Questions of Love: Fighting and Spoken-For

[Tigerlemur]

Sorry for the vague title, but I wasn't sure exactly what to call these questions...

Question one:
Why do people feel the need to fight in order to have secure a relationship? Let me explain. Jim and Tina are dating. Bobby flirted with Tina, so now Jim must fight Bobby. On top of this first question, what makes a person think that if you can beat up someone's significant other, you can take their place? IE: If Bobby beats Jim, Tina will like Bobby more, so Bobby believes. Actually, in general, why does anyone believe that if you can beat the other person in a fight their argument is more valid?

Question two:
Why does someone feel that others in a relationship are still able to be obtained? Let's go back to Jim, Tina and Bobby. Bobby flirted with Tina, knowing full well that she is happy with Jim. Tina tells Jim of this flirting and so Jim goes to confront Bobby. Bobby is outraged that Jim would dare confront him about this.

Where is the logic here?!

Finally, if those two items are not juicy enough for discussion, are there any other strange questions you have about how relationships work that just drive you batty?

Edit: Forgot to mention, Jim and Tina are a happy couple in a fairly committed relationship. Tina does not like Jim for his fighting abilities. She's not that superficial. Not sure if these things needed to be said or not.

Second Edit!: My description of the first question is not what I meant it to be. It was "If Bobby beats Jim, Tina will like Bobby more" -- Thinks Bobby. Right, it didn't really make sense before.

 

[PromethianSpark]

This is all based on pop culture representations, and has nothing to do with real life. certainly nothing to do with how I have experienced life.

To be clear, most women (but not all), don't care that you can beat up their boyfriend. Or that, as her boyfriend, you can beat up advancing males. The reason man attack advancing males is not to prove to their girlfriend that they are the best man, but rather to send a msg to that man: 'flirt or come near my girlfriend, and you will get the shit kicked out of you again!'.

You question about why men view a women in relationship as being obtainable is also a little shakey. In ur example you stated that the couple where happy, and she wasn't interested in the advancing male. The advancing male however, doesn't know this, and is happy to try his luck. If you think trying ur luck against a taken women is futile, then you are wrong. It has bourne fruit for many a man for a variety of reasons. Specific to the woman and the situation ofc.

Finnally, you ask for logic, but it has been my long time experience, that when the sexes meet, there is no logic.

 

[Gormech]

The logic is that by flirting on someone within a relationship, a person is acting as a third party and putting one of the related couple in a position where they are pressured to violate the agreement of trust that being a couple pertains to.

In short, it's completely dishonoring the two's feelings and relationship and that causes tensions. Tensions when raised, often lead to violence.

As for the other question, the reason people fight when already in a relationship is to in their mind, show that they are loyal to their significant other. This may be misdirected affection, fending off those that would try to wrongly pressure them, or simply using the relationship as a tool to assert their dominance over peers.

 

[lacktheknack]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

When does this happen outside of sit-coms? Because I don't think this happens outside of sit-coms.

And if you try to apply logic to a trashy sit-com, your brain is in for a world of hurt.

 

[Tigerlemur]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

When does this happen outside of sit-coms? Because I don't think this happens outside of sit-coms.

And if you try to apply logic to a trashy sit-com, your brain is in for a world of hurt.

Amended my original post... My bad on that one. Yes, in my mistake, it was sitcom logic. However, I see many men believe that if they beat up a girl's man, the girl will like them more. Whether or not the girl does is another issue entirely. What would cause a man to believe this to be true?

The logic is that by flirting on someone within a relationship, a person is acting as a third party and putting one of the related couple in a position where they are pressured to violate the agreement of trust that being a couple pertains to.

In short, it's completely dishonoring the two's feelings and relationship and that causes tensions. Tensions when raised, often lead to violence.

As for the other question, the reason people fight when already in a relationship is to in their mind, show that they are loyal to their significant other. This may be misdirected affection, fending off those that would try to wrongly pressure them, or simply using the relationship as a tool to assert their dominance over peers.

Good information here, thank you.

This is all based on pop culture representations, and has nothing to do with real life. certainly nothing to do with how I have experienced life.

...

Finnally, you ask for logic, but it has been my long time experience, that when the sexes meet, there is no logic.

It is a sad, sad day, but I have experienced both of these circumstances. Not in my relationships, mind you, but I've watched it happen. On that second line I quoted, there is great wisdom in these words...

 

[Darken12]

All your questions can be basically summed up thus: "We are still carrying the sociocultural baggage of centuries and centuries of 'traditions' that used to make sense but now they don't."

The reason these practices still lurk around society like vultures is because of people who are "conservative" and "value traditions." The only way a social practice keeps on being relevant after it has lost all usefulness is thanks to people who value traditions for their own sake.

 

[Vern5]

Answer 1: Because people are idiots?

Answer 2: Bobby is welcome to take shots when he can and the whole situation would be a big misunderstanding if he did not know she was involved with anyone. Not sure why Tina didn't just handle the situation and tell Bobby that she was already seeing somebody and wasn't interested? In my experience, girls can take care of themselves in situations like these. The ones who run off to complain to their boyfriends that they were being hit on are the ones who actively pursue drama: THE CRAZY ONES.

Both of these scenarios sounds like sitcom situations (Where logic is sacrificed for the greater "good" of entertaining the simple masses) or high school situations (teenagers make up a lot of the 'simple masses' demographic). In a mature or intelligent setting, these things just wouldn't happen.

