Poll: Virginity. purity, innocence

[Abomination]

I will take the paperwork. No matter how well you think you know someone, you can grow up with them, they be your highschool sweetheart, everyone around them speaks wonderful of them, they can volunteer in their community and be considered a great guy, then you find out much later after living with them for a while they are a con artist lying drug addict that pretended to go to college for an entire semester while they were out pool sharking all day. The truth is people LIE. It is better to be safe than sorry.

I think Abomination was speaking more to the paperwork of marrigae, though I admit I could be wrong here.

I've had partners who outright got offended that I wanted to use protection when sleeping with them. Yeah, that was awkward.

I meant that paperwork proving they have no STDs.

The logistics behind it is the main reason, if you ask for it before you have sex it's like "You really fancy your chances, don't you?" or "Really? NOW? We just got naked and into the heavy petting." and if it's after sex one can only ask "What's the point NOW?"

Sure it sounds good "on paper" (ahah, see what I did there?) but in practice it's a brick wall in the middle of a horserace.

 

[Stasisesque]

I've collected a couple of virginities in my time, none of which was a particularly pleasant experience. In one case I didn't have any idea he had been a virgin until almost a year later. That destroyed my confidence and I went off sex entirely for a long time. I would be very hesitant to sleep with another virgin, that sort of pressure is a bit much for me. I don't want to be anyone else's big regret.

So, don't lie to the person you're about to bang about your sexual experience, would be my advice.

 

[afroebob]

To be honest, I do value it, but it is something that I wouldn't ever put to much stress on. While it is a part of my faith that people are supposed to stay virgins until they are married (yes, I am a Christian, please insert comments on my supposed lack of intelligence and ironic statements about how my hatred of anyone who is different than me ruins the world below) because it represents giving yourself to another, two people becoming one, blah blah blah you know the drill but to be honest if I was with a chick I was absolutely nuts about and I found out that once upon a time she was, let say, a hooker in Vegas I could look past it if I truly loved her and after a little time it wouldn't even bother me at all, because that is not what is truly important, it is who you are on the inside that really matters.

 

[Risingblade]

It's not a must have but I can't argue with the appeal of taking someone's innocence away

 

[PeterMerkin69]

I can see how it would be a comfortable lie to tell yourself if you're a germaphobe or something but I've never been particularly worried about STDs myself. Condoms and other forms of protection are so godawful they almost make sex more trouble than it's worth and about the only time I've ever used them was when I was hooking up with random strangers. Even then I only did so begrudgingly. Thankfully I'm something of a serial monogamist so that's usually not an issue for me, I just find someone who's hopefully clean and on birth control then stick with them for as long as I can. Even if that weren't feasible I'm not sure I wouldn't risk it more often anyway, the guarantee of bad sex is far worse than the possibility of catching 'em all.


I can't help but feel superior to people who take pride in their virginity. They're like people who are proud of themselves for vegetarianism or for abstaining from drugs and alcohol. "Look how much fun I'm not having with my brief, temporary life you guys!!1" Awesome. You're going to die anyway and if you're not having any fun then what's the point?

 

[VeneratedWulfen93]

I'd like my first time to be with another virgin so its not completely horrible but thats not gonna happen since im 19 in the North of England. Its gone past the point of being innocence since I missed out on the 'awkward fumbling first time' malarky that most teens go through and I'm afraid most partners will expect experience that I do not have.

I suck at relationships though so I'll be dealing this problem in an other few years or so.

 

[Rattja]

Think about it.. You put a part of yourself, inside another person. That to me is kind of a big deal, and a bit weird.

You make it sound like some sort of organ transplant, it's more like sticking your finger in someone's ear.

Well it kinda is, well not exactly, but if you don't prevent it, you will end up with growing a bunch of new organs inside of another person (or yourself).

I don't know, just think the entire thing is rather gross. Just like eating a meal when you saw the cook spit in it earlyer.
At the end of the day the entire point is to reproduce, it feels good to encourage that. The fact that we found a way to prevent it from happening and do it for fun is just strange to me.

