Sitting in my room drinking copious (that's a word right? I've heard it but never used it) amounts of soda thinking about the future. I'm in a weird transitive state of being kicked out of the Navy (joined at 18 right out of highschool, left within a year, honorable discharge mind you. 19 at the moment) and sitting at home having zero idea of what I want to do. Nothing really interests me or motivates me enough to make me want to do it, because nothing really ever has. I just went through school with no idea of what I wanted to do, no girlfriends, just hanging out with friends and passing classes.....and throw that onto the fact that I'm a terrible decision maker (because I've always been the middle child and loner type with a few friends who doesn't get responsibilities anyways) and enter a clusterfuck of decisions I have to make in the next year.
Oh, and to make matters worse, I don't have my license, and the reason why is hilariously sad. See, I got into a car accident with my friend an I a while back, flipped the jeep in a busy intersection (would've had my skull crushed if not for my seatbelt) and I'm a little bit......afraid of driving. I just don't trust myself going 60 mph in a steel machine filled with flammable liquids, especially when I have that moment to haunt me.
Maybe I just need support or some kind of guidance (ok, not maybe, I really need), but nobody.....really..........gives a shit. I guess we're all just supposed to know how to lead successful lives, but nobody fucking tells me anything. I never had role models to look up to, my parents were just kind of....there. I had a group of friends in highschool, but as nerds we just ate food and played games together (only 2 of my friends I still have to this day) and we never really did anything social outside our group. I dunno, just rambling on. I know confidence is key to getting out of a rut, but I think I'm just looking for someone BESIDES myself to have confidence in me. I'm an overlooked butterfly :C
Why I decide to post this on the internet I have no idea. I'm terribly shy, but I feel like I need to talk to someone to at least get an opinion on things. I would love to just know a larger community to help with life/free time, but it always ends up being a solo mission :/
Also, I've become quite addicted to watching Starcraft 2 despite me being terrible at it.
I'm Savik, and that's the big picture :/ [sub]hope you found my ramble somewhat interesting at least[/sub]