Poll: The Great Escapist Civil War
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Eurgh. Corpses.
Dragons wandered among them, faintly nauseated. They'd all been beaten to death with small, blunt objects. Presumably controllers, judging by the hardware they were all clutching. One young fellow had even tried to assert his dominance, for want of a better word, by bludgeoning rivals with a Rock Band drum kit. What an idea.
Anyway. There wasn't anything to be gained by standing there and gawping at the console war casualties.
Dragons ventured ahead, following the directions given in the letter, and was taken quite by surprise by the sight of a Wii Fit board whizzing past about three inches closer to the end of his nose than he would have considered to be "comfortable".
On second thought, there was a lot to be said for standing in his street and staring at dead bodies.
He attempted a quick about-face, but only managed about 120° before the full weight of an obscenity-spewing troll collided with the back of his head, causing him to execute a highly impractical gymnastic manoeuvre before landing nose-first in the remains of a rather dilapidated keyboard.
This, obviously, was not his day.
Dragons wandered among them, faintly nauseated. They'd all been beaten to death with small, blunt objects. Presumably controllers, judging by the hardware they were all clutching. One young fellow had even tried to assert his dominance, for want of a better word, by bludgeoning rivals with a Rock Band drum kit. What an idea.
Anyway. There wasn't anything to be gained by standing there and gawping at the console war casualties.
Dragons ventured ahead, following the directions given in the letter, and was taken quite by surprise by the sight of a Wii Fit board whizzing past about three inches closer to the end of his nose than he would have considered to be "comfortable".
On second thought, there was a lot to be said for standing in his street and staring at dead bodies.
He attempted a quick about-face, but only managed about 120° before the full weight of an obscenity-spewing troll collided with the back of his head, causing him to execute a highly impractical gymnastic manoeuvre before landing nose-first in the remains of a rather dilapidated keyboard.
This, obviously, was not his day.
A man wearing a red shirt, a labcoat and a scary grin stepped into the bar. In one hand he held a sitar; in the other, a classic Nintendo DS.
"Gentlemen," Sam G said, twirling his sitar in one hand and laying it to rest over his shoulder.
"CASUAALLLL GAMEEERRRRR!!!" One of the bar's patrons cried, diving at Sam with a broken bottle in his hand. Sam casually (nyohoho) flicked the stylus out of his DS with his thumb, held it between his index and middle finger and stabbed it into the drunkard's eye.
"No. I'm not." Sam twirled the sitar in his hand again, then started striking the incapacitated drunk again and again. "You ever played Disgaea, huh? You ever tried to beat the secret boss? Come back to me, years from now, having done that, and then you can tell me if I'm a casual gamer." Sam pointed his sitar at his foe's throat and pressed down, cutting off his air circulation. Just as the drunk was about to pass out, Sam ducked to avoid a thrown knife.
"Hey now. None o' that," a man who looked nothing like a ninja monkey said.
"O-ho, so you'll be that ragtag band of plucky adventurers I've heard so much about! Off to stop the Casual army through willpower alone, are we?" Sam lifted his sitar with one hand and pointed it at the freedom fighters. "I'm interested! Can't help but to notice you don't have a bard among you..."
"I don't think we really need a-" the Logician started.
"-Torturer?" Sam interrupted.
"Again, don't think that'll be entirely-"
"-You know what, I just annihilated a guy twice as old as me using a sitar and a DS stylus. I think I can be of some use, at least."
"...Yeah, alright. Just so long as you don't, like, kill any of us in our sleep, or anything..."
"I can promise nothing," Sam declared, and smiled like a lunatic.
"Gentlemen," Sam G said, twirling his sitar in one hand and laying it to rest over his shoulder.
"CASUAALLLL GAMEEERRRRR!!!" One of the bar's patrons cried, diving at Sam with a broken bottle in his hand. Sam casually (nyohoho) flicked the stylus out of his DS with his thumb, held it between his index and middle finger and stabbed it into the drunkard's eye.
