Poll: Your stance on monogamy?

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Wolfram23

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Mar 23, 2004
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I think monogamy is great and all, but I also feel it's tempting to want to be a polygamist. It's definitely a base instinct, but I think it's also an imporant part of being human that we resist base insticts for logical and practical and emotional reasons... basically, we have a higher instict.
 

tautologico

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Apr 5, 2010
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Monogamy is simpler for society as a whole; inheritance rights, family relationships, a lot of very pragmatic stuff is simpler when everyone has only one (at leas one "official") partner.

Things are quite more complex than thinking monogamy "feels right" because you were taught this way. No matter how much you love someone, you will eventually feel attracted to other people. I do think it's quite possible to deal with this and continue to be monogamous, but simply trying to deny and repress the urges won't do much good.

Yes, many times the "we're not biologically made to be monogamous" may be just a lame excuse for people who want to cheat. But I don't think monogamy is right because it's right either. It's more complex than that (even though I am monogamous myself).

And as many people before have said, if it is consensual polygamy and no one is being hurt, I don't see why anyone would have problems with this.
 

lettucethesallad

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Nov 18, 2009
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I think polygamy is fine if others want to do it, whatever floats your boat. But I'm a one-man kind of girl and would probably not date anyone who was intending on hooking up with other girls, at least not if the relationship was serious.
 

Cavouku

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Mar 14, 2008
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Polygamy to me just feels animal in mindset, and that's exactly why I don't like it. I don't look at myself and think I'm a homo sapiens sapiens, I think I'm a person. But that's not my reason for monogamy, just my reason against polygamy. Not everyone feels the way I do, but it's hard for me to get along with polygamist-minded people, they just seem hedonistic and aloof.

I believe in love is all. I doubt I need to justify that if someone's felt it.

Oh, I guess that answers the "if polygamy was legal/accepted" thing. I just... couldn't go up to two girls and tell them I have a crush on both of them.
 

PayneTrayne

Filled with ReLRRgious fervor.
Dec 17, 2009
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I personally find it odd to leave one person sexually frustrated, let alone several. Me being polygamous would be a plague upon the world, the likes of which have never been seen.

But for you guys, hey man, whatever floats your boat. Just please don't pick up my girl.
 

Giest4life

The Saucepan Man
Feb 13, 2010
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dathwampeer said:
Giest4life said:
Monogamy is the last vestiges of a dying human race--the race of the "last men," as Nietzsche called them. There is nothing good, noble, and praiseworthy about monogamy. Just as there is nothing special with polygamy.

dathwampeer said:
If we were meant to be monogamous we wouldn't have any desire to cheat.

Simple as.

Penguins don't cheat, in-fact most of the time when one's partner dies. It will simply never mate again. Some die soon after, thoughts are from grief. Wanna know why? Because they were born to be monogamous.
Be careful with that, sir. When you say "we" how sure are you that you speak for 100% of the human populace, the dead, the living, and those that are not yet conceived? I'd be careful with generalizations like that....
It's human nature to be at the very least curious about having sex with other people. Even if someone doesn't cheat, there is a 100% chance that at some point during any relationship they've had. That they have looked at another prospective mate in sexual way. whether or not they act upon it is another matter.

What I am sure of is that monogamy, especially as far as males are concerned, is counter intuitive as far as survival of the species goes. Atleast in a primitive situation. Spreading your genes to as many mates as possible gives you a greater chance of special survival.

That's not so important now. But old habits are hard to kick. Especially ones that are ingrained on you at a genetic level.

I generalise because it's true.
Again, sir. Do you know if it's true for the 100% of those--even males--that have yet to be, those that are, and those that were? What makes you think everyone is concerned about the survival of the species--let alone its progress? It's a disturbing trend that I've seen amongst humans: the trend to state their observations as the "truth."
 

Okysho

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Sep 12, 2010
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I'm indifferent to the general situation, but I myself couldn't do that to my girlfriend. Nor would I really be able to live with it. It'd hurt the people who'd rather be just with you and no one else.

Plus... Doesn't marrying multiple women seem like you're... using them a bit?
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
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It's right, for religious, mental, and possibly even physical reasons. Sex triggers a happy sensation that slowly degenerates with each partner. I'll concede that maybe that's propaganda. However, consider how absolutely awful you feel when you find out your partner is cheating on you. Kinda puts a bad light on multiple sex partners.
 

