just a hint make your first message a short self introduction if nescessary then ask if they are up to discussing what ever it is you were asking about. then nothing more till /if they reply. in real life you dont just walk up to people and start on one do you? i'm not saying you are but i am saying you come off as a bit of a stalker.ohya said:
Poll: When you message someone a few times and you know for sure that theyre ignoring you - what'd you do?
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Thanks for sharing your opinions, fyi this is not just for my benefit, but for the benefit of anyone participating in discussion. Sorry if this came across as selfish when it sounded like I'm only asking for my personal benefit, that is not the case at all. the particular reason why it bothers me that this person has specifically ignored me is because it is someone that pretends to be nice in public posts on a forum(not Escapist), he puts up an anime avatar and pretends to be a girl, and always tries to sound good to the public eye. But when you contact him privately, no matter how nice you are going to be he will still ignore you. My friends have also complained that they were ignored by him. Yet there are some people that consider this person to be a great guy, and believe the absurd claim that he is a girl irl, yet he is a male fat jerk who likes to piss people off - and I know this, I'm not just assuming right now. So thats what I hate about that guy. He tries to appear nice but he isnt. Like, a hypocrite person. I just hate seeing people thinking about how nice he is when he is not nice at all. People shouldn't be blind like this - but on the other hand I cannot PM every single person to inform them, or create a public thread about it because it would be deleted/get me in trouble. I realized, I might just not need to bother with him because he is a waste of my time - but it still sickens me to encounter him every time. So I'm not 100% sure what to do about him. I cant 100% prevent myself from encountering him because he's on the same forum I am on(again, not Escapist).
If anyone can give useful advice on that I'm all ears. Again, it may also benefit the many lurkers reading this, not just me.
If anyone can give useful advice on that I'm all ears. Again, it may also benefit the many lurkers reading this, not just me.
Isn't this thread just a repeat of the same thread you made last year?
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.862067-Poll-A-good-friend-of-yours-suddenly-decided-theyre-not-talking-to-you-anymore-What-would-you-do
Did you read the advice/opinions in that thread?
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.862067-Poll-A-good-friend-of-yours-suddenly-decided-theyre-not-talking-to-you-anymore-What-would-you-do
Did you read the advice/opinions in that thread?
Simple, I ignore them aswell then.
If they don't even bother writing atleast a no, they aren't worth the time.
If they don't even bother writing atleast a no, they aren't worth the time.
Pretty much this. But i would treat the friend the same way if they texted me and concentrate on friends that treat me right. Its a two way street after all.Silentpony said:
So you're going miles and miles out of your way, with your friends, to confirm that someone you don't know on some public internet forum may or may not be of the gender he or she prefers to show themselves as and that the fact that they may be lying to you is so heinous that you have to send them message after message just to prove that they are not 100% who they say, or better yet, you think they are?
I'm more surprised that person didn't make a thread asking for advice on how to deal with someone incessantly stalking them over the internet for bullshit reasons.
I'm more surprised that person didn't make a thread asking for advice on how to deal with someone incessantly stalking them over the internet for bullshit reasons.
I'd hope I'd leave them the hell alone at that point. If somebody doesn't want to talk to me, they don't have to. Nobody owes me their time. This applies especially to internet strangers on forums and other online places. It'd be preferable if they had told me up front that they aren't interested in talking to me but I understand people not responding as there is so much shit on the internet you don't want to deal with. Ignoring a conversation on the internet is understandable to me.ohya said:
If I didn't believe they'd have any reason to dislike me I'd be a bit perplexed and offended. If I did believe they'd have some reason to dislike me, I'd think them petty for ignoring me or even putting me on their block list (which could also explain such behavior).ohya said:
In either case I'd just ignore them back and move on. Going around saying "this person is ignoring me!" is really unhelpful in general. It's gossipy and very hard to corroborate, and will likely lead some to suspect that perhaps the cold shoulder was deserved. In short, it isn't prudent to tattle.
...
