Poll: The 'why' in Sexuality

[renegade7]

Absolutely there is a 'why'. Maybe not an experience, but as a psychology student we spend LOADS of time discussing why we act/feel/think the ways we do. However, in regards to sexuality, there is not an experiential factor. It is entirely biological, ie you are hardwired to like a certain gender (usually the opposite, and that's just a couple billion years of evolution talking, but of course that is not universally the case). However, what you desire in a partner of whichever gender you prefer CAN be influenced by experience, as can your level of attraction and desire to whatever it is you like. For instance, in the modern day Western world we idealize physical attractiveness as appearing physically fit (tall, muscular for guys and lean and flexible for girls, etc.). But go maybe 1000 years into the past in Medieval Europe, and you see the opposite. A lack of physical fitness (of course, not the point of obesity) indicated a privileged, and therefore superior life, and thus a more desirable partner. In fact, soldiers would wear combat armor with a 'gut' because it suggested to the enemy that they were far more privileged and wealthy (the physical and health implications of being heavy were not known yet).

Now, I myself am straight but don't feel incredibly strong feelings of desire unless I know her very well. I don't immediately have any attraction to someone even if they are good looking, unless I have a chance to interact directly. I think this is mostly because I am extremely picky about dating partners.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

And how does Pan-sexuality differ from bisexuality?

Hermaphrodites are also an option.

That assumes that, as a bisexual individual, I am not attracted to hermaphrodites or transgender individuals.

However, I am a bisexual woman who IS attracted to hermaphrodites and transgender individuals.

As I have always understood it, the bi vs pan thing works like this:

Bi: "I find people of all genders sexy, so I choose a mate based on personality."

Pan: "I am attracted to certain personalities, regardless of physical appearance."

So, assuming that the above is correct, I as a bisexual woman find various individuals sexy, and then choose to pursue a relationship with one or more of those individuals.

A pansexual individual, on the other hand, would not be initially attracted by sexyness, but by personality type.

I have had a number of conversations about this distinction, and this is the best I can come up with for the difference between Bi and Pan - IN GENERAL. Of course, some individuals vary - I know at least one bisexual who isn't attracted to transgender individuals because that individual associates gender reassignment surgery with genital mutilation. I have suggested to this person that that is silly, but the bisexual individual in question apparently can't help it.

Hope that helped, Aurgelmir.

I'm confused what pansexual even is. Is it like, 'men, women and the occasional dog' or what? Is it like those people who want to fuck the Berlin wall or what?

Here, you too. Bask in my analysis based on multiple interviews and discussions on the topic.

 

[Sightless Wisdom]

The way I see it sexuality is a series of neural associations. This could be from chemical reactions that naturally occur with most people(resulting in heterosexuality) or a combination of chemical reaction and positive or negative experience with a certain sex/gender or the representation of said sex/gender.

I.E I'm heterosexual in the sense that I'm attracted to women and I'm only interested in romantic pursuits with women, but due to my thoughts on aesthetic quality and a lot of time spent watching porn that involves attractive men in addition women I've started noticing when a man is or isn't attractive within my own preference. So there experience has skewed my sexuality slightly, though still not to the point where I'm interested in pursuing men.

 

[Grogman]

As I have always understood it, the bi vs pan thing works like this:

Bi: "I find people of all genders sexy, so I choose a mate based on personality."

Pan: "I am attracted to certain personalities, regardless of physical appearance."

I think that bisexual has come to mean this, but in the literal meaning of the word, that is incorrect. The prefix bi means two, so bisexual means you are attracted to two genders. The prefix pan means all inclusive, so pansexual means you are attracted to all genders. According to Wikipedia, the term pansexual was created deliberately to reject gender as binary (source [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality]), which we now know it isn't, although I would guess that bisexual was adapted to include these to avoid confusion. So technically, these definitions are wrong in the literal sense of the words, but correct in what the terms now mean.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I think that bisexual has come to mean this, but in the literal meaning of the word, that is incorrect. The prefix bi means two, so bisexual means you are attracted to two genders. The prefix pan means all inclusive, so pansexual means you are attracted to all genders. According to Wikipedia, the term pansexual was created deliberately to reject gender as binary, which we now know it isn't, although I would guess that bisexual was adapted to include these to avoid confusion. So technically, these definitions are wrong in the literal sense of the words, but correct in what the terms now mean.

