Poll: Should I change schools?

[florence500]

Hey guys. I have a problem that's causing me a lot of stress at the moment and I was wondering if you could help me. I go to an all girls private school with about 600 pupils total and i'm in lower sixth. Back in year 11 my social group aka "the library group" was reasonably big, we had six people in it total (which is a big group for this school). Anyway most of them have gone now, only three of us left including me. Unfortunatly things in sixth form havent been going so well for me, within the first three weeks of term I *unintentionally* pissed off one of the upper sixth (who turned violent on me) and got unofficially kicked out of the common room (the whole upper sixth took her side, later explaining to me that it was because they didnt want to make her angry at them for fear of also incurring her wrath). Ok, right can't go in the common room, so im back hanging out in the library.

I havent mentioned my best friend yet, she has an undiagnosed mental condition which im certain is asperger's syndrome (I know a lot about it having been misdiagnosed with it about three years ago, then reassed and found not to have it) she has all the classic characteristics (can't pick up on social guidelines and rules, cannot empathise with people emotionally, untinentionally offensive ect). Anyway as you can imagine this behavior has drawn some (mostly negative) attention. She can deal with the taunts, insults and stares we (I get dragged into it, for bieng her friend and standing up for her) get from the year 11s, 10s and upper sixth mostly because she A) doesnt notice them due to her condition, B) doesnt care. However I'm finding it a lot harder to cope with less people in our group, i take insults very personally and before I met her I was pretty much out of the spotlight (one of those ordinary people that don't draw attention to themselves and try to avoid it). I cant deal with the way these other girls treat me and her, it's got so bad I'm even considering moving schools.

This is where my problem is, i've been in private and at this school since i was 4 years old. I don't know anyone else in other schools and i wouldnt know how to cope in a state school without knowing anyone but if I stay here i have to go in everyday knowing i have to face those girls and try and juggle my studies and trying to keep my asperger's friend out of too much trouble. What should I do?

 

[Nova5]

It seems fairly obvious you're not an American student, so I can't really speak for your school system. However, out here in California, I changed schools seven times before graduating, all in the same district. It was a bit difficult for the first week at each place, but before long it's easy to find someone to hang out with. Don't think it'll be too bad, but once again - could be a bit different.

Best of luck to you!

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

hey if I had to give you an answer it would hafta be yes, you'll make new friends... and if you switch schools 5-6 times and find that all you're doing is making enemies everywhere you go, then you should drop school move to Canada more specifically BC and hang with me, and you can get yer grad deploma off of a 4 hour test and move directly into college and uni courses from there... easier, more time for fun and messin around with stuff... and you get into the fun to learn stuff that you wanna study faster... but meh just my opinion.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

I am going to assume you have not sought help in this matter and would probably not do so even if I suggested it.

Have you tried explaining that whatever you did was unintentional?
I mean, obviously talking reason is a little hard when someone is trying to break your legs, but maybe if you just got word around that it was an accident/misunderstanding, she'll eventualy hear it and see reason.
She doesn't sound like the brightest light on the christmas tree, though, what with being so violent and all, so there is probably little chance of that working.

I dunno. You could try and fix things, be confident in the knowledge that you are at a good school (assuming it is a good school) and this nonsense will soon pass, or flee and try to forget about the whole place.
Really, just do what you think is best for you. Both short term and in the long run.

 

[Communist partisan]

problems need to be solved by force and nothing else than you try diplomacy it usally s*** over it self and you get more problems... i know.

 

[Stainless]

Sounds like a rotten pickle if I've ever had one, not being allowed into the common room pretty much excludes you from half the fun of boarding school. It also sounds like you're not very comfortable with confrontation, so tattling on the bully or trying to reason with her probably won't be an option. I wouldn't tattle even if I could, unless it's on a first degree murder level of seriousness, snitching gives you a mark of shame that never goes away.

Your friend with asperger's is another thing entirely. You're not responsible for her, try seeing the funny side of her blunders and try to remember why you're her friend. Don't try to apologize for her, especially when there's nothing to apologize for, it just makes people think less of both her and you. Easier said than done, I know.