Yeah, ok, this really does not look good. Nobody is obliged to give you their time, if repeatedly bugging them doesn't work, then stop. Don't try smearing them, getting back at them, or badgering them. Leave them alone, and, TBH, go away and think about why the hell you were considering those as options, and why you didn't drop the whole thing sooner. The whole thing is wrong.
I'd also add that "an appropriate and polite manner" is a meaningless phrase by itself. Intentionally or nor, that covers a lot of things that may or may not be appropriate and polite.
Yeah, ok, this really does not look good. Nobody is obliged to give you their time, if repeatedly bugging them doesn't work, then stop. Don't try smearing them, getting back at them, or badgering them. Leave them alone, and, TBH, go away and think about why the hell you were considering those as options, and why you didn't drop the whole thing sooner. The whole thing is wrong.
I'd also add that "an appropriate and polite manner" is a meaningless phrase by itself. Intentionally or nor, that covers a lot of things that may or may not be appropriate and polite.
Depends.
Some random forumite? Meh, ignore it, move on.
Tizzy? Find his house and throw a potato through his window.
Staika? Mail a blow up anime girl sex doll to his mothers house. With a note saying "You'll never know better Geoffles". Then await the lulz.
Some random forumite? Meh, ignore it, move on.
Tizzy? Find his house and throw a potato through his window.
Staika? Mail a blow up anime girl sex doll to his mothers house. With a note saying "You'll never know better Geoffles". Then await the lulz.
You let it go. The friendship is already dead and the chances of you being able to explain it or fix it or make them see your side is already gone and dead. It's not the answer you want to hear and the very idea has probably created a panicky feeling that refuses to let you believe what you already know.ohya said:
It's not the end of the world, and it only matters as much as you let it. Happiness comes as much from how you think about things (maybe only about how you think of things) as much as it does having "good things" like friends or family or love.
Bow out, leave this person graciously wishing them well in life, and go on being a kind, courageous, and self controlled person.
Me personally, I've had several very close friends I've known since high school that completely stopped talking to me during a pretty bad struggle with depression and anxiety. I was more than a little insufferable. That hurt a lot and "made" my situation a lot worse for me. I flailed around trying to talk to them on facebook and over text, but they gave excuses at first and eventually completely stopped talking to me.
I burnt my own bridges and accept that. I was not able and mostly likely will not be able to repair even though I've grown and am not the same kind of person as then.
You could argue that it shows a lack of maturity to just disappear on a friend rather than talk to them and then pull out, but that's not important to you. It won't help to demonize any flaw you could pick out in their behavior.
If you don't mind me asking, what reason do you have for contacting a stranger on the internet privately? I know there are some good reasons, like if they asked you to contact them privately, but I can't really tell how offensive ignoring you is if I don't know why you tried to contact him in the first place.ohya said:
I can totally understand someone feeling hurt and upset by being snubbed and ignored, so the instinct to react in the ways you mentioned is completely understandable. When being ignored you may want to inundate the person with messages hoping to get a response, or attack the person for snubbing you.ohya said:
Those behaviors are not the best way to deal with this issue though. Who knows why the person is ignoring you, maybe they have something going on in their life that is demanding their attention, perhaps you said something they found offensive, or maybe they just decided they didn't want to talk to you anymore for no particular reason.
We can't force people to interact with us if they don't want to. The only thing you can really do is send a message asking why you haven't heard from them and perhaps asking if you offended them with something you said or did, but if they don't respond the best thing to do for both yourself and that person is to just move on. Even if they don't want to talk to you anymore there are plenty of other people out there who do.
If you find that many people eventually stop responding to you then you might want to examine the ways you are interacting with people to see if there is a reason why people end up cutting off contact with you.
I don't think I've ever actually PM'd someone on a forum. I've quoted people, sometimes anticipating a response. However, I usually just forget about it and move on if no response was given.
This poll is like one of those multiple exam questions from the softie professor who wants everyone to pass.
Just let it go. At no point in the history of the world did hectoring someone increase their desire to communicate with you.
Just let it go. At no point in the history of the world did hectoring someone increase their desire to communicate with you.