"No. I'm not." Sam twirled the sitar in his hand again, then started striking the incapacitated drunk again and again. "You ever played Disgaea, huh? You ever tried to beat the secret boss? Come back to me, years from now, having done that, and then you can tell me if I'm a casual gamer." Sam pointed his sitar at his foe's throat and pressed down, cutting off his air circulation. Just as the drunk was about to pass out, Sam ducked to avoid a thrown knife.
"Hey now. None o' that," a man who looked nothing like a ninja monkey said.
"O-ho, so you'll be that ragtag band of plucky adventurers I've heard so much about! Off to stop the Casual army through willpower alone, are we?" Sam lifted his sitar with one hand and pointed it at the freedom fighters. "I'm interested! Can't help but to notice you don't have a bard among you..."
"I don't think we really need a-" the Logician started.
"-Torturer?" Sam interrupted.
"Again, don't think that'll be entirely-"
"-You know what, I just annihilated a guy twice as old as me using a sitar and a DS stylus. I think I can be of some use, at least."
"...Yeah, alright. Just so long as you don't, like, kill any of us in our sleep, or anything..."
"I can promise nothing," Sam declared, and smiled like a lunatic.
Xero looked at the carnage the Moderator was making. Xero whistled. "All those trolls gone- poof! two seconds, max." He jumped down to face the moderator just as she finished her victory chant. He had the misfortune of landing right behind her. Lacoil whipped around, her blade seeking Xero's account. "Shit, shit shit!" Xero threw his torso backwards while his hands moved forward to balance. He somewhat resembled a large C. The sword missed his chest by millimeters, the very wind cutting him slightly, resulting in a warning. That sword would not be so nice next time. "Whoa, watch who you're swingin' that thing at! Nearly got me banned!" Xero straightened up and strolled up and down the battlefield. "Nice job. one giant ban. I like it." He sighed here. "One problem: it doesn't really work. Oh, sure, these guys are gone now, but they're trolls. They'll reincarnate and just keep spamming. Even if you cut a thousand, they'll just come back with two thousand more. However, our way is a little more... permanent. Mess with their heads, show them what it's like to be trolled- oh no, we never go over the line, but we don't have to. We can screw with them so much, they never want to come back. Problem solved."Labyrinth said:
"Young user, I have modded these forums longer than you've been on them. Trolling trolls back does not make them go away, it lowers us to their level. I would rather die than let such a thing happen. We have our ways of stopping them. IP bans, Virgilence, getting Kross with users until they stop feeding the damn trolls. They cannot resurrect without dark magic once they have been IP banned.. and for that we have special ways of looking at people. It taints them, and that taint just makes me swing faster."Xero Scythe said:
She wiped her sword with a handkerchief and tossed the scrap of cloth atop a mouldering body. Edledhaion was sheathed in a blur, her bowler hat in her left hand while her right raked through the black hair which tumbled down her back. Her gaze flicked back and forth across the trolls, one by one locked into a contorted pose of agony as the IP bans trickled into place.
Taking off her glasses, LaCoil weighed them in one hand as blood dripped from a lens. She turned her attention to the user standing beside her.
"There will be more. There always are. A mod's work is never done so long as the gates to the site remain open and the wheels spin to churn out threads. The price we pay for our power is our continued use of it," she said with a wry smile. It was true. The Mod Squad (YEAH!) were chosen for their hunger to use what they had, the power. Many were fuelled by rage or indeed, by being Lawful Evil. It was an alignment which meant a lot to those who were the large, thorny stick to the carrot of community acceptance.
"So tell me, who are you exactly? I don't meet many people these days."
