From the very vague understanding of a roast (I watched part of Charlie Sheen's before getting bored), I believe that I'm allowed a rebuttal. Maybe that's not true, and maybe I'm making things up, but since when haven't I been allowed to just make up whatever I want? I'm pretty sure that's what being a person in power is supposed to do. I mean, just look at all of the random amendments to our Code of Conduct, eh, Nasrin?
Judging by how many people thought it would be funny to make fun of me, and seeing how many users have been banned, suspended, or warned because of their terrible taste in humor, I think it's safe to say that you all fear me? I'm not quite sure why that is. Perhaps it's because you all know that I am always watching for a slant of Scorpion King 3. One little quip is all it takes, and I'll be on you like Redlin is to cheese sandwiches. Seriously, put this guy near a table of the things and you'll have a serious problem. Or, he'll have a serious problem, because cheese is constipating. And that's never fun.
Note that I am always lurking, awaiting a chance to ban you all. See, The Scorpion King 3 is the best film on the planet. That is fact. If you say it isn't, you are lying and you are a terrible person. Most of you fall into this category. If you do, and you express that wrongness, I will get you. You see, lying about a fact, to a moderator, is mod sass. That isn't acceptable. We can't have that kind of criminal scum inside of The Escapist's forums. I'm basically here in order to make sure that this doesn't happen. You can only imagine the kind of place that caters to these heathens. 4chan, that's where.
I feel as if the only one who understands the love of Scorpion King 3 is Sassafrass. My dear Sassafrass. You claim that your life has become ruined because of this movie. I believe to have liberated you. I am your personal savior. How can one even live without their daily dose of Scorpion King 3. It's Indiana Jones without his fedora. It's like Julianking93 without his abhorrent loli j-pop thing. It's like Redlin without his cheese sandwiches. It's like a simile without a conclusion.
Taking an eye to you, Jules, do I even have to list the crap that America has given the world? Well, I don't have to, you Japanphile, you. You've listed one already, Miley Cyrus. I'm a little surprised that you decided to take as many shots at my musical taste as you did, especially considering the odd fusion of junk that you listen to, but let's just say this: I listen to music that makes me happy. And my conutry didn't bring the world a certain president whose last name is Bush. I do agree that my taste involves a lot of LSD, but that's only because I can't think straight without a daily dose. And that was supposed to be our little secret, you cretin.
Owyn. All I have to say to you is that this forum, and most out there, really, has something called italics tags. You should learn how to use them. /This/ is silly when we can just do this.
My fellow moderators. I wish you well when I finally depart from your ranks. Or, more likely, you depart from mine. How clear it is that I'm so far above you. You see all of the fake warnings already in this thread? People want me to ban them, just so that they have the satisfaction of being banned by me. They request it. Ask Redlin. I've suspended him for months at a time, and as he sits at his computer waiting to be reinstated, he cherishes the time. He thinks "I'm better than everyone else right now, as I was touched by Marter's banhammer, Genocide, and I survived. He thinks all this while eating a cheese sandwich, of course. Oh, and stay out of User Reviews. Seriously. Just don't go there. It's like the poor part of every town out there, except everyone living there is rich. Make sense of that. And we also sometimes speak avec proper Anglais.
That turns me to Ryan, a person everyone knows as Caramel Frappe, in large part because he's going to be diabetic due to all of the frappes he drinks. I hear he's up to 3 or 4 a day, and considering he does no exercise apart from making animated .gifs for people who are too lazy to do it themselves, he'll be diabetic soon enough. That'll at least give you an excuse to make absolutely no sense on the majority of your posts, as you can just say "my blood sugar was low." Now stop sucking up and learn what a roast is. You're not supposed to be praising me upfront; you're supposed to destroy me, and then let me take a turn at ripping you a new one. Like what Daystar does every time he tries eating beans.
I think what this roast is missing is a little bit of food. Redlin can bring the cheese sandwiches, someone else can bring all of the other food, and I'll put on Scorpion King 3 so we can all watch it together by the campfire. I'll even throw in some of that LSD that we were most definitely not talking about earlier, so that you can make the unsaturated color palette a bit brighter. And the first 20 minutes just might make more sense, too. Actually, I wonder if taking, like, a huge batch of ALL OF THE DRUGS would make The Scorpion King 3 feel like the sequel that I so desperately want. Hang on, I'm going to go try that.
User was banned for: Taking more drugs than even Charlie Sheen can handle [http://i249.photobucket.com/albums/gg218/Starbucks_lover_carmen/trippy-2.gif]. (Permanent)
