Problems you have had to face because of your gender

[babinro]

The only problem I've faced that I attributed to my gender was trying to find work as a secretary and being a male. I've probably applied for about 30 of these positions in my life and never once have I been contacted back in any way. I would think that my decade of customer service/sales experience might be viewed as a positive for the job as well but not one interview or phone call.

Same is true when I've applied for any grocery store positions as a cashier. I've gotten an interview for this post before but they wanted me to work in the back dealing with loading and unloading of supplies. Something I can't do for health reasons.

To be perfectly honest and fair...I'm not an attractive person by any stretch of the imagination. My voice and attitude are very welcoming and I'm good with people but it's entirely possible that my appearance rather than my gender has been reason for my problems.

 

[Adam Lester]

I think the closest I've had to a gender-based issue would have to be one of my first serious relationships, which happened to be with a complete lunatic. It's kind of shit when your significant other gets kind of punchy when she's upset and your options are kind of limited unless you don't care about your reputation.

But you live and learn...now when I'm in a relationship and things get heated and I think it's going to get physical, I just make it clear that the moment she lands a punch that the relationship is over. I don't care if it hurts or not, you don't go swinging on your significant other. I've never touched a woman in a way she didn't want or anticipate and I expect the same respect in a relationship.

In day to day life, I don't have any issues past arguments on message boards or being caught off guard by someone posting some rage-bait SJW bullshit on my Facebook wall that gets more groans than intended chuckles out of me. Which to be fair, I can't complain too much about because I can chose to ignore conversations, comments, memes or news stories I find to be abrasive/sexist at my leisure.

 

[Kenbo Slice]

I'm a guy therefore all I want is sex according to various women.

 

[Colin Bagley]

Being the victim of repeated sexual assaults as a teenager. And literally nobody ever gave a shit about it.
It got so bad that I once swung for them with a wood saw in Woodworking. If they didn't dodge back as lightning-fast as they did, I would have torn their throat open and I'd probably still be in prison. All because nobody took it seriously.

Compared to the one time a girl in our year got a boob grabbed by a creep. She publicly beat the crap out of him until he couldn't stand. And he then got suspended for about a week. Everybody took that seriously.


There are more, But I don't feel like getting THAT personal, on a public board with my IRL name attached.

 

[Colin Bagley]

To be perfectly honest and fair...I'm not an attractive person by any stretch of the imagination. My voice and attitude are very welcoming and I'm good with people but it's entirely possible that my appearance rather than my gender has been reason for my problems.

Possibly. Although I've seen some right ogres behind tills. And it doesn't seem to stop those women.

 

[Kenbo Slice]

I'm a guy therefore all I want is sex according to various women.

Yep. Seriously this- even on the dating website i'm on, girls are surprised that I just want to talk. When did life suddenly decide that all guys are sex addicts in the eyes of females?
I do understand why girls feel this way, because a lot of guys do want it... but some of us just want a long lasting relationship man.

It sucks being a guy sometimes lol. Least I don't get judged for liking video games. well, to an extent anyways.

Right? I'm like, really I just want a girl I can hang out with and share feelings with and what not. Sex is really the last thing on my mind

 

[renegade7]

I've come across the expectation that I should want to have children, want to get married or I'm some sort of selfish, cold hearted, lonely person. This probably though, I don't think is strictly a female problem.

It absolutely isn't. I think it's a little more subtle, but men who don't want kids put up with almost exactly the same bullshit except with the gender of the pronouns reversed. I recently "came out" to my parents about not wanting children (and I use that phrasing only to mock the fact that they made such a huge deal about it) and it turned out to be a massive production.

"You don't want to give your future wife children? Why would you keep that from her, she'll leave for someone who will!"
Okay, first of all, if my only value to a person I'm in any relationship at all with is as breeding stock, I would be overjoyed to show this hypothetical person the door. And I find it creepy that people would talk about "her" as though "she" actually exists at this point.