I think you are confusing incorrect with misnomer - something that means something other than what the word defining it would seem to indicate.

The "bi" in bisexual originally referred to both hetero and homosexual, not male and female. It was Kinsey's term for the middle of his scale (I don't believe the word bisexual existed before that). Kinsey was a pioneer of gender NOT being binary, but being a scale - so perhaps what he should have called it was "middle-sexual" ... but that sounds awful, so perhaps we ended up with the better term after all.

Anyway, the point being that the "bi" in bisexual never indicated that there were only two genders - it indicated "both hetero and homo".

(yes, I know lots of people don't like Kinsey, but he did invent the term)

As you indicated, the term has evolved since then. Perhaps a different word would have been better, but this is the word we ended up with.

Also, I attempt to explain it as I do because I've noticed that bisexual and pansexuals - who are almost the same thing, but not quite - get into HUGE arguments and hate one another (and call one another pretentious or bigoted) over what amounts to a minor terminology issue. And that bugs me, because bisexuals and pansexuals are still fairly marginalized socially compared to homosexuals.

One of my bisexual friends can't come out to her family because - I kid you not - they pretty much told her that they would love her if she was gay or straight, while at the same time calling bisexuals "sluts who can't make up their minds". So she pretends to be a lesbian even though she is attracted to men because she doesn't want her parents thinking she's a slut.

I'm getting off topic. My point is - bisexuals, pansexuals - can't we all just get along? The difference between us is (typically) the way in which we approach relationships, not the relationship we actually get in to. We're a hair's breath apart - can't we learn to love each other?

... pun intended.

 

[applesandoranges]

edit

 

[Leodiensian]

For everyone that was asking: pansexuals are just sluts with better PR.

*ba-dum-tish*

In all seriousness, I find the differentiation between bisexual and pansexual pretentious at best, and utterly arbitrary even then, because in practice they mean the same thing in a species that only has two sexes. Such as our species. Maybe if we had a third sex, it would be a meaningful distinction but until we either evolve it or a nuclear holocaust does something hilarious to the human genome, they're functionally the same thing. (Note that I said humans have two sexes. Not genders. Let's not start that debate again.)

I think perhaps it stems from a kind of lurking fossil of the gay panic; something straight people ALWAYS ask non-straight people when they learn about the non-straight person's non-straight status (good lord this sentence is awkward) is "are you attracted to ME?" Straight guys are especially uncomfortable with the possibility of another man being romantically interested in them. I always thought the label of pansexuality was a kind of cop-out position for bisexuals: "Are you attracted me to ME?" "I'm attracted to EVERYONE!" "Oh. Okay then."

That stops the paranoid straight person from feeling specifically lusted after, but has the unfortunate caveat of "pan" (meaning 'all') making people think pansexuals are attracted to bedframes or cars.

 

[aba1]

Whats your sexuality?
Do you think there is a Why too your Sexuality?
Are we born this way? or does it just happen? or do are experiences Define our sexuality?
Have you ever been sexual Attracted to a member of the Same sex when you are not Homosexual?
Have you ever been Sexual Attracted to a member of the Opposite Sex when you are Homosexual?

I guess most wouldn't really consider a fetish as part of there sexuality but I know for me it is a huge part. I am straight but largely into femdom I consider it a big part because I find sex fairly boring without it.

I do think there is a why and have always been curious as to why I am the way I am it seems really strange to like femdom.

I don't think I was being this way but I wouldn't rule it out I really have no idea where it comes from.

Never been attracted to a member of the same race. Guys just don't do it for me.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

I?m a predominantly heterosexual male, because I?ve recently discovered that I?m sexually attracted to women the best where there?s a certain blend (to a degree, of course) of masculine characteristics to them. You know, tomboys, androgynous women, trans women, sexy female bodybuilders, stuff like that. I kind of have a love-hate relationship with both genitalia. At times, penises and vaginas look freakin? weird, but other times, especially in certain scenarios, they do the job.

