Poll: Screwing with telemarketers

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Nope. They don't call me. I'd just hang up if they did. I have more important things to do than deal with them.

 

[Grayjack]

The only Telemarketers I ever get are machines.

 

[Pariah87]

I have to put this in all caps just so the 'tard who do this will see it.

I USED TO DO TELEMARKETING TO FEED MY FAMILY OR THEY WOULD STARVE IN THE PAST. I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF THAT JOB AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE DO WHO DO WORKED THERE. I QUIT AS SOON AS I COULD AND WHILE YOU PUT UP WITH A PHONE CALL TO MESS WITH THEM, YOU AT MOST WASTED FIVE MINUTES. TRY BEING THEM FOR EIGHT HOURS DEALING WITH SHITHEADS WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO BUT MAKE YOUR JOB HARDER.

I'm not saying hear them out, I hardly ever do but please understand that they are doing something that most of you probably aren't doing (I am not saying ALL, just those assholes who think this crap is funny.) and that is working instead of leeching money from their parents. Way to make them proud, now grow the hell up.

I agree with this person, even though I've never been a telemarketer. Some people have worse jobs than others and I can see how calling up dissinterested people for 8 hours using the same lines over and over would be pretty soul sucking. Then to get some juvenile idiot mess around with you whilst you're trying to pay your way? Fuck that.

It's as bad as the fucking kids who used to throw stuff at buses like eggs or in my area, iron bars, thinking it's a jolly good laugh to make a mess of someones day.

How difficult is it to not pick up when you see a number that you don't recognize? Or better yet, tell everyone you actually want to be able to contact you to only use your mobile, and ignore the landline completely?

 

[The Axon Hillock]

I would occasionally start the conversation very normally, acting like I was interested in their services, and then let out a long, drawn out scream, followed by as much bellowing of "MY ASS IS ON FIRE" as it would take for them to hang up.

Also, doing celebrity impressions is awesome. I did a Yoda that was so good I almost peed myself trying not to laugh.

Another one is just screaming "WHAT?" every couple of seconds.

Not to mention that time I beatboxed until they gave up or the time I acted like i was trying to buy pot from them or the time I said that I would buy their product if they SANG the sales pitch to me...

But the best was when I answered it loudly crying and told them I'd buy their product if they could convince my wife not to leave me. I then handed my phone to my girlfriend who ad-libbed something great about how I farted too much in bed and the time she caught me touching myself while watching Harry Potter...

 

[Charli]

You have to listen carefully for weakness in their voice... Then! You strike.

You take this incredibly annoying job you have to deal with the crap that comes with it, I'm sorry.

But you know when they call? Dead on meal times, dead on WHEN we're trying to do something important like oh I don't know, fix our continually failing phone line.

Complain all you like about how being a telemarketer is hard, but to be honest I would never take that job (And right now I am Pretty damn desperate for a job, one meal a day ftw) on principle that I wouldn't want this mindless advertising assaulting me on the TV, computer AND my bloody phone. It's just not fair to never give people a break from the corperate bull crap that nuclear-warhead-s our senses 24-7

 

[MikailCaboose]

Sometimes. I'm on the no-call list, so they shouldn't be calling in the first place...

 

[Canadian Assassin]

The first time I worked up the courage to mess with one I didn't give them a chance to respond and just threw out the most random thing I could think of:

TM: Hi my name is ****** and I'm calling on behalf of the town to give a survey to the residents of your household.

(They called during House MD and I wasn't having that ****)

Me: I'm sorry you'll have to call back in four hours my hooker just arrived. *Click*

They don't call anymore though...

 

[RatRace123]

I did once, during the guy's spiel I just blurted out" I like cranberries!" he responded with a "whu?" I then said, in my creepiest voice possible "You smell nice"

Then I hung up.

 

[skitzo van]

I even make fun of the machines, i.e. "This is Darrell Issa, what do you think of the nation's debt?"
"What about it? Did they spend all their money on hookers and blow?"
They haven't called since.

 

[Railgun88]

I don't get called anymore, not after the last one.

