Poll: Should I get Psychiatric help for this?

[Badong]

Over the past year or so, I've been having thoughts on committing suicide for no obvious reason at all. These, however, are just frequent flashes of multiple ways of killing myself (e.g. putting a gun in my mouth, injecting myself with lethal toxins, jumping off high places, etc.)

However, over the past couple of months, I've been seriously entertaining these thoughts, to the point that I've already failed in killing myself twice; forgetting to put the safeties off in the pistol I stuck in my mouth, and puking out the cyanide-laced water because I couldn't handle the concentration of cyanide in the water, which was twenty five times the minimum required to kill me.

Now, don't get me wrong; I consider myself a person heavily influenced by logic. As a matter of fact, I handle this predisposition to logic very seriously, to the point that I used logic to deal with my love life (which was a terrible idea in retrospect). However, during those times, I just can't listen to the voice of reason in me, which was overshadowed by deficiency in self worth, which led to the flawed logic of perceiving my life as parasitic, worthless, and in need of termination.

What's worse is that after my last suicide attempt, I was completely unashamed of what I have failed in doing, even after meditating/reflecting on the many sufferings I could have brought upon those who loved me; I literally felt no remorse in attempting to do such a cruel act, insofar as being happy of its side-effects (i.e getting me out of school for a while because of confinement in a hospital).

So, my fellow Escapists, should I get psychiatric help for this?

Also: I currently am not feeling suicidal anymore, for whatever reason.

 

[EpicEps]

Badong, you're confused about how your normal logic is not working in these moments of darkness. And when you do think about killing yourself, you feel hopeless and helpless, and that there's no reason for you to continue living. And you don't regret attempting it. I know how this feels, and I know where you are. It is difficult to bring rationality into suicide, because killing oneself is not associated rationality. It goes against the naturally ingrained self preservation. You said that you couldn't listen to your voice of reason during the times where you thought about suicide. You expressed interest in seeing a psychiatrist about wanting to kill yourself, but are questioning it because you aren't feeling suicidal. What harm would there be in going to a psychiatrist now, while you aren't thinking of killing yourself, instead of when your logic falls on deaf ears when you are suicidal?

 

[Lynoxus]

Get help. You sound exactly like me, fortunately I'm not suicidal, and only was a long time ago, but being able to turn off an analytical mind for long periods of time can almost only be done through psychotherapy. I'm in the middle of getting help and it feels unbelievably great. Using pure logic is destructive, I know from my own life. If I can't think reasonably, I start to feel ill, and sometimes have allergic reactions to it.

Get someone to help you before it is too late. (Not trying to be overly dramatic, but the longer you leave it the worse it could get)

 

[EpicEps]

I'm in the middle of getting help and it feels unbelievably great.

Lynoxus is right. I'm in the middle of therapy for dysthymia and ever since I've started going, color has started to bleed back into the world. It feels like I've been wearing sunglasses and carrying a bag of bricks around all the time until now. The constant thoughts of suicide have begun to become less and less frequent. And its not like it has changed my personality at all. I'm still me, but a less weighed down and grey me.