Xero shrugged. "My name is Xero Scythe. I followed Sir Schmoopy here from my homeland of Urealms. Then, he just vanished. poof. Gone. He went on a trip to seek enlightenment, and never returned. My people constantly wait for his triumphant return, and will defend as long as necessary until he returns and purged the lands of trolls and other blights with his ring of fire." He faced the battlefield, then turned back to Lacoil. " I followed Sir Schmoopy here, and stayed for the strange and yet exciting land of RP. And in response to your statement, there is always a great price to go with such awesome power. I warned Kuliani not to drink that Berserker's potion, but someone had to triple dog dare her. I've always said, anything that has a skull & crossbones with a berserker on it cannot be good. She went insane, swinging the ban-hammer left and right. Thankfully, someone got to the banned in time before the perma-sickness kicked in. Everyone survived, and Kuliani learned never to take dares to drink questionable potions.Labyrinth said:
(You know, I've never seen this much [good] Mod interest about a single thread. it's actually pretty cool.)
"Aaaaaah!"Excaimed Aby joyously at the sight of this DS and sitar toting man. Aby then hopped off the bar stool and hopped around near Sam, clapping rapidly the whole time. He then reached both his arm behind his back and quickly took out an old PSP Phat and a new PSPgo out, turned them on, and showed this newcomer Disgaea 1 and Disgaea 2 on the Phat and Go respectively. "Disgaea, neh? I know a thing or two about Disgaea..."Sam G said:
After flipping the Go closed, turning it off, and placing it back into his back pocket, Aby stuck his hand out to Sam for him to shake. "Since you mention bonus bosses I am assured in your hardcored...-ness. I'd gladly accept you as a comrade."
Well I did kick this crazy shenanigans off, so the civil war party my fault anyway. Back in the day (yeah, I went there) it would happen every so often that a whole bunch of people would start something crazy like this (see Escapism 2008 Crabnapping [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/362.80087] and President Mobius Ninjanapped [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/jump/362.71342]) and it would just snowball. That's what I foresaw when I first opened this thread. It had potential. It had spirit. It had the first seeds of ULTRA! upon which I could build.Xero Scythe said:
You see, back in the day people had online personas in which they posted. Some still do. It's a fun thing to create for oneself and in my opinion the current lack of them is absolutely tragic. I'm not talking about the kind of Max persona, I'm talking about the 10-foot-tall armoured Badass of Ultrajoe, or the Chef-with-crustacean-companion TheIronNinja (otherwise known as FeNinja). It was a practice we took great pride in, but never took the implications seriously. Or the ego for that matter. It's a satirical, near pantomime elitism.
Anyhow. I must be off. I'll add story when I get back in a new post.
Ragnorak smiled at the mention of Disgaea, stroking his old Dualshock 2 with fond memories of his "Afternoon of Darkness." "Ah, Disgaea. Truly a gem among Tactical RPGs. How far have you gotten in the Item World? Can I buy you a drink?"Sam G said:
Draining another shot of the fine Scottish whiskey, Rag patted the Logician. "'Tis hard to lose a long-time companion. What happened? A virus? Act of God? Talking can only help."
Fire erupted in the east. At least, Loggy thought it was the east. "The mods are attacking the trolls." he said. "The mods are probably going to win, but only because the more powerful trolls are going to get the fuck out. They refuse to work together; that, coupled with their incesent immaturaty and lack of grammar makes them pretty much the weakest group."
"They're also the biggest." Fire Daemon said, cocking his shotgun. "One drop of water his harmless, but one hundred millon and you'll drown. The mods can handle them en masse, but not people like us. I mean, sure, you're all-powerful reality-warping super-strategest, Rex is your protege', , Sam G can kill people with his stylus, and I've got a shotgun, but that means little to the trolls."
"Are you suggesting we attack the mods instead?" The Logician asked. "More to the point...are you strategizing?"
Fire Daemon nodded. "You're in charge now, so I figure someone's gotta do it."
"I can do both." The Logician replied. "More importiantly, I don't trst myself in a position of leadership. I like to think of us more as a bunch of people-"
"NO TERP!" Rex yelled from across the room. The Logician rolled his eyes.
