relationship advice? please?

[steampunk42]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

 

[ShadowDude112]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

First, how can a college student have such poor grammar? Also, if you want to stay friends, if she rejects you, just say: "Okay still friends?" If you're in a relationship, well, you're more than friends.

 

[Svenparty]

You need to acess the situation further: Worse case scenario things would be a bit awkward for a while and maybe time apart would be good to show you there are other girls. However if you take the risk you could potentially have her as a girlfriend.

Although if you have known her for 2 years are you sure your not in the "Friend Zone" a much dreaded place by many Escapist Advise Junkies?

 

[artanis_neravar]

You need to acess the situation further: Worse case scenario things would be a bit awkward for a while and maybe time apart would be good to show you there are other girls. However if you take the risk you could potentially have her as a girlfriend.

Although if you have known her for 2 years are you sure your not in the "Friend Zone" a much dreaded place by many Escapist Advise Junkies?

Friend zone doesn't exist

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

First, how can a college student have such poor grammar? Also, if you want to stay friends, if she rejects you, just say: "Okay still friends?" If you're in a relationship, well, you're more than friends.

I'm working for my masters and I have atrocious speeling, it's just something that some people never truly learn


EDIT: Like these two have said go for it, and if she says no just try and still be friends.

 

[Svenparty]

You need to acess the situation further: Worse case scenario things would be a bit awkward for a while and maybe time apart would be good to show you there are other girls. However if you take the risk you could potentially have her as a girlfriend.

Although if you have known her for 2 years are you sure your not in the "Friend Zone" a much dreaded place by many Escapist Advise Junkies?

Friend zone doesn't exist

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

First, how can a college student have such poor grammar? Also, if you want to stay friends, if she rejects you, just say: "Okay still friends?" If you're in a relationship, well, you're more than friends.

I'm working for my masters and I have atrocious speeling, it's just something that some people never truly learn


EDIT: Like these two have said go for it, and if she says no just try and still be friends.

The friend zone does exist: It's a state in which you hung around too long and the girl sees you as more of a friend than that tough kid down the road that huffs paint and drives a Harley.

 

[artanis_neravar]

You need to acess the situation further: Worse case scenario things would be a bit awkward for a while and maybe time apart would be good to show you there are other girls. However if you take the risk you could potentially have her as a girlfriend.

Although if you have known her for 2 years are you sure your not in the "Friend Zone" a much dreaded place by many Escapist Advise Junkies?

Friend zone doesn't exist

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

First, how can a college student have such poor grammar? Also, if you want to stay friends, if she rejects you, just say: "Okay still friends?" If you're in a relationship, well, you're more than friends.

I'm working for my masters and I have atrocious speeling, it's just something that some people never truly learn


EDIT: Like these two have said go for it, and if she says no just try and still be friends.

The friend zone does exist: It's a state in which you hung around too long and the girl sees you as more of a friend than that tough kid down the road that huffs paint and drives a Harley.

If she's attracted to you, she's attracted to you, and if that changes over time then the relationship never would have worked to begin with, the friend zone is invented by men who simply can't seem to grasp the fact that women just might not find the attractive

 

[Lilani]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

It's been my experience that, on their end, girls don't really feel any of that post-rejection awkwardness you speak of. I've never experienced it, and no other girl I know has, either (unless the guy starts acting different). That is more or less a problem guys have. I've turned down guys with the "I like where we are now" bit, and our friendships were never worse for the wear as far as I know. If a girl says something like that to you, she doesn't mean she never wants to see you again. She means exactly what she says--she wants to stay friends. Nothing more, nothing less. If she did never want to see you again, she'd make it a little more obvious.

So my advice is just go for it, listen to what she says, and if necessary respect her wishes. And if that's the case, just carry on as normal and keep an eye out for the next one.

 

[cobra_ky]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

Chances are, it's only going to be as awkward as you make it. If you think you can handle being turned down and still continue your friendship as if nothing ever happened, then there's no reason not to ask.

and yeah, there's no such thing as the Friend Zone.

 

[aba1]

If I have learned anything its that things are only as bad as you make them. So if she says no just dont be awkward becasue it will only be as awkward as you make it if you play it off like it is nothing then it will be nothing and things will be fine.

 

[aba1]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

Chances are, it's only going to be as awkward as you make it. If you think you can handle being turned down and still continue your friendship as if nothing ever happened, then there's no reason not to ask.

and yeah, there's no such thing as the Friend Zone.

I heavily agree with this guy for the most part I do however believe there is a friend zone but thats the sorta thing that takes 5+ years to fall into.

 

[cobra_ky]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

Chances are, it's only going to be as awkward as you make it. If you think you can handle being turned down and still continue your friendship as if nothing ever happened, then there's no reason not to ask.

and yeah, there's no such thing as the Friend Zone.

I heavily agree with this guy for the most part I do however believe there is a friend zone but thats the sorta thing that takes 5+ years to fall into.

if you've been attracted to a friend for 5+ years and haven't revealed it yet, then you have other issues with your relationship.

 

[RunicFox]

this may be the first time i ever actually ask total strangers for advice...also potentially the last based on what responses i get. basically i have this friend ive know for two years, and i really like her a lot and want to ask her out when i get back to college. but im afraid that if i do and she doesn't like me like that then my friendship with her could be ruined by the awkward potential tension. im torn between asking her out or just abandoning hope and staying her friend.....advice?

Hey Steampunk,

People have said it before me but here are the finer points:

1. The risk is real. If it fails your friendship will not be the same, if at all existent. WHEN and HOW you ask are IMPERATIVE and must be in a setting that is almost intimate (the two of you alone, having a really GREAT TIME)

2. Deal with it. If you lose, that really, REALLY sucks. I've had hard times in my life, but I've learned one thing -- time heals, and there are a lot of people out there.

3. A follow up on the above. If you would rather keep her as a friend, don't make the jump. It depends on what you want more -- her to be with you, or her to not be with you. That's something no one can give you advice on.


Come back and post on here how entirely serious you are. Is this something you want 100%? If it is, be prepared to reap the best rewards or worst consequences.

-Fox

 

[ZeroChan]

Also, if you want to stay friends, if she rejects you, just say: "Okay still friends?" If you're in a relationship, well, you're more than friends.

I agree with Shadow on this. It makes it clear that you aren't just friends with her because you're waiting for a chance to get in her pants.
It reaffirms the fact that your mutual friendship is the thing you value most here. I'd suggest telling her that you're interested in being more than friends, but at the same time, letting her know that you've been a bit worried that saying so might mess up your friendship and that you really hope it doesn't.

Also, and I know this part will be WAY trickier to pull off, you need to act the same afterwards regardless of her answer. Saying you don't want to mess things up is all well and good, but if she rejects you and you start acting awkward whenever you're around her, then all that's gone out the window hasn't it?

Any way you go about this is going to carry some risk of making things awkward, but honestly, if you've known her for that long, chances are she won't be 100% surprised to hear that you have feelings for her. She'll probably have picked up on some of the telltale signs by now.