As I?m comfortable with my sexuality, I do occasionally masturbate to gay porn, just for change, but whenever I do so, I feel as if I?m forcing myself and it just doesn?t feel the same. Like there?s not enough of a catalyst, and I always find myself thinking that I?d much rather just whack off to a girl. I?ve never walked out on the street, looked at a guy and found him attractive the same way I would do a woman. But there are probably exceptions, and I do know people that have said ?I?d go gay for him/her?, like my straight friend with a girlfriend who said that he?d fuck Tom Hardy, despite once saying, ?If you?re a dude, you should fucking act like one!? And my occasional homoerotic fantasies have actually been more intense than actual gay porn videos.

I think it?s a combination of biological and environmental factors that determines your sexuality, although I?d like to add that I personally think there?s a very small minority of people that are 100% heterosexual. It?s more like everyone?s sliding up and down on a scale. People don?t just wake up one morning and ?become? gay, nor can you just ?go back? to being straight because some priest keeps on shouting at you that it?s a choice and the Devil?s just corrupted his mind or whatever bullshit they want to feed you.

One of my bisexual friends can't come out to her family because - I kid you not - they pretty much told her that they would love her if she was gay or straight, while at the same time calling bisexuals "sluts who can't make up their minds". So she pretends to be a lesbian even though she is attracted to men because she doesn't want her parents thinking she's a slut.

Fuck sake, I really don't get the adamant denial of an entire sexuality and, thus, an entire group of people. If they say they're bi, then they're bi. Shouldn't that be enough for some people, instead of going round making unfounded accusations about people they don't even know? It's just as bad as the stereotype that all homosexuals are raging BDSM bum-rapists, when the definition is simply "a man whose primary sexual attraction is other men", and it's not as if BDSM or, for that matter, rape, is exclusive to just homosexual men.

Whatever. People already know this, but sadly, it's not the majority.

 

[Dragonclaw]

As a budding teenager I stumbled upon my parents porn stash...I realized very quickly that I had NO interest in the Playgirls but the other stack was VERY appealing...I like boobies (but only on girls)

I don't think it was a choice at all...I found one stack hot and the other...meh...

I have a friend who had a similar experience, with the opposite result. He discovered that his comic book store carried a magazine called Torso...

I've always believed that the brain is just such a complex thing that it isn't hard to see the wiring for attraction being present from birth.

 

[Shock and Awe]

-Straight

-From what I've seen from biology its the default alignment out of the womb; all others are basically results of chemical imbalance and pure chance. No offense to people who aren't straight its just how I think it plays out.

-See above; yes.

-Thats a big negative good buddy.

-Not homosexual.

Captcha: Know Your Rights

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Fuck sake, I really don't get the adamant denial of an entire sexuality and, thus, an entire group of people. If they say they're bi, then they're bi. Shouldn't that be enough for some people, instead of going round making unfounded accusations about people they don't even know? It's just as bad as the stereotype that all homosexuals are raging BDSM bum-rapists, when the definition is simply "a man whose primary sexual attraction is other men", and it's not as if BDSM or, for that matter, rape, is exclusive to just homosexual men.
Whatever. People already know this, but sadly, it's not the majority.

Think that's bad? I should tell you about my father. Aside from the fact that he discouraged me from playing with Transformers because they were too "boyish", when I was in my teens he pretty much told me that he'd disown me if I was a lesbian.

Not because he has anything against gay people - because he wanted grandchildren, and apparently if I'm gay I can't have kids. Which is obviously bull. I managed to come out in my 20s, but it took some doing. I was out to my sister and mother LONG before my father.

 

[Dags90]

Well, yeah. There's a world of difference between sexual attraction and liking someone as a human being.