It's just biochemestry anyways, so I could also draw parallels to drugs, if just feeling good is the point, but let's not get into that here.

 

[Doclector]

From my observation of people in general, I always thought that beyond a certain age, virginity is a taint. A sign of failure to meet social standards.

Personally, I'd have people do what they wanted provided they're beyond the age of consent, but I don't decide what is socially right or wrong, the majority do, and they appear to say that virginity is a mark of shame, and as they are the majority, it is so.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

I insist on getting any new romantic/sexual partners screened for STDs/STIs before we sleep together, so the STD thing is a non-issue for me.

Personally, I'm not too fussed whether my partner is a virgin or not. As a few other people have said in this thread, when you sleep with someone for the first time, it's basically a clean slate anyway. It's bound to be slightly awkward/uncomfortable the first time around because it's unfamiliar territory.

I'd prefer my first night with my partner didn't end in blood, particularly because I'm the only one who should have a hymen, and it's already been broken.. so I'd like to know where the blood was coming from, please.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

I would think the risks involved in waiting until marriage would be that you could have completely different sex drives, thus risking the makings for a crappy marriage. If you have someone with a high sex drive and someone with a low sex drive, it causes resentment in the relationship and results in an unfulfilling marriage. However, if you have people with compatible sex drives and you determine this prior to considering marriage, they are more likely to be satisfied with their sexual partner and it is less risky for the resentment build up that exists in sexually disfunctional relationships.

Ok, but I don't see how that is something that cant be solved by talking. I mean, even if you haven't had sex, you should be able to tell what your own sex drive is. Then again, may we can only because ours are SO low. Or maybe they aren't low, and are just being insanely well controlled, because both of use believe that "sex is only for children", and would only have sex in such situations.

Say you have sex with her the first time, you think it is the greatest thing ever and want to do it again and again, and she decides then she doesn't like it and she never wants to do it again? Since you have agreed to "until death do us part" you're stuck with celebacy for life! LOL

And this is bad because.........

I didn't marry her to have sex. I married her....well, I guess will be marrying her (after I am done with college) because she is my friend, I enjoy spending time with her, and I want to have a family with her. Sex does not even enter that code. Its completely secondary, and If I am unsatisfied, so be it. But I will never cheat on her just because she isn't giving me enough. Because I already hate those kind of people.

Rumpy-bumpy should be fun, not a chore. You don't buy a car before you take it for a test drive.

Ok, I'm sorry, but I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive. I'm not getting a car, I am picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So what if this one thing doesn't add up. If everything else does, it shouldn't matter.

ps: Its also worth mentioning that out of the two cars I have ever owned, I test drove neither. I could tell what I needed to know by looking at it. And anything that needed fixing, I was willing to fix, unless it was already too far gone. To compare this to the analogy of a woman being a car, this would mean if we get along and there are some problems, I would point them out and try to fix them together, and if we just cant get along, then the problem is already too large and I wouldn't bother.

?You can only have sex with me, and we?re not going to have sex!? can be a bit of a deal breaker.

Is it? Mister, you don't know my girlfriend. She gets VIOLENT toward cheaters. To the point she threatened her STEP DAD at one point!(her mom and him have since divorced). She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running. And she has already said that if I ever cheat on her, she is going to come after me with her katana and a black Cadillac possessed by Satan[footnote]If you don't get that last one, listen to this song. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVEBZLrjpw4][/footnote], so I already know that she would get angry enough to make the Devil envious.

 

[PeterMerkin69]

I don't know, just think the entire thing is rather gross. Just like eating a meal when you saw the cook spit in it earlyer.