Scars Unseen

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May 7, 2009
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Lady Nilstria said:
In fact, someone saying a person can't control himself or herself is an insult to all humanity.
Are we to assume, then, that you are not a big fan of modern psychology?

As for the rest of your post, well, you are obviously deeply religious and I would never try to sway you from that. I do question some of the specifics, however. If a man/woman combination is supposed to excel, why is it that most people feel more at ease when in the company of their own gender. Not romantically obviously(that's another topic altogether), but just in general. Also, on a historical note, how does the trusting bond part of your argument fit in with arranged marriages? What about extended families? On the surface, it seems that your idea of marriage is focused on the nuclear family, which is a historically exceptional situation.

I'm not trying to attack your stance, merely to provoke discussion.
 

Baneat

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Jul 18, 2008
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Why are all your options right or wrong? Right and wrong don't come into this.
 

Aurora219

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Aug 31, 2008
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Multiple partners invariably gets messy.

Hell, one f*cking partner gets messy most of the time, who needs more than one thorn in their side..

Yeah, just broke up with my girlfriend, taste the bitterness...
 

TheMadPunter

Helium Voice
Nov 2, 2010
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tautologico said:
Monogamy is simpler for society as a whole; inheritance rights, family relationships, a lot of very pragmatic stuff is simpler when everyone has only one (at leas one "official") partner.

Things are quite more complex than thinking monogamy "feels right" because you were taught this way. No matter how much you love someone, you will eventually feel attracted to other people. I do think it's quite possible to deal with this and continue to be monogamous, but simply trying to deny and repress the urges won't do much good.

Yes, many times the "we're not biologically made to be monogamous" may be just a lame excuse for people who want to cheat. But I don't think monogamy is right because it's right either. It's more complex than that (even though I am monogamous myself).

And as many people before have said, if it is consensual polygamy and no one is being hurt, I don't see why anyone would have problems with this.

Hear hear. Monogamy is certainly much simpler for "society", but restricting people's lifestyle choices simply to make the paperwork a little easier is absolute bollocks.

At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own experience. Obviously it's good for everyone when we're not all killing and robbing each other, but forcing people to conform to norms against their nature leads to deception, cheating, self-loathing, and worse. It's entirely possible there are societal norms that the vast majority of people think are crap, yet they retain a stranglehold on all public interactions.
 

Giest4life

The Saucepan Man
Feb 13, 2010
1,554
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dathwampeer said:
Giest4life said:
dathwampeer said:
Giest4life said:
Monogamy is the last vestiges of a dying human race--the race of the "last men," as Nietzsche called them. There is nothing good, noble, and praiseworthy about monogamy. Just as there is nothing special with polygamy.

dathwampeer said:
If we were meant to be monogamous we wouldn't have any desire to cheat.

Simple as.

Penguins don't cheat, in-fact most of the time when one's partner dies. It will simply never mate again. Some die soon after, thoughts are from grief. Wanna know why? Because they were born to be monogamous.
Be careful with that, sir. When you say "we" how sure are you that you speak for 100% of the human populace, the dead, the living, and those that are not yet conceived? I'd be careful with generalizations like that....
It's human nature to be at the very least curious about having sex with other people. Even if someone doesn't cheat, there is a 100% chance that at some point during any relationship they've had. That they have looked at another prospective mate in sexual way. whether or not they act upon it is another matter.

What I am sure of is that monogamy, especially as far as males are concerned, is counter intuitive as far as survival of the species goes. Atleast in a primitive situation. Spreading your genes to as many mates as possible gives you a greater chance of special survival.

That's not so important now. But old habits are hard to kick. Especially ones that are ingrained on you at a genetic level.

I generalise because it's true.
Again, sir. Do you know if it's true for the 100% of those--even males--that have yet to be, those that are, and those that were? It's a disturbing trend that I've seen amongst humans: the trend to state their observations as the "truth."
you're not observant for pointing out the fact that I'm not every human to have ever existed. Is it also right to say that you don't know that every human is born with blood because you haven't tested every human to prove this? I think I choose to believe in hormones over inane philosophical prattle.

Just because you can't prove something to be statistically true doesn't mean it isn't.
If you must know, statistically, nothing is true, because nothing can really be tested to it's fullest. Name me a study in which the sample is the whole human population. A quick search of "statistics" on wikipedia should have yield you the results you need.

