Poll: There is one thing the Escapist community has not answered...

[saintdane05]

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Let's look at the facts here.

Edward
Pros
Original: He was the one the book was originally about.
Vampire: And all benefits of it.
Standard grooming
Niceish.

Cons
Drinks blood
Technically dead, so sex would be necrophelia
Has a crap ton of haters.
Played by Robert Pattinson
Abandons Bella every ten minutes
Can only mate with another vampire

Jacob
Pros
Rugged as fuck
Passionate
Werewolf and all benefits of
Does not need another werewolf to mate.
Many friends
Son of ruler
Cons
Wolf form, so lots of cleaning clothes
Shits on floor
Might be bestiality
Lives outdoors
Needs two types of food, including raw meat

So, who would you pick?

 

[Evil Top Hat]

How is Robert Pattinson playing Edward a con? Guy's freaking amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBpNps3xATc&feature=youtu.be

 

[Colour Scientist]

I know this is a joke thread but I would totally do Robert Pattinson, not Edward, Pattinson.

 

[saintdane05]

I know this is a joke thread

It's not. I honestly want to know what the escapist thinks.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Ok, one of them is a creepy stalker, the other is a pedophile on steroids.

This is one hell of a tough pick, but I would have to go with Edward.


(This is a "whom would you kill first thread, right?)

 

[Harley Q]

This may take some time, I'm still trying to figure out what is worse, bestiality or necrophilia...

 

[triggrhappy94]

Which one's the allegory for Joseph Smith?

 

[Rose and Thorn]

I don't think I would want either of them. Can I be team Bella? She does some stupid shit, but atleast she may make a good lover.

For the record I haven't seen all the movies, I only read the books, so I don't like Bella because of Kristen Stewart. I have only seen the first movie and if I am going by the movie then I would be team James. Mmmm yummy.

Spoiler: Team James / Cam Gigandet!

 

[Ed130 The Vanguard]

Team "Nuke the Fu#king Town from Orbit."

However there doesn't seem to be an option so I will have to go with Jacob.

 

[Zeldias]

Well, Edward stalks her, watches her sleep, and basically toys with her emotions and she seems to be in an abusive relationship with him while Jacob is a codependent wreck that

Spoiler

falls in love with a newborn mutant baby.

I'm Team Bella stops dating, works on her grades, enjoys her teen years without fretting over marriage, and gets a good degree that sets her on her desired professional path. And see someone because she seems to have some devastating self esteem issues.

 

[War Penguin]

Honestly? I'd choose Team Edward if his character was written as a Bela Lugosi type vampire. He'd have the pouffy hair, the fancy clothes, the cape, the large fangs, EVERYTHING! Seriously, that would make the movies just plain awesome. Just picture it...

Bella: You don't have a bed?
Edward: Blah! No! I only sleep in z'is coffin! Blah, BLAH!!!

*Both enter the sun*
Bella: You're beautiful...
Edward: HHSSSS!!! *Hides behind cape*

I also like the idea that when he's with the other vampires, they all act normally and he's the only one doing the act.

Other Vampire: Ugh, Edward... Please. Enough with the act!
Edward: V'hat act? I'm acting normally! Blah, BLAH!!!

... So I would vote Edward, if he would act like that.

 

[yeti585]

I know this is a joke thread but I would totally do Robert Pattinson, not Edward, Pattinson.

You know, I was going to dig that video up.

The writing is terrible either way. There is also this:

[link]http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/escape-to-the-movies/6525-Twilight-Breaking-Dawn-Part-Two[/link]
Around 2:00 to 2:23
". . .That basically means he's permanently bound to her in what the movie is at great pains to stress are strictly platonic terms."

The "finger quotes" picture ties that together.

 

[Ruedyn]

I think I'm more of a team Alucard kind of man

 

[wintercoat]

Can I be team "The Host was a better novel that the Twilight books were"? Seriously, better pacing, better characterization, better character growth, a main character you don't want to throw in a wood chipper. It's actually rather good. Ending was super sappy, but I enjoyed it. The movie's gonna butcher it, I just know it will

 

[StBishop]

This may take some time, I'm still trying to figure out what is worse, bestiality or necrophilia...

Bestiality is worse. A living thing is harmed. Necrophilia is gross, but only disrespectful, not actively evil.

 

[lacktheknack]

I was going to say Team Jacob until I saw those vids.

So... I can't decide. Team Gale it is, whoever Gale is.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Where's the neither option? Honestly why should I give a shit about either of them? I'm not a 14 year old girl.

 

[Souplex]

This may take some time, I'm still trying to figure out what is worse, bestiality or necrophilia...

Bestiality is worse. A living thing is harmed. Necrophilia is gross, but only disrespectful, not actively evil.

Except in Jacob's case, he can consent, so a living thing isn't harmed.
In general though, beastiality is worse.

 

[Smeggs]

This may take some time, I'm still trying to figure out what is worse, bestiality or necrophilia...

Bestiality is worse. A living thing is harmed. Necrophilia is gross, but only disrespectful, not actively evil.

In this case the beast is fucking the girl, so...only the girl may be harmed?

 

[teh_Canape]

"abandons Bella every 10 minutes"

that's not a negative, that's self preservation
Bella is Palpatine's meaner cousin