Talk to your parents about the school thing, which you will have to do anyhow if you're serious about switching, and see if they can offer any advice. Switching schools is a rough experience, and you will be starting from scratch in a scary new place. Joining other social clubs where you are now or picking up a new hobby/sport might be a better solution, that way you get to know more people. The bully won't hold a grudge forever, and the more friends or acquaintances you have the harder you are to pick on.

Good luck, I hope it all works out.

 

[NimbleJack3]

As a person with Asperger's, I can say that it can be hard without a social group of similar people. Accept her social awkwardness as part of the package that makes her herself, and when it's hard to deal with her (I know I can be really stupid sometimes) think about the good things about her until you calm down. Aspies are really hard to be friends with, but once you get there we're really great people.

 

[florence500]

I don't actually board, im a day girl. It's just a problem because im at school from 9 am till 4pm, so the time i'm here those girl do make it hard for me. As for making new friends that's part of the problem, we only had a few new girls join when half the year left at the end of year 11 and they're all chinese so i cant really get into conversations with them because I dont speak chinese

my real problem is wether I should leave and have to ajust to a new school, a state school which is different than everything i know, or stay here but have to put up with those girls.

 

[Raven's Nest]

What should I do?

I think you should stay for your friend if anything. Try and branch out by trying different activities, you may even make a few new friends and discover a new hobby you really like. Don't let some ***** make you and your friends life a misery, stand up to her, you're not a fragile little butterfly, you'd be suprised how much of a beating one can take. But not before you deal out a bigger share of pain.

Try and reach out to the chinese girls, they may be willing to share some culture with you and vice-versa, this is always a good starting point for a friendship.

Don't give 'em the satisfaction of leaving a school you're comfortable with because of something like trivial like that.

Remember there is always this option avaliable to you...

The application of a perfectly excuted...

Spoiler

http://www.demotivateus.com/posters/****-punt-demotivational-poster.jpg

She'll never see it coming...

 

[Amnestic]

Kill them all.

It's the only logical path ahead of you.

 

[TheMatt]

Seriously though. This is how you deal with bullies. Go into the common room. When she gets all pissy, punch her in the fucking face.

I am in no way kidding. bullies only pick on those that do not stand up for themselves. besides, from what you said the rest of the girls will probably think of you as their hero for the rest of the time if they are all so scared of her.

I am in no way kidding. It may be hard, and you might consider it 'unthinkable' but do it. Punch her in the face and all your problems will disappear.

I was picked on until grade 8. Biggest loser in my school. Then I socked this asshole (curse you Tom Blejewski you polish fuck) right in the face. Suddenly, I was cool.

I even kissed a girl. woot....

 

[florence500]

Hey again guys, I have been thinking on it for a while now and as much as i'd like to leave, i'm not gonna. It's for a couple of different reasons, mainly because I don't think after bieng in such a small school for so long i'd be able to cope in a much larger state school, secondly because I really don't want to leave my friend on her own. I got a few other reasons but i can't be bothered to say them because they're basically the same reasons but with different words. Thanks for the advice and replies guys, its been a tough call but i'm gonna stick with it and stay put.

 

[Agent Larkin]

Good luck with that. I've been stuck in a similar situation as it was a boys school.

Im in a public mixed school now and everything is alright.

 

[Redtiebear]

Something like this has happened to me before; I had a small niche of friends in a private school, forced to transfer into a public school, didn't like the spotlight...But, to my surprise (in my previously socially awkward state, I can be rather outgoing now, thanks to this change), people can be a lot nicer than you think, and they do try to go out of their way when you're the new kid, so while it was really nerve-wracking (you know that scene in all the B-grade teen movies where new kid doesn't know what table to sit at? Totally true.), I met some really great friends I clicked with. Of course, I met a lot of people I really, really didn't, but you're going to get that anywhere in life, and from my experience, it just might be worth the switch. Deep down, you gotta then ask yourself if you're prepared to leave your school, whether or not you will still be seeing all your old friends, but trust me, it could be a positive change if you're willing to be daring.

Only then later did I go on to an all-girls high...Good times. Best of luck to you, and stay strong.