Firstly, I just want to mention the woman a few rows in front of me. I didn?t notice her until the lights dimmed, and then I only noticed her because of her mobile phone. At first I was fine with it, it?s just advertisements, text all you like. It could have been worse.
I wouldn?t even have minded when the film had just began, but instead of taking this opportunity to end her conversation, turn of the phone and manoeuvre her rather large self in to putting it in her pocket, she leant across to the man next to her and showed him the message. They laughed. Eventually she disposed of it and I could relax and watch the movie.
Before I go on about this, let me just explain that I?ve never played the game. I am a video game mooch - if my boyfriend doesn?t have it, I don?t play it - and he does not have the Sands of Time. My brother had it for his PC though, but it disappeared.
This is not a review of a film made from a video game, but a review of a film, and as a film there are a few things I had to chew through before I began to enjoy it.
Firstly there?s Jake?s accent. It?s somewhere between English high society and South African, and whenever I felt remotely involved in the plot he would speak, and I became acutely aware that I was watching a slab of man candy imitate Dastan. I had a similar problem with Gemma Arterton?s Tamina. I?m not saying I wanted them all speaking Persian, or that they should have been replaced by actors of a more colloquial persuasion - this is a big release because it has Mr. Donny Darko and a Bond girl (and Sir Ben Kingsley) pulling angst driven pouts on the posters. I doubt historical accuracy was high on the checklist in the casting department.
The plot itself is fantastic, and if we can?t accept that this dagger exists, that every window Dastan falls from will conveniently be above a pool of water or a mattress of wool and even that a street urchin can be plucked from a crowd and become the third son of the King (it?s not a spoiler, its exposition) then we can believe that Dastan has an English/South African accent and is ultimately an American.
Throughout the movie Gyllenhaal takes every opportunity to prove himself as a master of the ?raise an eyebrow? technique. He can raise it, and he can look confused, and he does it often, and he does it well. The thing is, he?s not supposed to look confused, he?s supposed to be looking vacant, or thoughtful, or content, or anything but confused.
During these fluctuations of emotions, I noticed that she was at it again, texting and then showing everyone on her row what it was she had sent. ?No, it abowt sand lol.? I hate this woman, but not half as much as the man I sat next to when I went to see Stardust. He was explaining every detail of the plot to his female associate and she looked every bit as exasperated by it as me. That?s one thing I?d change about the cinema, people.
Despite this, his voice and his eyebrow, I like Jake Gyllenhaal?s Dastan and as much as I might not have like Tamina, I still felt a big rush of womanly butterflies when they? What? It?s not a spoiler. If you see it in the trailer it?s not a spoiler!
The romance is predictable and the dialogue pushes the fast and witty barrier in to tried and cliché a few times. The action sequences are few and far between? Okay, there is one a minute, and any time Jake?s not running across rooftops kicking family members in the face he?s chugging his way through fast and witty and tried and cliché dialogue. The jokes are hit and miss, and I found myself laughing at the situations instead of the punch line, or the fact that never in a thousand years would anyone say that unless it were written on their script, a lot of the time.
The ending felt as though there was something else in the pipeline that never really materialised, so they said ?what can we shoot in ten minutes? and proceeded to shoot it in ten minutes. It was quite unbelievable, and not in the way that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was. Aliens you say? Alright then Indy. So how?s that retirement coming along? Everyone accepted it far too easily, because of the power of love and the bond between brothers I suppose, which is one of the movie?s key themes and the one that will leave you rolling your eyes the most.
If the choice comes up, watch it. It is not the worst film made this year, and by the end I really was enjoying it.
I wouldn?t even have minded when the film had just began, but instead of taking this opportunity to end her conversation, turn of the phone and manoeuvre her rather large self in to putting it in her pocket, she leant across to the man next to her and showed him the message. They laughed. Eventually she disposed of it and I could relax and watch the movie.
Before I go on about this, let me just explain that I?ve never played the game. I am a video game mooch - if my boyfriend doesn?t have it, I don?t play it - and he does not have the Sands of Time. My brother had it for his PC though, but it disappeared.
This is not a review of a film made from a video game, but a review of a film, and as a film there are a few things I had to chew through before I began to enjoy it.
Firstly there?s Jake?s accent. It?s somewhere between English high society and South African, and whenever I felt remotely involved in the plot he would speak, and I became acutely aware that I was watching a slab of man candy imitate Dastan. I had a similar problem with Gemma Arterton?s Tamina. I?m not saying I wanted them all speaking Persian, or that they should have been replaced by actors of a more colloquial persuasion - this is a big release because it has Mr. Donny Darko and a Bond girl (and Sir Ben Kingsley) pulling angst driven pouts on the posters. I doubt historical accuracy was high on the checklist in the casting department.
The plot itself is fantastic, and if we can?t accept that this dagger exists, that every window Dastan falls from will conveniently be above a pool of water or a mattress of wool and even that a street urchin can be plucked from a crowd and become the third son of the King (it?s not a spoiler, its exposition) then we can believe that Dastan has an English/South African accent and is ultimately an American.
Throughout the movie Gyllenhaal takes every opportunity to prove himself as a master of the ?raise an eyebrow? technique. He can raise it, and he can look confused, and he does it often, and he does it well. The thing is, he?s not supposed to look confused, he?s supposed to be looking vacant, or thoughtful, or content, or anything but confused.
During these fluctuations of emotions, I noticed that she was at it again, texting and then showing everyone on her row what it was she had sent. ?No, it abowt sand lol.? I hate this woman, but not half as much as the man I sat next to when I went to see Stardust. He was explaining every detail of the plot to his female associate and she looked every bit as exasperated by it as me. That?s one thing I?d change about the cinema, people.
Despite this, his voice and his eyebrow, I like Jake Gyllenhaal?s Dastan and as much as I might not have like Tamina, I still felt a big rush of womanly butterflies when they? What? It?s not a spoiler. If you see it in the trailer it?s not a spoiler!
The romance is predictable and the dialogue pushes the fast and witty barrier in to tried and cliché a few times. The action sequences are few and far between? Okay, there is one a minute, and any time Jake?s not running across rooftops kicking family members in the face he?s chugging his way through fast and witty and tried and cliché dialogue. The jokes are hit and miss, and I found myself laughing at the situations instead of the punch line, or the fact that never in a thousand years would anyone say that unless it were written on their script, a lot of the time.
The ending felt as though there was something else in the pipeline that never really materialised, so they said ?what can we shoot in ten minutes? and proceeded to shoot it in ten minutes. It was quite unbelievable, and not in the way that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was. Aliens you say? Alright then Indy. So how?s that retirement coming along? Everyone accepted it far too easily, because of the power of love and the bond between brothers I suppose, which is one of the movie?s key themes and the one that will leave you rolling your eyes the most.
If the choice comes up, watch it. It is not the worst film made this year, and by the end I really was enjoying it.
