Post Your Drabble

[MurderousToaster]

While browsing the internet, I found something most amusing.

[HEADING=3]Write your own story in several easy steps! [http://prillalar.com/drabbles/][/HEADING]

Post what you make.

I'm going to go ahead and give anyone reading this a warning: these will probably be offensive, immature, overtly rude, sexual and completely bloody hilarious. You have been warned.

Spoiler: One I made. Another warning - totally immature beyond the realms of human imagining

The Impudent Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Fudgepacky Flippington and Fappy dog shover went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Fudgepacky Flippington hit Fappy dog shover in his femur with a big ballsy iceball. It hurt a lot, but Fudgepacky Flippington kissed it gaily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really dickmongerish snow man!" Fudgepacky Flippington said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Fappy dog shover said. "That would be more queertastic and politically correct."

"I know," Fudgepacky Flippington said. "We can make a snow enormous camel. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up queerily and made a fudgefaggy snow enormous camel. Fudgepacky Flippington put on a banana for the urethra. The enormous camel was almost as big as Fappy dog shover.

"It looks ballslappish," Fudgepacky Flippington said facebookily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Fappy dog shover said and held up an insalubrious horseballs. "I found this in spess." He put the horseballs onto the enormous camel's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the enormous camel, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl ready to deep strike.

Fappy dog shover screamed hard and ran but the snow enormous camel chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow enormous camel shagged him arsenobbily.

"Nobody does that to my little Rightupthearse Duck," Fudgepacky Flippington screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow enormous camel through the phallus. It fell down and Fudgepacky Flippington kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Fappy dog shover said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The horseballs lay in the yard until an asscakey child picked it up and took it home.

 

[Trivun]

Now this one was bizarre. I have a short story series prepared to write (thinking of doing it as a webcomic) and two of the main characters happen to be in a band together, are love interests (sort of, it's a bit messy and something of a love square, rather than a triangle), and the girl plays guitar while the guy plays drums. They share singing duties. So I stuck these character names in, along with loads of words describing them and the general storyline. This was the result...

Spoiler: The Visionary Stranger

The Visionary Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Rob strode along the path, making for Musical Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Creative Drums, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Shoulder.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his passionate camera just in time to face the artistic woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck innocently, and Rob barely raised his camera to meet the attack. They fought long and jokingly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Rob found himself forced to one knee, the woman's camera pressed to his avant garde arm. "I am Niamh of Musical Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Creative Drums. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on the beanbag chair."

But Rob had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his camera with a twist, overpowered Niamh and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Rob said, looking down upon her.

Niamh's hand shimmered like a star that shined brightly over the mountains and forests of her heart. "I have underestimated you, Rob. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Rob's desire was enflamed. His arm throbbed and all his thoughts were to kiss Niamh like a cat. Rob caressed Niamh's bright hand and she responded. They came together laughably, and their joining was as experimental as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet guitar!" Rob groaned and kissed Niamh as tearfully as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Rob said. "That's where I put the Creative Drums for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed melodically on the grass, forgetful of all but their independent love. "We will stay together forever," Niamh said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Shoulder never got the Creative Drums and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

Um, I would post mine, but it got very steamy very fast, and Santa Claus was involved... so yeah.

 

[MurderousToaster]

Um, I would post mine, but it got very steamy very fast, and Santa Claus was involved... so yeah.

I wrote one and it involved an old woman getting their liver hit with an enormous donkey wang.

 

[Raven's Nest]

Lol...

Spoiler: A Pair of Nipples In Time

A Pair of Nipples In Time...

On a dark and dingy morning, Batman sat in the batcave. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His heart ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Robin to love someone with a distinguished manhood?

Calmly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like an enormous moist black rubber suit, all on a summer's day. I wish my Robin would penetrate me, in his own impressive way..."

"Do you?" Robin sat down beside Batman and put his hand on Batman's ass. "I think that could be arranged."

Batman gasped forcefully. "But what about my distinguished manhood?"

"I like it," Robin said surreptitiously. "I think it's smooth."

They came together and their kiss was like a derranged psychopath dancing in the night.

"I love you," Batman said swiftly.

"I love you too," Robin replied and penetrated him.

They bought a bat, moved in together, and lived awkwardly ever after.

What has been read.... Cannot be unread....

 

[TomCorf]

Sluggishly Tripping

Milton tripped along seductively. He was on his way to meet his lover, Brian, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a leoplurodon hopping along, carrying a meatball in its mouth.

Milton was almost hiding in the closet when he came across a jiggly cake, lying alone on a strap - on plate. "That must be a treat from my backwards bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked tight, so he ate it.

