Poll: Relationship Problems and the Internet

[ChicagoTed]

It's a bloody stupid idea becuase the only person who can fix the problem at hand is sitting typing about their problem on some chat room or forum instead of speding time trying to figure out what the hell they should do about it.

 

[The Youth Counselor]

I love reading about the relationship problems and the advice that follows. However personally I think it's a terrible decision to tell strangers over the internet about your romantic woes and ask for input on it.

 

[BonsaiK]

The problem is that there's no real frame of reference. If you want relationship advice, you should go to your friends, who actually know you as a person, maybe know your partner (or potential partner) as a person and can offer help based on the subtle nuances that you can't understand through the internet that actually make quite a big difference.

This is exactly the problem. I mean, if someone posts for relationship advice, we don't know your "in real life" persona, we don't know about you enough and who knows, you may be skipping bits not because you really want to but because you're trying to explain to get an answer you want from a community. People tailor their questions (unknowingly) to get answers they kinda want to hear.

You're absolutely correct, however it's very possible with a careful eye and a bit of practice to spot this kind of tailoring. While the advice I give is certainly only as good as the information I receive, quite a few times I've refused to give advice until I've gotten certain pieces of information I thought the OP was withholding, or alternately I've answered a question with more questions of my own simply because I sensed a hidden agenda or a certain amount of 'steering' going on. I can usually tell the difference between someone adopting a very neutral perspective, and someone who just wants to confirm a certain pre-conceived belief or is judging a situation from a skewed perspective. That's part of the value of advice from complete strangers over the internet - an outside perspective can often reveal things that aren't obvious to people embroiled deeply in a situation.

 

[EmzOLV]

Snip!

Yeah you're right, but I don't know if I have the patience to learn to recognise the little details on what people are hiding. I mean, some people are quite good at it - others not so. And usually by the time I read a post a few people have already asked for more information or whatever to see if they're telling the entire story.

I usually end up giving advice in the way that, well, this similar story happened to me/my friend and maybe what happened in that situation will help you with yours. And any set scenario won't quite be the same

 

[BonsaiK]

Snip!

Yeah you're right, but I don't know if I have the patience to learn to recognise the little details on what people are hiding. I mean, some people are quite good at it - others not so. And usually by the time I read a post a few people have already asked for more information or whatever to see if they're telling the entire story.

I usually end up giving advice in the way that, well, this similar story happened to me/my friend and maybe what happened in that situation will help you with yours. And any set scenario won't quite be the same

In such a scenario, if the recipient of the advice is taking it for what it is (a similar scenario that may or may not have relevance) then I think that's fine.

If other people are asking questions and you're not, that's good because it means you don't have to, you can just read the answers and go from there.

 

[Zizzousa]

It's not something I'd consider doing personally, but I can understand why people do it. Being in a relationship in trouble can be very lonely, and having a whole pool of mostly-kind strangers discuss the issues with you and offer advice must be a comfort. I think the fact that a lot of people here say that they're also not that hot at maintaining a relationship would be, in its own way, comforting too.

For that reason, I don't really mind them. That being said I only joined this forum this morning, so I don't know how many there used to be here; I could guess it'd be pretty annoying if there's been a sudden upsurge in them for no apparent reason.