Pretty Serious and Imminent Problem (long)

[Acier]

Spoiler: Long Back story explaining problem in detail

So my mom did the typical "You have a tone" with me. Well this time is escalated pretty far, as I've been pushed to the breaking point with this woman. She is the typical anger-issue victim complex mother. She is also extremely impulsive. As a result of said impulsiveness she moved pretty far away from where I went to high school right before I left for college for work. She has lost her job, and has almost no friends here. All my friends are gone as well and I haven't had time to make any here. Now she is kicking me out. She has done this before but last time I just stayed with a friend until it blew over. Well that's impossible now. She can't feed me or herself anymore (she spent her last $15 on our dinner last night) she can't drive because she is on a restricted license (reckless driving under the influence) and her car battery died so now *I* can't drive the car since we don't have the money to fix it. School starts late August so this predicament will only last until then.

So now that she has faced me with the issue of being kicked out I have several options.
~Going to stay with my Dad. Once again he lives in a place where there are no friends, and he isn't very social himself. However he can feed me and do stuff with me when he's not working or playing WoW. Which is a lot of the time. He's also very bitter and cynical. I'll also have to change his eating habits, as he eats really unhealthily and I'm trying to lose weight (he needs to as well for his health). It is garunteed to be lonely and sad until I go bad to school

~Staying with her. She whipped up a little contract that if I sign, will allow me to stay
1, Sincere and thoughtful apology (I am perfectly willing to apologize for shouting but not what I said)
2, No disrespectful words or tone, according to my standars (her standard is what sparked this whole mess)
3, Gentle a loving to [my nephew] at all times, according to my standards (My sister revoked her grandson visiting because of this fight, this is her trying to convince my sister to let him come)
4,Job, Internship, or volunteer at least 15 hrs a week by 6/23
5, Conseling by 6/23 (with what money?)
One reason I'm hesitant to storm out is that she owes me about $300. Which I really want. I know she can't give it to me now but I don't want her to "forget".

I have physical therapy here and some semblance of friends here already.

~Staying with my sister. She originally offered this at the beginning of summer, but my mom brought her into the fight (prompting her to pull her sons visit) and she is now angry at me. I would like to stay with her but not sure if the offer still stand. She lives somewhere where once again I have no friends

~Asking my sister and dad for money and moving to the city that my uni is in. A friend knows some of his friends with a spare room, so I could take them up on that. It would only be two months until I move back to my school for classes. This is risky. I'm worried about finding a job (which I've had trouble with at my moms neighborhood) and I wouldn't want to tarnish potential friendships with people in the same social circle or reflect badly on my friend if I can't pay. I don't have a car and I'm not sure if I can ride a bike because of an injury. Though biking to places is possible and there are friends in the city. Couch surfing would be really tough though.


I'm really at a loss. None of them are very good options. I just want some outside input before I sign the contract/leave leaving a restrained yet honest letter about my feelings.

 

[pauseandeffect]

That is a crappy situation. IMHO, I wouldn't sign anything because if she really is as schizo as you say she is, then you will be locked in to whatever she wants to throw at you. It's a tough call. I think what you need to do is do what's best for you and what makes you happy.

Losing 300 bucks may be worth it if it gets you out of that situation and into a better life.

No one can tell you what you should do because no one is in your situation.

Good luck with whatever you choose and make sure that in the end, you take care of yourself.

 

[Limecake]

No one can tell you what you should do because no one is in your situation.

true it ultimately is their decision, however I will tell you what I would do in this situation.

personally I would move to the city where your Uni is, if you aren't looking for the perfect job then finding work shouldn't be too difficult (I've personally been a housekeeper and a dishwasher when raising money)

also living in the same city as your uni will help you meet people. You're right at the point where you're ready to start *your* life. if you have the money or you think you can raise the money I would definitely move to the new city.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck!

 

[LetalisK]

One reason I'm hesitant to storm out is that she owes me about $300. Which I really want. I know she can't give it to me now but I don't want her to "forget".

You might as well come to terms with the fact that you'll never get that $300 back because you probably won't.

Your best bet is to stay with your dad or sister. My mom is very similar to yours(not as impulsive though). She tried that contract thing with me and I just pocket vetoed it(meaning I just buried it and never brought it up again) and that's when I realized that I'm NOT a bad son, as she always tried to make me feel like I was, she had no business treating me like one, and I stopped putting up with her shit. I also moved out a few months later for unrelated reasons, though, so that is probably a lot of the reason things didn't get worse.

 

[Nickolai77]

Difficult situation OP....I think the best, albeit most risky one is to go to the city were your uni is at and staying there. I also agree that staying with your mother for the sake of $300 isn't worth it.