"In any case..." Fire Daemon said. "We're the Croshaw Kingdom. Keeping a name maintains consistency. Something the World Society of Trolls-I'm sorry, the Trollish Trollocity-I'm sorry, the Supertrolls-I'm sorry-"
"They're trolls, you jackass." Wanderfreak said. "Refering to them by their given name implies that they deserve respect. Are you saying-"
"Don't make me point my shotgun at you, Skelly." Fire Daemon replied.
"Let's put it to a vote." The Logician said. "Any one for attacking the trolls, who are inevetably going to swarm over us and destroy us like gigantic pansies, speak up. If you'd rather attack the Mods, who are also going to inevetably swarm us, only a lot later, speak up too. If anyone else has other ideas-"
"How about you all just hang out here?" Invisible asked.
"No. That would be stupid."
"They're also the biggest." Fire Daemon said, cocking his shotgun. "One drop of water his harmless, but one hundred millon and you'll drown. The mods can handle them en masse, but not people like us. I mean, sure, you're all-powerful reality-warping super-strategest, Rex is your protege', , Sam G can kill people with his stylus, and I've got a shotgun, but that means little to the trolls."
"Are you suggesting we attack the mods instead?" The Logician asked. "More to the point...are you strategizing?"
Fire Daemon nodded. "You're in charge now, so I figure someone's gotta do it."
"I can do both." The Logician replied. "More importiantly, I don't trst myself in a position of leadership. I like to think of us more as a bunch of people-"
"NO TERP!" Rex yelled from across the room. The Logician rolled his eyes.
"In any case..." Fire Daemon said. "We're the Croshaw Kingdom. Keeping a name maintains consistency. Something the World Society of Trolls-I'm sorry, the Trollish Trollocity-I'm sorry, the Supertrolls-I'm sorry-"
"They're trolls, you jackass." Wanderfreak said. "Refering to them by their given name implies that they deserve respect. Are you saying-"
"Don't make me point my shotgun at you, Skelly." Fire Daemon replied.
"Let's put it to a vote." The Logician said. "Any one for attacking the trolls, who are inevetably going to swarm over us and destroy us like gigantic pansies, speak up. If you'd rather attack the Mods, who are also going to inevetably swarm us, only a lot later, speak up too. If anyone else has other ideas-"
"How about you all just hang out here?" Invisible asked.
"No. That would be stupid."
Varchld rises from the March Mayhem induced hibernation, woken by the distant troll calls and the song of Edledhaion.
Retrieving a bloodied gauntlet and scythe Varchld heads out to the mouth of the cave to behold a beautiful sight indeed.
As far as the eye could see there were small fissures beginning to open, spewing forth noobs and amateur trolls like lambs to the slaughter.
Leaping from the mouth of the cave Varchld raced into the fray with a grin, sweeping the scythe with a wild precision.
There were limbs of trolls being flung into the air, their bodies turning to ash before they hit the ground.
Reaching the first rift Varchld drags the blade of the scythe along the ground in a circle to encompass it, then raises the bloodied gauntlet, whispers a few words, before bringing it down to seal the gate.
Moving on and spotting Labyrinth in the distance Varchld veers away to head for the user groups mumbling something inaudible.
Retrieving a bloodied gauntlet and scythe Varchld heads out to the mouth of the cave to behold a beautiful sight indeed.
As far as the eye could see there were small fissures beginning to open, spewing forth noobs and amateur trolls like lambs to the slaughter.
Leaping from the mouth of the cave Varchld raced into the fray with a grin, sweeping the scythe with a wild precision.
There were limbs of trolls being flung into the air, their bodies turning to ash before they hit the ground.
Reaching the first rift Varchld drags the blade of the scythe along the ground in a circle to encompass it, then raises the bloodied gauntlet, whispers a few words, before bringing it down to seal the gate.
Moving on and spotting Labyrinth in the distance Varchld veers away to head for the user groups mumbling something inaudible.