I do have a question about relationships, though. You know when you're snuggled up with your significant other to sleep? When you are the "big spoon" you put one arm around your partner... but where does the other one go? One of your arms is always crammed underneath you or placed at a weird angle. Where is that unfortunate arm supposed to go because I can never figure it out.

 

[Mel Theofficegamergirl]

Why can't they just talk it out over a beer at their local pub? That's how problems are solved right? :3

 

[Starik20X6]

I see many men believe that if they beat up a girl's man, the girl will like them more. Whether or not the girl does is another issue entirely. What would cause a man to believe this to be true?

I reckon it's probably some latent evolutionary holdover from the days of natural selection and the 'alpha male'. Being able to beat up another man meant you were likely to be superior at surviving and thus had the best genes, making you a better mate. You see this sort of thing all the time in primate societies- the toughest gets the women. It's a long outdated mentality in the modern, civilised world, but civilisation has advanced a lot faster than our brains.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Because women are possessions and when someone tries to take your possessions you hit them.

In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure this doesn't happen in real life.

 

[AngloDoom]

Surely this is a rare event at best?

I mean, I've seen guys get into fights or attack someone to try and get the attention of a girl but I've never seen two men duel over a woman.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I do have a question about relationships, though. You know when you're snuggled up with your significant other to sleep? When you are the "big spoon" you put one arm around your partner... but where does the other one go? One of your arms is always crammed underneath you or placed at a weird angle. Where is that unfortunate arm supposed to go because I can never figure it out.

Depending, the arm can be used as a pillow for her (if comfy enough), though you run the risk of a dead arm when you wake up. If you're used to it though, 'waking up' can be rather fun... >_> ...

OT: Biology... and all that stuff... though I must admit I've never seen that done. Hell, one of my friends makes it known she's married, will flirt anyway, pisses off her husband, before they go home from the pub to presumably have angry sex... (they're invariably lovey-dovey the following day...) -_- A fair few couples treat flirting with singletons as a bit of a game. Not my kind of thing, but to get pissed off that your partner is hitting on someone else or being hit on just indicates at possessiveness and insecurity.

That said, there is a line to walked between taking them for granted and jealousy. *shrug*

 

[Loonyyy]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

When does this happen outside of sit-coms? Because I don't think this happens outside of sit-coms.

And if you try to apply logic to a trashy sit-com, your brain is in for a world of hurt.

/Thread.

The only people who do this are sitcom characters or insecure white trash wankers who worry too much about their appearance.

The first can be easily avoided (You know, because they don't exist), and the second is easily avoided by staying out of boganville.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

First Question:
Ruling out superficiality, I'm not sure why someone believes that beating their current partner will allow them to gain the affection of another. Maybe they think that by defeating their partner, they will show that they are physically stronger and can at least protect them from others who wish to harm them. This won't work, and if anything, will cause them to be fearful and distant of that person. Unless that person stands up and protects them in a non-affectionate situation, they will at least garner respect for them, and would be confident and safe around them should a bad situation raises. Other than that, people are not interested in dating barbarians (for obvious reasons).

Second Question:
This can happen on a lot of levels, both good and bad.

Most cases on a bad level have to do with jealousy; they might see someone that they are attracted to and find it disheartening that they are in a committed relationship. They act as though they can fulfill some of their needs or do something different that their significant other can't. While it may be true, this only proves that those needs that person is willing to fulfill may not be as important to that person or have other ways of fulfilling that need that do not directly involve her partner. The outside party need to understand that unless their are open and willing to get to know, and later become involved, with them, it's a sure sign that they don't want to buy whatever they are selling.

In most good levels, the person is genuinely concerned with the person's well-being and/or emotions in their current relationship. This could be anywhere from abuse of different colors to holding back a person from reaching their full potential. Even though they might act with nothing but the best of intentions for them, they will often reject the help from strangers. Even if they believe that they can treat them better (in other words, like a normal person in a relationship), it's more important that they get of the relationship first re-evaluate what they want in life and for themselves, and then decide on who they want to get involved with. They're an escape hatch, not a safety net.

 

[hooblabla6262]

Question One:
Jim isn't beating up Bobby to impress Tina. Jim is beating up Bobby because he feels threatened. When people feel threatened they have a tendancy to act before thinking. This can lead to angry outburst in some.

I grew up in a trashy neighborhood where fighting over girls was pretty normal behavior. And I've seen it work on some girls. Most defnitely has something to do with some latent desire to be with the Alpha Male.

Question Two:
Because some people in relationships are obtainable. Human beings are capable of having feelings for more than one person. Thus, it is not that far a stretch to say that Bobby could seduce Tina out of her relationship with Jim. Even if she was happy, all it takes is a little doubt to seed the destruction of an entire relationship.

Everybodies looking out for #1.

Edit: Quick Question for everyone.

My girlfriend lets me sleep in the same bed as my bestfriend, who is a girl I dated several years ago. I live downtown, so it's much easier for her to come to my place after the bars than to hers.
Would you consider that a healthy, or unhealthy relationship?
(And before you ask, I'd have no problem with my girl doing the same)

 

[Ashhearth]

To be perfectly honest with you I've never gotten these questions either and I've had to deal with that second question a lot. Even to the point of "Bobby" telling me to break up with my girlfriend so he would have a chance with her to my face and in her presence. I wish I could tell you the answer but personally i think its just people being assholes and thinking they are entitled to do whatever the hell they want.

 

[Palademon]

Because they're deeply insecure and jealous.

Probably the same logic whenever someone "steals" someone else's partner. You can't steal them. They're not an object.