 

[artanis_neravar]

snip

Never, and I do really me NEVER, sign a contract including the words "according to my standards". This leaves it open for her to turn anything she dislikes into a breach of contract. Example
Mom: "you have to stay here tonight"
You: "But I was going to the movies"
Mom: "Don't take that tone with me, get out of my house"
You never sign a contract using such vague terms, if you really want to stay make her define everything in detail.

You will probably never get the 300 back (and personally, she is your mom you shouldn't even expect it back in the first place, but then again I don't know your whole situation so there could be extenuating circumstances.)

Your dad - If it's only for a couple months I don't see why this wouldn't work

Your Sister - apologize and explain things to her, she's your sister so i assume she knows how your mother can be.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Yeah, honestly, I'd just leave.

 

[ExileNZ]

That is a crappy situation. IMHO, I wouldn't sign anything because if she really is as schizo as you say she is, then you will be locked in to whatever she wants to throw at you. It's a tough call. I think what you need to do is do what's best for you and what makes you happy.

Losing 300 bucks may be worth it if it gets you out of that situation and into a better life.

No one can tell you what you should do because no one is in your situation.

Good luck with whatever you choose and make sure that in the end, you take care of yourself.

Yeah sorry dude. I'm with Pauseandeffect on one thing here - $300 for your independence may be a small price to pay. You may (MAY) be better off getting as far away as possible.

Also, contracts suck, because she's got dates on it and it all applies to 'her' standards.

So either stick a due date on those $300 and put in a few clauses of your own (specifically including your 'standards') or get as far away as possible.

 

[thecatsme0w]

I'd say your dad may be the best choice. he's the only one who doesn't seem to have any conditions to you being there and isn't mad at you for this. Plus he can actually afford to support you. Either that or see if your dad would be willing to give you a loan to cover the costs of moving to a new city and getting set up there. Write up as a document. Sign it. Date it. Promise to pay it back when you get out of school and are on your feet.

 

[Zantos]

I'd say the staying with your mother is definitely crossed off the list. Best bet would probably be (if you can) to borrow the money and move to your university city. It should be easy enough to find something low skilled and part time in a city and you can put a bit aside so by the start of term you can already have paid some of the money back (a sort of good faith thing).

Failing that a few months with your Dad won't be that bad. He might be bitter and cynical, but you're probably not going to see him if he's always on WoW and he can at least provide food and shelter for a while. If he's a "junk food because it's easy" type then it shouldn't be hard, and he may even appreciate it, if you offer to cook while you're there. Will probably save him some cash and it means you can eat fairly healthily.

 

[Avistew]

I would leave. Sounds like a dangerous situation if you stay, not worth $300.
Out of the options you listed, I would probably pick staying with friends in your uni's town. Not sure how you'll make it work financially, but then after the year is done you might have a place to go back to again, and maybe a job that time to pay for the room or something. At any rate it seems like a better environment for you.

Second best would be staying with your sister if she's still okay with it, or with your dad. But both still link you to your family and are in an environment where you don't have friends, and that can make more of a difference than you'd think.

 

[kaioshade]

Stay with your father.

That is the most stable place you could be right now. Sure he may not have the best habits, but if you are trying to lose weight, perhaps you could help get, and keep him on track to do the same. Exercising and eating healthier are much easier when you have a buddy for support. He is willing to spend time with you to some extent, so despite how much WoW you say he plays, he cannot be completely neglectful.

I truly believe the change of pace will be worth it for you, even if your initial loneliness is irritating.

 

[LittleRedCircles]

My brother is going through a similar situation with my parents, but you look like you've got a helluva lot more options than he does, even if none of them are especially attractive. Staying with your mom looks like the least attractive of your options though.

As a sister myself, I assume that if you're not a total screw-up (and it sounds like you're not), she'll forgive you, especially if it means getting you out of a dangerous situation with your mom. I'd suggest talking it out with her, letting her know what it meant to you that she offered to let you stay, then let her make the decision.

As for your dad, that sounds okay - certainly calmer than staying with your mom. But hey, it's not your job to fix him. It's really not. Once he gets old and sick and can't take care of himself, then you'll be more obligated to step in, but it sounds like he's a reasonable adult capable of making his own choices, so you can encourage him to take better care of his body, but don't hold yourself to a higher level of responsibility than that. (Wow, run-on sentence FTW.)

Making friends in a new place can be really fun. I think you'll be all right no matter where you go, but definitely don't stay with your mom, ESPECIALLY with that ridiculous contract. You'd be signing over your soul.