Look, guys, I'm going to be frank, the reason you aren't going to die is because I'm taking personal responsibility for this 'poccylpse. When Mayan Jesus comes around, I'll just say "hey, Mayan Jesus, I'm know you're here to do your Mayan rapture thingy, but, look, there's other Jesuses (Jesii?), and, it's kinda his birthday coming up, so... why not call the whole thing off? It's a real dick move ruining someone's birthday, you know? Not really befitting the son of Mayan God". (This is the point where I admit, that much like everyone else who has ever said anything about Mayan Apocalypse, I know absolutely nothing about Mayan Culture, religion or actually anything Mayan in general - other than the fact that they maybe came from central America, or perhaps south America? I don't even know where Central American ends and South America begins, that's how little I know about Mayans. So I'm simply assuming they're identical to ours but with those weird feather hats)
And if that doesn't work, I'll phone the Spanish (not the Spanish government, the Spanish as a whole, as in, I will have a teleconference with every single last Spaniard). They've dealt with Mayans before, I'm sure they can handle it again.
So, basically, if the world doesn't end on the 21st, I'll take all the credit. If the world does end, on the other hand, everyone will be dead, so no one can blame me for anything! A-ha! Take that potential consequences!
