Problems that men have to deal with

[Erttheking]

*Sigh* You know there's kind of a generally "accepted" mindset of what a man should be in society, at least in the united states. We're supposed to be tough, we're supposed to be crude, we're not supposed to get upset at anything, we're supposed to play sports and we don't do "girly" shit, because obviously we're gay if we do. Every single fucking day people ask me "do you play basketball" because I'm tall. And then I tell them I prefer to write and they act like I just told them the sky was purple. And I have to bite back telling them to go fuck themselves because I am tired of being asked that. No I don't play basketball, in fact I hate basketball with a burning passion. I find writing stories to be a much more productive way to spend my time. But I'm tall and a guy, so therefore I must want to play basketball because it's hardwired into my DNA, at least according to the cunts I talk to. It's very telling that I can look at another tall man, say "So how often do you get asked it?" and he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

But it doesn't stop there. Gym in high school was a bit of a miserable experience for me. Because there was a non-competitive side and a competitive side. All of the guys were on the competitive side, with the exception of me and about three others who were with all of the girls on the non-competitive side. I hated sports but I didn't want people to think I was a wimp so I stuck with the competitive side, until the teacher saw how underpinning I was (I was pathetic) and told me to go to the non-competitive side. I never exactly got made fun of for it, but I always did feel insecure about it. Something about the way society saw men made me feel ashamed for not being on the tough manly side of things, and it made gym a miserable experience. There's also how I thought 90% of the guys at school were all douche bags and had been conditioned to think that acting that way was acceptable, but that's a whole other can of worms.

That's not even getting into the fact that I suffer from bouts of depression at times and how society deals with men who feel sad a lot. They get called pussies. Thankfully I lucked out on that end with a pharmacist for a mother and an understanding family. We live in MA too, which is a bit more progressive than the rest of the states, so I wasn't just told to take it like a man in suck it up. If I had been born somewhere else though...I don't want to think about it.

So. Other guys out there, what bullshit have you had to put up with because of your gender? And ladies, any that you have noticed?

 

[Thaluikhain]

Only half jokingly, that all discussions about male problems end up derailed into attacks on feminism.

More seriously, the long and arbitrary list of things that you have to do to be "a real man". A while ago on this forum, we had a topic about things a man should know or do, and many people seemed to have confused "man" with "80s action hero" to an extent.

You're still a man if you don't get into fights or drink lots, or drive fast cars, or whatever (often rather foolish) stereotypical male behaviour is mentioned.

 

[JoJo]

I got shit from some other men (but never women interestingly) when I worked or volunteered with children, nothing too bad but either crude jokes or 'why would you want to do that?' I can't complain much though since equally being male was a useful USP for employers in that field and made me stand out in a good way. Hoping to go back some day, currently too ill to do any voluntary work on top on my paid job >.>

 

[Mezahmay]

Looking back I don't recall any outright bullshit being sent my way, but I have been steered by adults around me and learning implicitly through my dad that men don't talk about feelings. It just isn't something we're supposed to do. A few deaths in the family several years ago I was told be strong for my mom and other relatives. The only context I had for emotional strength was a rock. Nowadays I'm not doing very well emotionally and I don't know how to express that in a productive manner. Rocks are not typically well spoken, but they can be disguised to look pretty on the outside.

 

[shootthebandit]

But it doesn't stop there. Gym in high school was a bit of a miserable experience for me. Because there was a non-competitive side and a competitive side. All of the guys were on the competitive side, with the exception of me and about three others who were with all of the girls on the non-competitive side

At our school we had similar and it was usually a choice of football (soccer) or trampolining. It was clearly intended to divide the boys and the girls. I like football but some days (if it was particularly cold/wet trampolining sounded like a better option. You would get called gay for not doing football. Being a relatively smart kid my retort was usually "So you are telling me that being in a room surrounded by girls jumping up and down is gay. Yet taking part in an (almost) exclusively male activity isnt?" Needless to say they shut up

I think this video is relevant. I mostly drink "manly" drinks but I think this video has a very good point. When I do have a "girly" drink im like "damn this shit is tasty"

 

[Thaluikhain]

I was told me strong for my mom and other relatives.

Oh yeah, when the father of the house isn't there, the male kid gets told to look after mum. As opposed to the other way around.

 

[Ramzal]

I got told a lot while growing up that I am not allowed to cry or be sad. It'd be one thing if this were just my father, but it was also my mother telling me this. Usually if I'd cry, I was welcome to a leather belt beating as a method to "toughen me up" and to ensure I knew what real pain was so that no matter what, I'd never cry from being hurt or when horrible words were slung my way.

 

[Zombie_Fish]

A bunch of kids in my seniour school tried proposing a ban on men having long hair. This was because I had long hair and they regarded it as something that only women should have. Thankfully the head of the student council had long hair and dreadlocks, so he immediately rejected it.