"You're not going to give us grandchildren?"
Nope. If you just want my arm, am I supposed to give that to you, too? And I find it unsettling that you think having children is "giving someone" those children as though they're entitled to access to my junk (this argument also awoke a newfound appreciation for feminism, so maybe one could say it was an enlightening experience after all). Which leads me too...

"We can't believe you turned out so selfish!"
Right! I'm selfish! And even if that was the case, wouldn't that make me a terrible parent with no business having children anyway?

It continued like this for 2 hours.

So no, women aren't alone in that mess.

 

[Korolev]

I've never had to face any problem because of my gender - at least, nothing that I'm aware of. In fact, I've never really faced any discrimination. I'm male, straight and half-white, and if you don't look too closely many mistake me for being white. I have an english name and I speak english without any discernable accent whatsoever (although some think I sound a bit Canadian, despite having never been to Canada). I have never been discriminated against. Ever. My brother, who looks more Asian than I do, has, but I personally have not. I have never been held back in life due to anything except my own actions - and I have profited tremendously. Two degrees, going for a third in medicine (I'm in my fourth and final year next year!) at a good university, virtually guaranteed a high-paying job after I leave, in a field I am interested in.

I have literally never had to face any problems. I understand that. The privileges I've had have been tremendous. I have never had to go a single day without food. I have never had to worry about losing a roof over my head. I had two educated, loving parents who encouraged me every step of the way. I have virtually every material comfort one could desire. I suffer from no mental illness, no health problems (except I had a hydrocele which was easily corrected when I was younger) and I have no stigma attached to me.

People ignore me - I blend into the crowd extremely well. I get on with my work and no one has ever caused me any trouble, provided I stay quiet and efficient.

Frankly it's fantastic.

Which is why discrimination against others based on gender, race and orientation annoy me. I have had a fantastic life, and it's a life everyone should have. No one should be discriminated against, because to not be is GODDAMN WONDERFUL. I literally have no identity issues whatsoever - I never spend nights thinking about "how I fit in" or whether or not people really respect me. I just take it for granted that they do. I never worry about whether or not people will treat me with respect or if they will be nice to me, because 99.9999% of the time people have been nice to me and respected me. It freaking rocks. Believe me, I understand my good fortune.

And it sucks that my life isn't the norm. It should be.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

The amount of girls in this thread feeling unsafe walking home because they seem to live in douchebagville, and who can't talk about nerdy things without being "quizzed" if they're legit geeks... It makes me depressed. My sympathies, girls.

Personally, as a guy, my problems have been:

This was in high school (bear in mind I'm totally straight): "Duuuude, you're a guy and you're not fucking bitches?!?!? OMG UR GAY! EVERYONE MAKE FUN OF THE GAY KID!" *tormented for five years by assholes to the point I have had to repress all the memories. The few things I DO remember, make me SHAKE with fury.*

From a friend at my summer job: (bear in mind that my GF at the time, now my Ex, had a near abusive relationship prior to me and was very leery about sexual touching as a result.) "Wait, you've been with your girlfriend for 3 years and you haven't BONED HER YET?!?! *shocked look like I'm some kind of alien* What the hell is wrong with you? Are you asexual and she's somehow OK WITH THAT?! Oh, you're not? Then why the hell are...Oh, you must be a religious guy who wants to wait until marriage! ...Oh, no? Her, then? What? She just told you she's not ready?! THAT'S A TRAP! SHE REALLY WANTS IT, AND IS PLAYING HARD TO GET!! Trust me, I know women! Man the hell up and bone her!"

My parents: "You're a MAN! You need muscles or no girl will ever go out with you! AND you need a good job so you can provide for your wife and kids someday! YOU NEED TO PROVIIIIIIIIDE!!" (this is exacerbated by the fact that most of my friends have already finished school and have gotten work and have moved out, whereas I'm still living with my parents)

Various people: "MAN UP AND *do this stupid thing or this thing I find morally repugnant*. UR A PUSSYFAG IF YOU DONT!!!"

Not to mention I have to hide some of my other, more bizarre interests from almost everyone because I will be assumed to be a "broken man" or a lot of other dumb things that I'm not and I really really don't want to have to deal with that.

