Poll: Should I accept my mother in this scenario?

[Polyintrinsic]

Getting legal advice is always a very good idea. A lawyer will let you book say an hour of consultation time where you can ask him questions and he will give you the best answers he can in said amount of time. By doing this you are ensuring that you are not legally bonded to caring for your mother.

Your story reminds me to a story that happened locally for me (BC, Canada). Where this mother enacted this archaic law that makes her children pay her a monthly living fee. Keep in mind that this woman kicked all her children out of the house, one of the kids was 15(i think) when he got the boot. I'll link the article if anyone is interested.

http://www.vancouversun.com/What+parents/3318018/story.html

 

[GudangGaram]

Well there are two main courses of action and four main possible outcomes

Action 1: She isn't allowed to move in.
Outcome 1: She realizes that she has to grow the fuck up and stop being a parasite.
Outcome 2: She doesn't learn anything and stays the same or worsens.

Perhaps the real question is, has she ever been really confronted about the issue of being a parasite? If not, then perhaps this would be the time (although this does not mean she will realize and make amends).

Based on what I've read and personal experience I'd say she won't take the criticism well (and perhaps, deny it's true). But this is something to consider exploring.

Without going into detail, I think it's safe to say I can relate. My solution to the problem was a simple one (but not easy). I decided (years ago) that just because one fathered or gave birth to me, does not mean the parent needs to be someone I'd consider family, or otherwise acknowledge as important to me.

 

[Godhead]

Kick her out.

 

[Delicious]

Kick her out of the fucking door.

Excuse me, who the fuck are you to make that judgment?

Jesus Christ people, it's OK to drop the internet tough guy act every once in a while. Have a fucking heart.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Give her a time limit to find a job, say two months. If she gets one, congratulate her and encourage her to stay with it. If she doesn't get a job in the time or loses the job, kick her out.

Everyone should get a second chance, even when it's a solid reminder of why you hate the person.

 

[Godhead]

Kick her out of the fucking door.

Excuse me, who the fuck are you to make that judgment?

Jesus Christ people, it's OK to drop the internet tough guy act every once in a while. Have a fucking heart.

The only reason I'm saying this is because that whenever people have come to me for help and I have tried to help them they have made my life a complete living hell. And I don't want the exact same thing to happen to OP. I am genuinely sorry that his family is very chaotic, and I know that it can be very hard for people to deal with that. But after reading the post I truly feel that his mother will only mooch off of him and his father for as long as she can until she sucks their finances dry and moves on to find some other person to leech off of.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

You have the right to refuse hospitality. Blood relations earns no explicit favors without something to back it in my book and if your relationship with her is as strained as it is, I would certainly throw her to the curb. Just because she helped bring you into the world means little when she clearly did little to raise you.

 

[Delicious]

Don't let your own experiences poison others. And to the OP, don't let the internet decide how you should treat your own damn mother. Seriously, they won't have to deal with the consequences of their insensitivity.

 

[Nouw]

Just turn her down. She has to grow up one day.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

You don't want to deal with her because you don't like her?

Tough shit, that's family.

Also, to you other internet people; let's not be so quick to condemn someone you've never met, especially when the only information about her is given by a pretty biased source.

What part of someone being family implies they are owed anything? I don't owe someone money or shelter or food or care just because I happen to be related to them. Such things must be earned. And, if one is honestly considering not helping a relative as integral to their upbringing as their mother, I'd have to say that the relationship between the two is nonexistant at best and unhealthy or outright damaging at worst.

 

[Delicious]

You don't want to deal with her because you don't like her?

Tough shit, that's family.

Also, to you other internet people; let's not be so quick to condemn someone you've never met, especially when the only information about her is given by a pretty biased source.

What part of someone being family implies they are owed anything? I don't owe someone money or shelter or food or care just because I happen to be related to them. Such things must be earned. And, if one is honestly considering not helping a relative as integral to their upbringing as their mother, I'd have to say that the relationship between the two is nonexistant at best and unhealthy or outright damaging at worst.

