Poll: The Next Obama Conspiracy

[tahrey]

I can't believe this shit... of all the jobs in the world that would be subject to the most rigorous and stringent background and security checks - of which, for flip's sake, date and place of birth would surely be one (I've had to prove those with my own birth certificate for far less important things) - don't you think that "President of the USA" would be A#1 on the list?

However, I also don't believe in Hawai'i. It's got a silly name. It seems too perfect. I've never been there and am unlikely to ever to be able to afford to go there. Ergo, it doesn't exist in my mind. If he was born there, then that makes him a moon-alien from Multiverse X, and I'm sorry, but I just don't think we can trust such an extradimensional entity with the affairs of state of one of our planet's most influential human societies.

 

[tahrey]

Note the blue circle. Yeah, this thing isn't over.
Much more of this though my brain is going to explode due to over-exposure to wanton idiocy.

I'm guessing in the USA it's not possible to just rock up at the central records office in downtown Honolulu and ask to see their official copy of that certificate?

Not that it's going to be any more secure or non-forgeable, but it's going to be the best evidence you can get. Plus forging it would be a piece of work - getting a suitable facsimile of the blank form (of the right age, or with recycled fibre, so it would carbon-date to the right period), an identical copy of the typewriter used to fill in the other forms of similar age in there with a good ribbon (and, if you want to be sure, chromatographically identical ink for that and the pens used for signatures), having it lined up in the typewriter and the keys struck in the same pattern and with similar force as the original clerk of the time (yes, you can forensically check that stuff from the indentations), ageing the type and ink without super-ageing the rest of the form, etc.

What's more likely, that someone would go to that trouble to install a reasonably progressive premier who catches a load of hatred from the astonishing number of selfish bigots (but, happily, NOT the (voting) majority) who seem to make up the populace of his country because - shock horror - he wants to pull it out of debt, make sure that people's health can be looked after, its military behave in a more responsible manner, and, oh, he has dark skinned heritage... Or that someone of African descent actually came to live in America (OH MY GOD, THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE), married someone of a different race (difficult, in the face of even greater bigotry - on both sides - but not impossible or unheard of) and had a half caste child who turned out, despite the incredible mental and behavioural handicaps that naturally comes as a result of not having an elevated concentration of melanin in the epidermis*, to actually be reasonably intelligent, and have an altruistic nature and speaking voice, that then developed a strong interest in politics and got lucky enough to make it through to being elected?

...but then I load up "People of Walmart" and "Not Always Right", and look back over the Iraq War scandal, the subprime mortgage fiasco, etc, and realise THAT'S the kind of people we're dealing with here.

* This is indeed a massive dose of sarcasm, for those of you who are terminally hard of thinking; I don't actually harbour white supremacist views.

 

[LostTimeLady]

Oh please can it be 'Hawaii isn't a real place' or 'the white house isn't a place'.

I just really want it to be something so utterly rediculous that they can drop this whole 'Obama's not a ligitimate president' stuff and he can just get on with running the USA.

(The real conspiricy still is that creme eggs have got smaller!)

 

[Bobbity]

Just listen to Donald Trump; he's full of crazy conspiracies.

Man, but I hope that guy runs...

 

[TriGGeR_HaPPy]

Good God, it took all my self-control not to click "Button!" :S

Instead, I'm voting "That he's not a robot from the future". I mean, how do we really know this?

 

[NightlyNews]

You are all sheep. Obama has been tracking everyone through iPhone's in order to hack PSN, steal everybody's credit information and steal money as an underhanded method of tax grabbing.

Bullshit all you want. I see right through you Mr. President.

You forgot the most important part: Obama is Anonymous.

[sub]Yes, all of them.[/sub]

Haha. I'm not sure why that was so funny. Maybe because all of them was in smaller text :I

Does anyone really care if his birth certificate says the U.S. or not. He is clearly American and I would have no problem if they merely had a 20 year citizen clause instead of a born in the US clause.

We already let people who have only been Americans for 9 years serve in the senate and that the legislative branch is easily arguably the strongest right now.

 

[Sovereignty]

So, the White House has provided an official birth certificate. Now a lot of stupid people are going to have a few extra weekends free.