It also sucks for me to try to ask girls out because I'm always worried that I'll come across as a creep when I'm really really not. As an overly empathetic kindhearted guy, I really don't like bothering people and making them feel uncomfortable at all. It's a curse.

I'm just really really lucky that Montreal is a lot more open and accepting of people who don't conform to the rigid gender stereotypes. If I lived in some kind of small highly conservative town, I'd probably hate everything.

 

[carnex]

It would be nice to break down this thread by some division by some classes. Like persona issues vs problems from outside forces etc. I would like to do so, but that would include contacting people and I fear I antagonized some people with my convictions and beliefs.

As for me, I don't really remember facing much problems other than social expectations and unfavorable social rules (mostly because I rarely followed many of them). You know, like being expected to bust someone's nose just because he was rude and you can do it or dressing in certain way, loosing their mind over females etc.

Guys, please don't mix social awkwardness and fear of social interactions with problems with gendered roots. I have a ton of similar problems but that is not gender based. It's same whether you are a male or female.

 

[Aeshi]

Hey mr. 6'5" try being 5'3"! Most women don't even qualify me as a man at this height. Most of my adult life, my dating life has been one epic failure. Trying to get women to be attracted me has been one huge exercise in misery. It's great to be friends with women and all, but as soon as I say to them that I'm attracted to them then all bets are off.

It's like I get all the headaches of being a man, and none of the pleasure.

I was gonna say the same thing, though admittedly I don't have it as bad as you (I'm not quite that short, but I'm still the shortest person in any given conversation by a fair bit.)

Doesn't matter if you're really good at drawing or puzzles or can speak 4 different languages, you'll only ever be "the short guy" to the majority of people.

Spoiler: slightly NSFW comment

And I doubt it's a coincidence that "Midget/Dwarf P**n" is basically the go-to "Depraved Joke" either.

 

[Julius Terrell]

Hey mr. 6'5" try being 5'3"! Most women don't even qualify me as a man at this height. Most of my adult life, my dating life has been one epic failure. Trying to get women to be attracted me has been one huge exercise in misery. It's great to be friends with women and all, but as soon as I say to them that I'm attracted to them then all bets are off.

It's like I get all the headaches of being a man, and none of the pleasure.

I was gonna say the same thing, though admittedly I don't have it as bad as you (I'm not quite that short, but I'm still the shortest person in any given conversation by a fair bit.)

Doesn't matter if you're really good at drawing or puzzles or can speak 4 different languages, you'll only ever be "the short guy" to the majority of people.

Spoiler: slightly NSFW comment

And I doubt it's a coincidence that "Midget/Dwarf P**n" is basically the go-to "Depraved Joke" either.

Don't worry, people will always tell you that you're imagining things. Or women always say "it's me who has the problem not you." Now I understand why people go to such extremes as leg lengthening surgery. Even at my height I would never consider something so crazy. I mean the number of things that can go wrong far outweigh the benefits you'll gain.

At the end of the day, my shortness does seem to be a problem for the world, and I somehow have to ignore it, or go crazy enough to commit suicide, and I am not going that route.

At least fat chicks still have guys who will date them. I've seen some ginormous women who still had a husband and kids. I've never heard of a woman say that short guys are hot!

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

The fear of women that I could be a rapist sucks. Some women seem to think that working class men who do labour based work are all violent criminals.

 

[Lightknight]

I was employed in a place that for some reason only hired three white males out of 50+ employees and put us in the lowest position (mail room). There was no chance for advancement unless you were female and even then with the exception of about 4 white females you had to be a minority. That was weird.

Also, I'm frequently stereotyped based on my race/gender. Not just by other races or genders either. I was once a juror in a trial in which a black man was being tried and the only other white juror walked up to me and made a racist joke to me like I was somehow automatically on his "side".

Wasn't considered for a job as a daycare worker because I'm male. I was most shocked that the person actually mentioned that they were specifically looking for females.