I also received several 'gay' comments as a result of my hair. Though with hindsight, they weren't entirely wrong...

 

[Pink Gregory]

I also received several 'gay' comments as a result of my hair. Though with hindsight, they weren't entirely wrong...

You just have to weather it until it gets long enough, then people just think you're odd. And by long enough, I mean above 21. Consistently, without cutting it.

OP I was going to mention getting your doodle getting caught in your trouser fly, but then I realised you were being serious. No fun.

 

[Zombie_Fish]

You just have to weather it until it gets long enough, then people just think you're odd. And by long enough, I mean above 21. Consistently, without cutting it.

That's pretty much what I ended up doing. I stopped getting it cut round the age of 15/16, and I'm turning 22 in half a year.

 

[Gamerpalooza]

Most of the things we deal with just come from culture relatedness.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Testicular cancer, doing more push-ups in physical ed and being the last to evacuate a sinking ship.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I've had some problems with this growing up since I've never liked sports, cars, drinking, trashtalk, competition, etc.
I wrote (bad) poetry growing up (some that are still online actually, if you know where to look), jumped ropes with the girls (double dutch rules), liked reading, dancing, horse-riding.
Most of that changed when I entered 7th grade. I was no longer welcome amongst the girls, nor did I want to hang out with "The Guys".
I found solace in chess, M:tG, video games, programming. I became more of a nerd really.

I often found myself being harangued with "girly/homo" insults.
I once made the mistake of threatening to kiss guys while in 1st grade, to stop them bullying me.
I also grew my hair long in 3rd grade. My hair curls naturally when long. Another "mistake".

I could go on, but lets just say I don't consider myself a Man..Nor a Woman. I'm just me.
Oh, I wont mention men perpetrating the "size" thing either.

*EDIT*
Forgot to mention that I cry very easily at tender and emotional situations in movies and books, etc.
I've managed to avoid making it known. Even my family doesn't know.
Emotions except anger really are a no no for Men.

 

[Mezahmay]

I was told me strong for my mom and other relatives.

Oh yeah, when the father of the house isn't there, the male kid gets told to look after mum. As opposed to the other way around.

Good point. I actually didn't think of that until you mentioned it. Any thoughts if that's a uniquely American thing, a Western thing in general, or a globalized culture thing?

 

[Colour Scientist]

When I do have a "girly" drink im like "damn this shit is tasty"

I know all my guy friends are hella jealous whenever I rock up with a flirtini or a strawberry daiquiri.

That shit is delicious.

 

[Pink Gregory]

Testicular cancer, doing more push-ups in physical ed and being the last to evacuate a sinking ship.

Does being in the ship's band override the 'women and children first' rule?

Because the rule is that you gotta play on.

 

[Eddie the head]

When I do have a "girly" drink im like "damn this shit is tasty"

I know all my guy friends are hella jealous whenever I rock up with a flirtini or a strawberry daiquiri.

That shit is delicious.

I don't know to me that's always been a "don't fuck with the rattle snake" kind of thing. And what I mean is society might be telling you not to do that. It's also probability a good idea. Friendly note I almost never drink, but when I have the surgery drinks have always given me the worst hangover. So yeah "don't fuck with the rattle snake."

 

[Username Redacted]

Testicular cancer, doing more push-ups in physical ed and being the last to evacuate a sinking ship.

You should be much more worried about prostate cancer. While the five year survival rates for both are very similar (~95%) the incidence rate for prostate cancer is many (xN) times higher than testicular cancer.

On the topic of cancer in general I would argue that the amount of funding being thrown at breast cancer has reached a point of diminishing returns. According to the National Cancer Institute breast cancer gets around twice the funding as any other cancer (2nd is lung, 3rd is prostate). There are a few other types of cancer (notably lung and colorectal) that receive significantly less funding than breast cancer but that have incidence rates ranging between significant to similar who wish that they had the five year outlook that breast cancer currently has. Breast cancer's five year survival rate is ~90% while lung cancer is at ~17% and colorectal is about 65%. When funding is viewed as a pie with a limited number of slices, to me it makes more sense to put the money towards issues where it will make more of a difference. It's not (or at least it shouldn't) like the survival rate on breast cancer is going to backslide if some of the excessive funding it receives is put towards more dire conditions.

Hypothetically if you had a $100 million and you could put it towards breast cancer to raise the survival rate from 90% to 91% or you could put it towards lung cancer and raise the survival rate from 17% to 40% which one of those is going to save more people? The answer to that is 'duh'. The reason that doesn't happen is that lung cancer is viewed as (largely) being a self-inflicted disease whereas we have an entire month devoted to breast cancer awareness (i.e. it's a very public cause).