Zero Pattern said:
Required Listening
LaCoil threw back her head and laughed. Simply laughed, and it was brutal. She summoned up some spittle and cast it into the eye of the closest troll, followed swiftly by Edledhaion. The incoming sound of Varchld simply spurned her to more violence for she knew that now it was a competition, on such a scale as if Transformer and Decepticon looked at each other across the battlefield, said "Fuck this movie bullshit," and decided to slaughter as much of the human population as they could in revenge.
"Yes!" she cried, hacking the trolls down not one at a time, but three at a time, with just Edledhaion. Her BanMop sheath did its own blunt trauma damage, caving in many skulls. "Give me you IPs! We shall ban the areas from whence the proxies come! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
Weak flames and spam fell on ears which heard more epic music. MP3s were for chumps. LaCoil extracted the anger of Scandinavian Speed Metal from between realities itself, streamed directly into her skull.
"Ooohhohohoh, You're better off dead than fucking with me!" she screamed along to the music no-one else could here. No doubt the woman looked quite insane splattered with code as she hacked and pirouetted through the masses get again. For every new rift that opened she closed two. Not just a Red Guard, she had been filled with the light and the fury of The Staff. Kuliani's voice screamed along with her own, and she could feel the strength that Russ Pitts rocking the fuck out added to her sword.
When the users turned they were cut down as the trolls. Many part-way along the transformation were cured by the light of fury pouring off LaCoil as she hacked down their coercers, that and the pantswetting terror she inspired. She took a minute to draw some doors into the earth and drag Zero's account shell out of the recesses of code so she can slam her forehead into his, splitting his skull upon the brim of The Bowler. The force this entailed scratched her across the temple and let a very rakish dribble of blood slide down LaCoil's cheek. It complimented her eyes glowing red quite well.
The time taken away from the rifts had allowed enough to open that the fun could continue. The flow was stemmed, somewhat to her disappointment. A deep breath. A tightened grip upon Edledhaion and The BanMop. LaCoil raised her voice in a battlecry again and threw herself back into the fray.
Erana woke up in a foreign environment. The sound of dishwashing pervaded the area, with a muted murmur of boisterious socialization in the distance.
Why was Erana in a strange back room?
Why was she wearing an apron with a nametag that says, "Carmen?"
Oh yeah, she had been mistaken for an employee at the local purveyor of alcoholic beverages and didn't want to be rude to all those people asking her for drinks. She stood up, removed the strange apron, and tried to figure out what else was going on. Like why her compulsive healing disorder was acting up. Not too badly this time, though; it felt like the people who needed healing didn't diserve her time.
She avoided the odd looks from the people in the actual employees and made her way to the customer side of the building.
Erana took one look at all the flashy main-character types and planted her forehead on the nearest desk-like surface available. Which was right in front of the Logician. Head still on the bar, she turned so that she could see the scheming group's faces. "If you're going to fight, just please make sure you kill them for real; I really don't feel like having to deal with another large group of people on the brink of death."
Deep down inside, though, she hoped her words would just be a joke.
Why was Erana in a strange back room?
Why was she wearing an apron with a nametag that says, "Carmen?"
Oh yeah, she had been mistaken for an employee at the local purveyor of alcoholic beverages and didn't want to be rude to all those people asking her for drinks. She stood up, removed the strange apron, and tried to figure out what else was going on. Like why her compulsive healing disorder was acting up. Not too badly this time, though; it felt like the people who needed healing didn't diserve her time.
She avoided the odd looks from the people in the actual employees and made her way to the customer side of the building.
Erana took one look at all the flashy main-character types and planted her forehead on the nearest desk-like surface available. Which was right in front of the Logician. Head still on the bar, she turned so that she could see the scheming group's faces. "If you're going to fight, just please make sure you kill them for real; I really don't feel like having to deal with another large group of people on the brink of death."
Deep down inside, though, she hoped her words would just be a joke.
Oh, dear... Last night, my page must've been malfunctioning, because I found no indication of any page other than this; I assumed that with an arbitrary OP like the one at the top of this page, it was a join-at-will spontanious RP and jumped right in. If that was inappropriate, feel free to ignore this post.