It gave him the most bendy tingling sensation in his cochlea. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Brian.

When Brian came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Milton cried queerly.

"Your testicle! And your navel!" Brian said. "They're hard! Can't you feel it?"

Milton felt his testicle and his navel. They were indeed quite hard. "Oh, no!" Milton said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that jiggly cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Brian said. "I got you a traffic cone. It must have been that milky man who lives nearby. He acts a little gracefully, ever since he thrusted a melon."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Milton sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Brian said retardedly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your testicle is really huge like that."

"Really?" Milton dried her tears. Milton kissed Brian and it was an entirely blue sensation, like a 4th grade student that recently discovered page 3 of the newspaper.

They spent the night having entirely blue sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

 

[Ambi]

Contrivedly Tripping

Beatrix Bertina-Maude tripped along conceitedly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Ludwig Pegasus, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a lizard hopping along, carrying an ice cube in its mouth.

Beatrix Bertina-Maude was almost on a stage when she came across a finger lickin' good cake, lying alone on a br00tal plate. "That must be a treat from my poncy bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked crass, so she ate it.

It gave her the most spiffy tingling sensation in her finger. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Ludwig Pegasus.

When Ludwig Pegasus came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Beatrix Bertina-Maude cried hastily.

"Your ear! And your elbow!" Ludwig Pegasus said. "They're negligible! Can't you feel it?"

Beatrix Bertina-Maude felt her ear and her elbow. They were indeed quite negligible. "Oh, no!" Beatrix Bertina-Maude said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that finger lickin' good cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Ludwig Pegasus said. "I got you a spray-bottle. It must have been that unconscionable man who lives nearby. He acts a little awkwardly, ever since he licked a hair-brush."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Beatrix Bertina-Maude sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Ludwig Pegasus said doggedly, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your ear is really gnarly like that."

"Really?" Beatrix Bertina-Maude dried his tears. Beatrix Bertina-Maude kissed Ludwig Pegasus and it was an entirely maxtreme sensation, like a deathcore breakdown coming from an obnoxious 18 year-old's car as he drives down a suburban street at midnight giving old ladies heart attacks..

They spent the night having entirely maxtreme sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

 

[TomCorf]

sorry, just have to post another one

The Adventure Of The Octopus

George Bush and Hideo Kojima were out for a harrassing Valentine's walk in the space core. As they went, Hideo Kojima rested his hand on George Bush's urethra. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so juicy, George Bush was filled with deadly dread.

"Do you suppose it's startling here?" she asked happily.

"You creepy silly," Hideo Kojima said, tickling George Bush with his whip. "It's completely intimidating."

Just then, a succulent octopus leapt out from behind a furry - handcuffs and humped Hideo Kojima in the vagina. "Aaargh!" Hideo Kojima screamed.

Things looked tear - provoking. But George Bush, although she was squidgy, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a XXX VHS tape and, like a suicidal giraffe who accidentally clicked on Rebecca Black's 'Friday' video, beat the octopus pervertedly until it ran off. "That will teach you to hump innocent people."

Then she clasped Hideo Kojima close. Hideo Kojima was bleeding dandily. "My darling," George Bush said, and pressed her lips to Hideo Kojima's bowel.

"I love you," Hideo Kojima said annoyingly, and expired in George Bush's arms.

George Bush never loved again.

 

[TomCorf]

okay one last one

The Miracle Of The House - Elf

Chuck Norris hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a jujitsu trained elderly lady being held at gunpoint, worrying about the condition of her casserole. He loathed it.

Every December, Chuck Norris would feel himself getting all round inside. He refused to put up a Christmas cactus, he snapped at anyone irregular enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Chuck Norris had to go to the mall to buy a brass condom. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing selfishly around and so much Christmas music blaring painstakingly, he thought his bladder would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an out - of - place woman collecting for charity. Chuck Norris never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the out - of - place woman dropped his bells and ran in the digestive system of a leviathan. There was a love - making house - elf right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the out - of - place woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Chuck Norris rushed out and regretfully pushed them both out of the way. There was a sleeping bang and then everything went dark.

When Chuck Norris woke up, he was in a horny room. There was a Christmas cactus in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Chuck Norris's clit hurt. A lot.

The out - of - place woman came into the room. "I'm so headbanging!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Michael Jackson. You saved me from the truck. But your clit is broken."

Chuck Norris hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas cactus up and his clit was broken, he felt quite stimulated, especially when he looked at Michael Jackson.

"Your clit must hurt agressively," Michael Jackson said. "I think this will help." And she screwed Chuck Norris several times.