What should they latch on to next?

Where's the option for,

"He should prove how spending on anything save for public works decreases the deficit."

 

[SpAc3man]

And did you know? He smoked marijuana in college!

It would be un-American if he hadn't.

 

[Silenttalker22]

Obama is a far better president than the US Public deserves.

The US public tends to set the bar pretty low, so that's not hard to achieve, but an interesting point nonetheless. Policies aside, the man's conduct in the face of unrelenting idiocy and partisan conniving shows character, and far more restraint than they deserve.

They'll jump to w/e rumor makes them feel pretty. He's a muslim now? I thought the major problem during the election was how much influence his "Goddamn America" CHRISTIAN preacher must have on him. So which is it? They latched onto the preacher, then onto the muslim BS. Logic says both can't be true, but logic never stopped haters.

 

[Zorg Machine]

I think that obama is actually a space god and that his true form is a massive white (yes, Obama is actually white) blob who came to earth as an actor to play the moon 1969 in return for getting a false article planted in Hawaii newspapers as part of his plan...he also killed JFK.

 

[subtlefuge]

Hmm, I must have missed this. I don't care much for Obama, but I didn't see why he should or would have to provide his birth certificate to the doubters. I mean, I guess it was just a weird scenario all around.

I don't care about the next conspiracy. I'm just disappointed that David Duchovny never prepared me for how unglamorous real-life conspiracy theories are.

Edit: I guess proving that he is a 'he' would be the most analogous to his current situation.

 

[CosmicCommander]

Skynet hath infiltrated the Government!

ANARCHY TIME!

 

[Aerodyamic]

Button button button buttonbuttonbuttonbutton.

OT: Honestly, considering the man is cleaning the situation left by previous administrations, I think he's doing remarkably well. Mind you, I also don't live in the US, so I don't see anything first hand.

 

[TheRealCJ]

So, the White House has provided an official birth certificate. Now a lot of stupid people are going to have a few extra weekends free.

What should they latch on to next?

Where's the option for,

"He should prove how spending on anything save for public works decreases the deficit."

In a serious thread in Religion & Politics.

 

[Marowit]

I'm sure it'll be about Hawaii's statehood now.

 

[Woodsey]

Really though, it never would have become that big of a problem if it hadn't have take them so long to find the stupid thing. You'd think if there were one birth certificate they'd be extra sure to keep track of, it would be the President's.

I'm pretty sure they held back on it because the most powerful man in the world has better things to do then satisfy the propaganda of a bunch of fucking retards.

Its only because it became such an issue (1/4 of Americans polled believed he wasn't born in the country!) that they've done it now. And as evidenced, they've released the certificate and they're still not dropping it.

OT: Next they'll just start pounding on about the Muslim thing again (you have a secular constitution in which freedom of religion is supposedly guaranteed - shut the fuck up).

I mean fucking hell, YOU PEOPLE ARE IN THE MOST POWERFUL COUNTRY ON THE PLANET. At least when China steals that position, their real political issues will be focused on.

 

[Lectori Salutem]

I want to vote the 'future robot' option...
... but the darn button option was too tempting

 

[SilentCom]

This topic is silly. Also, Obama is half black and half white.

The crap about the birth certificate is because his dad is Kenyan and Republicans were questioning whether he was born in Hawaii or Kenya. This is mainly a political attack because if Obama was not born in the US he could not be president.

This kind of crap is all too common from all sides and is one of the reasons why I don't like politics. I'm not really surprised it happened though.

 

[TheRealCJ]

This topic is silly. Also, Obama is half black and half white.

The crap about the birth certificate is because his dad is Kenyan and Republicans were questioning whether he was born in Hawaii or Kenya. This is mainly a political attack because if Obama was not born in the US he could not be president.

This kind of crap is all too common from all sides and is one of the reasons why I don't like politics. I'm not really surprised it happened though.

Damn, you saw right through my "this topic is totally serious" facade.

What gave it away? The first silly poll option, or the other silly poll options?

 

[MajorDolphin]

Obama is a far better president than the US Public deserves.

I don't know. I think hes just as bad as Bush. If you're outside the US you can have him. Take Bush too.