Poll: Relationship Problems and the Internet

[Sparrow]

Back in the day (you know, about a year ago) of the Escapist, a few relationship problems would pop up every now and again. People would post their problems, others would try to help them fix said problems. Nowadays, it would seem those said problems have either multiplied or people are simply more open to asking you fellows on the internet for help. Now my question is a simple one, one that is asked time and time again within these threads: what do you think of asking the internet for relationship advice?

I myself ask this because, well, I think it's a pretty pants idea. The new "Advice" part of the forum which is dedicated to (as you might have guessed) advice for folks is simply full of relationship threads. It's difficult to find anything BUT relationship threads. But, I can't help but get this feeling that the Escapist probably isn't the best place to ask for the advice. We've got a LOT of young members and a lot of folks who openly admit that they're about as useful with relationships as the OP's tend to be. Not exactly the best place for you to find out how to get that girl you've been hounding for a few years, in my opinion anyway.

However, a lot of people on the forum seem to have the opposite opinion to me. So that's why I ask, once more for you TL;DR folks, what do you think of asking the internet for relationship advice?

 

[BlumiereBleck]

Well back in the day of Good Escapism, while some people helped others yelled and said dont post that stuff here, now that there is a green light they post their problems.

 

[GeorgW]

I don't mind them, but they can get annoying if the subject is worn out, or they're simply stupid.

 

[Spartan1175]

Their lazy, if they want advice they should ask one of their REAL friends.

 

[Ophiuchus]

I don't like 'em. Not because they're whiny or pointless or whatever, but because they don't help. Even if everyone on the internet had a degree in Relationship Problem Solving from the University of Jeremy Kyle's Mate Graham, it's impossible for anyone posting such a topic to tell everything. Not talking about deliberately withholding relevant information, but subtle things that make a world of difference but nobody would even think of mentioning when asking for advice.

 

[Jamboxdotcom]

the problem i have with relationship threads is the same problem i have with online dating, and the problem many people have with Wikipedia: trust. why the heck should you trust some total stranger (who may or may not be corrupted by the anonymous power of the interweb) to help you sort out your love life? i wish i could find (and figure out how to imbed) this one pick that sums it up perfectly. it's a screenshot of another relationship advice thread elsewhere on the web, and in it one of the responses is the advice to "Try hitting her."

 

[TaboriHK]

People love giving advice. I'm not exception. But I don't think I've ever taken advice from someone I didn't feel was smarter than me and more versed in the kind of situation, and I've never trusted a stranger from the internet to be either of those things. It's kind of a big wank in that way, it seems.

 

[enriel]

Asking the internet for relationship advice?

Terrible plan. You'll get tons of opinions based on their perspectives which may or may not help you.
The problem is that there's no real frame of reference. If you want relationship advice, you should go to your friends, who actually know you as a person, maybe know your partner (or potential partner) as a person and can offer help based on the subtle nuances that you can't understand through the internet that actually make quite a big difference.

 

[TCPirate]

I, personally, don't like them. I can understand people wanting to vent their problems and receive feedback but a problem is never as simple as it seems, the only real way to solve the problem is to talk it out with your partner. I understand that isn't always easy, but it's always the best solution.

 

[Sightless Wisdom]

This is pretty simple as I see it. Basically people often don't know how to go about things on their own, and if they need advice they turn to the people around them, which are in this case Escapist members. This forum has a very supportive community(generally) so it's not surprising that people keep coming back and asking for advice about their relationship problems.

EDIT: Forgot my opinion...

I think it's perfectly fine to ask the Escapist for advice, I mean... why not?

 

[BonsaiK]

what do you think of asking the internet for relationship advice?

As someone who answers a lot of that advice, I think it's fine.

Sure, many people may not know what they're talking about, but some do. A lot of the advice may be bad, but it's still a good way to find out what people think overall, and you can use the advice to get multiple points of view to base a decision on. If you've got an anonymous way to ask people stuff, why the hell not use it? What have you got to lose?

If your argument is "most people here are young, have little experience and only know about computer games" - well gosh, that's a stereotype that I thought you gaming folks wanted to get away from...

 

[Sparrow]

If you're argument is "most people here are young, have little experience and only know about computer games" - well gosh, I thought that was a stereotype that I thought you gaming folks wanted to get away from...

I didn't mention video games, but it was lying in my subconcious so I'd be a lying prick to tell you otherwise. However, the young thing for me... well, honestly. Kids nowadays think they're in love when they get their first boyfriend/girlfriend. That might be a bit hypocritical considering most folks on this site like me hate anyone who says "people who play videogames must be violent". I think the point still stands though, I don't know anyone below 21 who has experienced love. I know I haven't. So considering a bulk of the people on this site are barely above 18 most of the time, blabbing on about how the OP's "love" for the girl/guy they want is pure and lovely and all that nonsense is bollocks.