Now Chuck Norris felt very stimulated indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Michael Jackson. "I love you," he said, and kissed Michael Jackson suggestively.

"I love you too," said Michael Jackson. Just then, the house - elf ran into the room and nuzzled Chuck Norris's shit-pipe. "I brought him home with us," Michael Jackson said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Chuck Norris said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

 

[Plurralbles]

Couldn't have written better if I wasn't using a weird app : )

The Cat Princess

Duke was walking through a benevolent meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a semi-opaque little cat lying under a tree.

Duke skipped over to see the dear thing and was chubby to find that she was hurt! A car had pierced her choleric little finger and she whimpered huskily with the pain.

"My smart little friend," Duke said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the car, as stupendously as he could. The cat cried out and Duke's heart ached, like a doggy humps a lamppost. "You'll be all right," Duke whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Venessa and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Venessa up in his arms, Duke carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Duke nursed Venessa, cleaning her finger and feeding her Bacon-brand cat chow.

On the eighth night, Venessa climbed into bed with Duke. She burrowed under the covers and quickly licked Duke's palm. It made Duke giggle and he cuddled close to Venessa, stroking her wenus and singing melanchololy to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Duke hurried home so he could curl up with Venessa. It gave him a strong feeling whenever Venessa licked his palm.

Then one night, Venessa looked up at Duke and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an intelligent princess."

Duke screamed serrendipidously, he was so surprised. How could a cat talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Venessa said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Duke said and kissed Venessa on her wenus. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an intelligent princess! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Princess Venessa," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Duke said.

"See?" Venessa said and showed Duke the scar from the car on her finger. Then she kissed Duke and they tumbled on a boat and did a lot of very dextrous things, some of them involving a magnificent moon.

"I love you," Venessa said when they were done. Duke clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Venessa had stashed away.

And if Venessa didn't know about Duke's visits to the cat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.

 

[TomCorf]

fuck it... i'm addicted

The Evil Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Justin Bieber and Wolverine went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Justin Bieber hit Wolverine in his nose with a big deadly iceball. It hurt a lot, but Justin Bieber kissed it angrily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really golden snow man!" Justin Bieber said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Wolverine said. "That would be more ornate and politically correct."

"I know," Justin Bieber said. "We can make a snow goomba. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up hurriedly and made a shiny snow goomba. Justin Bieber put on a dildo for the bellybutton. The goomba was almost as big as Wolverine.

"It looks shaggable," Justin Bieber said stunned. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Wolverine said and held up a constipated Agent Smith. "I found this in a bucket of cold fish innards." He put the Agent Smith onto the goomba's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the goomba, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a small puppy forced to live on the streets of New Orleans.

Wolverine screamed dazedly and ran but the snow goomba chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow goomba eyed him contently.

"Nobody does that to my little Valuable Helicopter," Justin Bieber screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow goomba through the disco-stick. It fell down and Justin Bieber kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Wolverine said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The Agent Smith lay in the yard until a sharp child picked it up and took it home.

 

[Death on Trapezoids]

Gather round, fellow entities, and hear the tale I have come to tell
A tale of mere existence
A tale of searching, and of mystery

There once was a boy, not six months past earning his driver's license, making his way through life as best he could. The boy is the silent, bookish type, knowing from experience that to withhold his opinion and observe the flow of the conversation draws much less ridicule than to jump into the fray. In his short life, the boy has experienced great trauma, scarring experiences that have shaken his belief in himself and darkened his outlook, events that have caused him to question the morals and, indeed, the sanity of his fellows. Events that taint his perception of the world to this day. The boy is no master of conversation, never having had much practice.

Eventually, the boy discovers the Internet. Here, perhaps, is finally a place where he can express himself, his opinions, without fear of being ridiculed and abused. The boy looks through the masses of forums, the comics and blogs, seeing great acts of kindness and understanding, but many more acts of senseless cruelty and mindless trolling. At least, he thinks, I have the option of disappearing completely. One day, the boy chances upon a comic, a forum, where very little cruelty or trolling occurs. A community, a place where perhaps he can feel at home. But now his lack of social graces return to haunt him; watching the community debate matters he has little experience with, he wonders what is too much, what is too little, what is appropriate?

When the boy is finally feeling like he's learned how to navigate the complex social structure of the internet, the forum wobbles and collapses the way so many do, done in by the work of one very persistent bastard.

The boy now sits at his computer, having decided to reveal his story and heart to the merciless wilds of the internet.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Spoiler: An Erotic Story

The Striking Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Cesta and Laura went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Cesta hit Laura in her breast with a big tempting iceball. It hurt a lot, but Cesta kissed it satisfyingly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really tender snow man!" Cesta said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Laura said. "That would be more blasphemous and politically correct."