Oh, it's much worse than that. Every place that's worth sticking it is a bacteria or fungal infested cesspit. I don't care how clean you think you are, your body/personal petri dish is already host to billions of other organisms, with some of the absolute highest concentrations in the deepest, darkest pits of the living donuts that constitute your digestive/waste tracts. Just remember, your ass, your pussy, your mouth, aren't really the insides of your body. They're on the outside, and the things that live out there are waiting around to eat whatever you eat, including flesh. Have you ever moved sheet plastic that's been sitting outside in the damp shade for a few months and watched all the worms, bugs and beetles squirm around? Sex organs are a lot like that, only with built-in incubators and a lot more human shit, piss and spit.

Hello, boys!

 

[SsilverR]

Nowadays knowing that a girl's a virgin puts me off.

 

[Colour Scientist]

She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running.

That's a pretty silly belief. Divorce is on the rise because of a huge melting pot of reasons, I'd say that one is fairly far down the list.

You know, I know you probably don't mean to, but when these threads come up you make your girlfriend sound like an incredibly judgemental person.

 

[Darken12]

I will admit, I try to be accepting of people's fetishes, but the virginity-fetishisation is a bit too much for me. I don't mind it when it's like, a preference or something that turns them on, but I've seen some ungodly creepy descriptions of people who've fantasised over every little detail. That's what creeps me out.

Also, fuck virgin-shaming. And virgin-prizing. And fuck slut-shaming, too, since I'm at it. Virginity is no big deal. It's just something you are, and then you're not. Nothing changes. It doesn't matter at all.

 

[Sabitsuki]

The only person's virginity you should ever concern over is your own. If you want the loss of it to be a special moment shared with a person you are absolutely sure you want to have it. Great! If you don't want to believe that it is overly important, and simply want to get on with your life doing whatever acts of fornication you want. Equally great! I think the value placed on the virginity of someone aside from yourself does nothing but weigh people down with a mountain of poor social implications.

On one hand, it can be a form of slut shaming. It's used to degrade people who choose to engage in an active sex-life by implying that they are no longer 'pure' because of it, that you are disgusting or unclean. It's used to look down on a person because they didn't save their first time for 'you', and that not saving it for 'you' is a failure on their part. It's incredibly arrogant.
These implications can also be carried over into cases of sexual abuse. Someone brought to believe they must keep their virginity to be 'worthy' of certain partners can find it being a reason why they let cases of sexual abuse go unreported. They wouldn't want anyone to know they were violated, and therefore no longer 'innocent'.

And on the opposite side. It can also be seen as a mark of failure when you do keep your virginity. As if the decision to not have sex is a failure on your part. That you absolutely need to dedicate a portion of your time to sexual pursuits, regardless of how much it actually means to you. That not having sex is proof of being undesirable. This can even go so far as to add pressure to give in to the advances of someone even if they are not sure they want to have sex.

Decide how important your own virginity is to you, not the virginity of anyone else.

 

[waj9876]

The entire idea behind the whole "virginity=purity" thing goes back to when women were treated as objects, and sold as possessions. The men of that time could be very picky about what they wanted, all that horrible shit. It still sticks to this day because we humans are pretty damn horrible to each other, even to this day.

The only person's virginity you should ever concern over is your own. If you want the loss of it to be a special moment shared with a person you are absolutely sure you want to have it. Great! If you don't want to believe that it is overly important, and simply want to get on with your life doing whatever acts of fornication you want. Equally great! I think the value placed on the virginity of someone aside from yourself does nothing but weigh people down with a mountain of poor social implications.

On one hand, it can be a form of slut shaming. It's used to degrade people who choose to engage in an active sex-life by implying that they are no longer 'pure' because of it, that you are disgusting or unclean. It's used to look down on a person because they didn't save their first time for 'you', and that not saving it for 'you' is a failure on their part. It's incredibly arrogant.
These implications can also be carried over into cases of sexual abuse. Someone brought to believe they must keep their virginity to be 'worthy' of certain partners can find it being a reason why they let cases of sexual abuse go unreported. They wouldn't want anyone to know they were violated, and therefore no longer 'innocent'.