My hidden argument however, is that if we divulge into stereotypes, most people on the Escapist (i.e game loving under 21 males) suck at relationships. As I said before, they actually ADMIT this in the threads usually with some little line at the end that says something like "I've been single for 9 years though, so don't take my advice". I just don't think we're exactly the greatest source of relationship help. Heck, I think Yahoo Answers is a step up from here in that section.

 

[BonsaiK]

Kids nowadays think they're in love when they get their first boyfriend/girlfriend.

It wasn't any different when I was 13. I think treating your first crush as a be-all-and-end-all is just human nature and many people do it and have done it since the beginning of the human species. But that type of issue represents only a minority of the type of relationship problems people ask for advice on. I know this for a fact, because for nearly 18 months I did the Relationship Problem Thread, and attempted to answer every single relationship problem on the entire forum (now I just use the Advice Forum, it's a little easier to manage than one big thread). Sure a lot of the problems were similar but there were some pretty different ones too.

I don't know anyone below 21 who has experienced love.

Whether something is "love" or not is subjective. The key difference between the advice that I give and the advice that other people give, is that I don't morally judge anybody, ever, regardless of the problem they submit. I don't wade into thread saying "you're young so this can't be love" or "don't have sex before you feel deeply for each other" or "you should be sowing your wild oats" or whatever. So a question like "what is love" - my answer to that doesn't matter. I'm not about to tell people what they are or are not feeling, that would be arrogant and rude. What I will try and do is tell them is what sort of options they have to deal with the situation.

My hidden argument however, is that if we divulge into stereotypes, most people on the Escapist (i.e game loving under 21 males) suck at relationships. As I said before, they actually ADMIT this in the threads usually with some little line at the end that says something like "I've been single for 9 years though, so don't take my advice". I just don't think we're exactly the greatest source of relationship help. Heck, I think Yahoo Answers is a step up from here in that section.

Well, when you see advice from someone who doesn't have a lot of experience and is just offering their opinion, you just take it for what it is. However, there are also people in the Advice Forum like me, who have a lot more age and experience, and make a point of trying to answer everything that they can. I'd like to think that my presence in the advice forum is making it more useful than it would otherwise be. Whether my voice will get lost in the chorus or not, I don't know, but at the end of the day I can't (and don't want to) tell people who to listen to.

 

[Sparrow]

*super snip*

Heh, I must say that I am quite happy that you've responded in such a way. The counter-argument to what I've said before was lacking, people were simply agreeing with me.

In reply to almost all of your points, this puts us in an infinite loop of opinions. Everything you can say on this topic is purely subjective, no right or wrong. I also thank you for putting so much thought into your response, you seem to have a lot more experience with this than I, or any other people in this thread, have.

 

[EmzOLV]

The problem is that there's no real frame of reference. If you want relationship advice, you should go to your friends, who actually know you as a person, maybe know your partner (or potential partner) as a person and can offer help based on the subtle nuances that you can't understand through the internet that actually make quite a big difference.

This is exactly the problem. I mean, if someone posts for relationship advice, we don't know your "in real life" persona, we don't know about you enough and who knows, you may be skipping bits not because you really want to but because you're trying to explain to get an answer you want from a community. People tailor their questions (unknowingly) to get answers they kinda want to hear.

I mean, I'm not saying I don't get involved on relationship threads. I'm a girl, I like to interfere and get my two pennies in. But I don't really know how helpful they are.

 

[Nickolai77]

I imagine part of the reason for the increase in relationship advise threads is due to more user's since the arrival of Yahtzee on the Escapist.

Edit: I'll also like to point out that asking for relationship advise over the internet is not completely inferior to asking your friends for advise IRL. You can be completely honest with these strangers on the internet- you may have to be less than honest with your friends in real life. Plus, telling your friends who your secret crush is can lead to a situation spiralling out of control if they carn't keep their mouth shut or get a bit overenthusiastic when it comes to setting people up...The internet is a great place to go if you want critical and confidential advise- but on balance of course it's best to get advise from friends. I just don't think asking for relationship advise over the internet should be completely dismissed as being only for those who don't have friends.

 

[Stollos]

Honestly, I think the relationship threads are great. I lurk them alot but don't actually give advice becuase, you guessed it, i'm inexperienced and useless at that sort of thing. BansaiK (see: 4 posts up) gives great advice and I pretty much stalk him for his replies since his thread closed down (which I had bookmarked).

So for me, relationship threads are about absorbing other people's advice and experience, and making myself feel better because my problems aren't nearly as bad as theirs (mean, I know, but i'm only human).

 

[endnuen]

Does it not depend greatly on what it is used for?
For an be-all-end-all answer: yes, it is very stupid.
For reference and for insight into what other people have done in similar situations: Not as bad an idea as you would think.

 

[smithy_2045]

It's an easy way to raise post count, so I like them.