3 years.
3 god-damned years I?ve been here.
Watching you, getting involved in discussions, watching various people come and go. Friends who have since been banned, left or simply exist in the mythical land that is ?Forum Games?, a wretched hive of scum and gifs. So many gifs?
Anyway, while it is indeed 3 years to the day since I joined up, I am not here to talk about my past experiences here, nor regale you with my opinions on various site related things.[footnote]The new community page is freaking awesome though.[/footnote] I?d only bore you to death. I?m probably about to do that anyway but whatever, I promised Marter I?d do this so take it up with him. I am here to talk to you about one of the best films ever made. A film that, when watched, will blow your mind and make nearly every other film out there seem like a shitty B-Movie when compared. I am, of course, talking about the criminally over-looked Twlight: New Moon.
?
Nah, I?m talking about The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption.
Now, I?ll be honest here, I didn?t even know this film existed until my good friend and fellow reviewer Marter did a live-tweeting[footnote]Imagine live streaming, just with 140 characters instead of text.[/footnote] session when he first watched The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption., which I?ll now call SK3 from now on. I remember how he went from being baffled about it to raving about it to anyone who would listen. Naturally, I had to find the film and see what the fuss was about. And as usual, Marter did not steer me wrong with his recommendation of SK3. SK3 blew me away on all levels. It was an entertaining, mesmerising film, one filled with ninjas, tigers and some ninja tigers. Oh, and Billy Zane. Lots and lots of Billy Zane.
How can you not love Billy Zane with faces like this?
Now, SK3 is the victim of being a sequel to a reasonably subpar film, SK2: Some subtitle here. Which I?ve never watched. Heard it sucked the proverbial Johnson though. And as such, SK3 never got the advertisement it so desperately needs and deserves. This is why I?m here tonight, to right this almost criminal over-sight on behalf of the makers of SK3. If you look at the IMDb score for SK3, you?ll see that it?s rated 3.5 out of 10. [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1781896/] It doesn?t even have a score yet on Rotten Tomatoes, for crying out loud! [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_scorpion_king_3_battle_for_redemption_2011/] And as for the Metacritic score, well fuck them, they don?t even have it on the database so they?re not relevant in anything ever any more. ?Not that it was to begin with but this is not the topic to discuss that, go make your own if you wish to discuss how incompetent Metacrtic is because they don?t have any ratings for SK3. Now, I?ve skipped telling you about the plot of SK3 for a very good reason and that is that words simply cannot do it justice. You can try and describe the plot and SK3 as a whole but doing so would actually do SK3 a massive disservice. To truly grasp the magic that SK3 has, you have to experience it first hand for yourself.
It even has Ron Pearlman in it. Ron. Mother. Fucking. Pearlman.
Now, why should you get up, go outside to your nearest shop/online retailer of choice and purchase SK3? Well, apart from it being quite simply the greatest movie ever made, it?s?actually, that?s good enough, it?s quite simply the best film ever made. But if that?s not enough to persuade you, allow me to quote myself and Marter on this matter, as well as a film major who knows his shit about films. And we all know film majors never ever lie.
So, with all that said, I ask you all to go out, find a copy of SK3 and buy it. In fact, go out and buy it right now. Amazin may have a couple of copies online if they haven?t already been snatched up. Um?eBay might have some, as well as any online retailer who is actually worth a damn. Go out, buy it and become a Scorpibro, up-vote SK3 on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes and spread the word about SK3, possibly one of the most under-rated films of this year. Thank you for reading.
And for discussion, I guess?discuss SK3 and similar movies that are critically under-rated?
Yeah, that works, do that.
Also, sign this petition [http://t.co/Gbsj1UP5] to bring SK3 to Netflix.
3 god-damned years I?ve been here.
Watching you, getting involved in discussions, watching various people come and go. Friends who have since been banned, left or simply exist in the mythical land that is ?Forum Games?, a wretched hive of scum and gifs. So many gifs?
Anyway, while it is indeed 3 years to the day since I joined up, I am not here to talk about my past experiences here, nor regale you with my opinions on various site related things.[footnote]The new community page is freaking awesome though.[/footnote] I?d only bore you to death. I?m probably about to do that anyway but whatever, I promised Marter I?d do this so take it up with him. I am here to talk to you about one of the best films ever made. A film that, when watched, will blow your mind and make nearly every other film out there seem like a shitty B-Movie when compared. I am, of course, talking about the criminally over-looked Twlight: New Moon.
?
Nah, I?m talking about The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption.
Now, I?ll be honest here, I didn?t even know this film existed until my good friend and fellow reviewer Marter did a live-tweeting[footnote]Imagine live streaming, just with 140 characters instead of text.[/footnote] session when he first watched The Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption., which I?ll now call SK3 from now on. I remember how he went from being baffled about it to raving about it to anyone who would listen. Naturally, I had to find the film and see what the fuss was about. And as usual, Marter did not steer me wrong with his recommendation of SK3. SK3 blew me away on all levels. It was an entertaining, mesmerising film, one filled with ninjas, tigers and some ninja tigers. Oh, and Billy Zane. Lots and lots of Billy Zane.
How can you not love Billy Zane with faces like this?
Now, SK3 is the victim of being a sequel to a reasonably subpar film, SK2: Some subtitle here. Which I?ve never watched. Heard it sucked the proverbial Johnson though. And as such, SK3 never got the advertisement it so desperately needs and deserves. This is why I?m here tonight, to right this almost criminal over-sight on behalf of the makers of SK3. If you look at the IMDb score for SK3, you?ll see that it?s rated 3.5 out of 10. [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1781896/] It doesn?t even have a score yet on Rotten Tomatoes, for crying out loud! [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_scorpion_king_3_battle_for_redemption_2011/] And as for the Metacritic score, well fuck them, they don?t even have it on the database so they?re not relevant in anything ever any more. ?Not that it was to begin with but this is not the topic to discuss that, go make your own if you wish to discuss how incompetent Metacrtic is because they don?t have any ratings for SK3. Now, I?ve skipped telling you about the plot of SK3 for a very good reason and that is that words simply cannot do it justice. You can try and describe the plot and SK3 as a whole but doing so would actually do SK3 a massive disservice. To truly grasp the magic that SK3 has, you have to experience it first hand for yourself.
It even has Ron Pearlman in it. Ron. Mother. Fucking. Pearlman.
Now, why should you get up, go outside to your nearest shop/online retailer of choice and purchase SK3? Well, apart from it being quite simply the greatest movie ever made, it?s?actually, that?s good enough, it?s quite simply the best film ever made. But if that?s not enough to persuade you, allow me to quote myself and Marter on this matter, as well as a film major who knows his shit about films. And we all know film majors never ever lie.
See? How can you disagree with such strong recommendations? Even a guy with a film major loves it and those guys are really picky about what they like.
So, with all that said, I ask you all to go out, find a copy of SK3 and buy it. In fact, go out and buy it right now. Amazin may have a couple of copies online if they haven?t already been snatched up. Um?eBay might have some, as well as any online retailer who is actually worth a damn. Go out, buy it and become a Scorpibro, up-vote SK3 on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes and spread the word about SK3, possibly one of the most under-rated films of this year. Thank you for reading.
And for discussion, I guess?discuss SK3 and similar movies that are critically under-rated?
Yeah, that works, do that.
Also, sign this petition [http://t.co/Gbsj1UP5] to bring SK3 to Netflix.
