every year?

then next time a relationship is in the works, don't be the sensitive gentleman, be the MAN the guy that will call her and let her know what's going on and where, the guy that will go and hang out with his buddies, who lets her into his life not destroys his life so that she might consider him worthy of being a part of hers.

Women respect men who are in control of their own lives, women respect men who stand up for themselves and don't just roll over and take it when bullshit is knocking on the door, women generally do not respect pussy bitches who don't take command and don't stand up for themselves... cuz guess what, most women don't want to go out with a doormat, they want a MAN, be confident in yourself and never ever think to yourself that you need a woman.

The two are not mutually exclusive, being a gentleman does not mean being a pushover. You can treat women respectfully while still asserting yourself.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

snip

That is entirely up to you, this is not a shit test, this is something deeper, and she needs to deal with it. And you need to explain to her how her actions are effecting you. If you are having a hard time dealing with it now, imagine how hard it will be the next time, and the next, and the time after that. Do you really want to have to go through these patches every year?

then next time a relationship is in the works, don't be the sensitive gentleman, be the MAN the guy that will call her and let her know what's going on and where, the guy that will go and hang out with his buddies, who lets her into his life not destroys his life so that she might consider him worthy of being a part of hers.

Women respect men who are in control of their own lives, women respect men who stand up for themselves and don't just roll over and take it when bullshit is knocking on the door, women generally do not respect pussy bitches who don't take command and don't stand up for themselves... cuz guess what, most women don't want to go out with a doormat, they want a MAN, be confident in yourself and never ever think to yourself that you need a woman.

The two are not mutually exclusive, being a gentleman does not mean being a pushover. You can treat women respectfully while still asserting yourself.

True, different from being "The sensitive gentleman" though, just saying, opening doors for a woman doesn't make you a wuss, neither does general courtesy, BUT most people who aim to be a gentleman take it too far, and end up just giving in to a woman all the time(this includes being overly sensitive emotionally, for instance, understanding and overt sympathy are different, mostly when women have had a bad string of circumstance, sitting and crying with them doesn't do anyone any favors, take em out to clear their head go do something fun to get their mind off of it... that sorta thing), leading them into a pattern that just makes them look like they have no spine and no ambition in life.

 

[dmase]

Your asking for too many simple answers. I'm going to say the following assuming that there isn't an external cause to this and this is really her own problem.

How about you try to fix things first, of course don't let on your trying. Do something new crazy exotic and pull her into it. Sounds like she is getting bored, women love spontaneous activities. Do something you've never done before, act a different way, and just in general do something out of her and your comfort zone. After this if you don't get a small flood of affection then you need to try something else. Of course its going to be a small flood where she will act the way you'd expect for a day or two then fall back into her mood. Keep being spontaneous until it either bothers you are she snaps out of it, being spontaneous may be against your personality but believe it or not it can be fun. Make some memories.

now other option, act completely indifferent. The one that cares less in a relationship is the one with the upper hand. You don't have to be cold to not give a shit. If she wants to come over and lay on you let her but you never start the cutesy pillow talk.(and lets be clear that is a period) You must reciprocate but you never start or egg her into saying it. If you don't reciprocate when she trys to get a reaction out of you there will be an argument where you have to bring up this whole situation and you basically have to tell her that you are giving her own medicine back to her which brings up far more than you want to.

 

[Galletea]

.
And there are quite a few Escapist Sages willing to lend their wisdom...

We do our best.
Anyway, there could be a whole host of reasons for this sudden withdrawal of affection. You describe yourself as being a gentleman, very giving and so on. There could be a hint of guilt, or the feeling of you smothering her with affection, and that has the appearance of her not wanting you. Also there could be the problem of things getting stale. Has your life become routine? Are you doing the same things day in, day out?

I don't believe in these 'shit tests'. If a woman is doing that to you, then she doesn't trust you and thus doesn't deserve you, I don't think that is the case here.

Anyway, you don't want to give up on your relationship, obviously, and you can't go on as you are, but there are a few things you can try before you give up completely.

You mention that the affection thing has become one sided. This could mean that you're trying to make up for her lack of affection by lavishing her with yours. This can be smothering, so try to limit it a bit. Think before you tell her you love her, if you've told her a few times, then she might get sick of hearing it. I know it sounds odd, but if she is feeling oddly cold within herself then your affection will be making her feel guilty and thus resentful of you making her feel guilty, inadvertently (Still with me? Good.) So back off a bit, but make sure she knows that you're there for her.

Also if you have become stuck in a routine, then try and break that, if only temporarily. Take her out spontaneously, if you don't very often, even if it's just for a walk in the park or something. Doing a few things a bit differently could refresh things a bit for both of you.

If you take my advice and after a while nothing has changed at all, then you will have to discuss your feelings. If she is unwilling to make the effort then you might have to go your separate ways. It's not nice to think about but she might have lost her affection for you and is trying to spare you the heartache. I hope this isn't the case and that you can get this relationship back on track. Good luck friend.

 

[J3bba]

you know what she's like better then anyone else here (unless her parents are on the forum) so just listen to yourself. as you can probably tell some of the people here a a bit skecpitcal of the whole gentlemen thing, which is silly, being nice gives niceness in return. so ignore whatever we say and do what would make everything turn out ok