"I know," Cesta said. "We can make a snow eel. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up erotically and made a delicious snow eel. Cesta put on a stilleto for the inner thigh. The eel was almost as big as Laura.

"It looks erotic," Cesta said slowly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Laura said and held up a smooth paddle. "I found this on a bed." She put the paddle onto the eel's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the eel, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like two kitten playing under a spandex.

Laura screamed bountifully and ran but the snow eel chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow eel caressed her exceedingly.

"Nobody does that to my little Beautiful Whip," Cesta screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow eel through the rump. It fell down and Cesta kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Laura said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The paddle lay in the yard until a buxom child picked it up and took it home.

What. The. Fuck.

 

[Dango]

Lol...

Spoiler: A Pair of Nipples In Time

A Pair of Nipples In Time...

On a dark and dingy morning, Batman sat in the batcave. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His heart ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Robin to love someone with a distinguished manhood?

Calmly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like an enormous moist black rubber suit, all on a summer's day. I wish my Robin would penetrate me, in his own impressive way..."

"Do you?" Robin sat down beside Batman and put his hand on Batman's ass. "I think that could be arranged."

Batman gasped forcefully. "But what about my distinguished manhood?"

"I like it," Robin said surreptitiously. "I think it's smooth."

They came together and their kiss was like a derranged psychopath dancing in the night.

"I love you," Batman said swiftly.

"I love you too," Robin replied and penetrated him.

They bought a bat, moved in together, and lived awkwardly ever after.



What has been read.... Cannot be unread....

I really just can't stop laughing. That was brilliant.

OT: Here's mine, it came out OK. I particularly like the song.

Spoiler: I'm Dreaming Of A Delicious Christmas

I'm Dreaming Of A Delicious Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Smitty Werben Jaeger Man-Janson sat ironicly in a tree, sipping insane in the membrane eggnog.

He looked at the snooty suitcase hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Spice had hung it there, just before they looked at each other calmly and then fell into each other's arms and flopped each other's palm.

If only I hadn't been so nosey, Smitty Werben Jaeger Man-Janson thought, pouring a transparent amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Spice might not have got so noisy and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a rugged tear and held his cheek in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a wild voice lifted vigorously up in song.


I'm dreaming of a delicious Christmas

Just like a man who is in desperate need of a sandwich


Smitty Werben Jaeger Man-Janson ran to the door. It was Spice, looking well dressed all over with snow.

"I missed you with a look of extreme terror," Spice said. "And I wanted to flip your palm again."

Smitty Werben Jaeger Man-Janson hugged Spice and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Spice said.

"I think so too," Smitty Werben Jaeger Man-Janson said and they flopped each other's palm until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted baby boar pancreas and lived creepily until Smitty Werben Jaeger Man-Janson got drunk again.

I'll probably write another later.

 

[HerbertTheHamster]

Spoiler: I think we have a sequel to Life of Brian

Flatly Tripping

Biggus Dickus tripped along ignoringly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Incontinentia Buttocks, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a bear hopping along, carrying a legion in its mouth.

Biggus Dickus was almost to the floor when he came across a determined cake, lying alone on a blue plate. "That must be a treat from my sparkling bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked useless, so he ate it.

It gave him the most dirty tingling sensation in his face. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Incontinentia Buttocks.

When Incontinentia Buttocks came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Biggus Dickus cried roughly.

"Your ear! And your foot!" Incontinentia Buttocks said. "They're conquered! Can't you feel it?"

Biggus Dickus felt his ear and his foot. They were indeed quite conquered. "Oh, no!" Biggus Dickus said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that determined cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Incontinentia Buttocks said. "I got you a toga. It must have been that amazing man who lives nearby. He acts a little dryly, ever since he thrown a Rome."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Biggus Dickus sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Incontinentia Buttocks said unknowingly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your ear is really overwhelming like that."

"Really?" Biggus Dickus dried her tears. Biggus Dickus kissed Incontinentia Buttocks and it was an entirely massive sensation, like a man without his pancakes.

They spent the night having entirely massive sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

 

[SoranMBane]

Spoiler: The Wobbly Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Franny and Jebs went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Franny hit Jebs in her tongue with a big explosive iceball. It hurt a lot, but Franny kissed it smoothly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really jumpy snow man!" Franny said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Jebs said. "That would be more fat and politically correct."

"I know," Franny said. "We can make a snow necromorph. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up drunkenly and made a shiny snow necromorph. Franny put on a sponge for the eyeball. The necromorph was almost as big as Jebs.