Me: *Pant* *Pant*, Hello?
TM: Hello is...
Me: Hang on one second please. (About two feet from the phone) Stop running you *****! I'm not done cutting your fingers off!
GF: Ahhhh!!! Get away you freak!
(Banging stuff to make it sound like she was getting chased)
(Silence on the phone for a minute)
TM: Is everything ok?
Me: *Pant* *Pant* Sorry, but the missus of the house got away from me. I don't think she can come to the phone now, or ever again.
TM: CLICK!

That was so hilarious, because my GF was over and I had her scream for me. Also I think the deep murderous, slightly physcotic voice helped.

 

[neoontime]

No but passing it to my mom doesn't help. Mind she doesn't speak good Engrish.

 

[justnotcricket]

Why would I do that? It's just their job. Sure, they annoy me if they're persistent, but eventually I just get polite over the top of them and hang up. I feel sorry for them for having such a shitty job. I know I'd hate it.

 

[Feralcentaur]

Some guy was talking about a time share in Orlando and I started blurting nonsense like how my dad my brother my mother my sister and a host of fictional family members had died when a telemarketer called them asking about a time share in Orlando. It was quite funny to hear his response:

"Huh,I'm sorry, wha-, no I didn't. No no sorry sir, no please don't, no don't kill yourself, no."

and then to really freak him out I had set my computer to play a gunshot.

Funny because telemarketers don't call me anymore. Almost miss toying with them.

That was glorious.
And welcome to the Escapist!
Stay the hell out of the basement.
Have a wonderful time!
OT: With telemarketers, I know they're just trying to do their job, but it's so fun to mess with them! I just put the phone up to my dog, and he does all the barking. And apparently when I was a baby, my dad would put the phone up to me and I would just blurt baby noises on the phone.

What basement!?!!?Why won't anyone tell me how a website has a basement!?! OT: I just respond with a drawn out "hmmmmmmmmm?" whenever I am asked a question.

 

[ShockValue]

I've never had to deal with telemarketers. I'd probably just hang up on them if I did or something.

I assume this would be a nice way to handle them though ;D

 

[archvile93]

Psh, I have more fun when those jehovah's witnesses come to my door. hahaha

My dad did that. He actually got the idiot to leave by repeatedly questioning his faith with logic. It was great.

 

[[Gavo]]

Sometimes, I say "Sure, give me a sec-" then "accidentally" hang up.

I got like 10 telemarketing calls that day, I was getting sick of it.

 

[Mr. Google]

Some guy was talking about a time share in Orlando and I started blurting nonsense like how my dad my brother my mother my sister and a host of fictional family members had died when a telemarketer called them asking about a time share in Orlando. It was quite funny to hear his response:

"Huh,I'm sorry, wha-, no I didn't. No no sorry sir, no please don't, no don't kill yourself, no."

and then to really freak him out I had set my computer to play a gunshot.

Funny because telemarketers don't call me anymore. Almost miss toying with them.

That was glorious.
And welcome to the Escapist!
Stay the hell out of the basement.
Have a wonderful time!
OT: With telemarketers, I know they're just trying to do their job, but it's so fun to mess with them! I just put the phone up to my dog, and he does all the barking. And apparently when I was a baby, my dad would put the phone up to me and I would just blurt baby noises on the phone.

What basement!?!!?Why won't anyone tell me how a website has a basement!?! OT: I just respond with a drawn out "hmmmmmmmmm?" whenever I am asked a question.

Dude ive been here for almost a year and no one actually knows what the basement is. Im pretty sure its just there way of messing with the new people and getting them thinking WTF is the basement!

 

[KefkaCultist]

Surprised no one has posted this one yet, its so damn funny
I've done it a few times nothing as good as his though

 

[KefkaCultist]

SNIP

and theres the ninja

 

[PrimoThePro]

What basement!?!!?Why won't anyone tell me how a website has a basement!?! OT: I just respond with a drawn out "hmmmmmmmmm?" whenever I am asked a question.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/The-Basement
The Basement: An area for terrors galore. Everyone has ideas about what is down there, but no one is really sure. I personally think the Basement is infested with those troll posters, and they constantly wail at you their opinions. TWILIGHT IS AWESOME YOU SHOULD WATCH IT! Ugh. If you go in, you never escape.
And yes, the website has a Basement. It goes to shower how much power the Basement actually wields.