Poll: Screwing with telemarketers
- Thread starter QXR2
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Every time. Even though its pretty rare nowadays to even get called up. Usually i'd just say that I'm interested in whatever they have to sell and ask them for a minute to finish up what I'm doing (usually something related to cooking to sound plausible). Then I'd put the phone down on a table and check back in 3 minutes to see if they'd hung up yet.
The ONLY way to efficiently fuck telemarketers is to either not pick up or immediately hang up.
See, it's like advertising, ANY time spent putting ideas in your head is valuable to them and they will keep pushing it. There is no such thing as bad publicity, you can shout, you can scream, you can fuck with them for hours but the telemarketers are happy because the ONE THING they fear more than anything else is to be unnoticed.
They'd rather have you know about their product/service and hate them/it than have you not know anything about it. That's just the way it is.
Not to sure about leaving the phone off the hook with them shouting to the air, it wastes their time and money but it also blocks up your own line or at least inconveniences taking another call. It will probably just tempt them to keep persisting.
A sound fuck off and don't pick up any call for 15 minutes.
See, it's like advertising, ANY time spent putting ideas in your head is valuable to them and they will keep pushing it. There is no such thing as bad publicity, you can shout, you can scream, you can fuck with them for hours but the telemarketers are happy because the ONE THING they fear more than anything else is to be unnoticed.
They'd rather have you know about their product/service and hate them/it than have you not know anything about it. That's just the way it is.
Not to sure about leaving the phone off the hook with them shouting to the air, it wastes their time and money but it also blocks up your own line or at least inconveniences taking another call. It will probably just tempt them to keep persisting.
A sound fuck off and don't pick up any call for 15 minutes.
I usually just hang up without a word, but once I told a telemarketer asking for my dad that he'd been in a horrible accident and may never be able to answer the phone again.
A serious tip, along with the above 'lie about your income' if they think you're unemployed with no money, they may even take you off the list completely.
I get a few calls with people trying to make me switch my internet, and one was from TalkTalk, the Carphone Warehouse, and when he said it I actually laughed spontaenously down the phone, and had to recover and say..'sha..sorry, carphone warehouse..and internet...no thank you.' As I knew of the 'quality' of their service. (Lets just say they took over AOL in the UK and managed to make AOL WORSE)
I often just take great pleasure in telling them the truth when they say' and how much do you pay for your internet?' telling them, about £6 a month for unlimited 8mb, and they just give up, honestly, at least half just go 'ohh..ok..well, thanks for your time.' with the others rying to sell me a worse service for more money, there's optimism.
So, I've started using the same tactic for all calls like that 'How much do you pay for your home insurance 'Oh £3 a month' 'what are your quarterly energy bills currently 'oh I pay about £20 a quarter all in' and they generally piss off, knowing they're not going to profit from me.
In the end tho, it's a recession, and they're stuck in a crappy job taking abuse all day, and I'd rather not pile on the misery, just instead making it clear I'm of no use to them or their shitty company.
If only more people had the common sense to think 'hey, if I need any service or product ever, I can go shop around and find a good deal for me, instead of waiting for some muppet to sell me one.', if that happened we'd not have telemarketers.
I get a few calls with people trying to make me switch my internet, and one was from TalkTalk, the Carphone Warehouse, and when he said it I actually laughed spontaenously down the phone, and had to recover and say..'sha..sorry, carphone warehouse..and internet...no thank you.' As I knew of the 'quality' of their service. (Lets just say they took over AOL in the UK and managed to make AOL WORSE)
I often just take great pleasure in telling them the truth when they say' and how much do you pay for your internet?' telling them, about £6 a month for unlimited 8mb, and they just give up, honestly, at least half just go 'ohh..ok..well, thanks for your time.' with the others rying to sell me a worse service for more money, there's optimism.
So, I've started using the same tactic for all calls like that 'How much do you pay for your home insurance 'Oh £3 a month' 'what are your quarterly energy bills currently 'oh I pay about £20 a quarter all in' and they generally piss off, knowing they're not going to profit from me.
In the end tho, it's a recession, and they're stuck in a crappy job taking abuse all day, and I'd rather not pile on the misery, just instead making it clear I'm of no use to them or their shitty company.
If only more people had the common sense to think 'hey, if I need any service or product ever, I can go shop around and find a good deal for me, instead of waiting for some muppet to sell me one.', if that happened we'd not have telemarketers.
The duck has a point. I've done inbound collections, myself. It's rare for the folks on the other line to either A) care about your problems or B) care about the product. If it's an unwelcome call, just ask them to take you off their calling list. Trust me, it works.Bud the Wise said:
I mess with them all the time. Once I pretended that they were calling a murder scene and asked the guy was he the gay lover the man killed. Needless to say I dont get calls anymore.
I usually just stand there wondering how the telemarketer got my cell phone number. It really pisses me off. I usually just tell them no in a pissed off tone.
Seriously! How did they get my number? None of my family or friends get telemarketers on their cell phones. Are they lucky or am I the only one?
Seriously! How did they get my number? None of my family or friends get telemarketers on their cell phones. Are they lucky or am I the only one?
No, they're the ones with the script. Pranking ability is very minimal when they'll just repeat what they said last time.Josh_v2.0 said:
HOW TO HANDLE TELEMARKETERS:
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my fish just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the Telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some groceries......
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke."Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder... louder...
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down..........
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my fish just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the Telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some groceries......
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke."Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder... louder...
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down..........