Quotes from your own life

[Zechnophobe]

Ever say something... and immediately thought 'man, if I was famous, that would be a well known quote!'

Er, well I do, but I'm horribly conceited. Share yours, but here's mine:

1) "Believing in a jealous God is like having an imaginary friend... who doesn't like you."

2) "Wikipedia works because while there are a plethora of ways to be wrong about something, there is only one way to be right."

3) more recently "Sometimes I'm not pretty. And when I'm not, I don't want to listen to pretty music."

And you?

 

[lee1287]

....Not really, i just quote Zapp Brannigan all the time. So...

Kif old friend, i don't know what disgusts me more, your cowardice or your stupidity.

 

[Evilbunny]

"I like big girls. I like big giant girls that can knock over buildings with their hands. 'ROOOAAAAARRR' 'Well, hello there. I'd like to thrust my sword into your magical weak point. Alright."

 

[P0RTAL]

Hmm. They aren't particularly memorable b ut I found them funny. Admittedly, some of these are from family members.

"This spaceship handles like a dead whale!"

"I'm gonna jump into my invisible ferrari and swerve around that insult."

"It's not muscle because muscle doesn't flab."

 

[Rayne870]

Someone just recently asked if, I like to sit around with my finger in my ass all day, I replied "Not all the time, and not necessarily my ass."

Other than that I have a rather constant flow of vulgar/rude/snarky comments. Or just random things. Like when I asked my boss "Is a purple monkey dishwasher, a purple monkey that washes dishes, or a dish washer that washes purple monkeys? Or is it something else entirely?"

To my ex when we were dating and she said "I think my boobs are getting smaller" I said "No you are just getting bigger" She did in fact gain weight and I didn't like her that much at the time because she had just been exposed for cheating on me.

 

[ItsAChiaotzu]

Children are great until they learn how to talk. And then they're shit until they learn what to say.

Wow Neebs, that was so profound.

 

[El Poncho]

'Tom Jones is a white man, who looks like a black man and sounds like a black man, I reckon he's an undercover brother'

Not the best but it's recent(few hours ago) which is why I remember it, I always forget quotes after a few days

 

[Macheteswordgun]

I've been titty fuckin bitches in the ass all day!

Don't ask.

 

[GundamSentinel]

"Why do we always need hard facts? Why not nice soft facts? With chocolate around them... Hmmmm..."

"It's fun, being critical in a stupid way."

 

[Daedalus1942]

"I never do anything right, hell, I couldn't even be born correctly"
-Tabs<3-

 

[DefunctTheory]

"'Borrow' my smokes one more time and I'll fucking kill you."

"'Borrow' my Eggos one more time and I'll fucking kill you."

"'Chill' on my side of the room one more time and I'll fucking kill you."

"Fine, chop my nuts off. They're functionally worthless anyway."

Can't say my fun ones.... got suspended last time I quoted myself.

 

[Neverhoodian]

I haven't spoken that many memorable lines in my life, but my grandmother has:

"Honey, I like food I can eat."

"You look like Ish Kibibble." (commenting on a bad hair day)

"She had about as much sense as...*points* as that [INSERT COMMON HOUSEHOLD OBJECT HERE]."

"Honey, when I get a hair on my upper lip I just shave that ol' rascal off!"

"Honey, would you like some more HOTCAKES?" (she wouldn't bother for an answer, she would just drop them on your plate at the word "HOTCAKES")

Sadly she's bed-ridden and can't speak any more due to various age-related physical problems.

 

[Leon Last Lord Shyle]

hmmm upon being introduced to a person by a friend "who is this person... wait i remember the last one tell me why i should care who they are before i have to learn their name."

 

[Naheal]

"Is there a particular reason why we decided to ignore common sense?"

 

[LongAndShort]

while drunk:
"Its an apple, its green and red and gold, and filled with vitamin I-don't-fucking-know!"

"Is there any pussy up for it?" - I stumble outside, throw up into a bush, stumble back inside - "I said: IS THERE ANY PUSSY UP FOR IT?"

more recently, while watching MTV with some mates:
"I don't understand what you're saying so I don't care about you're fantastic socio-economic messages!"

It's hard to think of my really good quotes because most of them rely on context for their hilarity.

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

Unfortunately, I can remember none that aren't references to something else. Don't get me wrong, they're there, I just can't remember them right now.

 

[Icaruss]

one of these days i'm going to set you on fire

 

[Icaruss]

I wish i could say its been fun i really do -last words to a person i grew to hate

Its a matter of opoinion and you'res dosn't- To a co-worker telling me to get a haircut

Your to fat to be dead weight get to fucking work-to a very lazy co-worker who seems to enjoy
watching me instead of working

Choke and die You worthless bastard- To a sorta Friend who i trade insults with

I would't piss on you if you were on fire...or at least untill after you died-another coworker

What it like being the dumbest bastard in any given room? is it fun?

Here Besey here,girl- to a Fat co-worker who was pissing me of

That will do pig, that'll do- to a very loud stupid girl i know

I think we should staple a paper bag to your head so no else ever has witness the horror that is you face.

 

[XegnoPure]

"It'd make more sense if you think about it, but it's probably best not to think about it..."