The OP seems to suggest that one leads to the other.

your just born that way' [also i don't listen to most modern music so i was unaware of the Lady Gaga song'] i wasn't sold on this either, because if you have certain experiences with a gender you might end up hating that gender. As far as i know people aren't born with hate, so i was really against the wall trying to figure it out.

He essentially equates homosexuality in men/women with dormant misogyny/misandry. Which is entirely contrary to the old Freudian standby of "gay men are too close with women at a young age, and want to suck their dad's cock to get close to him."

 

[Dags90]

As a budding teenager I stumbled upon my parents porn stash...I realized very quickly that I had NO interest in the Playgirls but the other stack was VERY appealing...I like boobies (but only on girls)

When my and my brother discovered our parents' porn stash our first reactions were:
A.) So much hair....
B.) Does that woman have a penis? Is she really putting it in that guys bum....?

 

[targren]

Well, yeah. There's a world of difference between sexual attraction and liking someone as a human being.

The OP seems to suggest that one leads to the other.

Nah. Appreciation of someone's personality might lead to ACTING on sexual attraction, but not create the attraction itself. And if the inverse is true (appreciating BECAUSE of sexual attraction)... well, that's a whole personality fault in itself.

 

[Matthew Kjonaas]

I think parents think these thinks up so they can tell their kids when they ask question and that there is really no right answer.

 

[Leodiensian]

I have to say, I was extremely lucky being gay with the parents I have. My mother works in sexual health, meaning she sees a lot of what we'll diplomatically call non-normative sexual activity and the potential consequences thereof. She's also extremely aware of STI's and how to avoid being rotted from within by them. But thankfully it means she's very non-judgemental and supportive. As for Dad, he doesn't seem to have any problem with it, that I'm aware of, but he's been very clear that it's terra incognita as far as he's concerned and just sort of stays out of it.

Basically when I came out it was a matter of "yeah, I pretty much already knew, basically don't have any strong opinions one way or the other about that and by the way here's some condoms". Which was kind of horrifying. It's awkward enough having your parents trying to tell you the facts of life. Try having your mother hassle you over keeping up with the latest in STI vaccinations and prevention techniques. Or giving you interesting facts such as how British backpackers are pretty much solely responsible for every case of genital warts on the continent of Australia. (You're welcome, Oz!)

Oh, and walking past her office when she's working? The pictures on her computer? Not pretty.

 

[subtlefuge]

Only pompous pathological liars are pan-sexual or demi-sexual. Gender-blindness would have to be a mental disorder. Being attracted to all possible gender identities is not the same as not seeing any sexual difference between them. Also, I would love to meet someone who has literally never had any sexual thoughts about someone with whom they do not have a deep personal relationship with.

 

[General Twinkletoes]

Straight, but dear god I can't stand all these trendy nu-age sexualities, you can be gay, bi, straight or asexual.

Labelling yourself as demi or pansexual just makes you look like a pretentious dick, regardless of the whole "gender blind" thing it's supposed to represent, if you're bi, you don't care which sex you sleep with; hence BI sexual, it's in the frikkin name, I don't care if you don't like the name Bisexual, you're still Bisexual regardless of what you decide you're called.

I myself tend not to fancy girls till I get to know them, as personality is a massive factor for me, but that doesn't make me some new sexuality (demi sexual in this case) or asexual, it still means I'm straight, I just have certain preferences for what I find attractive.

Otherwise I could make up all kinds of shit, "Oh I'm not straight, I'm geek-sexual/punk-sexual, I'm not going to conform to your labels!" When in fact all you're doing is labelling yourself something which fundamentally means the same thing as you're trying to avoid and just look like a dick because almost everyone has to fucking google or ask you what the hell you're on about.

On one of the other questions, David Tennent probably fills the "same sex attraction" niche, I wouldn't say I fancy him in a gay way, he's just...David Tennent, you all know what I mean.

I'm bisexual because I can derive romantic and sexual stimulation from both sexes. Not much else to it.

See, there we go this person gets it, damn your "Pansexuality"!

Does bi sexuality include people who are in the middle? I'm pretty sure that's pansexuality, from what I've heard anyway.

OT: Strait. Not much more to say really.