If someone gives birth to you, and is responsible for your existence, yes you fucking owe them. You don't know jack shit about their relationship, you've never observed her, him, or the dad. You're just going off an angsty teenage post. Shut the fuck up.

Get off the internet and step outside. Family matters, no matter how much I wish it didn't.

 

[Les Awesome]

the sooner you get away from her the better
...............then again she is you're mom

 

[Delicious]

the sooner you get away from her the better
...............then again she is you're mom

Why are you allowed to post?

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

You don't want to deal with her because you don't like her?

Tough shit, that's family.

Also, to you other internet people; let's not be so quick to condemn someone you've never met, especially when the only information about her is given by a pretty biased source.

What part of someone being family implies they are owed anything? I don't owe someone money or shelter or food or care just because I happen to be related to them. Such things must be earned. And, if one is honestly considering not helping a relative as integral to their upbringing as their mother, I'd have to say that the relationship between the two is nonexistant at best and unhealthy or outright damaging at worst.

If someone gives birth to you, and is responsible for your existence, yes you fucking owe them. You don't know jack shit about their relationship, you've never observed her, him, or the dad. You're just going off an angsty teenage post. Shut the fuck up.

Get off the internet and step outside. Family matters, no matter how much I wish it didn't.

No, you don't owe them a god damn thing. My biological father beat my mother and my sister, my mother and I were forced to make a flight across the country in the dead of night without a thing to our name. The man helped conceive me, he helped raise me but as far as I'm concerned the only thing that little fact buys him is that I won't put a round through if face if I see him on the street.

I cannot speak to the specifics of this particular OP's situation but I do know this: blood itself doesn't earn you anything. It just implies a relationship. Like any relationship, it can be abused to the point that its maintenance has no purpose. If you want to maintain an abusive, damaging relationship because of blood that is your choice to make. Just don't be deluded into assuming that your choice implies anything about what someone else is due.

Also, try to lay off the rhetorical fallacy.

 

[Delicious]

Hey, read the post where I told the guy to not let his experiences poison others. He isn't being beaten (or else he would've told us so) so don't treat his mother like you would treat your dad, and don't assume every relationship sucks just because some of yours did.

 

[Invaderbrim]

Oof, thats heavy.

I would say if she does come, make her get a job. Refuse to let her live with you until she proves she got one. Yes she's your mother, but unless she's very old or very sick, you shouldn't have to put up with this. Plus, its your dad's apartment, so what he says goes.

Honestly thats all I can say. Not really sure what to do in this situation. But I hope it helps.

I would also go with this.

 

[thosta]

Delicious, for this situation we have nothing to go on other then what the OP has told us so I wouldn't be so quick to assume otherwise. You can only really help people who can help themselves, judging from what I can tell of his family's financial situation the mother will be just unnecessary stress, can they really afford charity to someone who won't even reciprocate it?

 

[TriggerUnhappy]

I wouldn't allow her to live with you by any means. However, if you feel very pressed and guilted to allow her, I'd recommend you for her to get a job before allowing her to live with you. Regardless of your choice, best of luck man.

 

[balanovich]

To help her, you need to bring joy to her world. However, if you you're not fully happy, and in a position to give joy, you will only end up receiving her misery.

If she makes you unhappy you will, as all unhappy people, make others around you unhappy.

Say no to her. Fix your life and build yourself something, and THEN welcome her as a son. Emotions are contagious, make sure she gets good ones from you and not you don't get bad ones from her.

 

[Delicious]

Delicious, for this situation we have nothing to go on other then what the OP has told us so I wouldn't be so quick to assume otherwise. You can only really help people who can help themselves, judging from what I can tell of his family's financial situation the mother will be just unnecessary stress, can they really afford charity to someone who won't even reciprocate it?

Take your own advice. You and I don't know enough to be able to adequately decide whether or not she stays or goes.

That most of you have decided to be hardasses about it frightens me. I hope you wouldn't treat your mother in the same way.