My usual Michael Bay rants aside, I also detest Uwe Boll and M. Night. Shaymalayalatnaynannn, and now, Tim Burton. Not that he is on their level, but Mr Burton definitely pissed me off the other day.
I watched his Planet of the Apes remake.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
1. You do NOT cast barbarian women who look like barbies.
Come on. How much lipstick do zoo creatures get? Being a bit realistic wouldn't hurt.
2. You do NOT take the entire point of the first film (that a man was treated like an animal by animals, and asking the question of are we really animals ourselves in the way we treat our world), and convert it into Robin fucking Hood 2.
3. You do NOT pay tribute to an old classic by dropping lines in from the old film. When the dude grabbed that big apes foot, and the big fellow responded with "Get your hands off me you darn dirty human!", I physically cringed. It reminded me of another film about a planet full of sentient apes ruling over humans, a much better film about apes ruling over humans.
4. You do NOT have cameos from actors in the original film. This is for the same reason as reason 2, it reminds you of a much better film. Sticking Charlton Heston in this as a bed-bound ape gave me a real "WTF" moment of wondering who the hell it was, and how the ape kinda looked familiar. This leads me onto the entire point of this hate fueled rant.
5. You DEFINITELY DO NOT go and fuck up the entire film by having a cameo, lines from the first film, fucking up an entire reference to the first film, completely ruining the point of the first film, and giving us a "WTF" moment all in the same god-forsaken scene. As a reminder, the end of the Planet of the Apes original contained an iconic moment in film making that was powerful and disturbing, and ranks among the most memorable of all movie scenes...
In the remake, there is a scene (the aforementioned Charlton Heston bedridden scene), which is one of the first scenes in a long time which has brought me to tears. Not because I was emotionally moved, but because I drove my pen right through my palm and nailed my hand to my table. In this scene, Charlton and Tim Roth are discussing how evil humans are, when Charlton, for no fucking reason what-so-ever, rants the lines he says at the end of the first film, "God damn you all to hell", and then just dies. Why did he say that?! What the hell is going on with this damn film?! Who thought this would be a good idea?! Arrghhh!!!
If Tim Burton is allowed to remake Soylent Green Hollywood shall burn.
Has anyone else seen both films and which do you prefer?
I watched his Planet of the Apes remake.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
1. You do NOT cast barbarian women who look like barbies.
Come on. How much lipstick do zoo creatures get? Being a bit realistic wouldn't hurt.
2. You do NOT take the entire point of the first film (that a man was treated like an animal by animals, and asking the question of are we really animals ourselves in the way we treat our world), and convert it into Robin fucking Hood 2.
3. You do NOT pay tribute to an old classic by dropping lines in from the old film. When the dude grabbed that big apes foot, and the big fellow responded with "Get your hands off me you darn dirty human!", I physically cringed. It reminded me of another film about a planet full of sentient apes ruling over humans, a much better film about apes ruling over humans.
4. You do NOT have cameos from actors in the original film. This is for the same reason as reason 2, it reminds you of a much better film. Sticking Charlton Heston in this as a bed-bound ape gave me a real "WTF" moment of wondering who the hell it was, and how the ape kinda looked familiar. This leads me onto the entire point of this hate fueled rant.
5. You DEFINITELY DO NOT go and fuck up the entire film by having a cameo, lines from the first film, fucking up an entire reference to the first film, completely ruining the point of the first film, and giving us a "WTF" moment all in the same god-forsaken scene. As a reminder, the end of the Planet of the Apes original contained an iconic moment in film making that was powerful and disturbing, and ranks among the most memorable of all movie scenes...
In the remake, there is a scene (the aforementioned Charlton Heston bedridden scene), which is one of the first scenes in a long time which has brought me to tears. Not because I was emotionally moved, but because I drove my pen right through my palm and nailed my hand to my table. In this scene, Charlton and Tim Roth are discussing how evil humans are, when Charlton, for no fucking reason what-so-ever, rants the lines he says at the end of the first film, "God damn you all to hell", and then just dies. Why did he say that?! What the hell is going on with this damn film?! Who thought this would be a good idea?! Arrghhh!!!
If Tim Burton is allowed to remake Soylent Green Hollywood shall burn.
Has anyone else seen both films and which do you prefer?
