Programmed responses

[2fish]

I know people like to talk about the responses games program you with, but what about life? I know they exist and I figure they must change based on ones culture. So Escapists let?s hear your ideas.

What responses has life programmed into you?

How was this programmed into you?

Did it use positive or negative reinforcement?


My examples:

The ones that come to mind are eye contact, saying bless you when someone sneezes and opening doors for female humans.

Eye contact and saying bless you seem to be programmed into me just by seeing other people do it and then the positive response one gets by doing it.

Opening doors for human females is harder since I was told to do it as a little gentleman, however about 60% of human females seem to like it, 30% don?t seem to care, and 10% feel it is their duty to tell me I am degrading women. So I have a mix of feelings (and stimuli) on whether or not it should happen. I guess the true root would be my following my grandfather?s words and damned be anyone who has another opinion. I guess I would say positive reinforcement as when I do it and I know my grandfather would like it do feel better.

Your thoughts? Am I just over thinking again?

 

[Marter]

Saying "Sorry" if you've done something "wrong", even if you don't actually feel remorse.

As for your door holding thing...I've yet to have anyone tell me off for doing it. Nothing wrong in my eyes.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Naturally deferring to the opinion of the elderly, even when they are clearly wrong. I've found myself doing this even when I know my Grandmother is very wrong about the current political situation.

Sure, most of it is respect.

Saying "Sorry" if you've done something "wrong", even if you don't actually feel remorse.

This too. Also saying excuse me after sneezing or burping.

 

[theblackcat33]

What bothers me are all the canned phrases people use these days instead of coming up with something original. "Kicking ass", and "You're so gay" are some of the most common.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Same for me; I respond with "bless you" when someone sneezes, or "excuse me" when I sneeze.

I hold doors for anyone if there's a train of people heading for the door. I've been taught that it's the polite thing to do. I never heard that only "gentlemen do it for women" until a few years ago.

Damn, does that make me some kind of..."Damsel-in-Distress with a White Knight Mentality"?

All these varied social roles are so confusing...

 

[Irridium]

Saying please/thank you for everything. Not bad, not at all, its just what I do. My dad taught me to always say it. Doesn't matter if others don't.

Same for me; I respond with "bless you" when someone sneezes, or "excuse me" when I sneeze.

I hold doors for anyone if there's a train of people heading for the door. I've been taught that it's the polite thing to do. I never heard that only "gentlemen do it for women" until a few years ago.

Damn, does that make me some kind of..."Damsel-in-Distress with a White Knight Mentality"?

All these varied social roles are so confusing...

Agreed. Thats why I'm a ninja.

 

[2fish]

le snip

Damn, does that make me some kind of..."Damsel-in-Distress with a White Knight Mentality"?

All these varied social roles are so confusing...

Well maybe but no one is going to say it to the knight with the big sword, well no one smart.

Yeah, the social roles get really confusing if you actually think about them, so many contradictions.

 

[darth.pixie]

Saying "fine" whenever someone asks "How are you?" even though you don't feel fine.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Saying please/thank you for everything. Not bad, not at all, its just what I do. My dad taught me to always say it. Doesn't matter if others don't.

Same for me; I respond with "bless you" when someone sneezes, or "excuse me" when I sneeze.

I hold doors for anyone if there's a train of people heading for the door. I've been taught that it's the polite thing to do. I never heard that only "gentlemen do it for women" until a few years ago.

Damn, does that make me some kind of..."Damsel-in-Distress with a White Knight Mentality"?

All these varied social roles are so confusing...

Agreed. Thats why I'm a ninja.

Wassup, my ninja?

 

[Irridium]

Saying please/thank you for everything. Not bad, not at all, its just what I do. My dad taught me to always say it. Doesn't matter if others don't.

Same for me; I respond with "bless you" when someone sneezes, or "excuse me" when I sneeze.