And on the opposite side. It can also be seen as a mark of failure when you do keep your virginity. As if the decision to not have sex is a failure on your part. That you absolutely need to dedicate a portion of your time to sexual pursuits, regardless of how much it actually means to you. That not having sex is proof of being undesirable. This can even go so far as to add pressure to give in to the advances of someone even if they are not sure they want to have sex.

Decide how important your own virginity is to you, not the virginity of anyone else.

Thank you for putting the image of Sabitsuki from .flow saying this into my head. No, really. Thank you.

 

[MajorTomServo]

I think you're from an alternate universe. As far as I've been told by society, if you're a virgin, you're a hopeless loser who obviously can never be loved, and not having sex is something to be ashamed of.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

To those who say get tested even if you're a virgin (which I am): If I do and I happen to be the carrier of something nasty, would I have to die, become a eunuch out of fear of infecting someone or get castrated to ensure I never penetrate an orifice?

*topic* I don't really care much about other peoples' virginity. Although it would be a bit stressing if I were to bone someone who has been as thoroughly run through as a well-known hardcore pornstar, I think it would be even worse were I to bone a virgin female (at my age? Such a notion would be preposterous), as I'm basically introducing her to the world of sex.

captcha: mumbo jumbo. Describes my post perfectly.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

To those who say get tested even if you're a virgin (which I am): If I do and I happen to be the carrier of something nasty, would I have to die, become a eunuch out of fear of infecting someone or get castrated to ensure I never penetrate an orifice?

*topic* I don't really care much about other peoples' virginity. Although it would be a bit stressing if I were to bone someone who has been as thoroughly run through as a well-known hardcore pornstar, I think it would be even worse were I to bone a virgin female (at my age? Such a notion would be preposterous), as I'm basically introducing her to the world of sex.

captcha: mumbo jumbo. Describes my post perfectly.

Of course not!!! The most important factor in getting tested is early treatment. I am not going to attempt to powder puff it and make it out to be a great thing if you do test positive for something that is not easily treated, but it increases your chances for a better life the earlier one starts treatment. Also the idea that you somehow have to give up sex and life simply because you have an illness is also false. Many people live happy fulfilling lives and take proper precautions to protect those they care about. Yes, it does carry responsibility, and certainly would be a life changer, but there are also a great many support groups in existence now so that you would not have to do this alone. There are people to help you through. There are even STI specific dating groups where they only date people who have already been exposed so they do not have to worry about causing harm to another. I am not going to tip toe around it and make it out to be better than it is, but that does not mean your "life is over" if you should test positive. You can still have a happy and good life regardless of the challenges that are thrown your way.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

You know, I know you probably don't mean to, but when these threads come up you make your girlfriend sound like an incredibly judgemental person.

Which is wierd because her reaction to just about everything is "I don't care. Do what you want." Seriously, I try to ask where she want to go for lunch and her reaction is "I dont care. Anywhere is fine." In fact cheating is the only thing she gets really judge-y on. Oh sure, SHE may be picky and say "You should wait until you are married to have sex." she will let you do what you want (Though she will still say that the reason marriage is collapsing because guys can't keep it in their pants, and that one of the reasons she loves me is BECAUSE I don't want sex with her). I think the reason she gets so mad is because she has seen cheating destroy her family time and time again. Her real dad divorced her mom (who married him when she was 16 and had her first child that same year. He was a soldier if that means anything). She then went through 4 stepdads, who all cheated on her mom, and now her mom has sworn off men. I was around when the final guy was there. Even after her mom forgave him, he STILL cheated on her (hence her "Men can't keep it in thier pants!" opinion). She was PISSED over that, to the point she didn't even want to see ME for afew days. And I want lying when I said she threatened her own stepdad. Her mom still likes me though because she knows I am a good kid and would hurt her like that.

If it means anything, she always says how the 1900-1920 and 1940-1950 are her favorite time periods.