Only the ignorant call it "inane philosophical prattle." I guess, you need to fill in the hole in your, so called, "knowledge."
 

Sparcrypt

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Oct 17, 2007
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I see a lot of people refering to one person being 'bound' to another. Poor wording if you ask me.

I personally do not want my partner to sleep with anyone other then me and as I feel that way it would be unreasonable for me to have multiple partners. Not that I feel that I need any.
 

Therumancer

Citation Needed
Nov 28, 2007
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THEMILKMAN said:
Monogamy-the practice of having only one spouse/mate (etc.)

I've heard people before (mostly promiscuous people) give the excuse that monogamy goes against our base instincts as human beings/animals. They give the example that most animals just whore around with every other one so why shouldn't humans? (Although I believe some animals do practice monogamy not sure which ones though) They think our sole goal in life is to spread our seed around as much as possible. Truth? Or a convenient excuse for their promiscuity (generally whoreing around in case you don't know)?

Not to mention those crazy Mormons LOL.

I feel that monogamy is right simply because it just feels right. Having more than one spouse/mate (etc.) seems like it would just make you feel dirty. But I've never experienced a polygamous relationship so I can't say for sure.

How do you feel about monogamy?

EDIT: Secondary question: If polygamy was all of a sudden generally accepted in society (and legal) would you practice it?
I answered "other".

Polygamy is nessicary for society. Humans are more advanced than other animals as is our society, not to mention our basic capabilities. As a result we have to operate differantly.

Simply put, our population is generally split 50-50 between the genders, with things going a few percentage points in either direction at various times. When you start seeing people with multiple spouses, you wind up with those extra spouses being removed from the "pool" of availible mates and wind up with a lot of people with nobody. Not to mention putting all of the best people into the hands of a few.

Understand that even if things go cross gender, with wives having multiple husbands (which is fairly rare) it comes down to social class. The rich are going to have as many spouses as they can afford to maintain. Also, all arguements about gender equality aside, it's much easier for a man to have multiple mates (and impregnate them) than it is for a woman to have multiple husbands and bear them all children or whatever (all comments about a few of the matriarchal societies out there aside).

As a result Polygamy is going to largely lead to a large number of angry young men without an availible pool of women. Also while "unfair" and superficial, understand that the majority of attractive women are typically going to be marrying (or being married off to) the richest guys out there that can support them. This means that the women who don't wind up being married into some rich guy's Harim (not to be confused with a Harem... a Harim is where you keep your wives, a Harem is where you keep your concubines) are liable to be... less than desirable.

Over the years I've read some stuff about Polygamy and the sociological impact of it. To avoid making this rant too long, in short societies with tend to practice Polygamy wind up having a lot of problems. Wars are started by the elite to get rid of the excess men, and you see a lot of obtuse laws put into place to maintain the social order. It's been argued that a lot of the theocratic cultures out there which are also Polygamists developed their laws, doctrine, and policy largely to try and keep the population in order under these circumstances. Faith and fear of supernatural retribution can keep people in line under some rather extreme situations. Those same policies can arguably be considered contributing factors to why faith based cultures who never underwent a transition to an age of reason have not progressed like the rest of the world has.

Even in the US there have been problems in dealing with Polygamy cults.

http://www.epinions.com/content_415015014020

http://marriage.families.com/blog/defining-marriage-what-about-polygamy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_boys_(polygamy)


Just to show a few.

The bottom line here being that even in the US there is a problem in dealing with the results of this kind of lifestyle, because (as mentioned above) there is no way to prevent these groups from casting out the young men (so the older, wealthier men can have all the women) once they are no longer legally obligated to provide for them.

In the US we don't have to worry about some Shiek (Arabic) Or Rajah (Indian) making societal wide policy or "speaking for god" to deal with the problem, or someone starting a war to cut down the population of men. But there is still a societal effect, and while the above examples are simply an annoyance, affecting a relatively small group of people, if we saw this going on throughout the entire nation it would be catastrophic.

Thanks to those who read this far, the bottom line is that I am against Polygamy for sociological reasons. I think Monogamy is nessicary for the smooth functioning of society, and Polygamy has been a contributing factor to the decline (or lack of advancement) of many civilizations.