I hold doors for anyone if there's a train of people heading for the door. I've been taught that it's the polite thing to do. I never heard that only "gentlemen do it for women" until a few years ago.

Damn, does that make me some kind of..."Damsel-in-Distress with a White Knight Mentality"?

All these varied social roles are so confusing...

Agreed. Thats why I'm a ninja.

Wassup, my ninja?

He's gotta point. Whats a ninja gotta do for some damn orange chicken?!

 

[Squarez]

"Alright?"
"Yeah, I'm good. You?"
"Not too bad"
[insert actual conversation here]
"alright, well I see ya later"
"see ya"
"bye"

The bits of the conversation I just scribed are totally pointless and most of us do it in habit without even thinking about what the words actually mean. But that's just the way the world works I s'pose.

 

[2fish]

"Alright?"
"Yeah, I'm good. You?"
"Not too bad"
[insert actual conversation here]
"alright, well I see ya later"
"see ya"
"bye"

The bits of the conversation I just scribed are totally pointless and most of us do it in habit without even thinking about what the words actually mean. But that's just the way the world works I s'pose.

I personally would call that small talk but I do agree some of it is programed into us.

 

[TriggerHappyAngel]

Every freakin' morning: "Morning!"

 

[Link_to_Future]

Saying "Sorry" if you've done something "wrong", even if you don't actually feel remorse.

Hell, I say sorry sometimes when I don't feel like I've done something wrong. If it seems like the person has gotten a bum hand at life, I'll apologize even if I had nothing to do with that.

I'm working really hard to deprogram that one actually. It annoys me when I notice I'm doing it.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Well, there's certainly lots of ones in relation to language. I tend to instinctively use four letters words when I drop something on my foot, rather than say "snugglebunnies".

 

[Raven's Nest]

Saying goodbye at the end of a phone call...

I remember Radio one doing a thing about it years ago, I think they noticed that in a lot of TV and films, the characters often have their conversations then just hang up instead of going through the whole:

"Alright then, bye"

"See Ya"

"Bye"

*click*

Imagine if Neo was talking to the operator whilst being chased by agent smith, but gets caught because he was too busy just getting off the phone....

Apparently you'd save like £10 a year in phone bills by not saying goodbye...


OH! and the whole putting XXXX after every text message.

Why do we feel the need to do this!?!

WHY DOES IT PISS PEOPLE OFF WHEN YOU FORGET!!! WHHHHYYYYYY!!!!???

 

[Bomberman4000]

Anytime I run into something, I say "ow" or "god damn it" even if I literally felt nothing. I guess I just expect it to hurt and conditioned myself to respond accordingly.

"Yes/no ma'am/sir". It's how I was raised in South Carolina. We're polite people.

Saying "well" before saying something. I do this a lot when I start to speak before I've fully gathered my thoughts.

"Ah, that sucks" when one of my friends is griping about something I couldn't give two shits about.

 

[Lyx]

What responses has life programmed into you?

The usual stuff about how one is supposed to behave in those crypted "social games". Stuff that follows the pattern "One does not say this. One instead phrases it like that." Wasn't that successful already early on, but a few did stuck, so i had to reverse-engineer them later on and kick them out of my mind.

I still when among "normal people" do the usual stuff (i.e. when someone sneezes), but it's no longer automated responses, and instead requires active decision ("Hmm, that guy did sneeze, so to avoid unnecessary attention, i now should respond with this").

How was this programmed into you?

- conditioning via repetition (hammering it in)
- punishment if one disobeys (even if just in the form of rejection)
- mild reward if one obeys

All of the above across all communication channels: Relatives, friends, contact with strangers, media, institutions - pretty much everything.

So, basically the same way as animals get conditioned, just with more complex communication of the signals.

Did it use positive or negative reinforcement?

See above.

 

[Jedamethis]

Please and thank you. Oh, and saying ow. I say ow if I get hit by anything, whether it hurt or not. I once said, rather loudly, "Ow!" When somebody flicked water in my face. >.<