"It looks ugly," Franny said angrily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Jebs said and held up a puny tinfoil hat. "I found this in a McDonalds." She put the tinfoil hat onto the necromorph's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the necromorph, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a thing that got beaten up by another thing.

Jebs screamed hungrily and ran but the snow necromorph chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow necromorph dropped her stately.

"Nobody does that to my little Scary Hotdog," Franny screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow necromorph through the toe. It fell down and Franny kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Jebs said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The tinfoil hat lay in the yard until a spunky child picked it up and took it home.

This may be the best thing I've ever read XD

 

[[Kira Must Die]]

Spoiler: I Saw Ui Kissing Santa Claus

Yui woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one kawaii box that looked like a drugs.

Then Yui noticed that Ui was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

Yui thought that she would surprise Ui. Maybe even sneak up behind her and kiss her on her beautiful boobs. That always made Ui lovely.

Yui crept gently down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its moe lights, and the presents, heaped up slowly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Ui. Kissing someone.

Yui was so angry, she picked up a cake from a table and threw it quickly in the kitchen.

They both looked around.

"Ui, you mature cat!" Yui yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Yui looked and then rubbed her vagina and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Ui said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a cute kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Yui said sexily. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be hot."

That seemed reasonable. Yui went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like hentai. He made Yui's hand feel all lazy.

"You see?" Ui said softly and Yui saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

Spoiler: Nervously Tripping

Mio tripped along softly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Ritsu, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a cat hopping along, carrying a drums in its mouth.

Mio was almost in the clubroom when she came across a scared cake, lying alone on a nervous plate. "That must be a treat from my hot bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked timid, so she ate it.

It gave her the most busty tingling sensation in her hand. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Ritsu.

When Ritsu came out to meet her, she took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Mio cried sexily.

"Your lips! And your boobs!" Ritsu said. "They're tomboyish! Can't you feel it?"

Mio felt her lips and her boobs. They were indeed quite tomboyish. "Oh, no!" Mio said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that scared cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Ritsu said. "I got you an estacy. It must have been that beautiful man who lives nearby. He acts a little quickly, ever since he kissed a bass."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Mio sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Ritsu said gently, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your lips is really cute like that."

"Really?" Mio dried his tears. Mio kissed Ritsu and it was an entirely sexy sensation, like pornstars.

They spent the night having entirely sexy sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

Spoiler: 1000 Tea Cats

Yui paced slowly back and forth. Sexy dread filled her heart. Azusa should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my lazy love, Yui thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Azusa had been taken hostage by Lovely Vagina, a supervillain who had the city in a state of moe terror. Yui fainted dead away, like hentai.

When she came to, there was a bump on her boobs and the sexy dread had returned. "Azusa, my kawaii honey bunny," she cried out softly. "What is Lovely Vagina doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing sexily as he kissed her in the hand.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Yui remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 tea cats, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Yui ordered in a supply of tea and set to work, folding cats until her boobs was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last cat when Azusa walked in the front door.

"Azusa!" Yui screamed and threw herself into Azusa's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 tea cats and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing in the kitchen. She kissed Azusa gently on the hand.

"Actually," Azusa said, pulling away quickly, "I was rescued by the Hot Guitar. She's a new superhero in town." Azusa sighed. "And she's really cute."

The sexy dread came back. "But you're beautiful to be back here with me, right?"

Azusa checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Hot Guitar for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay mature, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Yui choked back a sob and started folding another cat. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

Spoiler: I'm Dreaming Of A Moe Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Yui sat softly in the clubroom, sipping hot eggnog.

She looked at the beautiful tea hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Azusa had hung it there, just before they looked at each other slowly and then fell into each other's arms and kissed each other's boobs.

If only I hadn't been so mature, Yui thought, pouring a sexy amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Azusa might not have got so kawaii and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a cute tear and held her hand in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a lovely voice lifted sexily up in song.


I'm dreaming of a moe Christmas

Just like hentai


Yui ran to the door. It was Azusa, looking lazy all over with snow.

"I missed you gently," Azusa said. "And I wanted to kiss your boobs again."

Yui hugged Azusa and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Azusa said.

"I think so too," Yui said and they kissed each other's boobs until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted cat vagina and lived quickly until Yui got drunk again.
---
Mmmm...roasted cat vagina...

This is the greatest fanfic making machine ever!

 

[Phlakes]

BEST QUOTE EVER-

"You see?" Mary Sue said erotically and Stevederp saw. So they had a threeway.

From the Santa one. I am now a happy man.