Random/Memorable spam you've gotten

[teqrevisited]

Well I've had no notable emails, just the usual viagra & breast enlargement (Two things that should NEVER go together), facebook spam when I don't even use facebook and messages about my US Battle.net account - I'm in the EU - and SW:TOR account, a game that I've never played.

I did, however, get woken up by a call from an Indian man claiming to be "From Windows" (It gets worse. Trust me.) who apparently possessed the necessary clairvoyance to tell me that my hard drive was 89% corrupted by adware... yeah... and that I needed to give him some code of some sort for some made up reason.

I told him that if he or anyone he associated with rang me again I'd find him and shove his phone so far down his throat that he'd be shitting number keys for weeks. Among other things. Then I hung up.

 

[GenericAmerican]

Okay, this was sent to me; and I couldn't stop laughing, i saved a copy for just an occasion as this.

Spoiler

Free!! Act now! Up to TWO (2) sacks of old computer cords! Free!!

FREE:

Two sacks of random computer cords.

USB! Firewire! Parallel! Serial*! RCA! PS2! Lots, Lots more (maybe)! These sacks each contain a random tangle of numerous old wires and plugs. There's all kinds of cables in these sacks. I think I see a webcam there, and also some USB brackets. These would be a perfect gift for Cable Enthusiasts, Copper Addicts, and "Connector Collectors." I would love to see these sacks go to a good home. Tell me when and where, and I'll meet you there with a sack in each hand so you can pick which one you want. I will be willing to swap some cables from one sack to the other if you are kind of a greedy dude, but don't go crazy. I'm not in this just to swap stuff from sack to sack all day. Seriously, greedy dude, just pick a sack and live with what you get.

These sacks are great. They have maybe fifty cables each, and each cable has (at least) one connector on each end. That's like twice as many connectors! These sacks would be great for people who like wires, but obviously they would be even better (twice as better) for people who like plugs and stuff.

Get one for the kids! Toss them a sack and tell them to go start untangling. That'll shut them up. Also they'll get a history lesson about the different number of prongs you can pack into S-Video connectors! When they're done, tell them to tangle them back up for later.

These are perfect for movie props! Your characters can use them to hack the internet! Tie some to a few road flares and a clock and you have a great fake bomb!** Use them in your sketch you wrote about a guy trying to hock useless old cables on Craigslist. Some of this stuff might help you get closer to finishing that Borg costume you've been working on for years.

Toss one at your friend! See what he does. I don't know, maybe he's the kind of guy who likes having sacks of wires thrown at him.*** Try it out with a friend you don't like very much first.

Carry them around with you all over town. People will ask you to help them with their computer problems all the time probably. Nothing says "I know computers" like a rocking a couple of cable sacks, akimbo-style. They'll be all, "hey, you look like you can help me set up my printer!" Imagine how superior to them you'll feel when you tell them to screw off.

My life was a pointless, directionless blur before I got these cables. The mere thought of potentially not having a MOLEX to SATA adapter kept me huddling under the covers. I spent almost 15 years trying to get one of every cable. Then I realized that was a kind of stupid quest. Then I got into comic books. Then I became the type of guy who hocks useless old cables on Craigslist because he's bored. They can do the same for you!

I should warn you that the sacks have some holes in them. They can barely contain the number of cables inside. That's surely 8 - 10% more cables than the next guy. Your neighbors, your friends, even your coworkers will be shamed by the pure inadequacy of their cable sacks.

I would horde this amazing collection all for myself, but I'm moving in with my girlfriend and she told me I have to cut down on my collection of "useless old junk." Better make room for face cream and laserjet prints of Justin Bieber, am I right?

Act now (or ever) and I'll throw in an old CPU heatsink for each sack. Keep one in your purse to brain potential muggers (like I always say, "if you brain them now, they won't mug you later"). Use them to keep things slightly cooler, like power transformers, sub-woofers, and battlemechs. Strap them to your head to totally stick it to those jerk-wads who keep calling you a "hothead." Melt them down and you'll have like 8 ounces of actual aluminum which you can forge into seriously anything. I'm basically giving you your wildest aluminum dreams. You should be paying me.

*This item is not to be mixed with milk and eaten for breakfast or as an afternoon snack.
**This is not to be used in any way to build an actual explosive device.
***I am not responsible for any lost friendships or "falling outs" that happen as a result of these sacks being tossed.

 

[Yureina]

I once got a phone message from a guy apparently calling his friend saying that he was lost driving around town and needed help to get back home. Also, the guy was totally stoned, admitting it several times during his message.

I found that quite amusing. XD

 

[NewYork_Comedian]

Instantly bookmarked.

But to be honest, I barely receive any spam besides the odd erectile dysfunction ad. My G-mail seems to be pretty good at blocking those annoying [but hilarious] emails.

 

[Miles000]

That is the best email anyone has ever received. Ever.

That's why I'm keeping it safe, in case chain emails start circulating again...

It's my 'Plan B-XD'

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

Spoiler

Dearest,

I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you.
I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here ,I am Miss Jenet Harry Johnson 25years old girl from Liberia, the only daughter of Late prince Harry Johnson the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Charles Taylor who is now in exile after many innocent soul were killed ,My father was killed by government of Charles Taylor ,he accuse my father of coup attempt. I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe but she hides away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents.

Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contains important documents. So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee here in Ouagadougou, Republic of Burkina Faso. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country. My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$5, 7, Million Dollars in Bank with my name as the next of kin. However,

I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund. As you will help me in an investment, and I will like to complete my studies, as I was in my 1st year in the university, when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital.

This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. I am staying at the female hostel. Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this to yourself and every communications hall be made through this email address alone for confidential purpose and you should not disclose it till i come over , once the fund has been transferred.
Thanks, I will send you my pictures as soon as I Read from you again please tell me more about yourself.
Yours Love Sincerely,
Miss Jenet Harry Johnson.

Seems Legit.

I don't really ever look through Spam folders. (Nor my email adresses) But this makes me want to.

HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT
I have 403 spam emails! Thanks a fuck ton google! I'd litterially kill myself if those were jumbled into my usual youtube updates if I needed to find something important.

 

[Suicida1 Midget]

OK i dont mean to offend anyone, sorry for my horrible spelling but i cant find the original any place, so heres the most faithful copy of it that i can make.

Theres an autistic guy who isnt so bad that he cant live alone but hes still kinda-well yeah. So one day hes parents get a call from him and in an excited voice he says, 'mom, dad! guess what- i caught a troll!!!'. Hes parents thinking it was just him being him waved it off not caring. So he calls his brother saying the same thing. His brother thinks somethings up so he goes to see him.(for the sake of understanding ill call him jack.) So once jack arrives his brother is jumping around with glee and jack asks him,'ok, so where is this troll?' to which his brother replies, 'fallow me,' and runs into the house. Once jack catches up to him his brother is pratically jumping off the walls, and goes to open the closet. To jacks surprise there was a midget-tied and bound. Turns out, the midget was a johovas witness going door to door that day.

Best stroy spam that a friend forwarded me. Once again its not my acuall making, and i dont mean to offend anyone by it.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

"Hello. I live in your city. I am lovely and wonderful. Probably trojan link originally hia! Some of my photos you can find on"
Lolin'
There are also a lot of creepy erectile disfunction pill offers, and a few from a place called "COBRA-SOLUTIONS"... Hmm... I wonder who could be in charge of that...

"Sssssend him the ssssspam!"