Quotes from your own life

[GenericAmerican]

Hey, do you have hairs in your nose?
Why?
I have some on my ass, we could tie them together.

At the end of school one day; following an all day discussion on the topic my friend shouts: "Alright people, we are making a class porno as our graduation present for the school." (that got a lot of looks from other people)

Me: Fuck you
Friend: Don't threaten me with a good time

Girl in my class: I hate it when guys grab your hair and try and help you along.
Me: What?!?!
Girl: Well they always go to far and you end up gagging.
Me: How the hell did we end up on this topic?

Kid in class tells horrible joke, few moments later my friend goes
"Cricket, Cricket chirp, cricket, cricket chirp."

Me: Amberr you're a whore.
Her: No I'm not
Me: Oh yeah? How many times have you had sex in the back of that car? What fifteen times?
Her: As if, only about eight times. (She then gasps and covers her mouth)
Me: whore
Her: Am not!!!

 

[Icaruss]

I hate you! I hate you all!!-to my co-workers every day as i leave (hail bender)

 

[Astoria]

I was actually quoted by a friend once for this one. 'Insecurities a just a fancy word for your mind trying to screw you over'. I may have stolen it though I can't remember.

 

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[Geo Da Sponge]

I don't have any that work on their own, but I can think of a few from conversations.

Friend A: I can't decide whether I can be bothered to go down to the shop and buy some more alcohol.
Friend B: At times like this, you have to ask yourself: what woud Jesus do?
Me: Well Jesus could turn water into wine so it wasn't his problem.

*Tipsy friend slaps my arse*
Me: Oi!
Friend: Sorry...
Me: A bit of restraint would be nice.
Friend: Yeah, I'm sorry...
Me: Oh not for you, I mean for me.

 

[GamemasterAnthony]

"Elections are like watching the 'Wizard of Oz'. All the candidates are brainless, heartless, have no courage...and quite frankly, I wish they'd go home!" - My personal feelings about most elections, especially regarding the mudslinging

"Normality is for the uninspired who have no ambition."

"So why are people letting you play? You're clearly not good at game ettiquette." - Something I said to someone who said you should learn to play well before playing

"With video games being used as diagnostic tools for medicine, Klingon being taught as a language in colleges, Jedi being chosen as a religion, and concerts with full orchestras playing video game music...it is quite obvious that it is the geek that shall inherit the Earth."

 

[Hister]

Stupidity should be painful.
And when I was playing everquest alot with my necro it was:
Don't run from me, you'll just die tired

 

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[TehCookie]

"I can't do perfect, but I can instruct perfect."

Got to love parents with ridiculous expectations, I was trying to level out a hill in my backyard to set up a pool. I got it fairly flat (good enough for me, the only one who uses it) but he brought out a level and measured it. I can't get dirt to be that flat just a shovel.

 

[LadyMint]

My brother: That movie was terrible!
Me: I'm sorry, but there are no refunds for lost life hours.

This after I warned him not to watch the film. Crank 2, for the record.

 

[Cucumber]

In my everyday conversations:

Counter-argumenting when someone tries to point out one of my faults:
"Congratulations, you're a better being than I. Do you feel better now?"

When one of my friends are excessively annoying:
"Please, just cuddle up into a corner, die, and then come back afterwards"

On a more serious note:

I use this one to 'enlighten' individuals who wants to konw why I percieve everything so differently:
"Do you smell that? The filhty stench that is around you, everywhere? Do you see the horrible world in front of you? Do you hear the painful screams that existance brings?... Of course you don't, you're already too deep in it. It's too late for you to ever understand."

To a depressed friend asking me how I manage to constantly stay smiling. (It sorta evolved into my by-heart motto):
"In this forsaken world. There is nothing. And that's all I need to be happy."

Interpet this one as you please, at least it makes sense to me ^.^
"Hope for nothing, believe in everything"

 

[Neo10101]

"Everything is perfection at work"

 

[CarlMin]

?My sexuality is much like Area 51. It was probably supposed to be a secret at some point, but by now it?s more likely a widely recognized tourist attraction.?

?Hey console fags! How many Xbox players does it to kill an enemy in MW2? None! Their help-aim would do it for them!?

?Wearing a scarf is like wearing a hug!?

?The Glock is Counter-Strike is just preposterously weak. I think it might actually give the players you shoot more HP!?

?I, like most stupid people, have a very limited understanding of politics which I happily compensate with a burning desire to discuss it?.

?Wikipedia articles can be a very reliable source. At least when I write the articles in question.?

?I started to realize that my love for Bolt was a bit strange and different when a thread I posted about him on a forum was moved from its original category ?Love and relationships? to ?psychology and mental health?.

I know right! I'm like a modern-day Winston Churchill!

 

[ramboondiea]

there is no problem in this world that cant be fixed with copious amounts of fire and gaffa tape.
touch my baileys again il cut you with this "thats a spoon" yeah so think how long its going to hurt for.
you know for how much i actually listen to the people in starbucks when i order, they could very well be speaking spanish and id never know.
it was a warm night, so i didnt think i needed pants.

although the best i have ever heard come from my friend. "im hetroflexible, im straight but shit happens"

 

[StormShaun]

"No Dice"
My phrase dont steal it.....ever....or the death penality shall be in place for ya anus.........

or

"May as may as"
If you have to do it, may as do it....

 

[Scott Guthrie]

NNOOO DON'T OPEN THE CAR WINDOW I'LL GET SUCKED OUT!!!!

 

[Rayne870]

Someone just recently asked I like to sit around with my finger in my ass all day, I replied "Not all the time, and not necessarily my ass."

Other than that I have a rather constant flow of vulgar/rude/snarky comments. Or just random things. Like when I asked my boss "Is a purple monkey dishwasher, a purple monkey that washes dishes, or a dish washer that washes purple monkeys? Or is it something else entirely?"

She did in fact gain wait

Ask where the comma is in the first one. And your GF is losing time? Maybe she dumped you before you realised it.

woops, thanks I'll go edit that.

 

[Baradiel]

I remember I was having a conversation with one of my friends once. He's a smoker, and I was late for something. It went sortof like this:

*I get up to leave*

"Hey! Where are you going!?"

"A magical place where cigarettes are free, and you're not invited."

It was completely impro, and the room was in hysterics. I had it repeated to me several times every time I saw him again for about two weeks.